Still Alive! ? !
by wwwendy
Summary: COMPLETE Summer after OotP. Harry wants something, anything to take his mind off of Sirius & the prophesy. He gets something he didn't expect. Harry's journey as he tries to find his family. Severitus Challenge
1. something, anything

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, in fact, I believe Harry Potter might own me, that is how obsessed I am. Oh yeah, I don't own any of the other characters, places, or things, that are familiar to you.

Special Thanks to Enarra for correcting my gramatical errors (esp the tenses!).

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_I am going to assume that everyone is familiar with HP's story, including events in OoTP..._

Calendar: Since 4th year ended around the end of June (3rd event was 6/24 near finals), I figured the same would be for 5th year. I placed Sirius's death the middle/end of June and HP & co leaving Hogwarts June 29/30.

After 5th Year, Beginning of Summer 1996.

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Chapter 1 "Something, Anything"

Something, Anything. That was all he wanted. _Anything_ to take his mind off of the events of last year. He didn't even have any chores to do this summer. After the 'threats' the Order members had given the Dursleys at King's Cross Station, they had left Harry alone, only seeing him at meals. For the most part, they ignored him, pretending he wasn't in the room. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. He wished he had chores to do, if only to get his mind off of what had happened.

It was the beginning of July. He had been 'home' from school for less than a week. Just a few days and the only thing he had done was try to come up with ways to stop himself from thinking about the past.

Usually he hated summer break. Hated being away from the place he would like to think of as home even though Dumbledore would have most likely chastised him for that thought due to the wards on his aunt's house. Hated being separated from his friends and fellow Gryffindors that he had gotten to know these last five years. However, this year a part of him was relieved to be away from school. As always, he was overjoyed to be away from the glares and sarcastic comments of Professor Snape, his most hated professor. He was glad that he did not to have to continue hiding things from his best friends, Ron Weasley & Hermione Granger. Things such as the prophecy, made before his birth, which Professor Dumbledore had finally told him about. He was glad that Dumbledore finally told him why Voldemort had tried to kill him fifteen years ago on Halloween, and why he had been trying to kill him practically every year since he started at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry at the age of eleven. But part of him had to wonder '_Why now?_' Why, after all the time that had passed while Dumbledore procrastinated, did he have to pick the night that Harry's Godfather died? He had already felt like he was at the breaking point. Sirius...Sirius was gone for good, nothing would bring him back. Dumbledore told him this, Remus echoing the thought. Even Hermione & Ron had tried to get him to accept Sirius's death.

Accept it. HA! Like he had any choice now. He had even tried talking to Nearly-Headless Nick to see if Sirius could come back as a ghost.

No. He wouldn't think about that night any more. There had to be something he could do, besides just contemplating, wishing that things had been different.

At this point Harry got up from his bed and started pacing. He thought about looking through the photo album Hagrid had given him after his first year of school. But now that he knew the man who was standing beside his parents in so many of those photos, it would only bring more pain. Sirius. Sometimes Harry thought that he missed Sirius more than he missed his parents. After all, it is hard to miss something you don't remember. He had only been with his parents until a little after his first birthday. He didn't remember being hugged or kissed by them, didn't remember lullabies being sung to him before he went to bed. His only memories were the voices he heard when dementors were near. Sirius, however, he remembered. He remembered how Sirius had tried to be there for him. How he had given Harry advice during the Triwizard Tournament. How Sirius had talked with him. Sirius had cared for him, and not just because he thought he was just like James or because he was 'The Boy Who Lived.'

No. He wasn't going to think about that night. Still pacing, he searched his room for something, anything to do. To focus his thoughts and energy on something else. He briefly considered writing to Ron or Hermione, but he knew that if he started communicating with them, Hermione would write back asking questions about the very subject he was trying so hard to avoid. He knew that writing Remus would have similar results, if not worse. He was sure that Remus was trying to deal with everything that happened. Harry was partly afraid that if he wrote to him, Remus would either not write back because he blamed Harry for Sirius's death or he would write back about what he was feeling and how he was working through it. Harry didn't think he could handle either scenario. He had a difficult enough time with his own emotions of sorrow and guilt; he didn't need anyone else's emotions interfering.

He could work on homework, but at this rate he would be finished by the end of the week. He had already spent the past few days working on his homework to keep from thinking about everything. He wouldn't be surprised if he finished before Hermione. At this thought he laughed softly for the first time in what felt like weeks, imagining her reaction if that happened.

Thinking about homework, his mind drifted to thoughts of Dumbledore and his other classmates. It felt good to get away from the prying eyes of his classmates, now that everyone knew he was telling the truth about Voldemort being alive and back. The Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, had seen Voldemort with his own eyes that night at the Ministry, and since he was no longer denying Voldemort's return, no one else was either. In the past he had always looked up to Professor Dumbledore, trusted him in a way that he didn't trust anyone else. Granted, he wasn't always open with him regarding what was going on, especially this last year. At the time he had felt that Dumbledore didn't really care. Now he knew how much Dumbledore cared for him and he was thankful that he didn't have to watch Dumbledore's eyes, usually twinkling, but now most likely filled with concern and apprehension, following him, worrying about him and how he was handling not only the death of the only parental figure he had ever known, but also the revelation of the prophecy. Harry might have been able to act like everything was fine and convince his friends that everything was fine, but he was pretty sure he couldn't fool Dumbledore.

'_Maybe because everything isn't fine'_, Harry thought. Once again his whole world had been turned upside down. Last time, it had been a good thing, as it was his introduction to the wizarding world. This time, it was the loss of the one adult he had thought could care for _him_, not just The Boy Who Lived.

At this point, Harry gave up on finding something to distract his thoughts from Sirius, and, lying down on his bed and closing his eyes, he let himself be pulled into the black hole of his thoughts and emotions.

He started thinking about the conversation he'd had with Dumbledore regarding Sirius' death. Of course, Harry still felt responsible for his death. The main reason was that he hadn't learned occlumency as he should have. If he was honest with himself, he would have to admit that he hadn't been trying all that hard. He had been too upset at not knowing what was going on, too upset that it was Snape who was trying to teach him. Snape was difficult enough to learn from in Potions, but having no control over him seeing into Harry's memories was much worse. Of course, maybe he should've used that as an incentive to learn, to keep the greasy git out of his memories. His best friend Hermione had mentioned that he _might_ have a saving-people thing, so how could he not feel responsible when it is because of him that Sirius was in the Department of Mysteries in the first place. Harry also knew that Dumbledore had a point. Many circumstances led to the events of that night. Everyone could have or should have done things differently; this was just the way things had played out. Some would say that it had to happen this way. That it is all a part of the pattern of the grand design (1). And maybe everything had happened for a reason. It might be the coward's way to deal with this, attributing everything to fate or destiny, but barring the use of a time-turner to go back in time, Harry didn't know what else to do. He couldn't even keep his thoughts from that night for more than twenty minutes at a time. Merlin knew how much Harry wished things had been different, how he wished Sirius could be with him now. Harry missed him and needed him so much. Then again, if he was here, would Harry be missing him? Would he be thinking about how much he needed an adult in his life that cared for him? He never realized how much he cared for Sirius or how much it meant to Harry that Sirius cared for him until Sirius couldn't be there anymore. Mostly Harry simply mourned the lost opportunities that Sirius had represented. Sirius, because he was on the run as an escaped prisoner, had never been a part of Harry's everyday life. He was there if Harry needed him, through letters and the occasional fire call. And it was comforting to Harry to know that there was an adult who cared for him, perhaps even loved him, even if it _was_ because of who his Dad had been. That was what Harry missed the most. That and the hope that someday Sirius would have been exonerated of all charges and Harry could live with him, finally getting an idea of what it felt like to be part of a family that was his own.

Harry's thoughts were interrupted by a tapping on the window. He looked up found himself staring into the eyes of an owl that he had never seen before. It didn't even look like one of the school owls (not that he had seen all of them, but they were usually recognizable). At first he was a little nervous; now that he knew of the wards on this house, he wondered exactly how they worked. What kept someone from sending him an owl and having the owl give away his location? Or from sending something by owl that was meant to harm him, a curse or a portkey or something similar. Deciding to trust Dumbledore's wards, Harry opened the window to let the owl in. As he started to take the parchment from the owl's leg, his hand began to shake. He knew that handwriting. It was almost as if, just by thinking of Sirius, he conjured him up. Well, not Sirius himself, but Harry had no doubt in his mind about who the letter was from. After giving the owl some food & water from Hedwig's cage, Harry sat back down on the bed to open the letter.

Dear Harry,

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End Chapter 1

1 Pattern of grand design from the song "look through Heaven's eyes" from The Prince of Egypt

9/22/2004

Revised/Reposted 12/10/04 Thanks Enarra


	2. the letter

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, in fact, I believe Harry Potter might own me, that is how obsessed I am. Oh yeah, I don't own any of the other characters, places, or things, that are familiar to you.

**A/N:**

**The letter is kind of long (okay, maybe very long,) SB might seem out of character (Sirius is serious), but hey, he had a lot to say & do we really know what he is like, we've only see him interact w/ HP on short visits & from stories about the Marauders.**

**Hopefully the letter will be shocking...bold printing is HP's feelings/thoughts regarding the letter.**

**Thanks Reviewers!!!!**

J Black, (my first reviewer), Thank you so much...was so glad when I noticed that someone reviewed-and within hours after story was posted. This is for you...

Anna Taure: Thanks. I did interview Harry...ok maybe not, but since I am so emotional (esp if I don't have chocolate near me), I just put all those emotions into HP.

Pure Black & Makalani Astral: Thanks for the reviews. Here's the letter.

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**Chapter 2 the letter**

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Dear Harry,

This is the 3rd time I had to write this letter. You would think it would've gotten easier by now, that I would know everything I needed to say and how to say it, but I don't so forgive a man his ramblings.

The first time I wrote this letter it was just after your parents died. At the time, you were only 1 and had no idea who I was, you wouldn't remember the time I placed you in Lily's arms, of how I was standing besides James when I was appointed your godfather. I was a stranger to you then & was thinking that I was destined to stay a stranger, since I was sentenced to life in Azkaban.

The 2nd time was just after your 3rd year of school. By then, we had met each other & even if we didn't know each other well, I knew that the previous letter, written to a 1 year old child who didn't know me, wouldn't suffice. So I wrote the letter again, this time from the perspective of a distant uncle.

This time, I am writing the letter after meeting & corresponding with you for almost 2 years. In that time, we have gotten to know and care about each other. This time, I write it as your Godfather, a stand-in father figure who cares deeply for you and wants to be a part of your life.

I hope that as we get closer, that this letter becomes unnecessary and that when you need to know this information, that I will be there in person to share it with you. However, I feel that that isn't going to happen. The war is coming, and unfortunately, there will be casualties. While I hope both of us survive, I know that I will gladly give my life to save yours. Things are happening and I feel a strong desire to write this letter once again, partly because of how our relationship has changed and partly due to other events that I fear will happen after this letter is written. While I am not a seer like Trelawney,

**Harry rolls his eyes to the ceiling, snorting at this line before he continues reading**

I have a feeling that I will soon not be able to be there for you as I have been.

**At this, Harry quickly glances over the letter to see if it was dated, there, on the bottom, beneath Sirius's signature was the date-June 1, 1996, just weeks before the events at the Ministry of Magic-Harry shivered at the thought that Sirius knew what the future held.**

I know I wasn't always there for you as you needed or wanted me to be. I wish that I could be there for you now. For I know that if you are reading this, then I am no longer of this world. I Just want you to know that you were like a son to me. I loved having you in my home & in my life. Although at times, I admit it was good to have my friend's son with me. Someone I could reminisce with, who wanted to hear about James and the Marauders. I always knew who you were. Contrary to popular belief, I know that you weren't James. You weren't just James' son. You are Harry, a bright, often mischievous boy (with a talent for finding trouble) with a great capacity for caring.

I ask that you continue to love and care. You have lost a lot in this life and I hope that you don't distance yourself from your friends, physically or emotionally. I am not asking you not to be sad, grieve for me and remember me. But most of all remember that you are still alive. That people do love and care for you and they need you to love them in return. Don't pull back from life, don't focus on the negative things in this world, find the beauty & magnificence in life. Although our time together was brief, I am glad that you welcomed me into you life, others deserve that same opportunity.

Now for the reason for this letter. The reason why I was able to separate who you were from James was simple. I am the only one who knows who you are. Lily & James loved you. They had wanted a child desperately since the beginning of their marriage. A child to love and care for. A symbol of their love & the hope they had that their child's world would be better than the world they lived in, a world that was plagued with images of war.

In November of 1979, Lily had told their friends & family that she was pregnant. She had waited until she was well into the 2nd trimester of the pregnancy, when the pregnancy would become noticeable and since it was less likely that something would go wrong. Being raised by muggles, she was superstitious about mentioning her pregnancy and the unborn child. Since most people believed she had just found out about the pregnancy, they expected a baby born mid-summer of 1980. In actuality, that baby would've been born in April of 1980.

**Harry stops reading this line and runs his hand through is already messed up hair, trying to figure out what this meant. Was his birthday really in the spring? Did that mean that he _wasn't_ the child mentioned in the prophesy? Harry figures he could ask Dumbledore these questions later and continues to read.**

In April of 1980, Lily gave birth to a baby girl, that they named Jasmyn. Although Lily was able to carry the child to term, there were complications with the birth. Lily was fine, but would most likely be unable to have another child. Jasmyn, however, was not doing well. Due to the complications during birth, Jasmyn didn't survive. Lily & James were both devastated. Lily started thinking, that maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe the future world that they longed for, one filled with peace & love, didn't exist. Maybe Voldemort wouldn't be stopped. For they were no longer in London, evading Voldemort at this point, since it was believed that Voldemort was looking for them, and working for the order. I was the only one of "our group" who knew. Lily didn't want anyone to know, partly because she didn't know how to handle the feelings of sympathy & pity and part because she thought things in the world were difficult enough, without adding to people's burdens. James & I couldn't convince her sharing this information wouldn't be burden to others and that it could help her if she talked about it, but Lily was steadfast (Gryffindor stubbornness, I called it), so James & I respected her wishes for the time being. We were up in Scandinavia at this time (in fact, we left right after Lily had shared the news about her pregnancy), on a mission for the order, trying to get help from wizards in other countries during this war. James & I figured we had time before we returned to London to persuade Lily to change her mind. After a few more months, it didn't matter as much. Communication between us & the order was practically non-existent, as Voldemort's powers & influence increased. It was too dangerous to use owls, and the floo network was being monitored as well.

About 6 months later, I was with the Swedish Minister of Magic in his office in Stockholm. One of the witches I had gotten to know well during this time came running into his office, holding an infant child of about 3 months. Apparently, the infant's mother was dead. For some reason, the women's family did not want the responsibility of caring for the child and no one knew who the father was, for the child's mother did not list that information on the birth certificate. Unfortunately, this child was not the first to be left orphaned due to the war. By this time, Hospitals & orphanages were filled with children without homes. Many wizarding families have already taken in 2-3 additional children, but money was tight, those who could afford to look after an additional child not their own, were already doing so. I sat there for a moment wondering how I could help. I immediately thought of Lily & James. I quickly told them about my best friend and his wife and their desire and despair over having a child. It was decided that if they wanted, they could adopt this child.

I was so excited to talk to Lily & James, but so nervous as well. How did they feel about adoption? I did not even know if they had ever thought about it. Maybe I shouldn't bring it up. Maybe I should just forget about it. Who was I to try to 'plan' their lives? No, I decided, I will mention it, for the child's sake, if they are open to it, how could I not mention it? Slowly I walked to where I knew Lily & James were staying, thinking about how I should approach this topic.

After telling Lily & James about the child (a boy, about 3 months old, in good health), I looked at their faces. Both sat there stunned. Apparently neither one had thought of the possibility of adoption. I was just thinking that I might have made a mistake bringing this up to them. Maybe it was too soon after Jasmyn. Then I looked at Lily again. She had tears streaming down her cheeks. She was whispering about not even thinking about all the children that would be left without homes or families. All those children without someone to love and care for them, as a result of this war. She jumped up and started pulling James and I towards the door, she couldn't wait to get to the ministry.

Once at the ministry, I introduced James & Lily to the Swedish Minister. As they started talking, I went into the office next to them to wait with the minister's assistant and the child. About half an hour later, the child and I were called into the minister's office. Carrying the child, I stepped into the office and looked at Lily's beaming face. After a nod from the minister I walked over to Lily and placed the small child in her waiting arms. I then stood next to James as the adoption was completed, and I was named godfather to Harry James Potter.

**At this point of the letter, Harry had trouble breathing. He had to read that last line over and over again before it sunk in. He was adopted. The person he thought he was didn't really exist. Who was he? He knew his birth mother was dead, but he had no clues as to who his father was. Did his father even know that he existed? And what about his mother's family, why didn't they want to care for him? When was his birthday? How did this affect the prophecy? Taking a few deep breaths, he continued to read Sirius's letter.**

I can imagine all the thoughts and feelings that are running across your mind right now. When you are ready to learn more about the truth, the Marauders will be there to help you, but for now, let me continue telling you about Lily & James.

Right before Christmas, the four of us returned to London. At this point in time, James and Lily hadn't thought how, when or even if they would explain that you were adopted. Since most of their friends and families knew that Lily was pregnant when we left, they were not surprised to see the 3 1/2 month old child. Lily and James were devoted parents. They loved you more than anything else in this world. You brought the sparkle back into Lily's eyes that had been missing since Jasmyn died. There was nothing the two of them wouldn't give or do for you. In the spring of 1981, it became clear that Voldemort was continuing to seek out your parents. This time though, with more determination than before. Previously, he was searching for them because they were a powerful couple who were working against him & thwarting his plans. Now, Voldemort was obsessed with them. It was decided that they should hide under the Fidelus charm. They had asked me to be their secret keeper. As you know, I persuaded them to use Peter instead (something that I will always regret), not only because everyone would expect it to be me, but because I already knew too many of their secrets.

Harry, the year they spent with you was the happiest I had ever seen them. You filled a void in their life and provided them with hope for the future. They couldn't have loved you more if you were their natural-born son. I mentioned previously that there was nothing the two of them wouldn't give or do for you, a fact that you well know. They would not regret losing their lives trying to save yours. You were their son, and they loved you. Not once did they ever regret the decision to adopt you.

After Lily & James died and I was sent to Azkaban, I decided to write this information in a letter (that was the 1st letter I composed). I couldn't let you live your whole life without the chance for you to know the truth. Lily & James had always planned on telling you someday, especially since they hoped to adopt more children that were left behind due to the war. Since they were no longer able to tell you, I felt that I, as your godfather, now had that responsibility, especially since I was the only one left who knew about it.

I have not mentioned the contents of this letter to anyone. It is up to you to decide who to tell and when. Remember, if you decide to discover more information about your birth family, the Marauders will always be there for you.

Love,  
Sirius

June 1, 1996

P.S. In case you are wondering, your birthday is July 31. That information we were able to get from your original birth certificate.

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End Chapter 2

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This is my first fanfic, so any feedback is appreciated. Chapters too long? Too short? I know that I have some trouble with the tenses (past, present, future), but I try.

9/23/2004


	3. careful what you wish for

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, in fact, I believe Harry Potter might own me, that is how obsessed I am. Oh yeah, I don't own any of the other characters, places, or things, that are familiar to you.

This is an answer to Severitus Challenge-for details on challenge please look up pen name "Severitus"

**A/N:**

**Thanks Reviewers Pure Black, Makalani Astral, Anna Taure, Honor, ShadowedHand, DeeDee, Opal, white-blaze-dragon, kateydidnt!!!!**

**The letter is a common way for HP to find out info, another is a diary, but I just can't picture Sirius keeping a journal (although I would love to read it if he did!), not to mention he'll have to be somewhere to find the diary (Honor). You'll find out more about the Marauders always being there (ShadowedHand-Swedish, huh, cool!). There are many twists & turns (DeeDee)  
****Opal: Thanks for pointing that out about Lily...I went back briefly to glance over that in my story, but couldn't find it, will have to go more in depth this weekend.**

The letter is in **bold** print

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**Chapter 3 careful what you ask for**

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Well, Harry thought, he did ask for something, anything to keep him from thinking about the events of last year. Wow! Adopted! How does someone even begin to process that? Of course, that's assuming that the letter is real and is not someone's idea of a joke. The only people he could think of who would even attempt a joke like that would be Fred and George Weasley. They may love jokes, but Harry really didn't think they would do that to him, especially signing Sirius's name to the letter, knowing that Harry would still be upset by his death. Hey, Harry suddenly thought, how did that letter get to me? It's been over a week since he died, he couldn't have sent it before he left. All Sirius mentioned in the letter was that if I was reading it, then he was dead. Maybe the letter was charmed to be delivered after his death. Does such a charm exist? Hermoine would know, Harry thought. The question is, should he ask her? How could Harry explain _why_ he was asking her? Harry really didn't want to tell anyone that he received a letter from Sirius, let alone the topic Sirius addressed _in_ the letter.

The letter. Adopted. Harry gave a little snort as an arbitrary thought came to him. Snape can't really hate him now for being James' son. Of course, being Snape, he would come up with another reason to hate him, and relatively easy too, Harry would bet. Harry doesn't know how he can say that he was so much like James either, since they weren't related by blood.

A new thought occurred to Harry, while he was contemplating Snape's hatred of him. Why did he look so much like James and have Lily's eyes? He quickly pulls out the photo album Hagrid had given him after his first year at Hogwarts and standing in front of the mirror, he holds a picture of Lily & James next to his face and looks into the mirror. He has Lily's eyes & nose, the other facial features are James' as is his hair, of course. That can't be a coincidence he thought. There has to be an explanation for that as well.

Now he wishes he was back in school. At least there he would have access to the library and could try to look up various spells and charms that might explain some of this. Plus if he was in school, he might be able to find a way to get (okay, trick) Hermoine to help without telling her the reason, she loved doing research.

Harry began to wonder what his natural parents looked like. Shouldn't he look more like them? He doesn't even know their names! He read the section of the letter again that mentions his mother. Ohhhh, how he wishes Sirius had put her name in the letter. They obviously knew it since it should have been on the birth certificate they found. His father, however, that was another story. Apparently his mother didn't list his father on his birth certificate, so that information is unknown. It's possible that this information died with his mother, he might never know who is father was. Maybe she didn't know who it was? Maybe she was ashamed of who it was? If they were married, it wouldn't have been a big deal, right? Not to mention that people would assume that that is who his father was. Maybe he was already dead and she figured it didn't matter?

Glancing down at the letter again, another line caught his eye. His mother's family didn't want him! Why not? He wondered. Maybe they knew who his father was and didn't approve. Maybe they thought he would be just like his father (whoever he was) and didn't want to be associated with him. It had to be something pretty bad, Harry thought. After 5 years in the wizarding world, he knew that wizards (and witches) placed a lot of stock in family and bloodlines. Family was sacred in the wizarding world, even more so than in the muggle world. If he had the name of his mother, he might be able to track down her family. They might not have wanted anything to do with him previously, but they were family. After all, Harry thought, they had to be better than the Dursley's.

The Dursley's! He wasn't related to Aunt Petunia! Harry's heart did a little dance of joy at the thought that there was no actual blood relation between him and his 'caregivers' for the past 15 years. Wait, no blood connection? What about the wards? How could they work on blood magic, if that blood wasn't the same? Another question that Hermione could discover the answer to in less than hour. The wards seemed to have worked for the last 15 years, so Harry guessed that they still worked. And at that thought, the boy finally drifted off into slumber.

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Remus Lupin sat at the table in his guest quarters at Hogwarts. Dumbledore was allowing him to stay there in between Order assignments and during the full moon. Due to the events last spring, the order wasn't sure how safe 12 Grimmauld Place would be. Even though Kreacher couldn't tell anyone the location of HQ, someone might be able to put the pieces together. Kreacher was the one who helped lay the plan for Harry. Because of the Malfoy's, Voldemort & many other DE's probably knew that Kreacher was the house elf that served the Black family. It wouldn't take a genius to figure out that most likely the order's HQ was one of the Black estates. Because of that, the order was no longer using the Black Estate as its headquarters, and Remus couldn't use it as his living quarters either. Even if no one else could see the actual buiding, they would be able to determine its general location and just sit and wait for someone to approach or depart.

Thinking of Kreacher and the events of last month made Remus think about Sirius. Remus had a hard time believing Sirius was gone. This was worse than when Sirius was in Azkaban. Remus couldn't believe that he was the last of the faithful Marauders. James has been gone for 15 years. Two years ago, Peter was finally revealed as the traitor he was. And Sirius, after being wrongfully imprisoned for 12 years and on the run for the last 3, was dead. The only one left to look after things was him. The most important item to look after was Harry. Now with his parents and godfather gone, the responsibility for his health and well-being was passed onto Remus, as he was the closest thing Harry had to a male wizarding relative. Remus didn't know if he could handle this. He was worried about how Harry was doing with Sirius's death. Last year Cedric had died in front of him and by the end of that summer, Harry was upset, angry, in some ways, unrecognizable (at least in attitude) to the people who cared about him. Remus knew that had Harry blamed himself for Cedric's death. Everyone tried to tell Harry that it wasn't his fault. No one knew that the cup had been made into a portkey. No one knew that Moody was actually a Death Eater using polyjuice potion. But still, Harry blamed himself. What was Harry going to be like by the end of this summer if had to spend the entire summer like he did last year, just remembering Sirius, and most likely dreaming about his death. Remus hoped that Harry wasn't blaming himself for Sirius's death, but knowing Harry as he did, Remus felt that that was an impossible dream. Remus didn't think there was anyway Harry wasn't going to blame himself for his godfather's death. But what could he do, Remus thought?

Remus was just about to pour himself another cup of tea when an owl flew into his room. Remus, still caught up in his thoughts about Harry and Sirius, automatically took the letter from the owl and opened it. Looking down at the opened piece of parchment, Remus gasped in shock as he recognized his friend's handwriting, not noticing a second letter falling from the envelope.

**Moony,**

**I hope this letter finds you well. By now, you should realize that you are the last of the faithful Marauders. With this comes the responsibility of looking after Harry. I am sure that he is going to take my death hard. Harry's emotions are his biggest asset, but during times like these, can also be his largest hindrance. There is a lot more going on with Harry right now than just dealing with my death and Voldemort's attacks.**

**Harry should have received a letter from me by now as well. I am not sure how he will react to the information in that letter. Look after him, he will need some time to think about things, but he will also need your support while he decides what to do with the information he received. I know that this is a hard thing to ask, but I must request that you don't inquire about what was in his letter. When he is ready, he will talk to you about the contents of the letter. After he starts talking to you about the contents of his letter, give him the enclosed letter, telling him that I entrusted it to you until he was ready.**

**I am sorry for not telling you more, but it is Harry's story to tell. I just ask that you look after him and watch over him since James, Lily, and I are not able to do so. Love and care for him like a son, as we did. He will be searching for family and I hope that he finds it in you and his friends. Be sure to remind him how much we loved him, and how much we want him to live. Not just exist, but live.**

**Your Faithful Marauder,**

**Padfoot  
June 1, 1996**

Remus leaned back in his chair thinking. If he felt like he needed to do something before regarding Harry, that feeling was multiplied now. He didn't know what Sirius's letter to Harry had contained, but if Sirius was worried about Harry's reaction, than it has to be more than a simple goodbye. Without even thinking about what he was doing or where he was going, Remus left his room and started walking the hallways of Hogwarts.

Apparently, subconsciously, Remus knew what he had to do. He was jarred found his thoughts by a voice asking him if he wanted a lemon drop. This surprised Remus, since he wasn't aware that he had left his rooms, let alone, walked into the headmaster's office. He brought his attention to where he was, and took a seat across the desk from Albus.

"Albus," Remus spoke softly, "I'm worried about Harry. He didn't handle Cedric's death well last year and how much more will Sirius's death affect him? He can't spend the entire summer alone like he did last year, just dwelling on the events that happened. We need to get Harry away from his relatives, to be around other people, people that will support him and help him deal with Sirius's death. I know that Grimmauld Place isn't secure, and truthfully I'm glad, I don't think Harry can handle being there, and I know that I can't. But there has to be someplace that is as safe for Harry to be right now, besides his relative's house. Surely there is some reason you can think of to bring Harry here."

At the mention of Harry, the twinkle in Albus's eyes faded and a saddened look came upon his face. When Remus finished speaking, Albus studied Remus for a minute before replying, trying to figure out what else was going on in the werewolf's mind. "I was actually thinking that Harry should continue his Occlumency lessons over the summer. Let me finalize some arrangements and let Harry know. We should have him here by the end of the week."

After thanking Albus, Remus left the headmaster's office and headed back to his rooms, feeling better that he would be able to keep an eye on Harry and maybe figure out what was in his letter from Sirius.

Remus spent most of the following days in voluntary solitary confinement in his rooms. He must have read Sirius's letter at least 20 times, searching for more clues about what was going on with Harry. It has to be something major in Harry's life since Sirius mentioned it right after mentioning his own death and Voldemort's attacks on Harry. Not too mention that Sirius wrote about the fact that he wrote Harry. Remus wasn't able to determine if the information that the letter contained was good or bad. The only thing Sirius mentioned was that he wasn't sure how Harry would react. That was puzzling, even though the two hadn't spent much time together, Sirius always seemed to be aware of how Harry operated, what he was feeling & thinking. Once Harry arrived, he would have to try to figure out Harry's emotional state. If he was cheerful and content, then the information would have been good news; if he was sullen, moody or angry then Remus would conclude that it was bad news.

The one thing that angered Remus was how Sirius kept telling him to look after Harry. Sirius should know him well enough to know that there is no way he would desert Harry. When Harry was a child, before Lily & James went into hiding, Remus viewed the six of them (the Marauders, Lily & Harry) as a pack, with Harry as the cub. He couldn't desert Harry any more than he could desert his own child. Of course he would look after Harry, love him like a son & be the family Harry is searching for. Why would Sirius even _think_ he needed to mention that?

Letting go of his anger, he started thinking once again on what could be so major that Sirius won't tell me, but insists that I wait for Harry to mention it. How am I suppose to support Harry when I don't know the reason he needs that support? I could always mention that I received a letter from Sirius, without revealing that I know that Harry also received a letter from Sirius. That would be a good opportunity for Harry to mention his own letter from Sirius. With that plan in mind, Remus fell asleep.

X**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

End Chapter 3

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This is my first fanfic, so any feedback is appreciated.

Next chapter, a (very?) little bit of Sev.

9/24/2004


	4. going back

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter & Co.

**A/N:**

**OOPS! **In the letter to HP from SB I mentioned Christmas of 1980 & HP as being 3.5 mos old, it s/b 4.5 (that's what I had originally, but when I was proofreading, I miscounted...lesson learned: don't proofread 3 a.m.)

**Calendar: HP rec'd his letter from SB on 7/3/96 (Wednesday). **

**Thanks to all my wonderful Reviewers!!!! **I get so happy when I see that I have a new review!!! **(won't list them all, 'cause I know you want the story..but answers to questions/comments are below)**

**Shadowhand: **Some things are beyond HP's control...I have plans for that 2nd letter... **Anna Taure: **Have thought much about V yet, besides, he hasn't managed to kill HP before... **Pure Black:** Don't you think HP is smarter than Hagrid (shouldn't have said that-Hagrid's often repeated phrase from bk 1)...

**I'm actually a bit disappointed that nobody mentioned/noticed something regarding SB's delivery to RL (shadowhand caught part of it)...**

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**Chapter 4 going back**

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It has been 2 days since his world was turned upside down for the 3rd time. His life has never been simple or normal, but still, how much is one person suppose to deal with in a lifetime. Screw lifetime, Harry thought, how much can one person, and a 15 year old at that, be expected to deal with in a month. The death of his godfather, the revelation of a prophesy, and finding out you were adopted. Each one of those is a major life-changing event, but to have all 3 occur at almost the same time? Can you say overwhelming? Well, at least that should be the last of the shocks, Harry thought. They do say things come in threes, right?

On the bright side, he was no longer dwelling on Sirius's death. He was now too busy being consumed with Sirius's letter, or rather the information contained in that letter. Adopted. It wasn't as shocking now as it was when he first found out, but it was still almost unbelievable. The thought that his father might still be alive & out there. Perhaps even wondering about him, filled him with a hope and joy like he's never felt before. Finally, he might have a chance at a _real_ family. There were still lots of questions that needed to be answered. Most likely he will have to wait until school started before he can get the answers he wanted though. There was no way he could go into Diagon Alley to get books relating to charms or adoptions in the wizarding world.

For the 2nd time in as many days, he was brought out of his thoughts when an owl tapped on his window. This time, he noticed that the letter was from Hogwarts. Thinking it was the result of his OWLS, he tore open the envelope, both anticipating and dreading the results, while it would be good to get an OWL in potions so that he can become an auror, failing wouldn't be bad either, since it meant he would no longer have to deal with Snape in the classroom.

He soon realized that this letter wasn't about his owl results. Rather, it was a quick note from the headmaster saying that he will be picked up tomorrow to continue his lessons in occlumency. A feeling of dismay settled over Harry as he finished reading the note.

Where were these lessons to take place? He hoped it wasn't at the Order's Headquarters. He didn't think he could handle being in Sirius's house right now, that place had far too many memories of his godfather. He especially didn't know how he would handle seeing Kreacher again, now that Harry knew the role the house elf played in tricking him into going to the ministry that night.

Who was going to teach him occlumency? Were the lessons going to be continued with Snape? Or would Dumbledore teach him? While Harry might not be as mad at Dumbledore as he previously was, he didn't like the idea of the headmaster getting into his head. That guy knows way too much about what is going on at Hogwarts already, Harry thought. HIS ADOPTION, Harry's mind screamed. Harry didn't know if he would ever want anyone to know about the adoption. He was not sure if he ever would feel comfortable sharing it, but especially not with Dumbledore right now. Well, _he_ would tell people when he was ready, Harry thought, not because _somebody _saw it in his memories. Hmm, that could be another incentive to learn occlumency. As soon as he knew who was going to teach him, he'll ask for books on guarding your mind or thoughts. Surely there are some books out there that could help explain it.

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A few minutes before noon the next day, there was a knock on the door. Harry answered it quickly before Uncle Vernon could start yelling. It was Remus. Harry was so glad that it wasn't Snape or Dumbledore that he impulsively wrapped his arms around his former professor and gave him a hug. After realizing what he did, Harry released Moony and stepped back, keeping his gaze on the floor, not looking at the man in front of him.

The awkward silence that followed was broken a few minutes later when Remus spoke.

"Hey Harry, it's good to see you." Remus's voice was warm & welcoming, lessening both Harry's fears that Moony blamed him for Sirius's death, and his embarrassment of hugging the werewolf.

"Good to see you too, Moony. I'm all packed, just need to go upstairs to get my stuff, I'll be back down in a minute.

Within a few minutes the 2 wizards were out the door, Harry's shrunken belongings in his pocket. After being informed that they were going to Arabella Figgs to connect with the floo network and releasing Hedwig so that she could fly and meet them there, Harry asked one of the questions that had been on his mind since he received Dumbledore's note. "So, Moony, where are we going?"

"Back to Hogwarts"

Harry gave a quick sigh of relief before replying "I thought they didn't allow students to stay there over the summer?"

"With all that happened last year, the ministry is pretty much leaving all matters that concern Hogwarts to the Headmaster & his staff. Plus, I've been staying there this summer, so I can act as your temporary and unofficial guardian. This will allow the teachers to continue with their summer plans and preparations for the upcoming school year."

Harry thought about what Remus said, he was glad that he wouldn't be a bother to the teachers over the summer. He hoped Remus didn't mind watching over him. Harry then asked the next question that plagued his mind, "So, do you know who will be teaching me occlumency this summer?"

Remus was silent. Uh-oh, Harry thought, if he wasn't answering, then it's probably Snape. Harry still wasn't sure how he felt about that. He didn't want Snape to teach him, especially after the events of last year, but he also didn't want Dumbledore to teach him. He honestly didn't know which was worse. Snape would be cruel and insulting as usual, but he was in some ways trustworthy as well. As far as Harry knew, Snape never mentioned what he saw of Harry's memories to Dumbledore or anyone else. He also never used those memories to embarrass Harry in front of his schoolmates. Dumbledore however, probably wouldn't hesitate in asking Harry about the memories or how they made him _feel_ which is the last thing Harry wanted to talk about since the memories that he has trouble occluding are the one's of Cedric's death, Sirius's death, and the prophecy. Harry felt that he had a hard enough time trying to keep Dumbledore from finding out what he was really thinking and feeling in the past, but to have him _see_ what happened in my life, no way did he want that to happen.

Plus, Harry thought, there were the memories of his life with the Dursleys. Harry didn't want the headmaster to know how he grew up. He didn't think he could hand those twinkling eyes filled with pity. Harry was pretty confident that Snape's eyes would never fill with pity for him, disgust and loathing, more than likely, but never pity.

Harry was brought back to realty as Remus answered. "I'm not really sure. Albus and Severus were discussing it as I left."

**--RL Flashback--**

**Remus was on his way up the staircase to the headmaster's office. He wanted to make sure that all the arrangements for Harry had been made. As Remus got closer to the door, he could hear the voices within the office talking.**

"**You can't be serious," snarled Snape. "The boy and I hate each other. You know what a disaster it was last year when I tried to teach him. He didn't learn anything. He didn't want to learn, especially not from me."**

"**Yes, well," Dumbledore replied, "I think he might have an incentive to learn now, as well as an understanding of why it is so important."**

"**He should have been told why it was so important _last year_! Maybe then things would have gone better and that whole ministry fiasco would have been avoided, and I wouldn't have wasted my time trying teaching him something he didn't want to learn." **

"**Perhaps. I did what I thought was right. It is too late to change things now. It is best not to dwell on the past, but to learn from it and try not to make the same mistakes again." Albus commented honestly.**

**Snape looked at him for a moment, as if in agreement with that last statement before continuing, "Albus, I wouldn't be surprised if he blames me for Sirius's death. There is no way he'll trust me, not with all that has happened." **

"**I don't believe he trusts me either. In fact, I suspect that he believes that he has more reason _not_ to trust me at the moment. I wouldn't be surprised if he trusts you more than he trusts me after what I've done. Albus said softly with a sorrowful note in his voice. If he saw the look of shock, followed by a look of disbelief on Severus's face, he ignored it. "Why don't you go get him and we'll see how it goes from there."**

"**Oh no. It's bad enough that he'll be here to ruin my summer, I _will not_ be the one that makes it happen!" Hearing Snape's voice again, Remus assumed that Albus suggested that Severus brings Harry from his relatives to the school. For Albus's previous reply were spoken so softly that Remus couldn't hear them, even with his wolf-like senses.**

**Remus decided that this would be a good time to interrupt the two men and let them know that he was there. "Albus" Remus said as he first knocked, then opened the door and walked into the office. "I just want to make sure that the arrangements for Harry were all set."**

"**Glad to see you, Remus. We were just discussing that. I told Harry that he would be picked up today. I was just suggesting to Severus that he should go retrieve Harry. I believe it will be an opportune time to see how Harry reacts to Severus. That would be a big clue as to how we should proceed with his lessons and who should instruct him." As Albus spoke, his eyes once more had that twinkling quality they get when he either knows something you don't, is about to meddle in someone's life, or when he is up to more mischief than even the Marauders could handle. **

"**If what you said is true, about Harry possibly trusting me more than you at the moment, I would say there is just as much reason, if not more, for _you _to fetch the boy instead of me. Only to see his reaction to you, of course," the last sentence Snape spoke was dripping with sarcasm.**

**At his words, a look of hurt and sadness filtered across his face so quickly that one might have thought that they had imagined it. Remus looked between the two in shock. Harry didn't trust Dumbledore? When did this happen? What occurred that would make that a possibility? Could this have something to do with Sirius's letter to Harry? No, Remus instantly dismissed that last thought from his mind. Why after 5 years of harsh words, did Dumbledore believe that Harry trusted Snape more? Remus was even more alarmed for Harry than he was the previous day. He would definitely have to find out from Harry what this was all about.**

"**Well," said Dumbledore, "since neither one of us has the courage to face Harry right now," ignoring the look on Severus' face & eyes that clearly said 'it's not lack of courage, it's lack of desire to have anything to do with the boy', and continued, "Perhaps it is a good thing that Remus came to my office when he did. I think we should send a Gryffindor to face the lion." Turning to Remus, Albus asked, "Would you mind bringing Harry and his belongings back to Hogwarts?"**

**Remus shook his head, saying that he wouldn't mind picking up Harry at all. As he left the office and on his way to get Harry, Remus was shaking his head, as if trying to get puzzle pieces to fall into place and make sense of all that he just saw and heard.**

**--END RL Flashback --**

"Moony,"

"Moony, we're here" said Harry, trying to get Remus's attention.

After talking briefly with Arabella and using her floo, the 2 found themselves at their destination, the headmaster's office in Hogwarts, where Albus Dumbledore and Severus Snape were standing, looking at each other, well, more accurately, Albus was looking and Severus was glaring. Based on their body language, Remus suspected that the two had not come to an agreement on who should instruct Harry in occlumency this summer.

"Harry, Harry," Albus cried, pulling his gaze from Serverus's. "I trust everything went well while you were at your aunts."

"Yes sir, everything was fine" Harry replied.

"Good, Good. Your room is all ready for you. Thought you might be more comfortable in one of the guest rooms rather than in Gryffindor tower by yourself."

"That's fine, sir."

"I'll have Remus show you your rooms in a minute. First, we have some business to discuss. You will have access to the library, except the restricted section, of course."

"Of course" Harry repeated softly, glad that he'll be able to look up some information on Adoptions and charms, at least.

"You'll have access to the grounds, just be careful not to leave the wards. You'll find that your broom has already been placed in your room." At this Harry's heart leaped, he was glad that the broom that Sirius gave him over 2 years ago was being returned to him. With everything that had occurred these past few weeks he had almost forgotten about the Quidditch ban and his broom still in Filch's possession. Harry only half listened as Albus went on to explain about curfews and the meal schedule. His head snapped up as he heard the headmaster mention Occlumency. "You'll have Occlumency every morning after breakfast until lunch, except weekends. Now, Remus, why don't you show Harry where his rooms are located."

"Excuse me, sir," Harry interpolated, "but who will be instructing me?"

Albus and Severus looked at each other again, resembling how they were when Harry and Remus first entered the room, before Albus spoke. "That matter has not been decided yet," Albus started, only to be interrupted by Snape, "Perhaps it would be best if we leave that decision up to you, if you think you are capable of making it, that is." His tone clearly indicating that he had some doubts on that issue. "You'll just have to make the decision by tomorrow at dinner and let us know, so that your _instructor_ will have time to plan." And with a triumphant smirk on his face and catching Albus's eye, Severus left the room. For the words he just spoke where not even close to what Albus was going to finish with. Remus was correct in his suspicions that the two had not been able to come to an agreement regarding Harry's lessons. Both Albus and Severus felt that Harry would be better off with the other, thinking that Harry would not trust them with to instruct him in Occlumency. Snape especially did not think that there was anything on this earth, or in the skies above, or the seas below that would make Harry choose him as his Occlumency instructor this summer. Yes, he was feeling very confident indeed that Harry would choose Albus over him, after all, Harry had mentioned last year that that was what he had wanted.

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End Chapter 4

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This is my first fanfic, so any feedback is appreciated.

Interpolated...my sister gave me this word as she was studying for her GRE exams, she challenged me to use it & since I was writing this chapter, I thought it would fit in well. (HA! So there Lizz, challenge met)

HELP! How do you think Harry (as well as Ron & Hermione, or other characters) should do on their O.W.L.S.?

9/27/2004


	5. about adoption

Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

**A/N: _I hope to update at least 2x a wk. a little trouble, my home comp was stolen :( , haven't replaced it yet (thinking of a laptop), anyways, due to that, can't do much typing or posting from home._**

**BOLD print is excerpts from books HP reads.**

**Katydidnt, Black Padfoot. Connie Eresse:** The name…Took me a while to come up w/ an appropriate name that I liked, decided on this one 'cause I wanted to post the story, another possibily were 'Missing & Adopted'. **Moni, Pure Black, Anna Taure:** Next chapter will be 'the decision' **Lady Lily 3:** ch 6 'the decision'; otherwise, nope, not right on ½. **Makalani Astral**: Thanks . I try to keep the chps at about 2000 words (w/o A/N's), at least. **Phoenix 5:** Hey, if all you ever wanted was a family & then found out that you might be able to have one, wouldn't you think about searching? that is what SB meant-he has no idea what HP might really do, but figured there is a possibility of it, of course he also could've meant that HP could search & realize that he HAS family (in HG, RW & fam & RL)…

**Thanks Reviewers!!!!**

**

* * *

****Chapter 5 about adoption **

Harry laid on the bed in his guest room at Hogwarts, thinking of the events of the day. So, Harry thought, he gets to choose. He's glad that they are giving him the opportunity to choose. It feels like they are beginning to treat him like an adult, taking his thoughts & opinions into consideration. Now he just had to make that choice. He pulled out a piece of parchment and started writing the pro's and con's of each scenario.

After about an hour of considering his options and creating a list that debate each decision, Harry put the parchment away. He could reflect more about this later tonight and tomorrow, but for now, he would do what he had wanted to do for days. He was Library bound. He figured there had to be some information there on Adoption & Charms, both on letter delivery and on appearances.

He pulled a few books on charms, one on occlumency, and the most recent one on adoption, published ten years earlier. He knew that if a student took a book out of the library the library records would magically update themselves to show the name of the book, the date taken & the person that removed it from the library. Since Harry knew he didn't want anyone to know that he was looking up information on adoption, he figured it was best to leave those books in the library and read them there. Sitting down at one of the tables in the corner, he brought out a quill and parchment so he can note anything of interest. He then opened the book on Adoption, "The Magic of Adoption" or ('Everything you wanted to know about Magical Adoption but was afraid to ask'), and started to read about adoption in the magical community:

**WHO'S ELIGIBLE FOR ADOPTION?**

**Adoption in the magical community is rare, but not unheard of. Since wizards live longer than most muggles, many children are of legal age when a parent dies. Below is a list of situations where adoption is considered as a solution, as well as candidates most likely considered by the court as suitable parents.**

**Death of one or both parents  
****-usually immediate family member of the deceased  
****-family friend or the child's godparent(s)  
****-citizen of magical community in good standing**

**Child Abandonment  
****-citizen of magical community in good standing  
****-family is often difficult to track down, even with magical resources  
**

**Child in Abusive Household  
****-citizen of magical community in good standing  
****-usually unlikely that family member will be accepted as adoptive parents since the abuser could still have access to the child after the court's sentence ****has been carried out.**

**Over 95 of all magical adoptions are due to the death of one or both parents. If both parents die, then the child is then an orphan and custody is commonly given to either the godparent(s) or the guardian(s) named in the parents' will (this can occur without a formal adoption taking place). If the godparent or guardian is unable to take this responsibility, then the child will be made a ward of the ministry until an adoptive family is located and the adoption is finalized. **

**If only one parent dies, the remaining parent can relinquish custody of the child and voluntarily places him/her as a ward of the ministry. When a couple is bonded, one partner often follows the other into death within five years, the child is often relinquished to the care and custody of the ministry, to prevent the child from dealing with losing another parent within a short time frame. Another time a parent might relinquish custody is when the remaining parent is so grief-stricken over losing their partner that they feel that they cannot take care of a child (most common if the child is an infant). **

**Child Abandonment is rare in the magical community. This usually occurs when a child is either born outside of wedlock or born to an underage witch or wizard who does not have the resources to care for the child. The Department of Family Welfare in the Ministry of Magic had recently passed a law regarding a don't ask, don't tell policy for abandoned children left at Hospitals or Ministries. If someone finds themselves unable to care for a child, they just need to leave the child at a local (magical) hospital or ministry. The parent will face no charges for abandonment and no action will be taken by the ministry to locate the child's next of kin.**

**Child abuse (including neglect) is even rarer in wizarding families. This goes back to the feelings of pride one takes in their families (especially within pureblood families). Children, as the next generation of magic, are often viewed not just as a gift by their parents, but as a sacred gift, entrusted to their care. Due to this belief, wizarding laws are more severe in punishment than muggle laws when it comes to the infraction of this nature. Often after a case of child abuse has been revealed, it is likely that before ministry officials can step in, friends and family of the victim retaliate on his/her behalf in an effort to seek justice. Once the ministry has been informed of the situation, the child is removed from the home and placed in temporary custody until a trial is set. Due to the nature of the case, Veritaserum is administered to the parents/defendants. If the allegations of abuse are true, the child is then made a ward of the ministry and is eligible for adoption.**

Harry stopped here for a moment, allowing himself to dream about what would happen to the Dursley's if they were part of the magical community and their treatment of him was revealed, before continuing to read.

**YOU'RE ELIGIBLE FOR ADOPTION…Now what?**

**As mentioned in earlier chapters, adoption is a rare occurrence in the wizarding world, because of this, the Department of Family Welfare in the Ministry of Magic does not have the resources (time and people) to let it known to the general public that a child is available for adoption. **

**It is mentioned that most of the applicants are either family members, friends of the family, ministry employees or friends/family members of ministry employees. The reason for this is simple. When a child is eligible for adoption, the ministry does not publish that a child is available for adoption. Rather, the ministry relies on its employees and the child's family (if any is known) to help locate suitable parents for said child. Since most medical problems can be treated by healers, very few couples are unable to have children of their own. For that reason, we do not have a registry of potential parents waiting for the opportunity to adopt a child, like one would find in the muggle world. Most families would adopt a child if the need to do so is great (often in times of war or conflict, when many children are left without parents and homes), but overall, it is due to the dedication of the child's family & friends as well as the efforts of ministry employees that children are placed into loving, thriving homes.**

**The adoption process itself is simple and straight forward. The applicant (or in some cases, applicants) are interviewed on a number of subjects, including: home life, jobs & financial resources, siblings that adoptee might have as a result of the approved adoption, reasons for adoptions, etc (for complete list of sample interview questions see Appendix A). If the child is of eight years of age or older, than their thoughts and opinions are taken into consideration by the court.**

**The adoption process can be completed in hours, from the time the applicants express an interest in the child to the final signature on the parchment. Of course, if there are many applicants that petition the court for custody/adoption, then the process can be quite drawn out. There is one case I recall where a child's parents died and a long court battle was drawn out as over 15 relatives & members of the community petitioned to adopt the child. In another instance about five years ago, an infant of one was left with no immediate known relatives or suitable godparents when his parents where murdered. Due to the situation of the parent's death and the child's survival, many people were aware that this child was now an orphan. The ministry was flooded with requests to adopt this child. Why just to interview all those who wished to apply would have taken until the child started school. Luckily, a suitable relative was found and the child placed with his family.**

Harry was just about to proceed to the next chapter, '**Adoption, How Charming**', when he heard the door to the library open and footsteps headed in his direction. He quickly stashed the book on the shelf behind him, hidden underneath some other books and pulled out the book on occlumency he found, not realizing that it was upside down.

"There you are, Harry. I was wondering where you were, since you weren't in your room. Working on homework?"

"Oh, hi Moony. No, I was just reading a bit on Occlumency. I figured it would help me in my lessons on Monday."

"Feel like taking a break? I thought we might be able to get some dinner and talk."

"Er…sure" Harry answered hesitantly. "Just let me gather these books together and drop them off in my room."

Harry and Remus walked down the hallways to Harry's room. Once there, they decided to have dinner in Harry's room, instead of the Great Hall with the other professors. After eating the food that the house elf brought, they moved over to the sitting area.

"So, Harry, anything exciting happen while you were at the Dursley's?" Remus asked, shaking his head at his own lack of subtlety.

"Um, no not really. They pretty much left me alone after the greeting and warning they received at the train station." Remus smiled as he recalled the look on Vernon Dursley's face as he realized that the group of wizards he saw would be keeping an eye on Harry and checking up on him this summer. "I was actually getting bored. I probably got more homework completed than Hermione. I often caught myself wishing for something, anything to take my mind off of…" Harry's voice faded with those last few words as he recalled just what that 'something, anything' was that finally succeeded in keeping his mind off of the prophecy and Sirius. He wished he had thought before he spoke, he really didn't want to mention Sirius's letter or his adoption.

"I miss him, too" Remus said, attributing Harry's fading voice to thoughts about Sirius's death.

"Have you been to Grimmauld Place, since…" Harry asked, not quite ready to talk about Sirius's death.

"No, not yet. One of these days we will have to go to make sure that the order left nothing behind. If you ever decide you want to go there, whether to just get away from things here or to just remember Sirius, let me know. I'm sure no one will have a problem if we stop by there for a quick visit. I'm also sure no one would mind if there is something there that you would like as a keepsake."

"Thanks, Moony." Part of Harry felt like giving Moony a hug to thank him for the offer and for understanding, but another part of him was hesitant. He was not used to getting hugs, well, except from Hermione and Mrs. Weasly, which he usually received after he had been injured. He definitely wasn't use to initiating hugs. He thinks the one that he gave Moony at Privet Drive was the first one he ever initiated.

There was a moment of awkward silence, as neither knew how to proceed with the conversation. Remus, being the older of the two finally decided it was up to him to break it, this time with a happier topic.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't around much these last few years, but know that I do care about you. When you were little I often thought of all of us as a pack and you were the cub. I was so grateful that your parents weren't afraid to let me spend time with you. Many people wouldn't let a werewolf near their child, let alone trust a werewolf with him. At times it seemed like you had 3 fathers and 1 mother. All of us, well, perhaps not Lils, spoiled you."

"Tell me what else you remember," Harry pleaded. And so Remus told Harry of the times they were together. About how Sirius and Harry were so close, since Sirius was there at the beginning of Harry's life. About the first time when Sirius and Remus were left alone to babysit Harry, and what a disaster it had been, since neither were familiar with child care. About Harry's first Christmas and the toy wand Sirius had bought for him that doubled as a teether. Harry's first word 'magic', his first steps, and his first birthday.

Harry was overjoyed to hear about Moony's memories, even though he didn't remember them himself, he was glad that someone knew that he once belonged to a happy family. Yet part of him couldn't help but wonder what Remus would say if Harry ever told him about the adoption.

* * *

Remus was sitting in his room. He couldn't help but think about Harry. Something was definitely going on. Remus wondered what Harry was reading before he interrupted him in the library. It was obviously not that upside-down occlumency book. But what would he be reading and taking so many notes on if it wasn't homework? And what could it be that he felt that he needed to hide it? Most likely, the mystery subject that Harry had taken all those notes on was connected to Sirius's letter, Remus thought. More research would definitely be needed, Remus decided. Now to come up with a plan. **

* * *

**

End Chapter 5

This is my first fanfic, so any feedback is appreciated.

**HELP!**

Still want feedback on how you think Harry (as well as Ron & Hermione, or other characters) should do on their O.W.L.S.?

reposted 11/29/2004; originally posted 9/29/04


	6. the decision

Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

**A/N:**

YEAH!! Going computer shopping this weekend (I'm hoping for a laptop-then I can write-er, type-anywhere).  
**Love to all my Reviewers!!!! **I have been reading through all of your works, some I had previously read & was so happy that you read mine & liked it! Others I just came across & added to my author alert & some to favs.** Manx, mosleyn001, Makalani Astral, Pure Black, Kaleena Mason, Taz: **Thanks for the review, I appreciate them. I hope to update at least 2x a wk, but most likely 3, some of the later chapters are a bit difficult, trying to keep people from being OoC, but still have them do what you want. **Anna Taure**: Lupin's trying to sniff out the truth-ha, sniff/werewolf hee hee. Tell me, what do you think I have to do? (other than complete the story & post more chaps) I'm interested in your opinion. **Eliza Guerin**: see above about Lupin. Harry might, might not, still afraid to, not to mention he still trying to grasp it himself. **Lady Lily3**: um, no, as it is now, not until school starts, I think...or at least late in the summer.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
Chapter 6 the decision  
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Sunday afternoon Harry found himself walking towards the castle preparing himself to act on the decision he made less than an hour before.

Harry had spent most of the weekend reading about occlumency and clearing your mind. The remainder of his time was spent reviewing the list of pro's and con's he created Saturday and on deciding who he should 'ask' to teach him occlumency. Even though Snape said the choice was up to him, Harry decided it would be more respectful to ask someone to teach him rather than to just state his decision.

His decision. It was a tough choice. Even now he wonders if it was the right one. Since he was trying to get everyone to treat him more like an adult and less like a child, Harry concluded it was time to act more like an adult. He didn't make his decision lightly, nor did he let his emotions, past angers, hurts, disagreements or prejudices stand in the way of reasoning, or at least he tried his best not to. He wanted to base his decision on who overall, would be the best one to teach him. There where many reasons why both Professor Dumbledore and Snape would be best to teach him. There was also an equal number of reasons why both could hinder his progress. It all came down to three things, respect, trust and understanding.

Without being fully conscious of his actions, Harry found himself at his destination, the dungeon. He knocked on the door and after hearing a terse 'come in', he opened the door and stood in the entry way.

"Potter."

"Professor," Harry replied with respect mingled with fear in his tone. "I wonder if I can speak with you, if you have a moment."

After looking at Harry and then back at his potion, Snape snapped "Fine, you have until this potion finishes simmering."

At Snape's tone, Harry was tempted to change his mind and leave, before he reminded himself that he was going to control his emotions and not react to them, the first step to acting more like an adult then a child.

"Thank you, sir." Harry paused for a minute as he walked towards Snape. He finally stopped at the end of the workbench where Snape was brewing a potion.

"Professor, I would like you to teach me occlumency this summer. I know it didn't work out last year and I apologize. I wasn't trying my best for various reasons. I see the reason for it and I want-no, I _need_ to learn this. I've done a lsot of thinking since summer holiday started, and especially these last few hours, and while I realize that we don't necessarily like each other and probably never will, but we are on the same side in this war and I trust you. I don't know anyone else who has tried to help me or save my life more than you in the last 5 years." Realizing he was beginning to ramble and that Snape was just staring at him, Harry took a deep breath before he continued. "Professor Snape, I would appreciate it very much if you would agree to instruct me."

At these words, Severus looked a bit shocked before his emotionless mask went back into place and he replied, "Meet me in my office at 9 tomorrow morning. And don't be late, Potter."

"Thank you, sir," and after receiving a nod of acknowledgement and dismissal, Harry started heading out of the dungeons and towards the lake.

Harry thought that that was probably the hardest thing he had ever had to do. Worse than trying to keep peace with the Dursley's these last few years. However difficult it was, Harry was glad it was over and that he had done it. He doesn't know why, but something was telling him that he made the right choice. Now all he had to do was keep the promises he made to himself.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Dinner was a quiet affair that night, with just Professor Snape, the Headmaster, Remus & Harry in attendance.

"So, Harry, have you decided who you would like to instruct you in occlumency this summer."

"Yes, sir. This afternoon I asked Professor Snape if he would agree to continue my lessons and he consented."

At these words, Remus stopped with his fork half way to his mouth and stared at Harry in disbelief. Albus however, continued eating, although if one looked closer they would notice that the twinkle in his eyes was not as bright as it was before this conversation started.

"Good, Good, Harry. Glad we got that all sorted out." Dumbledore proclaimed.

Severus didn't say another word for the remainder of the evening. He just looked from Harry to Albus and back to Harry again before taking his leave.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

As Severus walked back to his dungeon (and yes, he does think of it as his), he thought about the conversation he had earlier with The-boy-who-lived-to-torment. Although part of him wonder if you could really call it a conversation, since he didn't really say anything, it was mostly Potter rambling on.

Potter says some interesting thing when he rambles, Severus thought. The potions master wondered if Harry meant what he said or if he said it just to get him to agree to teach Harry occlumency. Although Severus wasn't sure why Harry might think he had to resort to that, especially since he's a Gryffindor. Now a Slytherin, oh yes, Severus could very easily picture one of his Slytherins (and yes, he does think of the Slytherins as his, as well- they do live in his dungeon, after all) concocting such a plan to manipulate someone into doing what they wanted. Buy why would Potter do that? It wasn't as if he wouldn't have anyone to teach him occlumency if Severus didn't agree, Albus would have been more than happy to teach the boy. Perhaps Albus was right and the boy didn't trust him. After all that the headmaster had done for his golden boy, keeping him from being expelled; bending the rules so he didn't get in trouble but earned house points instead; letting him come here for the summer; how could Harry treat him like this. Just another indication that he is so much like his father, arrogant, selfish, caring for know one but himself.

Maybe something else is going on here, Severus thought. Maybe this is all a set up for a joke that Potter is planning to play on me, he has gotten awfully close to those Weasley twins, who knows what ideas they might have passed on to other students. He'll have to proceed with caution during the lessons. But first, he will have to determine how honest Harry was with his little speech this afternoon.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

About ten minutes after Snape left, Harry excused himself. He really didn't feel like reading about adoptions or charms. He wished he had asked Professor Dumbledore if it was okay to write to his friends.

Dumbledore. Harry saw the brief look of hurt that had shown up on his face when Harry announced that he had asked Snape to teach him occlumency. Harry didn't intend to hurt the older wizard, he just didn't think he could handle being in a room with him for 2.5 hours a day for the rest of the summer. Yet he just willingly agreed, nay asked, to spend that time with Snape. Maybe Voldemort's possession of me at the Ministry of Magic had more of an effect on him than he thought, he chuckled to himself. Ron would definitely think so if he heard about my decision; Hermione would be puzzled, and try to figure out exactly _why _I chose Snape instead of Dumbledore, then she'll get frustrated because the answer isn't in a book. Regardless of his friend's reactions, Harry knew that it was the right choice, he doesn't know why, exactly, but some things just feel right. Snape would push him hard to learn occlumency, but Dumbledore would push him hard to talk about the events of last year.

Harry really wished one of his friends were here for him to talk to. Especially Hermione, he thought. She would be able to help him sort through all his thoughts and feelings. She might even have some ideas on how he can search for his birth father. If it is somewhere in a book, Hermione could find it. While he might not feel totally comfortable talking about Sirius's letter yet, Harry knew that sooner or later he would have to, if for no other reason than to keep his sanity intact. He also knew that his own research could only get his so far. He will need help from someone eventually, but the only problem was when that time came, who should he ask?

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

After Severus and Harry left the Great Hall, Albus wasn't far behind. He really felt the need to go up to his office and have a lemon drop. Some people used chocolate to soothe them, Albus had his lemon drops. He doesn't know what he would do without his lemon drops, thank goodness for muggle confectionaries. Now if only he could figure out why everyone else kept refusing to have one.

Albus really wasn't all that surprised that Harry chose Severus to teach him occlumency. Of course, Albus would bet that Severus was shocked. No, it wasn't really all that unexpected to him, but it still hurt. Albus was hoping that Harry had forgiven him for his past errors in judgment, but it doesn't appear that that has happened. Harry seemed to have forgiven Severus, though, so at least there is hope. Of course, Harry didn't expect anything from Severus, so it's not like he was disappointed by how Severus acted. Harry did trust me though, he valued my opinions and thought that he could rely on me. Oh how he must have been disheartened to realize the things that were kept from him, all because the headmaster thought it was best. Albus knew that Harry didn't give his trust easily, not to his friends and especially not to adults, so it truly broke Albus' heart when he realized that he had lost Harry's trust. He will have to find a way to win it back. He will just have to be careful around Harry, be considerate, ask him how he is, without prying or pushing, and just let him know that he was there for him if needed. For Albus genuinely cared for the boy, and not just because he was thought to be the savior of the wizarding world, as many people might accuse. There was something about Harry, he looked so much like James, yet he truly didn't act like him at all. Harry was quiet, often preferring to hide in the shadows and not the limelight. He reminded Albus of someone else but for the life of him, Albus couldn't figure out whom.

He would just have to make the best of the situation, Albus pondered. At least there might be peace in the dungeons come September, Albus thought. Perhaps after almost 2 months of lessons, Severus and Harry can learn to get along with each other, or at least grudgingly respect one another. Yes, Albus decided. We'll just have to see happens.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Remus sat alone at the table, nursing a cup of coffee, thinking about what had transpired at dinner that evening. Harry asked Snape to teach him occlumency. Harry _willingly_ chose Snape, instead of Albus, to teach him. If it was anyone but Harry, Remus would suspect them of having some type of ulterior motive. Merlin knows, the Mauraders would have used an opportunity such as this to pull something on Snape. Remus quickly dismissed that idea, that wasn't Harry's style. As much as Harry looked like his father, the similarities seem to end there. Harry was definitely his own person when it comes to personality, he didn't seem to take after Lily or James, of course, Remus thought, that could have something to do with how he was raised, and by whom.

Maybe Harry is just growing up, Remus thought. He has been through a lot in his 16 years. Yet it still didn't explain why he chose Snape over Albus. He might be letting go of old grudges towards Snape, but he still seemed a bit cold and distant towards Albus.

Remus thought back to the conversation he overheard between Snape & Albus yesterday. He didn't believe it at the time when Albus mentioned that Harry might not trust him and probably wouldn't want Albus to teach him occlumency, but now, it appeared as if Albus was correct. That leaves just one question. Why? What happened last year that made Harry not trust Dumbledore? Was it something that happened at the Ministry of Magic? Something before that? Something after? How much is that kid going through, Remus thought. Remus was positive that this issue with Dumbledore wasn't the same topic that Sirius addressed in his letter to Harry. That made at least three things going on with Harry, not including the normal things that the boy-who-lived has to deal with, such as having a mad dark wizard constantly trying to kill you, or the press creating 'news' about you. Sirius's death; His relationship with Albus; and Sirius's letter, Remus figured the research Harry was doing in the library was most likely connected to the content's of Sirius's letter, but it could potentially be a fourth item that Harry is working on. Remus gave a long sigh as he realized that he didn't know how to be a father figure, let alone a father figure to a teenage boy, who was anything but normal, even by wizarding standards. Why couldn't he just have girl troubles like every other teenage wizard?

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
**End Chapter 6  
**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

So, what do ya think? Pretty obvious who HP was going to choose, huh? What do you think of the reasons, are they good enough?

Want your opinion: Should HP have a twin or a sibling (I know, not that original an idea, but came to me last night & thought I would ask)?

10/1/2004


	7. learning

Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

**A/N:**

_FLASHBACK in italics (some italics are for words that are accented._

**Book in bold (_bold italics, book in flashback)_**

**Thanks Reviewers!!!! **I appreciate the feedback regarding the sibling/twin thing. I think I figured out what will work best (though you won't know for a few more chapters), hopefully no one will be too mad that they stop reading). **Mosleyn001** Thanks! & I agree about the HP/NL connection, but at this time, I don't believe it will work into this story. **Diamond004** letter? What letter, I don't see another letter...**Shadowhand** the plot has just begun, a lot of things happen this summer **Lady Lily3, **not a clue. **Thanks Hecate DeMort, Moni, Anna Taure, Searanger, Pure Black, Makalani Astral, WhiteLion, Lady Nicole Malfoy-Potter, white-blaze-dragon, Kaleena Mason, deedee, **appreciate the feedback, encouragements & reviews. Many commented on Dumbledore's reaction (I had to get his addiction to lemon drops in there somewhere), I personally don't know if he is all that he appears to be in the books.

Not sure about this chapter, I feel like there is something missing...

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Chapter 7 learning**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Harry was outside of Snape's office five minutes before 9. He truly appreciated Snape agreeing to instruct him in occlumency and didn't want to be late (especially on the first day) and ruin everything. He wanted to show Snape that he _was_ serious about learning this time.

"Enter."

Harry entered the room, standing a few feet from Snape, his feet firmly planted on the floor and his wand ready in his hand to fight off Snape's attack.

"Sit down, Potter." When Harry just looked at him with a confused expression on his face, Snape continued, "Surely you can follow simple instructions, Potter. _Sit down_."

After a questioning glance in Snape's direction, Harry went to sit down on a chair opposite Snape. Harry was shocked that Snape asked, okay ordered, him to sit down. He had expected Snape to attack his mind as soon as he entered the room. He was prepared for that. Last night, Harry had stayed up reading the book on occlumency and mind control (your own, not someone else's) that he got in the library over the weekend, trying to learn as much as he could about clearing your mind.

_XXXXX FLASHBACK XXXXX_

'_**To clear you mind is to think of nothing. Let your mind be free. Free of thought. Free of memories. Free of feelings. Just relax. The point is not to let your mind wander, but to just think of nothing. A vast empty, infinite space, like the sky on a cloudless day.'**_

_That is the problem Harry thought, he tries to get his mind focused on nothing, but inevitably thoughts of Cedric, Sirius and the prophecy come forward. He'll have to think some more about how to do that. Maybe rather than think of nothing, he can think of one thing and have that on his mind, he thought. Now he just has to find something that will hold his interest and concentration, without letting other thoughts distract him._

_XXXX END FLASHBACK XXXX_

Harry was noticed that book didn't seem to help him much, it never mentioned how to clear your mind, which was the same question he asked Snape so many times last year. He was beginning to think that Snape might have written the book, since it told you what to do, but not how to do it. That was definitely Snape's teaching style in potions and it seemed to carry over to occluemency as well. Why did he choose Snape again and is it too late to change his mind? No, he decided, he made this choice for a reason and he will see it through. But He was still confused about what 'clearing your mind' meant, didn't he have any idea on how to do so, but he will have to figure it out on his own, he wasn't going to repeat last years mistakes.

"Potter! Potter! Mr. Potter!" Snape practically screamed, trying to get Harry's attention, pulling Harry away from his thoughts. "I thought you were going to listen and pay attention. If you're not ready to learn this, Mr. Potter, then I suggest you leave and stop wasting your time and more importantly, _mine_."

"Sorry sir. I was just thinking..." Harry paused as he debated whether or not he should share his thoughts on clearing your mind to Snape. He finally decided to try to read & think about it some more before he asks Snape. Snape already thinks he's an idiot, he doesn't want to ask stupid questions, at least stupid questions according to Snape, and cement Snape's opinion of him. "I guess I was just expecting you to attack my mind like you did last year. _That_ I was prepared for, I wasn't expecting you to ask me to sit down."

"Hmm." Snape gave him a long look, as if he knew that Harry was thinking about something else and not just his surprise at being asked to sit down. "So tell me, Potter, why do you want me to teach you?"

"Well, sir, I now know the reasons why I need to learn this. I do not want Voldemort in my head, having access to my thoughts, memories, and feelings. That would put the people I care about in danger-more than they already are at least." The last 5 words Harry uttered were spoken softly, as if he didn't want Snape to hear them, but couldn't stop himself from saying it.

"I also don't want Voldemort to manipulate me because of those emotions like he did last year. I don't want him planting visions in my mind that are not true. I also don't want to witness his meetings or attacks on muggles-I feel guilty enough about all the deaths I'm responsible for, I don't need to see anymore." Again, this last phrase was spoken quietly. Harry couldn't understand why he kept saying things that he never intended to share. It was as if he was compelled. It was a good thing he asked Snape to teach him. Professor Dumbledore wouldn't changed the lesson from Occlumency to a 'let's discuss Harry's feelings & problem' session.

Snape didn't comment on those softly spoken phrases that Harry stated, instead he replied "_I_ knew _why_ you needed to learn this Potter. I knew about the connection you have with the Dark Lord and about the prophecy. I had this information last year, as well. Such a shame you didn't listen when adults tried to help you, instead of being arrogant and thinking that you knew best. What I was asking was why do you want **_me_** to teach you instead of the Headmaster?"

Harry felt anger well up inside of him at Snape's words and tone. He took a few deep breaths, trying to get his anger under control, all the while chanting in his mind, 'I'm not going to lose my temper, I'm going to control my anger. I'm not going to lose my temper...' It took all of Harry's control to finally say, "Sorry, sir, that I misunderstood the question. There are many reasons I chose you instead of Professor Dumbledore, some of which are personal and I hope you respect my need for privacy."

Ignoring Snape's sneer, Harry continued. "However, I will tell you this: Last year you saw some of my worse memories, but you rarely asked me about them, never asked me how I felt about them and never used the to humiliate me, whether in private or in class. I appreciated that. I also know that I have you to thank for saving my life and those of my friends that night at the ministry. If you didn't sound the alarm and let the order know about my vision and that we were missing, not only would Voldemort have the prophecy, but we would all probably be dead. This is why I trust you, as mean as you are to me in class, you still try to help me at times.

"I also respect you. You've made mistakes in your life but learned from them instead of letting them take control of you. You are trying to rectify those mistakes by spying on Voldemort for the order. You risk your life constantly for what you believe in, with very little thanks and acknowledgement. I also think that you identify with me. You've met Voldemort, have talked with him, have had him curse you, no one comes away from that unscathed. You also know what it's like to be isolated from the people around you, to have people talk about you behind your back, for whatever reason, when all you want is to be left alone. I also think that you would understand my desire for privacy. I feel that we are a lot alike in that way, both of us keeping things to ourselves and not sharing many of our thoughts and feelings with others."

Snape looked into Harry's eyes, as if trying to measure the truth of the words he spoke. "Fine. But why not Dumbledore?"

"Those are the personal reasons that I mentioned and I do not wish to discuss them."

"What will be done differently this time, Mr. Potter?"

"I will-no, I _am_ trying to keep my anger under control. I will trust that you are doing this to help me and to keep me safe. I will come to our lessons prepared. I will listen to you during lessons as you explain things and will practice clearing my mind at night. I am willing to do whatever it takes to learn occlumency this summer."

"Very well, Mr. Potter, lets put that to the test. Stand up." At his own words, Snape stood and moved across the room, his wand in his hand. Harry followed and stood across from the professor, prepared to fend off an attack.

"Legilimens!"

Harry saw his memories flash across his mind, and knew that Snape was seeing them as well...detention with Umbridge...being banned from Quidditch...Malfoy insulting his family...'Kill the spare' Cedrid on the ground dead...Voldemort rising out of the cauldron...the Ministry of Magic...destroying Professor Dumbledore's office. Knowing that the next memory would be his godfather's death, Harry tried to reign in his thoughts and push Snape out of his mind at the same time.

Snape lowered his wand and said "You're not trying. You need to push me out sooner, not just when a memory comes that you don't want me to see. Again," and holding his wand up again, he cried, "Legilimens."

Being beaten by Dudley and his gang...Aunt Marge insulting his parents...Students ignoring him in 2nd year...Ron mad at him during 4th year...Fudge not believing him about Voldemort being alive...thinking he might be expelled from Hogwarts...

Once again, Snape stopped the spell. "You didn't even try to push me out that time. I shouldn't be able to get in at all, Potter, if you cleared you mind. If you can't do that you need to at least try to push me out as soon as you realize I'm there. Now, focus. Legilimens."

And so it continued for the next two hours. Snape attacking, Harry's vision drifting across his mind for both of them to see, and Harry making little progress, well no progress if you asked Snape. After being reminded to clear his mind before he went to sleep, Harry eagerly left Snape's office, glad that his first lesson was behind him, only 39 lessons left. Oh joy, quality time with Snape, a dream come true, Harry thought sarcastically.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Severus watched his student as he left the room. It is going to be a long summer, he thought. He truly expected to have nothing to do with the boy this summer. Instead he was going to be stuck with him alone in a room for 2.5 hours every day. Well, with him and his memories. He never wanted to know the details about his non-slytherin students' life, especially this student. Now he was going to find out much more than he would ever want to know, and he couldn't even use it to torment the boy. Well, he suppose he _could_, he didn't promise that he wouldn't, but it would be morally wrong, especially since Potter said he trusted Snape for that reason. People might not think that Severus has morals, much less hold to them, but if there was one thing being a Death Eater taught him, it was about morals, or perhaps the need for morals. If he didn't have them, if he didn't know what was right or wrong, if he didn't have a conscious, he wouldn't be here. He would either be in Azkaban or at the Dark Lord's side. One might also think that Snape wouldn't care about betraying someone's trust, but he does. He knows the value of trust. Severus knows that trust is often a two way street. Severus, himself, does not trust many people. Likewise, not many people trust the one-time-Death-Eater-turned-spy. In fact, Severus could count on one hand the number of people who trust him, okay, on one finger if you don't count Harry Potter, which Severus doesn't. Dumbledore, he trusts Severus, and not many people know exactly why. That is one reason why Severus trusts Dumbledore. Even though it would be easier on Dumbledore to give the reasons for his trust in the potions master, Dumbledore has not revealed Severus' secrets to others.

Much as he tried, he couldn't detect a hint of deception in Harry's words. There wasn't a hint of anything in his tone either. It shocked the professor that one of his students could feel that way about him, let alone share it. Trust. Respect. Those can be pretty powerful words. It seemed as though the boy meant it, but Severus knew this couldn't be true. Who would trust the professor that tormented him year after year? Who would respect someone who tried to get them expelled at every opportunity?

Severus thought back to the other words Potter spoke, or rather, the words he whispered. "In danger more than they are", "all the deaths I am responsible for", now Severus could honestly say that he personally didn't care about the boy, but since the future of the wizarding world is on his shoulders, all that guilt cannot be good for a favorable outcome. In fact, Severus thought, those feelings of guilt is probably what prevents him from successfully clearing his mind. Oh Merlin, Severus thought with dismay, if he doesn't find a way to deal with that guilt, he will have to mention it to the boy and then talk about it with him in order for him to learn occlumency. He'll even have to talk about Potter's mutt of a godfather, and he'll have to be somewhat nice about it, since the purpose of that conversation would be to help Potter, not to have him feel more responsible or to get mad. Oh how Severus really wished that Albus was chosen to teach him occlumency this summer.

Recalling more of Potter's speech, Severus grew angry. How dare that _child_ think, let alone _say_ that the 2 of them are alike. They were nothing alike, if you asked Severus, and would never have anything in common, well, Severus relented, maybe the desire to rid the world of Voldemort, but other than that, nothing. The boy was an arrogant fool, just like his father was. Gryffindor's golden boy couldn't have any idea of what Severus' life was like, let alone whether he 'kept things to himself and didn't share his thoughts or feelings'. The boy must be dumber than he thought, and with that insight, Severus left the classroom and headed to lunch.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

After the lesson, Harry didn't feel like sitting in the great hall with his professors, so he went into the kitchen with the idea of getting something to eat and bringing it back to his room so he can read more on occlumency. He really wanted to go back to the library to finish reading the book on adoption. He had a feeling that the next chapter "Adoption, How Charming", would have some of the answers he was looking for about charms on appearances. However, Harry knew that he needed to act like an adult and be responsible and make learning occlumency is first priority. People's lives didn't depend on his adoption, Harry thought.

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End Chapter 7

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This is my first fanfic, so any feedback is appreciated.

619841.doc - 7 - 10/4/2004


	8. owls

Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

**A/N: **

Most of this story happens in the summer, to focus on HP, SS, AD, RL & other info.

_Owls in italics_

Underline words/characters have references at the bottom of the chapter.

So far, this is my longest chapter...

**Thanks Reviewers!!!! **Don't have much time, since I want to get this posted. Here's some comments to some questions/issues mentioned in reviews:

Lives depending on OC, as in life/death, while his adoption is important, SB died because HP didn't learn oc. He doesn't want that to happen again.

Remus, he's a Gryffindor, but he still respects the privacy of others (his gentle nature), so he's not as forthcoming as he would like. Right now, there isn't a problem w/ HP-SS, no more said right now about RL...

Progress in oc will eventually be made (ch 10, I believe), thanks to ??.

At this time, no romance for HP is planned (but if one develops it will **definitely not** be HP/Cho & most likely **not** HP/GW (I do like HP/HG & HP/LL, those are the only 2 I can even think about for HP). I see HG as a confidante to HP, someone HP can trust to guide him, when he is confused or overwhelmed.

Filler chap, perhaps, but I did want SS to respond to HP's words as well, as for him to decide if HP means what he says...this will (or should) come into play later-a method to my madness-

As for neglecting homework..don't remind me. I have a big exam I need to take in Nov, haven't opened the books since I started posting this fic...

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**Chapter 8 owls**

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Tuesday night at dinner, Harry got permission from Dumbledore to owl his friends. Dumbledore cautioned him not to mention occlumency, in case the letters get into the wrong hands, but that it was okay to mention that he was at Hogwarts for the summer. Dumbledore mentioned that they might already know from Mr. & Mrs. Weasley since he told the order that they didn't have to keep an eye on the house or to expect letters from Harry every 3 days.

He started writing as soon as he got back to his room. He knew that there was so much he wanted to say and apologize for. He figured he'd start with Ron, thinking that in some ways, that letter would be the hardest.

_Dear Ron:_

_How's your summer going? Mine is pretty good. I am at Hogwarts for the summer. It is strange being here in the summer with no other students around, of course, anyplace is better than the Dursleys! _

_I am at Hogwarts to learn what I should've learned last year, but didn't. I don't want another incident like the one that happened during the History of Magic O.W.L. I'm sorry for leading you & your sister (please pass my apologies onto her) into danger that night. You've been my best friend since that first train ride to Hogwart's. You deserve a better friend, one that doesn't put your life in danger time and again. As I said, I am doing everything I can this summer to make sure it doesn't happen again. I hope that you and your family can forgive me. I understand if you know longer what to be friends._

_Bye-  
__Harry_

Harry was getting upset just at the thought that his friends might not forgive him. There were so many times that he felt like he was alone, he hoped that that feeling wouldn't soon become a reality. He quickly shook that thought off as he started his next letter.

_Dear Hermione:_

_In case you haven't heard (or tried to contact me but couldn't), I'm at Hogwarts for the summer!!! _

_Believe it or not, almost all of my homework is completed. That is mostly due to the fact that I was bored at the Dursley's and needed something to keep me from thinking about that night at the Ministry of Magic._

_I'm sorry I didn't listen to you regarding my 'saving-people-thing'. You were right, I should have listened to you. It was a trap. I am sorry that I put everyone in danger. I'm just glad that none of you were hurt. It is difficult enough trying to deal with Sirius's death, I don't know if I could've handled it if you, Ron, Ginny, Luna or Neville were seriously hurt or killed. _

_It could've been such a disaster, all because I didn't learn what I what I should have learned last year. Maybe Snape was right and I am arrogant, thinking that I know best and not asking (and often not accepting) help from others. I am here this summer for lessons. I've looked at some books in the library on this subject, even though must of them are really old and don't seem to be much help. I am determined to master this art (as someone calls it). Hopefully I will never have or believe another vision after this summer. _

_Anyways, I hope you forgive me for not listening to you and for putting you in danger. I'll understand if you don't want to be friends any more (friends don't put other friends in danger)._

_Harry_

Harry had no problem admitting that Hermione was right, for she often was. No, the problem came with writing that last paragraph. He never thought about how much Hermione meant to him, and how much he appreciated her guidance, until there was a chance that it might not be there in the future for him to utilize. Just the thought of his sixth year without his two best friends by his side was starting to make him feel sick.

Next he wrote letters to Neville and Luna. Once more apologizing for putting them in danger. He didn't mention his failure to learn occlumency last year, since they did not know that he was supposed to. He put his hope in the letters that his friends wouldn't be mad at him, and that they would forgive his error in judgment that caused Sirius's and almost theirs as well. He also thanked Luna for the conversation they had when everyone else was at the leaving feast, strange as it seemed, that conversation _had_ made him feel better.

Harry really didn't have an opportunity to talk with his friends before the end of the school year, and even if he had, Harry definitely wasn't in the mood to talk, especially not about that night. After the letters were finished, he sent Hedwig to deliver them, with instructions to deliver Hermione's last and in case she wanted to reply.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Most of his free time was spent reading in either the library or in his room. He really wanted to finish reading "The Magic of Adoption", but he couldn't find it anywhere. It wasn't on the shelf where it belonged, nor was it still hidden under the other books by the table in the corner that he used the other day. The only thing he could think of was that someone lse was reading it as well, but who? And why? The only people in the castle (other than the house elves and Harry) were, Snape, Remus & Professor Dumbledore. He just hopes that whoever has it doesn't connect it with him.

He wished he could talk to Hermione about Sirius's letter (assuming that she was not upset with him about that night at the M.O.M.). But this was definitely not something you would write in an owl, in case the owl got intercepted. Oh, Merlin, Harry thought, if that owl did get intercepted, the news that Harry Potter was adopted by Lily & James would be on the front page news of every wizarding paper.. He could imagine the headlines, Harry would no longer be the orphan Boy-Who-Lived, but instead would become "the Boy-Who-Nobody-Wanted", Snape would have a field day with that on, Harry was sure.

Maybe he could contact Hermione about the charms he was researching. Most of the chapters he read were on appearance charms. There were charms for everything from changing your eye/hair color to covering warts or scars. He really wanted to end the charms on his appearance, since this could be the only clue he'll have to finding out who his parents were. Even if it was a long shot, since he was adopted in Sweden and most likely his parents were not anyone he knew or even anyone he would know about.

However, he was successful in finding out about delayed delivery charms. This is a charm that will deliver a letter at a certain date/time that the castor indicates. He decided to test it by writing an early birthday card to Hermione and setting it to be delivered on September 19. He also found another charm 'posthumowlous', which is the one he thinks Sirius used to deliver his letter last week. The item charmed with this spell will be delivered after the death of the castor (can also be delayed to be delivered a certain time after his/her death).

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Thursday morning at breakfast, Harry was met with 3 owls and 6 letters. Hedwig was back with 4 letters. Four? Harry thought, wondering who they were from. And there were 2 owls he didn't recognize, each with one letter which he assumed were from Neville and Luna.

"Popular this morning, aren't we Potter? Letters from your fan club, I assume?

"No sir, just replies from my friends."

'At least I hope they're still my friends,' Harry mumbled under his breath, undetected by all but Remus.

Harry decided to wait to read the letters until after occlumency. He didn't want to read them in front of his professors, in case his friends **were** mad at him, and wouldn't forgive him.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Back in his room after his lesson with Snape, Harry opened one of the letters from Hedwig:

_Harry,_

_Ron passed on your message to me, actually, he let me read the entire letter (sorry, but I think the whole family read it)._

_There is no need to apologize, but of course I forgive you. Going with you that night, to help you save someone you loved, was the least I could do after you saved my life 3 years ago. No friend would let you go alone, in fact, if you remember, you tried to stop us from going with you. You tried to protect us. There is no reason for us (or anyone) to be upset with you, and most certainly no reason to throw away a friendship (or family)._

_I'm thinking that maybe we should continue the D.A. It helped all of us that night, and I'm sure helped everyone with their O.W.L.S or N.E.W.T.S. I know that myself and Luna aren't as worried about our DADA O.W.L.S. next year because of you & your lessons. Now if only we could have something similar in transfigurations or charms and definitely in potions (without Snape we might actually learn something!)._

_Well, I have to go now. Ron's finished with his letter and is waiting for me to complete mine so he can send them off with Hedwig._

_Have a great summer! Maybe you can take a break from studying and come for a visit._

_Love,  
__Ginny_

Harry felt better after reading Ginny's letter, glad that she forgave him, even if it was partly due to the fact that he saved her life. The next letter he opened was from Ron:

_Harry,_

_Don't be such a git! Don't worry about that night at the M.O.M., there is nothing to apologize for, but since you feel you must, then you are forgiven. All of us went willingly and would do so again._

_Have you heard how the Cannons are doing? I would love to go see a game, this is the best they've done in years._

It looked like Ron was going to describe every game in detail, so Harry skipped over the next two paragraphs about the Cannons, before he continued to read:

_I'm glad you're away from those muggles! I know you never had fun over the summer with them. The school has to be better than that (though I suspect it's a bit lonely). I hope Snape isn't there ruining your summer. If he is, hopefully you can just ignore him, or maybe play some pranks on him? I'm sure Fred and George would be glad to help you out, and since it's summer, you wouldn't be breaking any rules. And best of all, Snape couldn't give you detention or take house points!_

_Maybe you can come to the Burrow for your birthday, if not hopefully we can meet at Diagon Alley to get our supplies (like we do every year). I'll see if Mum can owl Dumbledore to ask about your birthday._

_Ron_

_P.S. Maybe you can use this time at the school to go exploring for more secret passages or hidden rooms._

_P.P.S. You just had to tell Hermione that you were almost finished with your homework, didn't you. She sent me a letter with Hedwig, wanting to know how much homework I have finished so far. She'll probably send me a howler when she gets my reply that I haven't even started._

Typical Ron response, Harry thought, barely mentioning the Ministry of Magic incident, but going on for **two** paragraphs about the Cannons. He really is a great friend, Harry thought, even if he had, know how did Hermione put it, oh yeah, the emotional range of a teaspoon. Feeling better now that 2 people have forgiven him, Harry opened a third letter:

_HARRY JAMES POTTER! How dare you think that we wouldn't be friends with you because of that. **What** were you thinking? I would think that you would have a better opinion of your friends than that. Of course we still want to be friends with you. In fact, we are probably closer friends than we were before, similar to the troll incident in our first year, there are some things you can't share with out ending up closer than before._

_Stop blaming yourself for that night. We all went willingly to help. We knew how much Sirius meant to you, and since you mean so much to us, if there was anything we could've done to help you or him, we wouldn't hesitate to do it. _

_I'm sorry for what I said about 'saving people thing'. The fact that you care so much is one of the things that I admire most about you. I started thinking about what if it was one of my parents in danger or taken by Voldemort, I would've done the same thing you did, and I would've wanted my friends there with me to help._

_There's a lot of things we could have done differently (I can't believe I forgot about Professor Snape!), though we did try contacting Sirius first, so we weren't acting completely irresponsible. We'll just have to learn from our mistakes. I'm glad to hear that you are taking lessons again (and are taking them more seriously). I 'm sure it will help. I'll have to do some research and see if I can find anything that will help you understand occlumency better. I wanted to find out more about it anyways (I think it's a fascinating 'art'), but didn't have time, since I was preparing for our O.W.L.S._

_I can't wait to get our O.W.L. results. How do you think you did? I hope I did well. I really want to take NEWT potions and transfigurations. I'm sure NEWT Charms would be fascinating as well. I'm sure I did well on DADA, thanks to you and the DA, without the DA it would've been a disaster._

_Love,  
__Hermione_

Hermione is the only person he knew who could scold him via a letter, well, maybe Mrs. Weasley as well, Harry thought, remembering the howler from the beginning of his second year. Hermione knew him so well. Reading the letter from Hermione, Harry once again wished he could talk to her about the adoption. He knew that she would understand everything that he was thinking and feeling, and since she did know him so well, she would give great advice and would be able to help him feel better about everything. After reading the first three letters, he did feel bad that he underestimated his friends and questioned their forgiveness. Oh well, he thought, might as well read the rest of the letters.

The fourth letter that Hedwig brought was from Mrs. Weasley. He was right, she could scold you via a letter, even without it being a howler. She said a lot of the same things Hermione and Ginny had, adding that he was like one of her sons. She could no more forget him, then she could one of her own children. She ended the letter saying that she was going to contact Professor Dumbledore to see if Harry could come to the burrow for a few days to spend some time with 'his family'. Harry was glad that she considered him a member of his family. He loved being a part of the Weasley family, even if it was as an honorary member. He hoped that someday he could have an actual family, and not just a borrowed one.

The letters from Neville and Luna also mentioned that there was nothing to forgive and that he could count on them for friendship and anything else he needed. Neville's letter was timid, kind of like Neville himself, as if he thought that Harry might not want his friendship, even though Harry had mentioned that he hoped Neville will forgive him and continue to be his friend. Luna's letter had a dreamy quality about it, similar to the impression one has when speaking with Luna in person. Who would think that this same sentiment was possible to be portrayed in a letter?

Harry was glad that he used his Gryffindor courage to write the letters to his friends and ask for their forgiveness, now he won't be worrying about how they will react when the new school term starts. The letters from his friends and Mrs. Weasley made him feel less alone, it helped reinforce that people cared about him, that not everyone who loved him had died.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

On Friday, Harry decided to write responses to the letters he received. He quickly wrote letters back to Luna, Neville, and Ginny, thanking them for their friendship and forgiveness. He mentioned a bit about what he was doing to keep himself occupied at school this summer (flying, walking around lake, studying & reading-he just didn't mention _that_ he was reading books about adoption & appearance charms). He closed the letters saying that he couldn't wait to see them on September 1. He also sent a reply to Mrs. Weasley thanking her as well and telling her how much he appreciated her family and was glad that she considered him a part of it.

The letters to Ron & Hermione were a bit more involved.

_Ron_

_It's not too bad here, pretty quiet though. I think Hermione will be jealous once she finds out that I have the whole library to myself (still can't go into the restricted section, though). You would probably like the kitchens. With only a few of us here, the house elves go overboard when you ask for something to eat. Moony & I asked for lunch for 2 the other day, we ended up with enough food for 10 people, plus pudding!_

_Snape is here, but we try not to spend more time together than we need to, so mostly just lessons and meals. Actually, he hasn't been **that** bad (by Snape standards). Still sarcastic and mean, but mostly keeping his comments to my intelligence (or lack of intelligence in his opinion), with only the occasional slur about my father. _

_Haven't found any secret passages yet, but I will continue looking._

_Well, that's it for now. Write back soon, maybe it'll help the summer pass by quicker._

_Harry_

_Dear Hermione_

_You would love it here right now (more than you do during the school year), I have the whole library to myself._

_Lessons in OC are helping to keep me occupied, if nothing else, I don't seem to be making much progress. I am taking lessons every morning for 2.5 hours with the same instructor as before. While not being nice, it seems like most of his derogatory comments are aimed at my intelligence (or lack thereof, to be more accurate) and my inability to make much progress in learning 'the art of OC'._

_I really wish you were here right now. I have a research project that I am involved with and I could really use your expertise. If I haven't figured it out by September, I'll need you to help me, since that would mean that I would have spent 2 months on it and still didn't find the answers I needed. _

_Can't wait to see you September 1. Let me know when you guys are going to Diagon Alley, and I'll see if I can join you._

_Harry_

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End Chapter 8

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This is my first fanfic, so any feedback is appreciated.

Now how many of you thought this was the chapter with his owl results?

I was reading the 'requirements' for the severitus challenge the other day...it never said that Harry OR Snape had to find out about HP's 'true' parentage-just a thought-kidding, I wouldn't do that to you, what's the fun in that, but still, an interesting thought...

the emotional range of a teaspoon Line spoken by HG, I believe it is in GOF speaking about RW...

_there are some things you can't share with out ending up closer than before_ paraphrase from SS p.179, actual line 'can't share w/o ending up liking each other'

_OC since Harry couldn't mention occlumency by name, he came up with this code, knowing that Hermione would understand what he was talking about (notice that he didn't try this with Ron?)_

10/6/2004


	9. how charming

Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

**A/N: There are some questions for you all at the bottom (survey says...).**

**Thanks Reviewers!!!! Love to all!  
****Anna Taure: **thanks for letting me know where the quote was from, I was too tired to read through the bks to try to find it...not too mention I would still by trying to find it.

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**Chapter 9 how charming**

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Harry had been in a much better mood since receiving the letters from his friends yesterday. After he wrote the replies, he started thinking out Lupin. He still needed to apologize to him for this part in Sirius's death. He really wasn't looking forward to that conversation, but he knew it had to happen. Harry knew that he could no longer try to avoid the werewolf, especially since he kept trying to corner Harry in the library or in the great hall after meals, or even stopping by Harry's room hoping to catch him in. Harry was very grateful for the advanced locking & silencing charms he used that needed a password to disable. It looked like all that extra studying on charms was beginning to benefit him after all.

As if he had conjured Remus up just by thinking about him, there was a knock on his door.

"I've been looking for you. Haven't seen you around much these last few days."

I know, Harry thought, remembering how he had been avoiding the werewolf and why.

"How have you been?" Remus asked Harry after he entered Harry's rooms after lunch.

"Okay, all things considered."

"Same here," Remus replied. "I miss him, but I know that he wouldn't want me to spend my life grieving for him and ignore the opportunities in life."

"Yeah, that's pretty much what he said," Harry replied, thinking of the words Sirius wrote telling him to find the beauty and magnificence in life.

Hearing Harry's unintentional slip of the tongue, Remus looked inquisitively at him. Uh-oh, Harry thought, I shouldn't have said that. I wasn't going to bring up Sirius' letter. I don't know if I'm ready to talk with him about that, especially before I apologize to him for my role in Sirius's death. Without giving Moony a chance to ask what he meant, Harry quickly said, "I'm sorry, Moony. I'm so sorry" The minute Harry started talking, his voice started breaking, as if every word was causing him pain.

"For what?" A puzzled Remus asked, not understanding the change in topic or Harry's apology.

Harry answered in broken phrases, barely audible around the lump in his throat, "For the ministry...for Sirius dying...For believing Voldemort's vision and putting everyone in danger...for making it necessary for Sirius & the order to come rescue us...for causing Sirius's death." By the time Harry was finished, he could no longer hold back the tears from his eyes.

"Harry, it's not your fault. No one blames you. It was a mistake, part of being human," Harry cringed at the phrase that Remus used since it was the same one Professor Dumbledore used the night that Sirius died. "an error in judgment, we all make those."

Again Harry thought of Dumbledore, this time, realizing that Dumbledore himself was human and made errors in judgments. It was a start to healing the rift between the two, but Harry knew that it was going to take a bit longer before he could really talk to Dumbledore again. First he had to sort out his thoughts regarding everything that Dumbledore had shared that night, then he'll have to find the courage to share those thoughts with the headmaster, only then could the trust be rebuilt.

"Actually, Harry, it is I who should apologize to you."

At Remus's words, Harry stared at him in shock, "why?"

"For not being there for you these last few years. It was a joy to get to know you the year I was teaching here. I would've enjoyed spending time with you and had wanted to do so, even if I wasn't going to be teaching at Hogwart's. But after Sirius escaped and we knew that he was innocent, I figured you had your godfather back, and didn't need me in your life. You would want to talk with him, confide in him. I didn't want to interfere with that relationship, so I stayed out of the picture. That wasn't right or fair to you. And I really can't expect you to trust or confide in me now, when I wasn't there in the past, but please know that I am and always will be there for you. I give my pledge as a Marauder."

"Thanks Moony. I'll remember that."

There was a moment of awkward silence as the two men gathered their thoughts and brought their emotions back in control. Remus thought that since he was the older of the two that it was up to him to break the silence. "How was your first week of Occlumency lessons with Professor Snape?"

"Not too bad. I still don't understand the concept of clearing your mind, but I'm trying harder than I did last year."

"I'm glad that you are trying harder this time. I admit that I was surprised when you chose Professor Snape to teach you instead of Albus."

"I, er, spent a lot of time thinking about it. There were a number of reasons for either of them to teach me, and just as many reasons for each of them not to teach me. I tried to base my decision on who would be best to teach me, not on how I was treated in the past."

"You want to share those reasons?" Remus asked, for he still had not found out what had happened between Albus and Harry. The headmaster refused to answer him and Harry had been avoiding him for the last week.

"They are somewhat personal and I'll prefer not to share them." Harry said after a long pause.

"Fair enough." Remus replied, although a bit disappointed, well, onto the next topic: the library visits. "You've been spending a lot of time in the library lately. Find out anything interesting?"

"oh, a few things. I was looking at some books on occlumency, but they don't seem to be helping much. I should probably ask Professor Dumbledore or Snape to recommend one, though."

"I'm sure they wouldn't mind. They would probably be pleased that not only are you asking for their help, but that you are showing initiative to learn this time. Well, Albus will be happy; I don't think anything could make Severus happy."

Harry chuckled at this, since the same thought occurred to him many times.

"Anything else you've been reading about?" Remus asked, remembering that day in the library with the upside down occlumency book. He suspected that there was another subject that Harry was interested in, and that it might be related to Sirius's letter.

"Just reading some things on charms."

"I thought you were finished with your homework?"

"Just about, but I figured I'll take advantage of the extra time and resources I have here. Usually during summer holiday, I would have to hide my books and try to complete my homework by torch under the covers in the middle of the night. It's nice not to have to worry about that anymore."

"Your mom always liked charms. It was one of her best subjects in school. She was incredibly talented in that subject, probably the best one in the school when it came to charms. What is the topic of your charms homework?"

Realizing the opportunity presented before him, Harry brought his Slytherin side to the surface and casually answered, "just some things on appearance charms."

"That is an interesting topic," Remus replied, meaning it in more ways than one. Not only was the subject itself fascinating and fun to experiment with, but Remus clearly remembered appearance charms being something only NEWT students would study, not something a 5th year would have for homework. Remus decided to give Harry the information that he knew about subject hoping that 1) it would help Harry and 2) that Harry would trust him after this and share why he was looking for this information.

"There are many charms on appearance, some to just change hair or eye color, some to change hair length or texture. Height and weight charms are usually popular as well. There are also some charms to make you look like another person. Some of these charms actually change the way you look, while others, concealing charms, actually hide things without changing them, like warts, birthmarks, or scars, things of that nature."

Harry absentmindedly ran his hand over the scar on his forehead. When he was reading about the charms, he was so busy trying to find out what charms might have been placed on him, that he didn't even think about the possibility that he might be able to hide his scar. "Remus, do you think one of those charms would work on my scar?"

"I don't know Harry, you're scar is the first one of its kind. If you really want to know you should probably ask Professor Dumbledore or Flitwick."

"I'll think about that. So, how can you tell if someone is wearing an appearance charm, then?"

"If you are Alastor Moody, you just look at them with your magical eye. For most of us, however, the best way is to perform a charm on yourself that will allow you to 'see' through most appearance charms. This is a good charm to use, since the person with the appearance charm on does not know that you saw behind the charms."

"Oh," Harry said, wondering first if Moody had noticed charms placed on him and second, if he could perform the charm Remus mentioned on himself and look into the mirror to see through the charms that he knew had to be placed on his appearance.

"Another option is, of course, to cast a spell to end someone's charms."

"How can you do that if you don't know what appearance charms they might have applied?"

"Most charms can be terminated with 'Finite Incantatem'; some of the more advanced charms require a specific incantation to end them. Of course, there are some very advanced charms that are set to passwords."

"How does that work?"

"Like a key to a lock. The charm can only be terminated if the person said the correct incantation and then the password. The password is set by the castor at the time the spell was cast. Anyone can end the charm, as long as they have the password."

"Oh, I haven't read about that yet."

"As I mentioned, those charms are very advanced. Most wizards and witches cannot cast them. It takes someone with incredible talent in charms to successfully cast this spell."

Remus went on talking a bit more about appearance charms, before he left. Most of later information he shared Harry had already read about in the books he had gotten from the library.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Remus once more found himself in his rooms, contemplating the situation that was Harry. He could think of no reason why the boy would be looking up information on appearance charms. It couldn't just be because he wanted to cover his scar, although there was no doubt that he was eager to see if a charm would work for that purpose.

Maybe he doesn't want to look like a replica of his father. Everyone who meets him comments on how much he looks like James. In fact, that is the main reason Severus doesn't like him, because he is a reminder of James and the tricks the Marauders played on him. Remus remembered Molly mentioning how she thought Sirius was confusing him with his father, since they looked so much alike. Could this be the reason? If it was, Remus did not see the connection between this and whatever Sirius had put in his letter. Surely, Sirius couldn't tell him anything that would make Harry _want_ to change his appearance.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

"Finite Incantatem!"

"Em Wohs!"

"Falsetto!"

"Finite Incantem Appero!"

"Estrufle!"

"Ind Thes!"

"Potraho!"

"Denudo!"

"Ostendo Dicis!"

"Gerolateo!"

"Imago Texi!"

"Secerno Simulatio!"

Harry had looked up the counter spells to every appearance charm he could find. For over 2 hours this morning he had tried all of them at least twice. None of them worked. None of them were canceling the appearance spell that was placed on him as an infant. He still looked like Lily & James Potter. Not a single hair had changed. Nothing. Nada. Zero. Zip. Zilch.

Harry thought back to the conversation he had with Remus last evening.

Harry wondered if he should contact Moody and ask if he had sensed any appearance charms on him. Then decided he had better not. He didn't want Moody to start asking questions, about why Harry wanted to know if appearance charms were placed on him. Especially since Moody would most likely ask Dumbledore, who in turn would ask Harry and probably wouldn't let Harry get by with 'no reason' for an answer.

Oh, Merlin! His mom, er, Lily, excelled in charms. What if she used an advanced charm that required a password in order to be terminated? She probably thought that she would be around to reverse the charm if it needed to be done. With a deep ache in the pit of his stomach, Harry suddenly realized that there was a possibility that these charms might never be reversed. He might look like James Potter for the rest of his life, not that that was necessarily a bad thing, for he had nothing against James. It was really the thought never knowing what his true self looked like that was bothering him.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

Sunday morning, Harry was greeted at breakfast with an owl carrying a package to him, he eagerly tore the package open, it wasn't often he received presents, especially since it wasn't his birthday for a couple more weeks.

_Dear Harry,_

_I got you an early birthday present. Please use it._

_I really wanted to learn more about oc. For one reason it sounded so interesting_

Harry laughed, only Hermione would think occlumency was interesting, then again, she wasn't the one that **had** to learn it.

_For another reason, I wanted to help you succeed in your lessons._

_One of the books (oddly enough titled 'The Art of OC'), mentioned how our memories are tied into our feelings. I believe that's true. Think about the memories that are the hardest to clear from your mind, aren't they the ones with the strongest feelings behind them?_

_This journal (I hoped you already opened it.) is for you to write about your feelings, especially your feelings regarding the memories that you want to clear from your mind. By getting your emotions out onto paper (and out of your mind), this will let you sort through them, thus clearing your mind, which is the main goal behind oc._

_Please, please, please use the journal, Harry. For me?_

_Love,_

_Hermione_

Harry looked at the journal after reading the letter. He'll have to think about this. Writing in a journal, especially about his _feelings_, just sounded too girly, almost like keeping a diary. It might as well be pink, he thought as he placed the navy blue journal in the desk drawer.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

End Chapter 9 how charming

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

I truly appreciate any feedback..

**QUESTIONS FOR YOU (viewer's poll):**

So, Where do you think the book is? Did some one take it? If so, who?

Also, back in Ch 3, the 2nd letter SB wrote to HP (the one that RL was keeping hold of) fell to the floor...who (if anyone) do you think finds it??

I always wondered where RL was in bk 4 & 5 & why he didn't keep in better contact with HP-his best friends son (not to mention all the years before POA)

"Em Wohs!"backwards 'show me'

"Falsetto!false, reminded me of singing, had to use it

"Estrufle!"anagram for 'true self'

"Ind Thes!"change i & e, 'end this'

"Potraho!"latin 'reveal'

"Denudo!" latin 'reveal'

"Ostendo Dicis!" latin 'reveal appearances'

"Gerolateo!" latin 'appearance (gero) hidden (lateo)

"Imago Texi!" latin 'appearance reveal'

"Secerno Simulatiolatin 'hidden appearance'

619841.doc - 8 - 10/8/2004


	10. o cclu men cy

Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I appreciate it.**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
****Chapter 10 o cclu men cy  
****XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Sunday night, Harry decided to look at the books on occlumency that he got from the library. He still couldn't find anything useful in the books to tell him how to 'clear his mind'.

They just talked about stillness and serenity, of being free, of letting go of your worries and cares, going to a quiet place and relax, and taking deep breaths. Harry knew from experience that if he did that, he would just end up falling asleep, and would most likely have nightmares since he was so relaxed and wasn't able to clear his mind, because the books never mentioned _how_ you do that. In fact, he was beginning to think that those books were written by Snape, for all the help they gave. And if Snape wrote them, of course they would be in the school library.

Monday's lesson did not go well at all. Harry couldn't keep the memories of Sirius, Cedric, Dumbledore's office or the prophecy away. Snape almost saw Harry's memory of receiving Sirius's letter and finding out about his adoption. Harry never thought he would say this, but he was **glad** Snape yelled at him. There was no way Harry could have pushed Snape out of his mind, he was too caught up in the emotions of his memories. Snape stopped the spell and started yelling at Harry about how he wasn't trying, how he needed to focus, how he was wasting everyone's time, etc-the usual spiel. If Snape didn't stop, who knows what would have happened. Even though Snape previously never mentioned any of the personal memories he saw to Dumbledore or even to Harry (well, except to ask who's dog chased him up the tree), Harry was sure that that wouldn't be the case if he found out about Harry's adoption. After all, Snape did mention to Dumbledore that he had been dreaming about the Ministry of Magic hallway and the locked door for months. Regardless, Harry definitely didn't want to put Snape to the test to find out what he would do.

That night, Harry decided he had to do something to keep those thoughts out of his mind and under his control. After rereading the letter from Hermione, he finally decided to use the journal she gave him as an early birthday present. Harry wasn't sure whether or not it would actually help him but at this point, he was ready to try anything. Harry started to write about the memories that were uppermost in his mind and the emotions that went with them.

_**PROPHECY  
**_**The feelings of doubt that he could do this. At first he didn't even believe he was a wizard & now they tell him that he needs to kill the evil dark wizard, how he wished this was all a dream. The anger that all hope for a 'normal' life was gone. The fact that the entire wizarding world expects him to do this, even if they aren't aware of the prophecy, all because of a scar on his head & Lily's love. The thought that he would have to kill someone-even if it is a dark wizard. The thought that he might DIE trying to fulfill his destiny. Especially for a destiny he didn't ask for and certainly didn't want. He didn't want to die, granted at times, he wasn't crazy over his life, but he believed that someday it would be better, but that wouldn't come to pass if he's dead.**

_**CEDRIC & the GRAVEYARD  
**_**Guilt for convincing Cedric to take the cup with him. Guilt for not doing anything to prevent Cedric's death, he didn't even try, just stood there when a voice said "Kill the spare". Feeling jealous of Cedric before he died, and not listening when he tried to help with the 2nd task.  
****The fact that everyone thought that he killed Cedric and made up the story about Voldemort's return. That Fudge did not believe him, that most of the wizarding world had thought him crazy, when weeks before they thought he was a hero (not that he wanted either one, but the extremes they swung between produced an emotional roller coaster).**

_**SIRIUS and the MINISTRY OF MAGIC INCIDENT  
**_**Remorse at leading his friends into danger; Ashamed being used & manipulated by Voldemort; Anger at himself for being gullible enough to believe the vision; Anger for not listening more to Hermione that night when she thought it was a trap; Guilt for not learning occlumency last year; Anger not being told what was going on, so he decided not to try learning occlumency last year, or sharing what was going on with him. Destroying the headmaster's office in a fit of rage; Responsibility for Sirius's death & the injuries of other order members. Anger for not remembering about Snape sooner, and not trusting that Snape understood what he was talking about in Umbridge's office. His distrust of the headmaster, after realizing how much was kept from him that could have prevented that evening from occurring.**

_**ADOPTION  
**_**Confusion about who he is. Abandoned by his father (if he knew about his birth). Anger for not being told sooner by Sirius. Hopelessness that he might never find out about his biological parents. Frustration at not being able to remove these charms. Insecurity that kept him from telling others about the adoption, fear that they wouldn't understand or like him once they found out he wasn't Lily & James Potter's son. Despair that another chance for a family was taken away from him (again).**

Harry continued to write for many hours, pouring all his thoughts and emotions into the journal. Perhaps it won't help him in occlumency tomorrow, he thought, but he did feel better about things. It was like a weight had been taken off of his shoulders. He felt as if he was free.

'Art of Occlumency' Harry thought and started to laugh. No wonder Snape says he didn't think. Harry finally realized that Snape had been giving him hints for the last year about how to clear his mind. Last year he kept mentioning about how he had to keep his emotions under control and not wear them on his sleeveHe thought Snape said this because Snape was mad over the fact that he kept losing his temper. After all, he thought, even McGonagle said that he needed to control his anger. Of course, it could've been that Snape just didn't want to see his emotions, Snape probably thinks that everyone should be more like him, not having any emotions, much less expressing them. This year Snape kept talking about the 'art of occlumency' AND that was the name of the book that Hermione bought. She must have saw that book and realized why Snape referred to it as an 'art'. Although Harry did have to wonder why the library didn't keep _that_ book on its shelves, the books he found on occlumency were pretty useless.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

"Legilimens!" Snape cried as soon as Harry walked through his office door the next morning.

His first birthday cake from Hagrid...Hagrid showing him Diagon Alley...His hair growing over night after Aunt Petunia's hair cut...Meeting Ron on the Hogwart's express his first year...catching the snitch. Realizing that all these were happy memories, Harry tried to close his mind and push the professor out. He did it!

"Congratulations Mr. Potter. It's about time you made _some _progress. Next time try to push me out sooner, if you can. Legilimens!"

Saving the sorcerer's stone...winning the house cup...flying out of the chamber of secrets with Ginny alive. Out, out, out, Harry's mind shouted, once again pushing Snape out of his mind.

"What's with the happy memories, Potter? Did you use a cheering charm this morning?"

"No, sir. Hermione got a book on occlumency. It mentioned that our memories are connected to our emotions. She sent me a journal as an early birthday present. She thought that if I wrote in the journal about the emotions associated with certain memories that it might help me to keep my mind clear of those memories. I finally used the journal last night. I didn't know if it would help with occlumency, but I figured it was worth a try. I do know that I felt better after using the journal."

"I suspected it wasn't something you came up with on your own, Mr. Potter. I can't help but wonder where you would be if it wasn't for your know-it-all friend to guide you through life." He'll have to remember to be nicer to Granger in the fall, Severus thought. _She_ apparently picked up on the clues that were mentioned to Potter. Now he didn't have to pretend that he cared and actually talk to the boy about how to make progress in occlumency. Yes, he thought, that girl definitely saved him from a fate worse than death...trying help the boy-who-lived by having a civil conversation with him.

Before Harry could respond, Snape once more cried "Legilimens!"

Sirius asking him if he wants to leave the Dursley's and live with him...Rescuing Sirius and Buckbeak... waking up on Christmas his first year at Hogwarts with presents. Harry gathered all the feelings from these memories and pushed Snape from his mind, but wait, not only was Snape out of his mind, but Harry was trapped in the potions master's mind.

Snape and a girl with med brown hair walking hand in hand...Snape, in formal robes, at a wedding, _his_ wedding to the girl...The two of them celebrating the holidays...Girl in the hospital, obviously pregnant, Snape standing next to her.

In shock over the fact that Snape was _married_ and had a _kid_, Harry barely noticed the fact that his professor had pushed Harry out of his mind. Harry slowly looked up at Snape, expecting to be yelled at, surprisingly, all he got was sarcasm.

"Well, at least we know that you _can_ push someone out of your mind, without accidentally doing so with a spell. Now you just have to learn occlumency, which is keeping someone from seeing any of your memories that you don't want them to see, not pushing them out. Dismissed."

Harry looked at the clock noticing that they still had about 45 minutes left in this morning's lesson. He was just about to say something to Snape regarding this when he heard Snape snap "I said dismissed. Now leave."

Harry turned to go out the door when he heard Snape call after him "And Potter, I suggest you continue using that journal your _friend_ got for you."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

The remainder of the week Harry was able to push Snape out of his mind after just 2 or 3 memories, of course, Snape wasn't satisfied with this since the purpose of occlumency was to block your mind against unwanted attacks. It wasn't until Friday's lesson that Harry once again found himself in the mind of his professor, seeing his memories as if they were broadcasting on television.

Snape holding his wife's hand, crying...Snape crying at a cemetery, placing a yellow rose on a tombstone that read 'Sonja Halle Kasen-Snape...Snape holding an infant in each arm...watching over two infants as they sleep a somber and wistful look on his face.

"Enough, Mr. Potter. For someone who is adamant about his own need for privacy, you don't seem to respect the privacy of others. The smart thing to do would be to vacate someone's mind when you accidentally enter into it, but then again, I suppose no one ever accused you of being smart, now did they? Dismissed."

This time Harry didn't even bother looking at the clock or questioning Snape's decision to end the lesson early. He just wanted to get out of there as fast as he could. For although Snape's words were spoken calmly and sarcastically, Harry had no doubt that his professor was upset with what had just transpired.

He ended up down by the lake (quickly becoming one of his favorite spots). He thought about what he now knew about his professor. He learned more about the man this week than he had in the last five years, and possibly more than he wanted to know.

Snape had been married. He couldn't picture the potion master he knew falling in love, and especially not someone falling in love with the greasy-git. Mrs. Snape -that sounded wrong in so many ways, Harry thought- was a very pretty young woman, with medium brown hair (one might describe it as cinnamon) cut short, green eyes-similar to his own-Harry thought, with a small built & tanned, golden skin. She wasn't as tall as Snape, but more than average height for a woman, reaching about shoulder height to Harry's professor.

Harry half wondered what a girl like that saw in Snape. Then again, the old or rather, younger Snape didn't resemble the vampirish greasy-git that Harry knows. It actually looked like he _washed_ his long hair, which hung down his back in a pony tail. He was smiling and laughing, not sneering; there were tender & loving glances at his wife and children, not his well known, evil death glares; instead of the black billowing robes, he wore robes of green, blue and red. Yes, the younger Snape was much different than the strict no-nonsense death eater turned spy. Harry couldn't help but wonder what happened that changed him.

Children, Snape had children. Two of them. Harry wondered where they were. They couldn't be more a year or two within his own 16 years, judging by Snape's age in the memories he saw. Why didn't they go to Hogwart's? Surely another student would have mentioned Snape's kids. Maybe they were in disguise or under an assumed name. That's what _I_ would have done if I was his son, Harry thought, especially since most of the students (and probably a good portion of the staff) didn't like Snape. Most likely they would be in Slytherin. Harry tried to think of last year's students, especially the Slytherin's in their 4th, 5th, 6th, & 7th years. He couldn't think of anyone that resembled Snape, and Snape favored _all_ his Slytherin's, so you couldn't find them that way. Of course, Harry thought, I don't even know if his kids were boys or girls.

Remembering what he read about 2 weeks ago in "Magic of Adoption", Harry wondered if Snape relinquished custody of his kids after his wife died. It would've been difficult to raise 2 kids on your own, Harry thought. But Snape looked like he cared so much about his kids, and as cold-hearted as Snape seems, Harry could not imagine him abandoning his kids. Then again, he really didn't know his professor that well, did he?

Looks like he has a new summer project on his hands, Harry thought. A mystery to be solved, trying to figure out what happened to Snape and his family, and since Harry couldn't _ask_ Snape about it, he'll just have to get his information another way.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
**End Chapter 10  
**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

This is my first fanfic, so any feedback is appreciated.

I know that I have some trouble with the tenses (past, present, future), but I try.  
Chapter title, if pronounced as separate words...a clue men see

Hey! What is a beta? (only took me 10 chaps to remember to ask)

SonjaWisdom; Halleheroine; Kasenpure, and of course, Snape. Liked the meanings & the way it sounds.

Don't get upset about the twin thing (2 infants in Snape's arms)-it won't turn out the way you think (at least I don't think you'll think that way, but I don't know you so I really can't say, just please keep reading)...

10/11/2004


	11. results

Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

**A/N: If anyone is interested in being a beta for me/this story, please let me know.**

Tried to post this last night from home, but kept getting error messages, I hope it was just a one-time thing, otherwise, that is seriously going to interfere with my posting schedule.  
**Thanks Reviewers!!!!  
Connie Eressea:** at the end of ch 10 it explains the ch title; **Slytherinkid07** Thanks, I'll have to go back when I get a chance & revise it. I appreciate your help (and I know that I do love ellipsis); **Anna Taure** who would imagine that the world is that small that you were adopted in another country & actually know your parents, plus nothing is making it obvious now (we only know because it is a severitus challenge); **HecateDeMort** why can't it be? **Makalani Astral, **Thanks I appreciate it, but it might not hurt to have a beta, since I read these over so many times & there are still error.  
**White-blaze-dragon, Shadowedhand, Lady Lily3, Kalena Mason, merlihalliwell: Thank you for reading!**

* * *

****

**Chapter 11 results**

Harry started the weekend off by writing to Hermione to thank her for the journal.

_Dear Hermione,_

_Thank you for the early birthday present. I used it last week and it helped. I'm glad that you were able to pick up on the clues that the professor kept dropping, because I didn't! I don't know why that book isn't in the library, it sounds much more useful. I'll definitely have to take a look at it in September._

_I used it for the first time this week, and I actually made some progress. In fact, you wouldn't believe what I have to tell you. Our professor was married and has kids. Two of them, about our age, can you believe it?_

_Anyways, I haven't made much progress on that research project I mentioned, I am kind of at a dead end right now, but hopefully I can figure it out. Although, some of the research books I were using in the library have disappeared. They were there one day, and when I went to look for them again, they were gone. Which is very strange considering there are only four of us in the castle right now, and I don't see any of them looking into this topic._

_That's about it for now, just wanted to thank you for your help, I really appreciated it (and thanks for not making the journal pink)_

_Hope to see you soon,  
Harry_

_PS, do you think you could help me find a charm for the journal so that no one else could read it but me?_

Harry wasn't sure why he mentioned the memories that he saw to Hermione. He knew she would yell at him for being in his professor's mind and sharing what he saw, but for some reason, it just came out and seemed right. He did know better than to share that information with Ron, Ron he knew would tell the whole school and, of course, Snape would trace it back to him, but Hermione would keep it to herself. Harry's letter to Ron, mostly just talked about Quidditch and how Harry was spending his time at the school, other than lessons.

* * *

The rest of the weekend passed by quickly, with Harry trying to spend as much time in the library as possible, without being caught by Moony. It seemed that everywhere Harry went, Moony was sure to follow. Needless to say, this was seriously cutting into Harry's research time.

Harry continued to use the advanced silencing & locking charms that needed a password to be terminated, he first used these charms last Saturday when he was trying to reverse the appearance charms. With these charms in place, he could 'study' without interruption. Most of the meals he took in his rooms, to also avoid being cornered by Moony.

He finally decided to forget about reversal charms, since nothing seemed to have worked. He was amazed with the number of appearance charms & reversals there were, the list seems never ending. He was now considering potions that changed someone's appearance, especially long-term or semi-permanent potions that won't wear off until the antidote is taken. If his present look was a result of one of those potions, he knew that he might never find the correct antidote, and his true appearance could be lost forever.

* * *

Occlumency lessons on Monday and Tuesday were very quiet. Snape didn't say anything except for "Legilimens". He didn't even criticize or insult Harry for not being able to push him out of his mind like he did last week. Snape was too busy wondering if Harry was going to ask or comment on the memories he saw. Some people might call the boy 'curious', Snape thinks a more fitting description was 'too nosy for his own good'. This waiting and wondering for the ball to drop, kept Snape's stress level high. He could barely even concentrate on his potions. Darn the boy, he thought, for distracting him like this. This was _not_ how he envisioned his summer.

Harry on the other hand was thinking about what else he didn't know about his professor. He'll admit that seeing those memories surprised him, and he was very curious indeed as to what else was in the mind of this professor.

Wednesday's lesson wasn't much better, although the two seemed more relaxed with each other. Snape, because he realized that the boy was probably too afraid to ask about the memories, especially if he remembered Snape's reaction to the pensieve from last year. Harry on the other hand realized that if he kept thinking about Snape's memories then either A) he won't learn occlumency, despite last week's progress; or B) Snape might see his own memories in Harry's mind-and _that_ would most likely mean death for Harry when Snape realized how much Harry thought about those memories.

After being dismissed on Wednesday, Harry hesitated, wanting to ask the professor a favor, but not sure if Snape would be in a good enough mood to agree, then again, was Snape ever in a good mood?

"Well? What is it, Potter?" Snape asked exasperated.

"Sir, I was wondering if you could help me research and possibly brew some potions on appearance altering and their antidotes?"

"Aiming a little high there, aren't we Potter? Those are advanced potions, usually not addressed until 7th year. Of course," Snape said with a sneer, "you might want to learn them now while you have the chance, because I highly doubt that you did well enough on your owls to be eligible for my NEWT class. I refuse to take anyone who scored less than an 'O', you'll be lucky if you passed." That was the most Snape spoke to him in days, so Harry really wasn't surprised that most of it was insults.

Harry didn't say much in response to this last statement, mostly because he also thought that he might not pass, he knew that the odds of him getting an 'O' in potions were extremely slim. He also thought it was best to agree with his professor rather than get defensive, especially since he was asking for Snape's help. "Most likely, sir. So, will you help me?"

"Since you will probably do this without me, knowing your total disregard for the rules, and will most likely blow up not just the cauldron, but possibly the school itself, if left on your own, yes. However, you must obey me at all times in the lab or you will _never_ step foot in my dungeons again. We'll start the week after next."

"But why not nex..."

Before Harry could finish asking his question, Snape replied, as if talking to a 3 year old, "If you're going to argue, we won't do this at all."

"Yes, sir." Harry replied, repeating to himself "I will not lose my temper, I will not lose my temper', before he left the office.

* * *

Severus couldn't help but wonder what that was all about. Why would the boy want to learn about appearance altering potions? Granted, it might come in handy someday if he became an auror, but that was doubtful, since he wouldn't be in my NEWT class come September. Of course, the auror program will probably take him anyway, since he is The-Boy-Who-Lived, at this thought Snape was totally disgusted at all the 'exceptions' that were made for this particular student.

Snape finally decided that he really didn't care why Harry wanted to learn these potions. Most likely it was for a joke he wanted to play on his friends, or perhaps some research for the Weasley twins & their joke shop. Snape had heard last year at Headquarters, that Potter was their financial backer that enabled them to start their 'business'. Either way, as long as the school didn't collapse and the cauldron didn't destroy his rooms, Snape didn't care. The continued existence of the building and the safety of everyone inside said building was the extent of his involvement with this project.

* * *

That wasn't so bad, Harry thought. Snape agreed to help me and he didn't even ask why. Which was a good thing, since Harry couldn't tell him the truth and he wasn't skilled enough to lie to his professor. Especially when the professor in question is a skilled Legilimens and can detect when he is being lied to.

Harry was a little upset that they wouldn't be starting until the week after his birthday, especially when Snape wouldn't give him a reason why they couldn't start next week. Upon further reflection, though, Harry realized that this could be a good thing, now he can spend some time next week researching appearance altering potions and the ingredients.

Glad that he finally had a plan and hopefully a way to remove the appearance charms or potions that have been placed on him since he was an infant, Harry started to write in his journal before going to bed.

* * *

Friday's lesson did not go well. Harry was so busy thinking about other things last night that he forgot to write in his journal. As a result, some of his more potent memories were available for Snape to see.

It wasn't until after the fifth try that Harry was able to push Snape out of his mind. It was on the sixth try when Snape almost saw Sirius's letter, that Harry was once more trapped in his professor's mind when he attempted to push him out. At first he didn't realize what he was seeing.

Snape crying, holding a lifeless child in his arms...Snape standing between two small coffins...Snape kneeling in a cemetery, placing another yellow rose on his wife's grave, a blue rose in front of a tombstone that read "Synclair Leif Snape", and a pink rose in front of one that read "Seren Lenore Snape"...Snape packing bright colored clothing into boxes

Harry stared at Snape, not knowing what to say or do. "I'm sorry." He finally said, apologizing not just for seeing Snape's memories, but also for the loss of his children. Children he had loved very much, judging by the look of grief and the tears on his professor's face.

Snape didn't say a word, just turned and walked out of his office. A few minutes later a door slammed with such force that Harry was sure it could be heard and felt all the way up to the astronomy tower.

* * *

Harry skipped lunch in the great hall that afternoon. He was sure that Moony and Professor Dumbledore heard Snape's door slam, and he didn't want to answer any questions they might ask about his lesson that morning. Harry suspected that Snape wouldn't go to lunch either, but just in case, he decided it was safer in his rooms. He didn't want to face Snape right now, not after the memories he just saw.

_That _explains a lot, Harry thought, to lose your wife, only to lose your children soon afterwards, Harry's respect for his professor grew that day. To continue on living after something like that, Harry couldn't imagine how difficult that must be. Harry had a challenging time when Sirius died, he couldn't even imagine what Snape must have been feeling.

Harry couldn't escape Snape's memories, all he saw was Snape. His professor's hands as he clenched the three roses and one by one placed them on the graves of his family; His professor's face streaked with tears, and eyes red as if crying all night; Snape's eyes, that in previous memories sparkled, filled with laughter and love, now solid black with not even a hint of sparkle; His face now so expressionless, had a look of desolation, as he packed his brightly colored robes into boxes.

What hit Harry the hardest was when he remembered his thoughts and feelings from the night before. He remembered feeling envious of his professor for having a loving family to spend holiday's with, being able to take summer trips and create memories, something Harry had never had an opportunity to do with his parents or with Sirius. He inwardly cringed when he remembered the feelings of jealousy he felt towards his professor's children for having a father that loved them and cared for them. Something Harry didn't remember, had always wanted, and even now, hoped for since he found out about his adoption.

* * *

The Dumbledore, Harry and Remus had just finished dinner Friday night, when Dumbledore handed Harry an envelope and said "It was delivered in my care, since the wards around your aunt's house keep unknown owls from finding it."

Opening the letter, Harry realized it was his O.W.L results.

Harry had a pretty good idea of how he did on his exams, the only score he was really worried about was potions. He was pretty sure that he didn't fail, but he was also sure he didn't get an 'O' either, unless a miracle occurred. That one score could keep him from the NEWT class and ultimately from becoming an auror. Most of his scores were what he expected them to be. He was glad to see that he earned an 'O' in DADA, thanks partly to his patronus. He also received an 'O' in COMC, Hagrid will be pleased with that. He also received an 'O' in charms, at the beginning of the summer, he might have attributed this to inheriting Lily's talent for charms, now he gives the credit to Hermione and her study schedules. He was glad that he met McGonagle's requirement of an 'E' in Tranfigurations. The 'E' in Herbology he can thank Neville for, you can't live with that boy without learning something about plants (hopefully that knowledge of plants would benefit him on the written portion of his potion's exam, as well). He was shocked to see that he did so well in Astronomy. He actually received an 'A'. He was expecting a 'P' on that one, since he thought that he ended up watching Hagrid and McGonagle being attacked by Umbridge, more than he watched the night sky. History of Magic, well, no surprise there, considering he fell asleep during the test and once he woke up, couldn't concentrate due to the vision he had from Voldemort. And then there was Divination, he didn't need to be a 'seer' to know that he had received a 'P' on that one. No, the only score he didn't understand was Potions...

_End Chapter 11 Results_

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This is my first fanfic, so any feedback is appreciated. I am still learning as I am going so to speak, but I do appreciate the help/input. I know that I have some trouble with the tenses (past, present, future), but I try.

Synclair - A clear sign; besides, Snape's kid named 'Syn' who could resist that?  
Leif - besides being an anagram for 'life'; meaning is beloved descendent;  
Seren - from the word Serendipity, one def is 'unexpected blessing'  
Lenore – light

In case the blue/pink roses didn't give it away: Syn-male, Seren-female.

What did you think of the names for SS's wife & kids? Thought about naming Synclair 'Slade'-def "child of the valley", but not crazy over def; or 'Skylar'-def "learned one",

10/13/2004


	12. conversations

Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

**A/N: **_italics, flashback/remembering conversation from earlier in week. _Underline text has explanation at end of chapter.

**Thanks Reviewers!!!!**

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**Chapter 12 conversations**

This last week was filled with conversations, some very enlightening which resulted in provoking questions, and others just informative Harry reflected...

**Monday**-Remus kept trying to corner Harry after meals or in his room to ask him if he was okay or if there was anything Harry needed to talk about. Harry was beginning to feel like he had a stalker. Every time he turned around, Moony was there asking if Harry needed to talk. Harry was beginning to wonder if _Moony_ was okay, or at least he was wondering why Remus felt the need to ask him if he was okay 10 times a day. He couldn't help but wonder if Moony knew something that Harry didn't.

**Tuesday**-pretty much the same as Monday, it got to the point that Harry was ready to yell, 'Yes, I want to talk. I want to talk about why you are following me everywhere and asking me if I want to talk! Stop asking me if I am okay, I was, but you are beginning to drive me crazy!' But he didn't; who knew what Remus would do next if Harry acted that way and lost control. He'll probably send me off to St. Mungo's, Harry had thought. It got to the point that he stopped eating in the great hall, just so he _wouldn't_ run into the werewolf.

**Wednesday**-Harry actually had a real conversation with Moony, you could only avoid a person for so long, even in a castle the size of Hogwart's...

_Harry had finally ventured out of his room and went to the great hall for dinner that evening. Remus was also there and asked Harry to take a walk with him by the lake after they were finished with dinner. Since Harry didn't want to be rude, or create a scene, thus inviting more questions, or have Moony think that he was mad at him, Harry reluctantly agreed._

"_So, Harry, what are you going to do for you birthday?"_

"_I'll probably just have occlumency lessons in the morning and then probably read in the afternoon."_

"_You won't have lessons that day, or that..." Remus started to say, before he made himself stop._

"_Or that what? Why won't I have lessons that day?"_

"_Well, it's your birthday, everybody deserves to have their birthday's off" Remus improvised._

_Hmm, thought Harry, something's going on. "I guess I'll have more hours to fill up then. Anyways, it will still be better than any birthday I spent at the Dursley's." Harry paused for a moment, then continued when an idea came to him, "Hey Moony, maybe we can spend the day in Hogsmeade since I don't have lessons. We can go to Zonko's and Honeyduke's, and get lunch at the Three Broomstick's."_

"_Sounds fun, but maybe we can do that the following Saturday. I'll still be recovering from the full moon on your birthday."_

"_Oh, yeah. It doesn't matter, the following weekend is fine." Harry stated, he wasn't use to celebrating his birthday anyway, except for the presents & cards he's gotten from friends these last few years, and he usually opened those when he was by himself._

"_Good. I'll check with Dumbledore to make sure he thinks it's safe."_

"_So, how have the occlumency lessons been going?"_

"_Pretty good, I think. I've been able to push him out of my mind a few times, but I still can't prevent him from getting in yet."_

"_Hey that is good news. You've made some progress since the last time we talked. You still weren't sure then about what clearing your mind meant. Do you know why you are able to push him out?"_

"_Kind of." Harry went on to explain about Hermione's research about occlumency and the connection between memories and emotions. "Apparently, it's the emotions associated with the memories that are powerful, not the memories themselves." He then mentioned the journal she gave him as a gift, and how he wrote in it for the first time last week. How he wrote about his thoughts and feelings concerning the memories that were plaguing him. "I was able to push him out because all I was remembering were happy memories, that gave me the strength to push him out, rather than the memories that paralyzed me, like memories about the Dursley's, Cedric, Sirius & that night in the Ministry of Magic , Professor Dumbledore's office, and Sirius's le-"_

"_Sirius's what, Harry?" Remus asked in a gentle, coaxing voice, sure that Harry was going to say 'Sirius's letter'/_

"_Nothing, nevermind. You know, I'm getting pretty tired, I think I'll head back to my rooms for the night."_

"_Harry," Harry had already turned away and was walking towards the castle when Remus spoke his name. He stopped, but wouldn't turn around to look at him, as Remus continued, "I already told you that I am here for you if you need me. I know that last year was difficult for you, and I can tell that there is still a lot going on in your mind right now. Remember that you can talk to me about anything. I know that I am not as close to you as Sirius was, and that I could never replace James, but I am here for you and I will do whatever I can to help you. Even if all you need is an ear to listen to you, please come see me. Don't shut me out of your life."_

_After saying this, Remus walked past Harry and into the castle towards his rooms._

_Harry stayed frozen in place as Remus walked past him. Part of him wanted to chase after him and tell him about the prophecy and about Sirius's letter. Unfortunately, the other part of him won._

_He did, however, do a lot of thinking that night as he reread Sirius's letter. Sirius asked him not to pull back from life. Harry wondered if he spent so much time trying to keep the secrets of the prophecy and his adoption from his friends, during the coming school year if it would result in the one thing he doesn't want. Him isolated from his friends. Harry was smart enough to know that you couldn't keep avoiding your friends or avoid discussing things with your friends, without them realizing something was wrong, especially if one of those friends was Hermione Granger. If he kept pushing them away, they might not be there when he wanted to pull them back, he thought. He decided that before the first two weeks of school were over, he would tell his friends about the adoption, they would love him regardless, especially since they never knew Lily and James Potter. He will have to ask Dumbledore if he could discuss the prophecy with them. As for Moony, Harry would have to check with Dumbledore about telling Moony about the prophecy. The adoption would have to wait for now, Harry just did not feel ready to talk about it yet. _

**Thursday**-There was the conversation he overheard between Professors Dumbledore and Snape.

_By Thursday night, Harry had enough of keeping everything to himself. He finally decided it was time to ask Professor Dumbledore if it was okay to tell Moony about the prophecy. He was walking towards the headmaster's office when he heard voices outside the great hall. He was planning on going back to his room, when he heard his name mentioned, and since he was still upset at being left in the dark regarding things that concerned him, he felt compelled to say..._

"..._Harry, since Remus can't."_

"_Albus, NO!" It's bad enough that I'm with the boy over 2 hours a day teaching him occlumency, I will **not** babysit him or any other brats this summer. You will just have to find someone else who **can** come out on the full moon, to watch them."_

"_Severus, you know that there is no one else at the castle right now."_

"_Why not you?"_

"_Alas, I would love to, but you know that Harry is barely speaking to me, unless I initiate it. He is barely tolerating my presence, spending no more time with me than is necessary."_

"_Then send the boy somewhere else. I'm sure the Weasley's will be **honored** to have him."_

"_You know that that is not an option right now. It will just be 1 or 2 days, including his birthday."_

"_NO! I won't do it. Especially not on THAT day. You know that I am always gone that week and am unavailable on that day. Even the Dark Lord knows that I won't answer a summons on those days." Severus said, while rubbing his left arm, knowing how much it will burn in the coming week. Oh, yes, the Dark Lord knows that he won't answer, so he purposely calls for Severus every chance he gets, if only to have a reason to 'punish' him once the week is over. The Dark Lord does not like to be second place in his servants' eyes, for any reason._

"_Ah, yes, Severus, your annual holiday. Where is it you go again?"_

"_You know full well that I never told you and probably never will. I enjoy knowing something you don't for a change." The words themselves had a teasing quality to them, but the tone was a mix of sadness, anguish and grief._

"_Very well, Severus. If you won't help me make Harry's 16th birthday enjoyable for him, I will find someone who will."_

"_I will guarantee that his birthday is a happy one for both us, by not being anywhere near the child that day."_

_Harry, realizing that their voices were getting closer, quickly turned around and headed back to his rooms, thinking about what he just heard. Now it all made sense. This is why he said we wouldn't start on the potions next week. Remus probably knew as well, since he mentioned that I wouldn't have classes on my birthday. Harry found it very interesting that Snape was gone the same week every year. Even more interesting was the fact that Professor Dumbledore didn't know where he went, and that he would risk his position as a spy for the light by not answering Voldemort's summons. Harry figured that he was probably just on vacation with his kids, and didn't want to be interrupted. After all, if his kids didn't go to Hogwarts, then he probably doesn't get to see them that often._

_He did agree with Snape though, even if the two were able to tolerate one another this summer, it would be a good birthday indeed if Snape wasn't going to be around._

_He fell onto his bed that night thinking about Snape and his family. Envying them because they had each other, for his professor, even if he could be a snarky git, seemed to genuinely care about his kids, at least from what Harry saw of his memories. He also wondered if Professor Dumbledore knew about Snape's kids? If he did, wouldn't he ask if the kids were with him on his holiday? Harry finally fell asleep, still thinking about the places his professor and his family might be going for their holiday._

**Friday**-At breakfast, Dumbledore told him that there would be no occlumency lessons the coming week, since Snape will be on holiday (which Harry had known since he overheard the two wizards talking last night), and wasn't Harry lucky that it coincided with his birthday. Dumbledore also mentioned that he could invite Ron & Hermione to Hogwarts for his Birthday on Wednesday and that they could stay the night to help him celebrate his 16th birthday.

And then there was the current conversation, taking place right after lunch, in the middle of the great hall, after Harry opened his O.W.L. results

"INCOMPLETE! UNKNOWN!" What kind of scores are those? What does it mean? How will we know if I am eligible for NEWT potions if I have a score of Incomplete or Unknown. Those aren't OWL scores, they're...they're...well, I don't know what they are, but I do know that they aren't part of the standard scoring system used for OWLS. Professor Snape won't take anyone into his class who didn't receive an 'O' on his OWLS. There is no way he'll take someone who's score is 'incomplete' or 'unknown'. Even if there are 2 "o's" in those words," Harry added sarcastically, before continuing. "He especially won't accept those scores if they are mine. Even if I miraculously did get an 'O' on my potion OWLS, he would try to find a way to keep me out! And why did they list it as both 'incomplete' and 'unknown'? Has anyone ever got one these as a grade before? Has anyone even gotten _one_ of these as a grade? How does someone get an unknown? I mean I took the test, so I should have a score, right? And what do they mean by incomplete? I fell asleep in History of Magic, had that vision and wasn't able to finish that test, but they didn't mark that as an incomplete. I'm sure that they just marked the questions I didn't answer as wrong, so why is potions different? And what do I do now?"

Albus and Remus just leaned back in their chairs as they listened to Harry rant and rave about his potions grade.

Albus, with the twinkle gleaming in his eye, answered Harry's questions. "They are very unusual scores. It means exactly what it says. We will have to see what can be done to get you into the NEWT potions class. They were unable to calculate how you did on your owl. Both were listed as your grade since your practical results were inconclusive and your written were unknown. Since I've been at Hogwarts, as a student, as a teacher and as headmaster, I have never heard of anyone who as gotten an 'unknown' or an 'incomplete' as a score on their OWL exams, let alone both of them."

"Great, making history again," Harry said snidely, as Remus laughed. "Leave it to me to do things differently, especially for a test that has been going on for hundreds of years." Harry mumbled.

"Actually, more like thousands of years, Harry" Remus interjected, then laughed again as Harry sent a quick pointed glare in his direction, the boy really has been spending too much time with Severus.

"Yes, you took the test, and therefore should have a grade. It appears that there was an accident in the lab while they were evaluating your results. The 'incomplete', which more accurately could be described as 'inconclusive', is a result of you potion exploding when something fell into the cauldron as the examiners were grading it. Unfortunately, they had not reached a conclusion before the cauldron exploded, and couldn't determine if the potion was made satisfactory or not. As for the unknown, well, when your cauldron exploded, a good portion of it landed on your written exam. The potion ate right through the paper, disintegrating it, with no hope of repair. The concoction also ate through the metal table the examiners were using. Since the ingredients that fell into the cauldron were unknown, they couldn't even tell if the potion would have reacted that way if it was made correctly."

"Unbelievable. Why me? Why does this stuff always happen to me?" Harry said with a resigned tone. "So, now what do we do? Do I have to take the exam again? Am I allowed to take the exam again?"

"Well, first it depends on you. If you had gotten an 'O', would you want to take NEWT Potions?"

"Well, yes. If I want to be accepted into the auror's program, I'll need to take it."

"Well, in that case, it all depends on Severus."

"I'm doomed." Harry said dramatically.

"We will have to wait until next week to get his thoughts on this matter. There are a couple of options available though. He can accept you with these OWL scores, since as you said, there are 2 "o's" in it," Dumbledore said with twinkling eyes, "so there would be no need for you to worry about your official OWL scores. You would just have to do well on your NEWTS since you wont' have a potion's owl score to show your knowledge of potions or skill level.

"The second option available to him is for him to assign you potions to brew, it works out rather well, that you are here for the summer." He said once again, with that twinkle in his eye. "He will then assess your work and decide if you are 'worthy' to be accepted into his class."

"Now I really am doomed. There is no way he will agree to accept me into his NEWT Class without the proper OWL scores. And even if I brewed the potion correctly, he would never deem me 'worthy' of being in his class. He already mentioned earlier this week that he didn't think I would have the OWLS to get into his class. Isn't there someone else that could evaluate me brewing a potion, or is there another option that available that might at least give me a chance at getting accepted into his class?"

"Another option is to contact the Ministry and see if they will create and schedule a make-up exam for you. This has only been done a handful of times in Hogwart's history. Since the destruction of your exams were not your fault, I am sure they will be willing to do so for you. The only draw back is that the exam might be more difficult than normal."

"I'll probably have better luck with Professor Snape than I would with a harder exam."

"We will just have to wait and see until Severus is back, before we make a decision, then."

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End Chapter 12 conversations

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This is my first fanfic, so any feedback is appreciated.  
I know that I have some trouble with the tenses (past, present, future), but I try.

Full moon is on 7/30/1996 about 4 a.m., will RL be a werewolf the night of 7/29 or the night of 7/30? Or is it for 3 days, the night b4, night of & night after the full moon?

Don't know how long it would normally take RL to prepare/recover for full moon, but since he is now 2/3 years older than he was when last we 'knew' him, & with the death of his BF, he'll be out of commission for most of that week...

_Figured this was the best way to get around the whole potions OWL thing. I couldn't in good conscience give him an "O", since I am not sure if he deserved it (p. ?? OP), and I didn't want to do the typical, Albus/Minerva forced Severus to take HP into his class. It is up to you to decide if Albus, or the examiners (one of the potion examiners during the test was the same person who tested HP in DADA, I believe) might have rearranged the 'accident' deliberately._

10/14/2004


	13. let me tell you something

Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

**A/N: **Words Many of the situations, thoughts & feelings mentioned by Harry during his convo with AD are directly tied into JKR's description of the scene in ch 37, OotP

_****(THE PROPHECY) a direct quote from OotP ch 37_

**Clarification for ch 12: **In chpt 12, On Friday evening, Harry was reflecting on some significant conversations that happened that last week (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday a.m.-like a flashback), When HP was jealous of SS & his kids or when he thought that SS was going on vaca w/ them, it was a Thursday flashback. HP didn't see the memory of the funeral until Friday.

**Thanks Reviewers!!!!**

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**Chapter 13 let me tell you something**

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After spending the morning flying on the Quidditch pitch, Harry went back to his rooms to shower and change. He then took the books he got from the library on appearance potions and his potions homework out to the lake to study.

"Hi, Harry, Beautiful day today, isn't it."

"Yes, sir."

Albus sighed over Harry's polite response and formal tone. "Working on potion's homework I see."

"Hmm," Harry said, not willing to give a half-truth to the headmaster. "Though I don't know why I bother. There is no way Professor Snape would let me in his NEWT class. He has been trying to get me expelled from this school since my first year; he'll definitely use this opportunity to keep me out of his class.

"We'll just have to see. I'm sure an agreeable solution will be found."

"Yes, sir." Harry replied, hesitant to start the conversation that he meant to start last Thursday before he overhead his professors talking about him.

As the headmaster turned to leave, Harry realized that if he didn't do it now, then he would later have to seek Professor Dumbledore out to ask him.

"Excuse me, headmaster, I was wondering if I could talk to you."

"Of course, my boy, of course." Albus replied, thinking that finally the boy is willing to come to him with his problems.

"Well, I was wondering if it is okay for me to talk to Professor Lupin about the prophecy. I would really like somebody to talk to about it."

"Certainly, but you know that you can always come to me."

"I know, sir. But I think that there are a lot of other things we need to talk about before I will be able to listen to your advice and trust your judgment for my life."

"Understandable. Do you want to talk now? We can go back to my office?"

"Now is a good time, but I'd prefer not to talk in your office, sir. If you don't mind, can we just stay here? The only one at the castle other than us is Professor Lupin."

"I don't mind, in fact, I think this is the perfect place to talk," and saying that Dumbledore conjured two comfortable chairs, similar to the ones in the Gryffindor common room. As the two moved to the chairs, Dumbledore said, "I said that night that I deserved for you to attack me. I was surprised that you didn't do it that night. I am amazed that you were able to hold it in for so long."

"I had a lot to think about," Harry said, thinking about how he had found out about his adoption about a week after that night. He then paused, wondering how to start his ranting and raving at Dumbledore.

"I guess I don't understand why you chose **that** night to finally tell me. You told me things that night that I would've loved to have known a few months before.

"While I was in your office waiting for you to return, I started thinking about everything that had happened. All I could think about was how Sirius died and it was my fault. That I caused the death of one of the few people who cared for me! ME! The real me, not Lily & James' son, not the boy-who-lived, but me, 'just Harry'. I thought about how Hermione was right and that Voldemort was banking on my desire to save people. I felt so horrible inside. Like there was a terrible dark hole where Sirius had been, then the portraits started waking up and talking to me.

"Phineas mentioned how highly you thought of me, and how you held me in great esteem and I felt so guilty. Guilty for letting you down, for letting everyone down and putting everyone in danger. I didn't _want _to be me anymore. I never liked being "Harry Potter, the-boy-who-lived, but I handled it. I knew I had no choice in that matter. At that moment, I wanted to be anyone _but_ me. I didn't like me at that moment; I knew that I had made some terrible mistakes in the last year that had culminated with that night at the ministry. I couldn't forgive myself, so I didn't know how anyone else could forgive me. I didn't see how anyone could care about me after this, and I didn't want them to, not when the people closest to me were always the first to die. I thought once more that I would be better off on my own, without anyone caring for me. That is when you returned to your office and we started talking."

"Then after I lost my temper and thoroughly trashed your office, you told me. You told me more about the deeper connection between Voldemort, & myself and why I needed to learn occlumency. You told me _why_ you avoided my eyes last year. Did you know how hurt I was when I heard that you visited HQ the night before my trial, but didn't even stop in to talk to me? That at my trial, even while defending me, you wouldn't even _look_ at me. How I felt when I heard others talk that you didn't make me a prefect, because maybe you believed what the papers were saying about me or that you didn't think I could handle it? That the one person I thought I could trust and count on for the last 4 years, the one person who was always there for me, wasn't and _I didn't know why._

"Why couldn't you have told me all of that at the beginning of the year? Why didn't you tell me at Christmas when your suspicions were confirmed? Instead of hiding it from me, making me feel worse, making me feel isolated from everyone, thinking and feeling that I couldn't trust anyone, or at least, most of the adults in my life. This was information that could have prevented the whole ministry disaster. This could've saved Sirius's life and kept everyone else from being in danger. _This_ information could've given me the push I needed to learn occlumency, regardless of who was teaching it to me.

"Then you told me about the prophecy. Then and only then did you tell me that I would have to fight Voldemort and that at least one of us would die. That the fate of the wizarding world was in the hands of a 15 year old, who just lost the only father figure he ever knew. A 15 year old who was feeling so much pain, that he didn't care, didn't want to care, wanted to be someone else, wanted to run away and hide. Wanted to be ANYONE but Harry James Potter! Now that Sirius was dead, nothing else had mattered. Part of me wanted to go rushing out the door and find Voldemort. I didn't care if I lived; in fact, I was feeling so much pain right then, that I might have welcomed death.

"Again, I guess I just don't understand why you chose **that** night to finally tell me. Perhaps because you were afraid if you put it off again, history might repeat itself and I would go another year without knowing.

"But you told me THAT NIGHT, when I was at the lowest point in my life, feeling like I had no reason or desire to live. Right after I thought I had lost my last chance for a family.

"And then you sent me home on the train. Before I fully accepted my godfather's death, you sent me on the train to live with people that you _knew_ wouldn't help me. You tell me that I was either going to have to kill someone or be killed by that someone, then put me a train to spend who knows how much time stuck in a house with people who hate me, without any hope of when I would leave. You didn't ask how I was doing, just shuffled me off 'home' because it was safe. How can you profess to care about someone and then do that to them? How did you expect me to handle that on top of everything else that was going on? You didn't make any reference to how long I would have to be at my aunt's only that I needed to go. I was there for less than a week and I thought I was going to go insane. Most of my homework was completed because I needed something to keep my mind off of Sirius and the prophecy. I had no one to talk to, no one to share things with, just all these feelings inside of me. I felt like I was going to explode. As hard as I thought not to think about Sirius and the prophecy, they were always on my mind. It was like Cedric's death all over again, the visions were constantly in my mind, whether I was awake or asleep. If I wasn't able to get some muggle sleeping medication, I don't know if I would've been able to sleep some of those nights."

Harry went on for another hour yelling, screaming, and "sharing" his feelings with the headmaster. He spoke about not knowing how he could trust Dumbledore knowing all that Dumbledore had kept from him in the past. How Dumbledore said he knew that he had suffered at his relatives house, how he knew Harry would suffer when he left him in his aunt's care, and condemned him to 10 dark & difficult years, but he still did it. Even after Harry had asked to stay at Hogwarts over the summer or with the Weasley's. How Dumbledore didn't really check up on him at his relatives, to at least make sure he got the basic necessities. How Harry felt like he was just a 'useful' tool in this war, how the only people that really cared for him were the people that died. How he was beginning to think that _everything_ the headmaster did had hidden meanings behind it. That he wasn't sure if he could take anything at face value, and was even beginning to wonder if Dumbledore had been in Slytherin when he was a student at Hogwarts.

With every word Harry spoke, Albus once again realized the grievous disservice he did to this student, the one he said he cared for so much. It was no wonder he chose Severus to teach him occlumency, even with the past he and the potion professor shared. Albus was surprised that Harry willingly returned to Hogwarts, knowing that he would be there. Hearing the boy speak, Albus was amazed that Harry acted so polite towards him, and didn't just curse him. There was nothing Albus could say in return. He never thought about it from Harry's point of view, at least, he never thought about it when you connected it all together like that. What was he thinking, packing the boy off on the train with the other students without checking if he was okay? He pretty much told the boy everything that was kept from him for the last 15 years and then just wrote him off. Didn't ask him how he felt about the prophecy, didn't check to see how he was handling the death for his godfather, he just had Harry pack his bags and step onto the train, supposedly not to be seen until next September. No wonder the boy felt as he did, like he was just a tool; that no one cared about 'Harry'. Albus thanked Merlin that the boy was much stronger than anyone realized, otherwise, this all could have had a very different ending.

"I can understand how you thought you were doing the right thing. How you thought it was all for the best. I can even forgive you for the role you played in Sirius's death, it would be hypocritical of me not to forgive you, when I've asked for the forgiveness of others for my role in that night's events. I can even offer you my respect. But I don't know when I'll be able to offer you my trust again. I trusted you for the last few years, almost blindly, I won't do that again. This time my trust will need to be earned."

Albus was once more amazed at the young man before him. All he had said was true. Harry would've been perfectly justified if he never spoke to the headmaster again, but instead, he offered his forgiveness. Before him was a student who was mature beyond his years, not many adults could or would forgive Albus for the mistakes he had made if they were in Harry's place.

"I can understand that sentiment Harry. You were right in all that you said. I did not think of everything combined like that, I did not think of how my actions might have made things worse. I should have been open with you with what was going on since last summer when you sent letters asking for information. In some ways I asked for so much from you, but in other ways, I underestimated you. Phineas was right; I do hold you in high esteem. You have gone through much more than most fully trained wizards could handle, yet I still underestimated. I thank you for your forgiveness. I can only offer my apologies and a wizard's pledge that I will not keep anything else from you. I hope that someday you can learn to trust me again.

Is there anything else you need to get off your mind?"

"No, sir. I think I've covered everything."

"Very well, then. If you think of anything else, or if you ever need to ask me anything, please know that my door is always open to you. Now Mr. Potter, should we head into the castle for lunch?"

As the two headed off to lunch, neither noticed the large black bird watching them from the branches in the tree above.

* * *

Remus was waiting in the great hall when Professor Dumbledore and Harry walked in together. He was surprised to see that Harry was once again amiable to the headmaster, as they headed over to the table talking about muggle sweets. He never discovered what happened between the two of them, but if Remus's suspicions were correct, it doesn't look like it mattered now, anyway.

* * *

At breakfast on Sunday, Harry received replies from the owls he sent on Friday night to Ron and Hermione inviting them to the castle for his birthday. Both of them replied that they would be there on Wednesday and couldn't wait to see him. Hermione, of course, said she couldn't wait to hear how they did on their owls since Ron refused to tell her until the three of them were together. He quickly wrote replies to both of them, saying that he couldn't wait either and that it was sure to be his best birthday ever. 

He then retreated back to the lake to think about how he was going to mention the prophecy to Moony. Harry decided he would be as honest as possible, without going into how he felt about everything Professor Dumbledore did. The purpose of this conversation was to let Moony know what was going on, not to get Remus upset with Dumbledore as well. At lunch Harry asked Remus if he was available after lunch so that the two of them could talk.

Finally, Remus thought with relief, for he really wasn't good at spying or prying the truth out of others, he'll leave that to the Slytherin's, Harry was going to tell him what was in Sirius's letter. Well, Sirius did say that when he was ready, Harry would talk to him about it. Now he could help Harry with what had been bothering him all summer, and making him so secretive.

Once more, Harry headed towards the lake, this time with Moony beside him.

Deciding that he should be the one to start this conversation, Harry began;

"The, um, the night that Sirius died, Dumbledore gave me a portkey that took me back to his office. About 30 minutes later, Dumbledore came back and we talked about Sirius's death. Then Dumbledore told me something that he probably should have mentioned years ago, but didn't know if I was ready for, so he kept putting it off. He told me _why_ my parents died that night and _why_ Voldemort was always after me. About 17 years ago, before I was born, a prophecy was made.

_(THE ONE WITH THE POWER TO VANQUISH THE DARK LORD APPROACHES.... BORN TO THOSE WHO HAVE THRICE DEFIED HIM, BORN AS THE SEVENTH MONTH DIES...AND THE DARK LORD WILL MARK HIM AS HIS EQUAL, BUT HE WILL HAVE POWER THE DARK LORD KNOWS NOT...AND EITHER MUST DIE AT THE HAND OF THE OTHER FOR NEITHER CAN LIVE WHILE THE OTHER SURVIVES...THE ONE WITH THE POWER TO VANQUISH THE DARK LORD WILL BE BORN AS THE SEVENTH MONTH DIES...)_****

"I think that's what it said. I've been thinking about it so much, I believe I have it memorized. You can check with Professor Dumbledore if you want for the actual wording of the prophecy," Harry said.

Remus just nodded at Harry's words. He was not expecting that. Actually, he had no idea what had been going on with Harry this summer, but he didn't expect to hear that his cub, his best friend's child would have to fight and destroy that monster or be killed by him. This was almost too much to take in, and before Remus could gather his thoughts and respond, Harry started talking again.

"That was why I was so mad at Professor Dumbledore. He expected so much of me at times, saw me go through so many things, but he didn't tell me the one thing that mattered. The information that would have prevented me form putting my friends in danger and causing Sirius's death."

Harry went on to talk about what else he and Dumbledore discussed that night, including the connection between Harry and Voldemort through the scar. Harry finished by mentioning the talk they had this morning, also at the lake, and how Harry has forgiven him, but isn't ready to trust him yet, especially with his memories, which is why he asked Snape to teach him occlumency.

Remus finally commented, "How do you feel about the prophecy?"

"Doesn't really matter what I feel, the prophecy is there, nothing can change it." Harry was glad that the first thing Remus asked about was how he felt about it. That was something Dumbledore didn't do, he just told Harry about the prophecy and answered Harry's questions about it, never thinking or asking about how it would affect Harry. Even so, Harry wasn't sure if he was ready to discuss exactly how he felt about it.

At a pointed look from Remus, Harry continued, "Okay, scared. I don't like that all these people are counting on me to bring them freedom. I don't know if I can do it. And I know that I don't want to die."

"Nobody wants you to die, Harry." Remus thought he heard Harry mumble 'except Snape', but thought it best to ignore it, and continued, "For your sake, I wish the prophecy didn't exist. I wish you could just be the normal boy you want to be, complete with the family you've always wanted." At that last phrase, Harry turned his gaze from the Giant squid and looked right into Moony's eyes, wondering what he knew, _if _he knew. Harry quickly turned his gaze back to the squid before Remus could read the emotions in Harry's eyes. "But we will do everything we can to make sure you survive. _You_ might be the one to ultimately destroy Voldemort, but that doesn't mean we will send you into battle alone or unprepared. I will make sure that you get all the extra lessons you need. I am sure all your professors will help in this, even Severus. And when the final battle comes, we, and I'm sure most of your friends as well, will be by your side."

At his words, Harry remembered other similar words Moony said to him, 'I am and will always be there for you, I give my pledge as a Marauder.' A Marauder...Sirius said that when he was ready to learn more, when he decided to discover more about his birth parents, that the Marauders would be there...the only question now was 'is Harry ready?' He didn't think he was last night, and even now he wasn't sure. It would be great to share this with someone, but he just wasn't sure.

Remus was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn't see the look on Harry's face as he realized that Sirius wanted him to tell Moony about the adoption when he is ready, and that Moony would be able to help him find out more information on his past.

For Remus was too busy wondering how Sirius knew about the prophecy, how did he know that Dumbledore was going to share it with Harry and _why did Sirius need to write about it in his letter to Harry?_

"How did you know that I got a letter from Sirius?" Harry asked, after breaking free of his own thoughts and hearing Moony's words.

Remus was puzzled at first until he realized that he accidentally spoke his last thought out loud.

"Sirius wrote me a letter as well. In my letter, he mentioned that he sent one to you, but didn't say what it was about. Actually, he told me not to ask you, that you would tell me when you were ready. I have to admit, I have been very curious about what was in it for the last few weeks, but now I was wondering how Sirius knew about the prophecy and that Professor Dumbledore would share it with you."

"He didn't," Harry stated.

"If his letter wasn't about the prophecy, then what was it about?" Remus asked, forgetting his 'orders' from Sirius not to ask about it until Harry was ready to talk to him.

Harry stayed seated, looking out at the lake. He hadn't planned on telling Moony about his adoption today. He wasn't even sure if he was ready, but since Remus already knew about the prophecy and knew that the letter existed, Harry figured, he might as well know all of it.

"Um, maybe it would be best if you read my letter. I'm not really sure how to explain." Harry said, while thinking, how hard is it to say 'I'm adopted'. "Why don't we go back to my room, you can read my letter and then we can talk."

Remus agreed and said that he would meet Harry in his room in 10 minutes.

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End Chapter 13 let me tell you something...

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Thanks to Black Padfoot, my beta!!!

This is my first fanfic, so any feedback is appreciated. I know that I have some trouble with the tenses (past, present, future), but I try.

10/18/2004


	14. he's not ready

Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

**A/N:**

**Thanks Reviewers!!!!**

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**Chapter 14 he's not ready**

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Remus took the seat across from Harry in the living section of Harry's rooms. Remus handed Harry the letter addressed to him from Sirius, for Harry to read. Likewise, Harry handed Remus the much longer letter he received from Sirius.

As Remus started reading, Harry put Remus's letter away. He was much more concerned about Remus's reaction to his adoption. Harry watched Moony's face as he read the letter, trying to decipher the emotions that were portrayed there: surprise, sadness, shock, anger, hurt, disappointment.

Anger and hurt, Harry reflected, that can't be a good omen.

When Remus finished reading the letter, he looked up at Harry and said, "So, that's why you were looking up appearance charms."

"Well, yeah," Harry said, surprised that that was the first comment Remus made. "I figured since I was adopted but looked so much like James, there had to be a reason; the most obvious one would be an appearance charm, especially since Lily was so talented in charms."

"Have you tried any of the reversal spells?"

"Every single one I could find, at least twice." Harry paused then continued, "I'm beginning to think that Lily used an advanced charm set to a password."

Remus's heart twinged, hearing Harry address his parents as James & Lily, but he could understand why, so he decided not to mention it for now.

"I also don't understand why Moody didn't notice any charms on me, or if he did notice why he didn't say anything."

"Hmm, if he did notice, he would have said something to Professor Dumbledore, he wouldn't have mentioned it to you. You can always ask the headmaster if Moody did so."  
  
"Merlin, no." Harry said. "I admitted that the headmaster and I are getting along better and that I am not angry with him anymore, but I _am not_ ready for him to learn about this yet. It took me over 2 weeks to talk to you, and that was more because you asked than the fact that I was ready to talk about it."

"Then, I'm guessing you don't want to ask Alastor?" Remus shook his head at the glare Harry pointed in his direction; his cub was definitely spending too much time with Severus in the dungeon. "There are some appearance charms that are undetected by magical means, including Moody's eye."

"So, how can we find out what this charm is and how to end it?"

"Have you looked in the library?"

"Moony," Harry's voice sang out in a 'hello, anyone home' kind of way.

"Oh, right. That's pretty much where you've been since you came back to Hogwarts, other than your rooms that is."

"I took some books on charms back to my room so I could do more research without being interrupted."

"Speaking of that, what book were you reading that first day when I interrupted you? I know it wasn't the occlumency book that you had in front of you, that book was upside down."

"Oops," Harry said sheepishly, "it was the 'Magic of Adoption'. I read the chapters that explained how and why someone might be adopted and the process of adoption but that was as far as I got. I haven't been able to find the book since that day."

"That is interesting. I'll help you look for it, since nobody will ask me what I want it for. If I can't find one, I'll buy a copy of it for you from Flourish and Blotts."

"Thanks for helping me look for it. I don't understand where it could be, you, me and Professors Dumbledore and Snape are the only ones in the castle. And I can't imagine either Professor Snape or the headmaster needing information in that book. Um, was that all you had to say about me being adopted?" At Remus's look, Harry went on to explain, "The question about the appearance charms? I was trying to watch you as you read the letter from Sirius, and I thought that I saw surprise, sadness, shock, hurt, ange..." Harry's voice trailed off, as he noticed that Remus hadn't moved since he started talking again, "maybe I was wrong..."

"No, you're right, Harry." Harry's heart did a dive, similar to the one it did on his broomstick to get Malfoy to follow in a Wronski Feint, he had so hoped that he was wrong in what he saw, and that Moony would still be there for him like he said he would. "I was surprised that Lily's baby was born in May. Sadness because of Jasmyn dying, I wished my friends didn't go through that, losing a child must be one of the most difficult things imaginable. Shock because you looked so much like James, no one would ever have guessed that you were adopted. And hurt, anger, and disappointment that my friends felt or thought that they couldn't share this information with me or with anyone else. However, none of this has any anything to do with how I feel towards you. I'll stick by my pledge as a Marauder; I'll always be there for you, no matter what."

Once more, Harry felt the desire to hug Remus to thank him for his words, but this time, he didn't let his fear of rejection keep him back. He got up, walked over to where Moony was sitting, wrapped his arms around him and whispered "Thanks."

* * *

Harry decided to eat dinner in his room to think about the conversation he had with Moony and to read Moony's letter from Sirius. Harry laughed at how Sirius didn't even know about the prophecy but told Remus that he had more going on than Voldemort and Sirius's death. Harry couldn't imagine what Sirius would say about the prophecy, probably something similar to what Moony said.

Harry was amazed that Moony lasted this long without asking Harry about his letter. It certainly explains why he kept following him around asking if he was okay and if he needed to talk. Someday, he would have to tell Moony how he was tempted to ask Moony if _he_ was okay, since he couldn't seem to leave Harry alone.

After Harry finished the letter, he wondered why Moony didn't mention the second letter that Sirius addressed to Harry and entrusted into Remus's care. He'll have to ask Moony about it at breakfast, and with that thought, Harry fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning during breakfast, Harry gave Moony back his letter and quietly asked him why he didn't mention the other letter that Sirius entrusted to his care. Harry still did not want Dumbledore to find out about the adoption.

"What?" Remus asked with a blank look on his face, before looking down at the letter in his hands. "Oh, I must have forgotten, I was so focused on the contents of your letter that I wasn't thinking about it. I will bring it by your room later."

With that, Remus rushed out of the great hall, before finishing his breakfast, and down the hallways to his room.

After Remus left, Harry just looked at his back before shrugging and going back to his breakfast. Dumbledore started asking Harry how he was doing in occlumency and what he and his friends were planning to do when they arrived on Wednesday. Harry was just about to tell Dumbledore about the progress he made due to Hermione's gift, when a large black bird, over 22 cm in height with a diamond shaped tail, and a package tied around its neck flew in the window and landed in front of Dumbledore.

"What is that?" Harry asked, looking at the completely black bird, and ignoring the look the bird gave him for being referred to so rudely.

"This is Raven. He is Severus's raven that he uses when he is away from the school. And I believe this is Remus' Wolfsbane Potion." Dumbledore replied as he took the package from Raven's neck.

"Raven, real original on the name Professor Snape," Harry mumbled, not noticing a second glare from Raven, for his comment on his name.

"Dobby," called Dumbledore.

"Yes sir, headmaster, sir," said Dobby, appearing with a 'pop'.

"Dobby, Severus has just delivered Remus' potion for the full moon. Please give the potion to Remus tonight and be sure he takes the potion and gets plenty of rest."

"Yes, sir, headmaster, sir. Dobby will do as Professor Dumbledore says. Professor Dumbledore and Professor Snape can rely on Dobby to do this sir."

"Thank you, Dobby, I know we can." Albus said as Dobby disappeared and Raven flew out of the great hall.

"Sir, why doesn't Professor Snape use an owl like most wizards?"

"Raven's are remarkable birds, Harry. They are known for their intelligence and are capable of learning innovative solutions to new problems. Ravens can walk on the ground, or fly, and they often glide or soar. They are actually very skillful flyers, often diving, flying upside down, and performing somersaults or other tricks. I have often thought that a raven would make a great seeker, since it flies so well. They communicate with physical displays of either threat or appeasement to subordinate or dominant ravens. I think Severus and Raven have a lot in common, especially with Severus's penchant for wearing all black, but whether or not that is why Severus uses a raven instead of an owl, is something you will have to ask him."

"Um, maybe not." Harry stated before finishing his breakfast and leaving the great hall.

* * *

Once inside, he quickly started searching his rooms, looking for the other letter. He couldn't believe that of all the times he read his letter from Sirius that he never thought about that second letter to Harry. He was too busy trying to figure out what was going on with Harry so that he could 'help' him.

'Well, this is a good way to help Harry,' Remus thought, 'lose the other letter from his godfather. That might be the only way Harry will get information about his birth family. Great start to being a substitute godfather, no wonder Lily and James didn't want you for the 'job'.'

Remus was ready to give up. He had spent all day in his rooms looking for that letter, he looked the muggle way, moving every piece of furniture, well okay, he moved the furniture with magic, but actually looked for the letter on his hands and knees. He tried summoning spells, locater spells, and even revealing spells, just in case it was hidden or disguised as something else. Nothing worked. It appeared that the letter wasn't anywhere in his rooms. He might just have to tell Harry that he couldn't find the second letter. Remus cringed inside; he didn't want to let Harry down like this. After he kept telling the boy that he would always be there for him, he goes and loses this letter. Remus decided to do one last thorough sweep of his rooms before he decides what to tell Harry.

"Mister Lupin, what is Mister Lupin doing up? Mister Lupin needs to take his potion and get some rest. Dobby promised Headmaster Dumbledore and Professor Snape that Dobby will make sure Mister Lupin takes potion and gets enough rest for full moon."

"I can't Dobby, I need to find Harry's letter."

"Dobby knows where Mister Harry's letter is."

"What! You do?"

"Yes sir, Mister Lupin, sir. Dobby find Mister Harry Potter's letter on floor when cleaning Mister Lupin's rooms. Dobby take letter and keep it nice and safe for Mister Harry."

"Oh, thank Merlin! Thank you, Dobby. Can I have the letter back now?"

"No, sir, sorry sir. Dobby can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because letter is not yours. Letter is for Mister Harry Potter, sir."

"Yes, Dobby, I know that. I am to give the letter to Harry."

"No, sir. Harry Potter is not to have letter yet, sir."

"Why not? You said it was his."

"Yes, sir, it is Mister Harry Potter's letter. But Harry Potter is not to have letter until he is ready."

"Yes, I know, but he is ready now."

"No sir, he is not sir."

"How do you know he is not ready?"

"Because Mister Black say when Harry Potter is ready, Harry Potter will tell you about his first letter."

"Harry told me ab...Wait, How do you know that that letter is from Sirius?"

"Harry Potter did not tell you about first letter because he was ready. Harry Potter told you about letter because you ask. Dobby knows this. Harry Potter is not ready."

"But how do you know that he's not ready, and how do you know that the letter was from Sirius?"

"Dobby just knows sir. House elves, we know things sir, more so than wizards. Oh, that bad thing for Dobby to say, Dobby shouldn't have said that. Dobby needs to go now and punish Dobby for saying that."

"No! Dobby, wait." Remus tried to catch the house elf before he disappeared but it was too late.

At least he knew where the letter was, Remus thought as he took his potion, and that it was well protected in Dobby's hands. He will just have to check with Dobby once he was recovered from the full moon and make sure that Harry got his letter. With that thought, he fell into his bed, the exhaustion from the coming moon and the physical exertion of looking for the letter, taking its toll.

* * *

Tuesday passed pretty quickly, with just Harry and Dumbledore around the castle that day. Harry spent most of the day deciding if he wanted to tell Ron and Hermione about the adoption now. He decided to wait until he reads the other letter from Sirius, first. He wondered what was in that letter. If he knew there was another letter, Harry would've told Remus weeks ago about the adoption. Now he just wished that the full moon would be over with so that he can get that letter from him. Realizing that he was slowly driving himself crazy wondering about the contents of that letter, Harry decided to head back to the library and see if "Magic of Adoption" had appeared yet. He still couldn't figure out where that book went. Why would Snape or Dumbledore need a book on adoption?

Since Ron and Hermione were coming to celebrate his birthday with him tomorrow, he decided to forego his tradition of staying up till midnight to open up his birthday presents and cards, and instead decided to go to sleep early since most likely he would not get much sleep tomorrow night with his best friends staying at the castle.

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End Chapter 14 he's not ready

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This is my first fanfic, so any feedback is appreciated. Please Rest & Relax, I mean Read & Review, and then you can relax...

Thanks Black Padfoot, my beta!

RAVEN INFORMATION: Berg, R. and T. Dewey. 1999. "Corvus corax" (On-line), Animal Diversity Web. Accessed October 16, 2004 at http:animaldiversity. ummz. umich. edu/site/accounts/information/Corvuscorax. html. AND www. birdguides. Com (remove spaces)

Results Conversations - 7 - 10/21/2004


	15. holidays and birthdays

Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

**a/n: question end of chapter, please provide feedback, this is as much your story as mine (though author reserves the right to make final decision).**

**Thanks Reviewers!!!! I love all the positive reviews! Especially those who called me evil (and I am serious, since I often refer to things as evil-in a good way of course), or yelled at me for leaving story like that (again, serious). I hope you all aren't disappointed. SS & HP won't find out until school starts (about a month away story time-but I think August goes by fast, at least compared to July). It wouldn't be any fun if they found out when they are alone...how about if they find out-do you want to know where? Or should it be a surprise? The how would still be a surprise. I'm beginning to think a lot of you are in Ravenclaw, as you piece some things together, althought I won't tell which is correct, If you really want to know, feel free to e-mail me & I just might tell ya.**

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**Chapter 15 holidays and birthdays**

Harry woke up early the morning of his birthday. Once he was a wake, he figured there was no better way to start off a day, especially a birthday, than flying around on the quidditch pitch.

He had been out flying for about 30 minutes when out of the corner of his eye, he saw a black bird, similar to Raven, but appearing to be smaller in size, flying in a distance. As the bird got closer, Harry realized that it wasn't as small as he thought and that it was carrying something in its bill. The item was mostly green, thin and long, and one end appeared to be splatted with color, pink, blue and yellow. The bird turned away from Harry and flew west before he could figure out what it was carrying and if it might have been Raven.

As the bird flew out of his vision, Harry went back to his own flying, practicing dives and other stunts that could guarantee Gryffindor the House Cup this year, all thoughts of the black bird and what it might have been carrying, flying from his mind.

After another 30 minutes of practicing, Harry went back to his rooms to shower and change before breakfast with Dumbledore. Harry put on the nicest of the clothes he inherited from Dudley that he could find, which, as usual, didn't fit him properly.

He then headed into the great hall and sat down reading about appearance potions until the headmaster arrived.

"Good morning, Harry. Happy Birthday."

"Good morning, sir and thank you."

As they ate, Dumbledore told Harry the plan for the next 2 days. "Mr Weasley and Miss Granger will arrive at 11 this morning, by floo, in my office. Molly and Arthur are expecting them back tomorrow afternoon by 2. The three of you will stay in Gryffindor tower tonight, though you are allowed to show them the room you are using while you are staying at Hogwart's this summer. You will have free reign of the castle, except for the classrooms, and the teacher's offices and private rooms. Do not worry about meeting me for meals. I am sure I can entertain myself for the next 24 hours, just enjoy yourselves. Dobby will bring you your meals, where and when you want him to, just call for him and let him know. If you have any trouble or need anything, please come up to my office, the password is 'birthday cake'.

"Oh, yes, Harry, that reminds me, I believe Dobby is planning on making you a birthday cake for after dinner tonight, so the three of you might want to take it easy on the sweets this afternoon."

"Yes, sir." Harry said, laughing at Dumbledore's password. Harry is sure that this is one password he won't forget, at least, not today. "And sir, thank you for today. I'm sure it will be my best birthday ever."

"Your welcome, Harry. And I am sorry that you don't have happier memories of your birthdays with your relatives. One of my first concerns was keeping you safe from Voldemort and his Death Eaters."

"I know sir, and I do understand," Harry said, still wondering how effective the wards were since he was adopted and not related by blood to Aunt Petunia, after all.

After Dumbledore left, Harry continued reading for awhile before returning to his rooms to pack some items for tonight's stay in the tower. He couldn't wait to see Hermione and Ron. The three had decided not to share their OWL results until they were together. This was especially difficult for Hermione, since Ron and Harry's grades could be just about anything, and that the 2 men were sure that Hermione got all O's. Harry couldn't wait to see Hermione's reaction when he tells her about the '2 O's' that he got in potions, he thought with a snicker.

At 11 o'clock, Harry found himself waiting in Dumbledore's office for his 2 friends to arrive.

"Harry," Hermione cried as she enveloped him in a hug, after brushing floo powder off her clothes. "Happy 16th Birthday."

"Happy Birthday, mate," Ron said from behind Hermione.

"Thanks," Harry said, addressing both of them as he and Hermione pulled back from the embrace.

"Blimey, mate, you GREW!" Ron exclaimed.

At his words, Harry's eyes flew to Ron, while Dumbledore's went to Harry. There was a fleeting expression of shock on his face, that only Hermione noticed, before Dumbledore schooled his features and said "It's a beautiful day, why don't the three of you drop your things off at the tower and head outside to enjoy it."

Since it sounded more like an order than a request the three quickly agreed and left the headmaster's office.

* * *

Dumbedore had the strangest feeling that there were a lot of things going on in his castle that he wasn't aware of. All he knew for sure, was that he did not like that feeling one bit. Where were his lemon drops when he needed them, he thought, as he looked through the pockets of his robes. First, Severus's annual 'holiday. After 15 years, he still didn't know the story behind that, and it wasn't for lack of trying or snooping. Now there was Harry, growing in height practically overnight. Not to mention the way Remus was positive that something was up with Harry, and his determination not to leave Harry alone with his relatives this summer. There was also the way Remus was watching Harry like hawk. Hmm, he thought, he just might have to make Remus comfortable to stay around once school, since the wolf would feel uncomfortable putting the students in danger during the full moon. Yes, things were definitely brewing in the castle. Dumbledore just hoped it wouldn't end up exploding like one of Neville Longbottom's potions.

* * *

Once outside Dumbledore's office, Hermione looked at Harry and said, "Ron's right, Harry, you have grown."

"Really?" Harry asked, both pleased and shocked, "I hadn't noticed."

"Harry, you're about as tall as I am and are definitely taller than Hermione."

After having that pointed out to him, Harry realized that it was true. Harry looked down at his feet and noticed that he didn't have to roll the pant legs of Dudley's old clothes up, oh, they were still a too long and baggy, but Harry no longer had to worry about tripping on them. Harry shrugged, and said "It's about time I hit a growth spurt. I must not have noticed it before, since most likely it happened gradually in the last month or so. It's probably just so noticeable to you, since you haven't seen me since school got out."

"You must have grown at least 10 cm in a month," Hermione said, with a thoughtful expression on her face. "At their fastest, boys can grow taller by as much as 9cm a yearwhen they hit a growth spurt, but to grow that in a month! That's incredible."

"Maybe Snape slipped you a growth potion in your pumpkin juice." Ron said.

"If anything, Professor Snape would make it a shrinking potion." Harry replied, laughing at Ron's answer to the cause of his growth.

"True." Ron said, laughing as well.

"Honestly, you two, as if Professor Snape would do that." Hermione reprimanded them, "So, what are we going to do today?"

"No homework or studying," Said Ron, "It's Harry's Birthday and I'm sure he doesn't want to spend it in the library or anywhere else reading a book."

"Actually, Ron, that's pretty much what I've been doing all summer."

"Oh, no, Harry, has it been that boring of a summer here that you had to read _books_?" Harry laughed at the expression of horror on Ron's face.

"Ron!" Hermione said as she hit him on the back of the head. "There's nothing wrong with reading books in the summer, or anytime for that matter.

"Harry, tell me about this research project of yours."

"Um, not right now Hermione. I still want to see what I can find on my own. If I haven't made much progress before school starts, I'll tell you about it."

Harry had led them to his 'room' so that he can pick up his clothes and stuff to bring to the tower for tonight. He said his password and allowed them to enter. "This is where I've been staying this summer, come on in, I'll grab my stuff and then we can head up to the tower. "

Once inside the room, Hermione immediately noticed one of the books that Harry got from the school library. The book was book and sitting on the an end table. Right away she recognized the potion as being one that could only be in an book of advanced potions.

"Harry! Why are you looking up appearance altering potions?"

"Potions! Harry, you must really be bored if you are reading books on Potions!"

"Ron!" Hermione said again, then decided not to comment on the benefits of reading, knowing that he would never understand. "Harry, that's an advance potion. Why are you looking up advanced potions?"

"Harry, don't tell me you got an O on your potion OWLS!"

'OWLS! "I can't believe I forgot to ask how you two did on your owls. I've been asking Ron for the last 2 days, but he refused to answer me until tonight when you were there as well, Harry." Hermione said with a glare at Ron.

"Hey, don't blame me, I just didn't want to be the only one you might've been disappointed in. I figured if Harry was here, he could take some of the pressure off of me, or at least provide a distraction, if you started lecturing me."

"Fine. So tell me, how did you do?"

"Well, I didn't get an O in potions, but I did pass. And I'm okay with that. No more Snape. I got an O in COMC and DADA; an E in Herbology; an A in Transfiguration, Charms and History of Magic; a P in Divination and Astronomy. Luckily no T's, mum would've killed me. Even the twins didn't get any T's"

"Hey, that's great Ron." Harry said, "I can't wait to hear how everyone in the DA did on their DADA OWLS."

"So, Hermione, you got an O in everything, right?"

"Um, actually, no." Ron and Harry stared at Hermione in shock, as she said, "I got an E in Astronomy, but an O in everything else."

"WHAT! Unbelievable" Ron said.

Harry just looked at Hermione and smiled. He remembered the events of the night of the Astronomy practical and could understand why. "No, Ron, I think it's perfectly understandable. There were a lot of distractions that night."

"So, Harry, how did you do? Did you get an O in potions?"

Harry gave them all of is OWL scores, except potions.

"Harry," Hermione said, "You haven't told us how you did in potions. It can't be that bad."

"Yeah, mate. The worst that it could be is that you did get an "O" and have another two years with Snape."

Harry laughed as Ron's idea of a worse case scenario, while Hermione just gave him a look that clearly stated she didn't appreciate that joke.

"I didn't tell you, because I don't know how I did."

"What do you mean you don't know? You took the exam, you should have a score."

"My OWL potion score was recorded as "Incomplete/Unknown."

"Harry, that's not possible. Those aren't even grades. Come on, tell us how you did."

"No, honestly, Hermione. That's what it said. Apparently there was some type of incident in the lab when the examiners were evaluating my work. My practical and written exams were ruined before they were evaluated." He passed his OWL scores to Hermione t show her the proof of his words. "According to Professor Dumbledore, no one has ever received this as a score before."

"It always happens to you, doesn't it Harry?" Ron muttered.

"So, what happens now? How are you going to get into Professor Snape's NEWT class if you don't have an OWL score in potions?"

"I don't know yet, Hermione. Professor Snape isn't here this week. I will have to discuss this with him when he returns. There are a couple of options, he can admit me into his class, without the proper OWL scores; or he can have me create a potion under his supervision, evaluate me on it an decide if he will let me into his class; or if he won't let me in using those 2 options, the only other choice is for me to take a make-up potion OWL exam, that Professor Dumbledore says will be harder than the original exam."

"Blimey, Harry, Is it worth taking the potion OWL again, just to get into his class?"

"Ronald! Of course, it's worth it, since Harry wants to be an auror. But Harry, even if the exam is going to be harder, I don't think it will be on appearance altering potions. I mean, those aren't usually covered until seventh year."

"You never know, Hermione, especially if Professor Snape is involved in the test. Besides, I'm reading just about everything I can, in case he decides to either just take me into his class without the OWLS or have me brew a potion where he evaluates me himself. This is my second chance, to get into his class, I know I won't get a third and I don't want to mess it up."

"Okay, Don't worry, Harry, we'll help you study."

"No!" Ron cried, "No library!"

"We'll just spend 30 minutes in there, just to help Harry find some books and topics he should read. Surely your best friend's future is worth 30 minutes in the library."

"Fine. But not another word about homework or library after that, and I'm dragging you out of there after 30 minutes. Now, how about lunch?"

Hermione and Harry laughed as the three of them left Harry's room and walked towards the tower to drop off their belongings.

* * *

While Ron and Harry were finishing their lunch, Hermione headed out to the library, making them promise to meet her there in 15 minutes.

Harry and Ron entered the library and walked over to where Hermione was sitting at a table reading. Ron took a seat across from her, while Harry looked over her shoulder to see what she was reading so attentively.

"_Where did you get that_?" Harry asked, his tone a bit sharp for simple curiosity.

"Hmm," Hermione absentmindedly murmured as she turned the page. "Oh, it was just sitting out on this table, opened. It's quite fascinating."

"What is it?" Ron asked, not really interested in knowing, but a bit curious since Hermione found it fascinating, of course, Hermione found most books fascinating. No Ron was more interested because of Harry's reaction to the book. Now, Ron usually isn't one to notice things, but he couldn't help but notice the expression on his friend's face. It was part shock and part fear, that Harry, who had fought You-know-who so many times to be afraid of a book, that had to be quite the book, indeed.

Harry appeared to be speechless from shock and didn't answer Ron, Hermione just continued reading as if she didn't hear Ron's question.

"That makes sense," Hermione, replied, commenting to herself on what she read. "Hey, look, Harry, I think this paragraph is talking about you. The timing is right, if it happened in 1981."

"Yeah, unfortunately, that's what I thought as well." Harry was a little wary, since the book that had gone missing for over three weeks, the book that he and Remus have been searching for had suddenly reappeared in the library the same day that his friends were visiting. What more, the book in question was left _open_ on a table. And anyone who knew Hermione, would know that she couldn't resist reading an open book (or any book for that matter), but especially one that was opened, since that indicated that someone else found the information valuable. Harry was getting a strange feeling in his stomach. Something was going on here. He couldn't help but wonder what strange forces were at work inside the castle this summer, it was almost as if someone was toying with his mind.

Harry decided to change to topic, before Hermione either started asking questions or figured out what his 'research project' was. "I thought we were going to look at some books on potions, in case Professor Snape assigns me a potion before he admits me into his class, or in case I have to retake my OWLS?"

"Oh, right, Harry, sorry." Hermione said, as she jumped up form her seat and grabbed Harry's arm to pull him to the potion section, leaving Ron sitting at the table, falling asleep with his head on his arms.

"Harry," Hermione started softly, "I noticed that you've been referring to Professor Snape as just that. Not once have you called him Snape or greasy-git or anything else. Why? Does this have anything to do with what you found out about him?"

"I don't really know why I've been referring to him that way." Harry replied, knowing that he couldn't share his professor's memories with his friend, and ignoring her last question. "I guess it's because he hasn't really been that bad this summer. And perhaps, because I've grown up a bit and realized that he, like all of our other professors are human as well. I mean, he does do a lot for the order and he has saved my life numerous of times. I'm just finally giving him the respect he deserves."

"Oh," Hermione said, not knowing how to reply to that or what he meant by 'realizing that he was human', but also realizing, that he avoided her question about what he found out. She decided that Harry was having second thoughts about sharing it, especially if her suspicions were correct and he found out this information as a result of his occlumency lessons. "So, how's occlumency going?"

"Good, the journal helped a lot. I still don't understand why the school doesn't have that book instead of all the other ones they have. That book sounds like it would be of more help than all the other's combined. They were pretty useless.

"Actually, Hermione, I was wondering if you could help me put some type of security charm on it, so that no one else would be able to read it."

"Of course, Harry, I meant to include a list of locking and protective charms you could apply to it, but in my rush, I forgot to include them. I'll show you a list of some of the charms I was thinking of and we can decide later which one will be best."

During their conversation, Hermione was looking at the potions books on the shelves. "Where are the other books?" There are usually more here." She said.

"Um, they're probably already in my room."

"Then why are we _here_ if the books we need are there. Hey, Ron," Hermione yelled across the library, waking Ron from his nap, "come on, we're going back to Harry's room.

"Yes!" Ron shouted. "Harry, how did you get her to leave the library before the 30 minutes were up? I thought we would have to drag her out of here."

"Ronald," Hermione said, while Harry smirked, "The books we need are in Harry's room, so we are going there instead, where we will look at them for 30 minutes, so I can mark some potions that I think would be beneficial for Harry to review. The time in the library doesn't' count, since it didn't have the books we needed."

Once back in Harry's room, Hermione noticed all the books he had in there. The first time she was in the room, she just figured the books on the shelves were always there, stored in this spare room, looking closer, though, she noticed that the majority of them were from the school library, and that most of them were on potions, charms and occlumency.

Charms? Hermione thought, why is he looking at books on charms? And once more it was an advanced book. She wondered if this had anything to do with his 'research project'. When she first heard about this project she wondered if it might have been for extra credit. Something to keep his mind off of Sirius, the prophecy he never heard, or perhaps just to keep him occupied this summer while he was here. Now she was beginning to think that this project was of an extremely personal nature, especially given his earlier reaction in the library.

She had her suspicions about what this 'research project' might be about. She didn't believe that he had those advanced potions books just because of the situation with his NEWTS. From his comments earlier, he obviously read the other book, but why would he need all these books on potions and charms. The other book had more than adequate information on this topic and most likely answered any question he could've had regarding this situation. If it wasn't found in that book, than the answer probably didn't exist.

"Harry, why do you have so many books on charms? I mean, I understand why you have books on occlumency form the library, and even on potions, due to your owls, but why charms? And most of them are NEWT level books as well."

"Uh, no reason really, just looking at some thing Moony and I were discussing the other day. He mentioned that Lil-er my mom was very talented in charms, so I thought I would do some research, plus I wanted to see if I could find a good spell to protect the journal from anyone else reading it." As he was saying this, he walked over to her and pulled the occlumency books off the shelves and put them into Hermione's hands. "these are the books the school had on occlumency, We should bring them back to the library on the way back, there really isn't anything useful in there."

"Snape probably took all the good books out, so you wouldn't learn occlumency, he probab-"

"Ron!" Hermione interrupted, "Professor Snape wouldn't do that."

"Probably not to his Slytherins and perhaps not to you either, but to Harry, he would do that in a heartbeat."

"Actually, Ron, I realized last week, that Professor Snape has been dropping hints since last year on how I could clear my mind and on where to get information on learning occlumency. I was just too thick to realize it. Luckily Hermione picked up on it and I started to piece it together."

"Really," Hermione asked? "I realize that 'Art of Occlumency' was the name of the book, but what other clues did he give?"

"Oh, just all his comments about hiding my emotions, not wearing my heart on my sleeve, controlling my temper, things like that."

"How was _that_ suppose to help you? Are you sure he wasn't just insulting you?"

"I'm sure he was insulting me, Ron, but he also dropped hints in those insults. Which is probably why it took me so long to pick up on them. I was so mad at what he was saying, that I never really listened, another way my temper got the best of me."

"He really is a Slytherin, to help you in a way that doesn't look like he's helping you." Hermione said, as if she admired him for this.

"Whatever," Ron said. "Why didn't he just come out and tell you what you needed to know last year? It would've made your lessons so much easier."

"Probably because I wouldn't have listened to him, Ron. What would you have done if Professor Snape had tried to have a serious conversation with you, saying that he was trying to help you? This way, I, well, Hermione and I discovered it for ourselves."

"I still think it was kind of snarky of him to do that. Anyways, I thought we were looking up potions, not Occlumency. And this is going to cut into your half hour, Hermione."

**

* * *

**

End Chapter 15 holidays and birthdays

This is my first fanfic, so any feedback is appreciated.

I know that I have some trouble with the tenses (past, present, future), but I try.

Height/growth spurt: 9 cm 3.5 in (approximately) 

Remus: either way, Remus will be school come September, now, should he be the DADA teacher, or should the DADA teacher be a new char (original)? If new, should he/she be evil & after HP like most other DADA profs?

10/23/2004


	16. ready for the present

Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

**A/N: In honor of Harry's 16th Birthday, this, chapter 16, is the longest one to date. That is my present to you.**

**Not Beta'd. Hope you enjoy it.**

* * *

**Chapter 16 ready for the present**

That night after dinner, which the trio ate in the common room of Gryffindor Tower, Dobby entered with a large birthday cake, which was sliced after Ron and Hermione sang and Harry blew out the candles.

Ron handed Harry a few packages, saying they were from his family and cautioned him to be careful of the first one.

That first package turned out to be from Fred and George. The twins gave Harry a variety of joke items from their new shop in Diagon Alley, some of them being new, experimental items, along with an invitation to stop by to check on his 'investment'.

The next package was from Mrs. Weasley who sent him some fudge along with a note wishing him a Happy Birthday.

Ginny had sent him an assortment of candies, including Chocolate Frogs, sugar quills, and Bertie Botts every flavor bean.

The last package in this pile was from Ron. Surprisingly, Ron sent him a book. Of course, the book was about learning new chess strategies, but it was still a book. Harry and Hermione enjoyed teasing Ron about willingly buying a book not required for school. Ron responded by saying that _he_ wasn't going to read it, it was for Harry, besides, Harry truly needed the help in chess, and Ron needed a better opponent.

Harry wasn't expecting anything from Hermione, since she had already given him the journal, so he was surprised when she handed him a small slim package. Opening it up it saw that it was a strange looking quill, which changed colors as he took it out of the package.

Hermione explained, "It's a mood quill. The quill changes color depending on your mood, the ink's color depends on how you feel about what you were writing about. It's also been spelled, so that you cannot write something that is false. I thought it might come in handy with the journal and occlumency."

"Wow." Harry said, stunned that she had found such a thoughtful gift. "Thanks, Hermione."

"Hey," Ron said, "Where can I get one? If you can't write something false, it could come in handy for homework or tests."

"Ronald! That is _not_ wh-" Hermione started to lecture when Dobby appeared with a 'pop', and handed a present to Harry.

Harry was not surprised to see that inside the package was a pair of socks, well, maybe not a pair since they didn't exactly match. One sock was red and had an animal running around the foot and ankle. After hearing a soft bark, and looking close, Harry realized with shock that the animal, a dog, looked _exactly_ like Padfoot.

"Dobby knows how much Mister Harry Potter misses his family. Dobby hopes the sock make Mister Harry happy and no longer sad. Dobby charmed socks. Dogs chase sticks and bark, but will not be hurt when Mister Harry Potter walks on them. Dobby's other gift is sock with other animal friend."

At his words, Harry looked at the other sock in the package, this sock was blue and had a werewolf running around, occasionally stopping to howl at the moon, rotating around the top of the sock. "It's great, Dobby, thanks." Harry replied, trying to keep the tears in his eyes from falling. He did appreciate the socks, they were great to have, since he didn't have any pictures of his godfather in his animagus form, but then again, it only reinforced the fact that his godfather wasn't with him anymore.

Before Harry could say another word, Dobby handed him another package with a letter on top and said "Dobby has other items for Mister Harry Potter."

"Dobby, you didn't have to do that."

"Yes, sir, Dobby does. This is from Mister Lupin, sir." Dobby said as he handed Harry an envelope attached to a package

Harry opened the letter and read:

_Dear Harry,_

_I hope you are enjoying your birthday celebration with your friends. I wish I was there to help you celebrate your 16th Birthday, but I will see you on Friday._

_I was not sure what to get you for your birthday, but after our conversation last week, I went to Sirius's house, in this package is some items that I know he would want you to have, some items are from his school days. There are also some pictures of him, James, Lily and myself. I know that you hope to find your biological family and I wish you luck with that, and am here to help and support you in any way I can, I only ask that you don't forget the parents that loved the short time you were together._

_Moony_

After reading the letter, Harry put the package aside and told Hermione and Ron, "I think I'll open this package later. Remus sent me some of Sirius's school items, as well as pictures of their school days."

Dobby then handed Harry another envelope. "Mister Harry Potter can open this now with his friends or he can open this later when Mister Harry Potter is alone."

Seeing his name addressed to him in Siriuss familiar script, Harry's eyes widened and he looked up at Dobby. Dobby nodded and said, "It is from him. Mister Harry Potter is ready." And with those final words, Dobby disappeared.

Seeing Harry's eyes widen, Hermione asked, "Harry, who is it from? What did Dobby mean by you are ready? Ready for what?"

Harry just sat there looking at Dobby and clasping the envelope in his hands, unaware of the looks passing between Hermione and Ron or even that Hermione just spoke to him.

"Harry," Hermione said gently, "What is it? What's wrong?"

"What? Oh, nothing's wrong. It's from Sirius."

"Well go on, open it." Ron said.

"No, I think I'll want to open this later, when I am alone."

Nothing else needed to be said. Ron started on another piece of birthday cake (his third), while Hermione just watched Harry, trying to figure out exactly what was going on wither friend.

After a while, things returned to normal, with the three of them laughing and talking. They played a few rounds of exploding snaps and dared each other to try the twins' newest inventions. Finally, they quieted down and Ron and Harry started to play chess, and even with Harry consulting his new book, he still lost. Hermione was curled up in a chair reading one of the books she got from the library earlier that evening.

* * *

Harry and Ron spent part of the morning flying on the quidditch pitch (Ron's idea), while Hermione watched from the ground. The rest of the morning was spent searching the castle for more secret passages and secret rooms (again, Ron's idea) and swimming in the Lake (Harry's suggestion). The three stayed out by the lake to enjoy a picnic lunch that Dobby served them, (Food-Ron's idea, of course), since they were hungry, but too tired and comfortable to move.

* * *

"Bye Harry. Let us know what happens with Professor Snape and NEWT potions."

"Yeah, mate. And maybe you can join us in a few weeks at Diagon Alley." Ron said, sneaking a glance at the headmaster.

"We'll see what can be arranged," Dumbledore said with his eyes twinkling.

"That would be great," Harry said. "Bye Ron, bye Hermione. Thanks for coming, this has been the best birthday ever. Please Remember to OWL me so I don't get too bored."

"We won't, See you in a few," Ron said, as he grabbed some floo powder, stepped into the fireplace and disappeared in a green flame after saying "the Burrow".

Hermione gave Harry one final hug, before grabbing some floo powder. Right before she stepped into the fireplace she turned back to Harry and said "Oh Harry, I almost forgot. I left some of the books I was reading last night in the Gryffindor Common Room, can you please return them to the library for me?"

"Sure, Hermione, no problem."

"Thanks, Harry. And good luck with your research project. I hope to see you soon. Take care and stay out of trouble," she said before she too disappeared into the fireplace.

"Research project, Harry? What research project?"

"It's nothing, sir. I'm just taking advantage of having the library to myself, to do some extra studying."

"Well, if there's anything I can help you with, just ask."

"Yes, sir." Harry replied before leaving the headmaster's office to go to his rooms.

Once in his rooms, Harry took out the package from Remus and the second letter from Sirius. He decided to read the letter from Sirius first. As he opened the envelope and took out the sheet of paper, it magically expanded to become a small package. Inside the package was a note from Sirius. Harry decided to read this before he looks through the rest of the package.

_Hi there Kiddo,_

_I can't tell you how much I wish I was there to help you through this. I hope you are well, and that you are not dwelling on things in the past. There is much to look forward to in the future. _

Harry suddenly realized that he hadn't spent much time dwelling on Sirius's death or how things could've been if his godfather had lived. Yes, he still missed Sirius and a part of him always will, and he wasn't even sure if he had totally processed or accepted his godfather's death. He knew that right now it didn't hurt as much, but that could be because he had been keeping busy and was focused on other things, mostly the adoption, occlumency and his research. He finally felt that he was able to talk with someone about Sirius's death. Suddenly, he couldn't wait for tomorrow so that he could talk with Remus about this.

_I'm glad that you decided to share this with Remus. He cares greatly for you, let him be there for you, as Lily, James and I would like to have been. _

_I hope by now that you are over the surprise of my last letter. If I know you, you are eager to discover the family of your birth parents. Enclosed in this letter is all the information I have, including your birth certificate._

Harry took out his birth certificate and read:

**Name: Aren Brac Swann Born this Thursday, July 31, 1980 at 11:11 p.m.**

It was pretty strange to think that he could've spent the past 16 years being known as "Aren" if his mother hadn't died. Of course, if he had lived in Sweden, it was also more than likely that he wouldn't have the lightning bolt shaped scar on his forehead and be known as the boy-who-lived.

At that moment, Harry finally realized that he would eventually have to share the information about his adoption with the headmaster. Harry knew that Voldemort had marked him as his equal, as required by the prophecy, so obviously his birth parents had thrice defied Voldemort as well. That meant that the prophecy could have referred to more children other than just Neville. Harry was pretty sure it didn't refer to Lily and James-at least not in connection with him-since the prophecy stated that the child was to be born to parents that thrice defied the dark lord and he was not born to Lily and James. No, Harry is guessing that Dumbledore only looked within the members of the order who had children due to be born around the end of July. But as Harry obviously proved, there were other expectant parents, not in the order, or even in England, who defied Voldemort three times. "Ugh, stop" Harry said, rubbing his forehead. He wasn't even sure if he was making sense any more and he was beginning to give himself a headache trying to figure out all the details about how his birth in Sweden affected the prophecy.

**Mother: Cybelle Tyra Swann Occupation: Auror**

Harry thought that it was pretty cool that his birth mother was an auror, since that is what he wants to be after graduating Hogwarts. That could explain his talent in DADA, as well as his love for the subject. He continued to read the rest of his birth certificate:

**Father: unknown occupation: - -**

Even though he knew from Sirius's letter that there was no information regarding his biological father, Harry was disappointed to see the word 'unknown' in that space. Maybe there was some way he could contact his mother's family. Surely they must have some idea who their daughter was seeing at that time. With luck, maybe his grandparents were still alive and living in Sweden. Harry pulled himself from his thoughts to read the rest of Sirius's letter.

_I'm sorry I don't have any information on your birth father. However, I have enclosed the last known address for your mother's parents. It is up to you whether you decide to contact them._

_Whether you decide locate your birth family or not, don't forget the family that you've created these last 5 years at Hogwarts. You've gathered mothers, fathers, grandfathers, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles and cousins. Many people love and care for you. There is no law that states that you cannot have two families, remember that if you decide to develop a relationship with your natural family._

_Love always, Sirius_

Enclosed in the package were shrunken items, which Harry enlarged to their original size, grateful that the wards at Hogwart's prohibited the Ministry from detecting underage magic, even during the summer. Included was a blue baby blanket with the initials ABS sown into one of the corners; there were also a few baby pictures, that Harry assumed were of him; a rattle; a small sleeper w/ feet and a stuffed teddy bear. Harry wondered why Sirius had these items. Why weren't they at Godric's Hollow when it was destroyed? He was sure Lily & James would've kept familiar things around him from his birth family. Harry wondered why every bit of information he uncovered just seemed to bring more questions, rather than answer them.

Aren Brac. It was funny to think that about one month ago, in Dumbledore's office, he was wishing that he was anyone but Harry James Potter and here he is, discovering he is indeed someone else, Aren Brac Swann. The name had a cool sound to it, he decided. Not as boring as Harry James Potter. Both Harry and James were very boring names, in Harry's opinion, not to mention that Harry sounded very childish and immature. His real name wasn't even Harold. Discovering that he had another name made him wonder why Lily and James chose to name him Harry, what were they thinking of?

After looking at the items in the package and reading the letter and his birth certificate again, Harry thought about whether he should write to his birth mother's family. Although he knew from Sirius's first letter that they did not want the responsibility of him when he was young, he wondered if they might change his mind now that he was a teenager, and no longer needed to be 'looked after'. He would like to contact them, if only to find out more about his mother, her family, and perhaps to learn something about his father. He felt strange writing a letter to them out of the blue like this, but then again, it would be the only way he would be able to get the answers to the questions in his head and possibly a way to finally get the family he wanted.

He finally decided to write a letter and to send it with Hedwig to the address that Sirius included in his letter.

The letter was simple and straight forward. He started off by introducing himself as Aren Brac Swann; he decided that if they meet in person, _then_ he would let them know who his adoptive parents were and that he was currently known as Harry Potter. Of course, for all he knew, other countries might not have heard of him or Voldemort, so maybe it was best if he didn't mention that for now. He also wrote that he only recently found out that he was adopted and that his birth mother was their daughter, Cybelle. He then politely asked if they had any information or pictures they would share with him regarding his mother or his father. He closed the letter by stating that he hoped that they would be willing to keep in contact with him and that he hopes to meet them someday.

* * *

"Good morning, Moony. How are you feeling?"

"Not too bad. The extra days of rest, both before and after the full moon seem to help a lot. I'm sorry that I missed your birthday."

"That's okay. I was glad I wasn't alone. Are we still on for Hogsmeade tomorrow?"

"Of course, wouldn't miss it."

As Harry went to sit down, he noticed that Moony was looking at him strangely. "What is it Moony? Do I have something on my face?"

"What? Oh, no. Have you noticed how tall you've gotten?"

"No, not really. I didn't notice until Ron mentioned it Wednesday. Hermione thinks I've grown about 10cm since school got out, apparently, most teenage boys grow 9cm a year during a growth spurt."

"Hmm," Remus said with a thoughtful look on his face as he took in Harry's appearance.

"Harry, about that second letter from Sirius..."

"Oh yeah, I meant to thank you for that, I read it last night. I can bring it tomorrow if you want to read it."

"You've read it? How did you get it?"

"Dobby gave it to me on my birthday, he said I was ready. I thought you knew."

"I knew Dobby had it. He found it in my room, but he kept saying you weren't ready for it when I asked him for it on Monday. What was in the letter?"

Harry told Remus what was in the letter, including the magical package. He then told Remus about the letter he wrote to Cybelle's parents introducing himself and asking if they had some information about her that they would be willing to send to him.

"Remus, thank you for the pictures of Sirius that you sent and his school items. I haven't opened the package yet, would you like to join me after breakfast to look through it?

"Of course, Harry." Remus said as Dumbledore joined them and the three consumed their breakfast while discussing various topics, Harry's birthday and the visit from his friends; the twin's new shop; what Voldemort might be planning; the upcoming school year and who the new DADA professor was, Harry was trying to get this info from Dumbledore, he figured as long as the ministry didn't appoint someone, that that was a start.

After they finished breakfast, Remus followed Harry back to his room where Harry brought out and opened the package that Remus gave him. Harry looked at some of the pictures, not many of them included Peter, it seemed as if Remus had kept those or most likely, burned them. One of pictures included a young Sirius Black with green hair, and a laughing James Potter standing next to him, apparently Sirius was a result of a practical joke that many suspected James was the culprit of, but it was never proven. Harry laughed at the next picture of Sirius and James both with long hair and wearing dresses. This, Remus explained was one of his better jokes, which he performed simply to prove that he could, since his fellow marauder's didn't believe he actual had it in him to purposely embarrass someone.

"They never doubted it again." Remus said laughing while he looked at the picture.

"Remus,"

"Yes, Harry?"

"I miss him." Harry said, his eyes welling up with tears.

"I know, Harry. I do too." Remus said as he pulled Harry into a hug.

"I just keep thinking about how unfair it is. I only knew him for 2 years. I mean, I'm grateful that I at least have memories of him, since I really don't have any of James & Lily. But still, I keep remembering that first night we met at the shack, how he asked me to live with him when he was freed and cleared of all charges. I couldn't wait. It seemed like that was all I was living for, just waiting for my dream of being able to leave the Dursley's to come true. A-a-and th-then.." Harry's voice trailed off as holding back his tears grew more difficult.

"It's okay, Harry. Go ahead and cry, I'm here for you." Remus said, as he felt his own eyes filling with tears.

"It just seems so unfair...I mean, I lost my birth mother, both adoptive parents, and then my godfather. Why can't I have someone in my life that stays around longer than a few years?

"And the worst is that Sirius didn't have to die. If only one thing had been different that night, he might've lived. I no longer blame myself or anyone else, really, but still...I just don't understand why. There were so many people there that night, if someone had to die, why couldn't it have been one of the death eaters? Why him? Why?

"And I hate that he died before he knew freedom again. How the last few years he was in a prison of a different kind. He was either hiding in caves as Snuffles or at _the noble house of black"_ Harry said with heavy sarcasm "trapped inside, unable to help the order. I just wished he was able to enjoy a walk in the sun, and be outside without the fear of someone recognizing him or of being kissed by a dementor."

"I know, Harry. I know." Remus said, as he continued to hug Harry, rocking him against his chest. "But, Harry, you need to remember, that those 2 years he did have, _you_ gave those to him, you, Hermione, and Buckbeak. He was so proud of you. That you would risk so much to save him, especially after you just met him. He would tell anyone that stopped by headquarters that tale, and I'm sure that Severus was ready to throttle him if he heard it one more time. Sirius was so grateful and thankful for you and for what you did. You were his sole reason for living, Harry. And I know you don't want to hear this, but he died as he would've liked. Not just trying to protect you and keep you safe, but foiling Voldemort's plans of getting the prophecy. He died in battle, fighting for what's right."

Slowly, Harry's sobs subsided and he continued, "At first I wasn't sure if I could go on without Sirius, I mean, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to go on, especially that first night. I felt like I was going insane those first few days in Surrey, I practically had all my homework completed, I was barely sleeping, wasn't eating much, and all I could think about was how I failed Sirius. I know that he wouldn't want me to live my life in grief for him, but it was consuming me. It was all I was aware of, life had no joy, no happiness, then you add the prophecy and I felt like I had _no_ _future_ as well. Then I found out about the adoption. In some ways, I think Sirius was brilliant to have the letter charmed to be delivered days after his death. It gave me something to focus on as I slowly learned to accept things without dwelling on them.

"I know that as tough as my life has been, others life have been just as tough, if not more so." Harry said, thinking of his potion's professor, and what he must have gone through when he lost his family. "At least I know that I now have something to look forward to. I have grandparents that could still be alive. Another opportunity for a family. I might be able to locate my father, with information I get from them. I might finally have my dreams, a family of my own, come true after all." Harry concluded his emerald eyes brightly shining, not just because of tears, but because they were now filled with hope.

* * *

The weekend passed quickly. Harry and Remus spent the day in Hogsmeade as planned, shopping and talking. Harry thanked Remus for the items he sent him from Sirius's house, he also told Remus about the items that Sirius included in his second letter.

They were having an early dinner at the Three Broomstick's, when Harry once more brought up the contents of Sirius's letter, or more specifically his name.

"Moony, do you think the name Aren Brac suits me better than Harry James?"

"I really don't know, Harry. Why? Do you want to be known as Aren for now on?"

"I don't think so. For one thing, it would be hard to explain _why_ without telling everyone about the adoption. Then again, a part of me would love to get away from everything that goes with being 'Harry Potter', but the main thing, the scar, would still be there, so does the name really matter? It's just that since I found out about the adoption, the name Harry doesn't seem to fit. Do you know why they named me that? Was it a family name?"

"I once asked Lily and James that same question. No, it wasn't a family name. They picked a Scandinavian name, which I thought was because that's were you born. It came from the name 'Harold' obviously. Lily felt that Harold was too stuffy of a name for her little boy, she thought that Harry was more carefree. I believe one of the reason's she picked the name was because of the meaning, if I remember correctly, it was ruler or leader, something along those lines."

"Oh." Harry said, wondering if his parents had some great expectations of them if they picked the name for that reason.

"Anyways, as you said, does the name really matter? You still are who you are. I think Shakespeare's sentiment is appropriate here 'What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name' would still be a rose, so to speak."

"Yeah, I suppose so." Harry said as they two left to head back to Hogwarts.

As they continued walking, Remus noticed that Harry had gotten awfully quiet. "Harry, is there anything else on your mind?"

"I guess I'm just a little disappointed that I haven't been able to find a way to reverse the charms. Now that I know what my name would've been, it would be nice to know what I would really look like. Imagine if I have family out there, an aunt, uncle, cousin, anyone who could look exactly like me and I might never know. It's a strange feeling."

Remus just looked at Harry with a thoughtful expression on his face, he had his suspicions, but didn't want to say anything in case he was wrong.

"I even asked Professor Snape about appearance altering potions." Harry continued.

At Harry's words, Remus started coughing, since that information was a shock. It was a good thing that they weren't still at the Three Broomstick's, or he might have started to choke on his butterbeer. "Really, I didn't know that you were that curious that you were willing to ask Severus. What did he say?"

"He said that he would help me this week. Luckily he didn't ask _why_ I wanted to learn about them. He just made some snide comment that I should learn while I have the opportunity this summer, since I most likely won't be accepted into his NEWT class. Fortunately that works for me, since I couldn't think of a good reason, without telling him the truth. Of course, on the bright side, if my appearance doesn't change, then I don't have to worry about providing reasons for that to my friends or classmates."

Luckily they had reached Hogwart's at that time, since Remus did not know how to respond to Harry's last few statements.

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End Chapter 16

This is my first fanfic, so any feedback is appreciated. I would love to see how soon I could reach 200 reviews :)

Not sure if you can swim in the lake w/ the giant squid, but hey, it's July, so why not. Also I believe it is a green flame when they use the floo to go some where.

Cybelle-mother; Tyra-god of battle

Why Aren Brac? Hmm, good question

No offense if your name is Harry, the opinions expressed here are Harry's and are not necessarily the opinions of the author.

Shakespeare: Any one that brilliant has to be a wizard, and even if he did 'steal' the plays or story lines, well obviously he would be a Slytherin (not evil, just ambitious & cunning-since he was able to fool so many for so long-I myself am part Slytherin). I'm a big Shakespeare fan, had to get him in there somewhere. (I figured if JKR can use excerpts from Shakespears-the weird sisters-then so can I)

**Thanks Reviewers!!!!**

**Molly Morrison: **He did not take the book from the library **& Makalani Astral, juliedecarson:** Dobby wouldn't mess w/ HP, he would only help/protect him; **Kaleena Mason, emikae, Shadowhanded, Anna Taure:** still undecided on DADA prof, like romance, but not sure if I could keep Tonks in char; as for RL, well, that is very common, original char is good, can do/be anything I want; **Risi:** Thanks for reading! In order of subjects: Technically, no; in this chap; good at piecing things together; I agree-something different would be good; not sure yet-could always be worked in somehow; I like that NO ONE knows (& at this point even suspects) who HP really is esp AD.** HarryPFan001, Lady Lily3, Adenara Yatman, Athenakitty, short-tempered, Henio41, Lunatic Pandora1:** Thanks for reading! All will eventually be revealed (hopefully).** Pure Black:** after his 'holiday' of course-next chapter & boy is he back w/ a vengeance.

**Duj:** Thanks for Reading: Hints: SS referred to it as the 'art of occlumency', which was the name of the bk that HG found to learn more about the topic. SS repeatedly made comments to HP about his emotions (controlling them & such). From what HG learned in the book, clearing your mind is not about forgetting the memories, but more about distancing your emotions from those events, since it is the feelings that make the memories so powerful. Sorry if I wasn't clear on the hints, I just like to think that Snape isn't as evil as everyone (except AD) believes, hey he has saved HP's life before, so why wouldn't he find some Slytherin way to help him? Plus HP noticed that after he wrote about his feelings he felt better, plus the next day, the tho'ts/feelings of the memories he wrote about weren't on his mind, so writing about the emotions connected to them worked.

10/26/2004


	17. volcanic action

Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

**A/N: Please be nice, I've had a rough day. My laptop was stolen (again!) That's 2 computers in 2 days. I hope to continue updating 2-3x a week, but since I don't have a comp home, it might take a bit longer to type up chapters & post them.. **

I love this chap, at least I love the last line...

_Italics – memories Snape sees during lessons_

**Thanks Reviewers!!!!**

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**Chapter 17 volcanic action**

Monday morning Severus walked down the school corridors towards the great hall. He was not the least bit happy to be out and about. He would much prefer to stay in bed, dwelling on the past, much like he had this past week, something he is sure that Dumbledore would not approve of. Except for the few times that he went out to fly or to run errands, he pretty much stayed in with his memories. As usual, after his annual 'holiday', he was in a worse mood than when he left. He was tired, he was grouchier than usual and he just wanted to be left alone until these feelings of despondency subsided. He knew that getting back into his 'routine' would speed up the process, but sometimes it was difficult just to get out of bed in the morning.

He had decided last night that he would join the others for breakfast this morning, even if he wouldn't be eating, to show that he was alive and well and back from his 'holiday'. After that, he would willingly take refund in his rooms for the next few days, while he wasn't 'teaching' the brat.

The one good thing about being at the castle at this time of year was that there would be no students around to watch him as he tries to put himself back together. Well, okay, so one student will be around. The fact that this student knew more about him than all the members of staff combined, Albus included, made Severus even more on edge. Severus realized that he would just have to intimidate the boy so that he doesn't mention anything that he has seen or heard this summer regarding his professor's personal life. He would also have to ensure that the boy doesn't learn any more information about his professor's personal life than he already has.

* * *

Harry sat down at the table next to Snape. He looked at the man out of the corner of his eye, for no one wanted to be caught staring at the potion master. Harry was surprised at what he saw. For someone who just had a week of holiday, it looked like Snape hadn't slept at all. In fact, he looked worse than he did last week when he stormed out of his office after the memories of his children's funerals were played in his mind.

"Finally had a growth spurt, I see, Potter. Who would think that along with growing a few centimeters in height that your hair would grow in length as well? At least it's a bit neater than your usual 'mop'."

At his professor's words, Harry automatically ran his hands through his hands and noticed that it felt a bit longer than normal. "Good morning, professor. Welcome back." Harry said, determined not to start the week on the wrong side of this professor, especially if he wanted to be admitted into Snape's NEWT class. No, Snape would not get him to lose his temper this week, no matter how insulting he bacame.

"Yes, Severus, welcome back. Have a good holiday, I trust?"

"Good morning, Albus, Potter." Severus replied, ignoring the latter half of the headmaster's words. "Let's hope you've been practicing this last week while I've been away, Potter."

"Yes, sir." Harry said, not sure how to respond to Snape's words, since they weren't really asked as a question, but Harry was sure that if he ignored them and didn't reply, that that would only put Snape in a worse mood.

"Harry," Albus said. "I want you to concentrate on occlumency these next few weeks. It is vital that you learn as much as you can before the remainder of the staff arrives and school starts. The first staff members to return back are Madam Pomphrey and Professor McGonagle. They will be returning this weekend; everyone else will be back by the 19th. Take advantage of having Severus's attention, without other students, professors or other subjects to distract you.

"I would like to see if you can completely block Professor Snape from your mind on a regular basis. If you can do this, you should be able to keep those dreams and visions away while you sleep."

"Yes, sir."

"Have you been writing in the journal this last week, Potter?"

"Yes, sir. Actually, that journal has been filled, but I got another one for my birthday. I also picked up some extras last Saturday when Professor Lupin & I went into Hogsmeade."

At the mention of Harry's birthday, Snape's pale skin, went even whiter and his features tightened as if in anger, before he masked his emotions.

"Hermione helped me find some protective spells to put on the journals, so that they couldn't be read by anyone but me, or someone I give permission to."

Albus, the only one who didn't know about the journals, looked puzzled for a moment before Harry explained about his early birthday present from Hermione.

"That's a fine idea, Mr. Potter. I know that I am able to determine what I am feeling if I actually write things out."

"Yes, sir, it does help. Hermione also gave me a special quill. The body of the quill changes colors depending on my mood and the ink reflects the mood I feel about the items I write about. It is also spelled, so that I cannot write something that isn't true."

"Ah, yes. That can come in handy, as well." Albus nodded, eyes twinkling.

"Just don't use that quill in my class, Potter. I have no desire to be reading mutli-colors of ink. Of course, if the quill won't let you write something that isn't true, there wouldn't be much ink on the parchment, now would there?"

"Um, professor? About my potion OWLS-"

"Finally got the results? Remember," Snape said gleefully, "I don't take any students into my class that didn't get an 'O'."

"Well, actually," Harry started to say, before pausing. He wasn't really sure _how_ to bring up this topic. Not only did not get an 'O', but technically, he didn't even get a grade. Harry really didn't think that Snape would appreciate his joke about the two o's in unknown and incomplete.

"You might say that his final Potion score was actually two o's." Harry heard Albus said, the older wizards eyes twinkling brightly at Severus's confused look.

"Excuse me?" Severus asked, glaring between Harry and Albus.

"Something happened when they were grading my exams," Harry explained. "I ended up with an 'incomplete' and an 'unknown' as my official grade in potions."

"Incomplete and unknown, the two o's, I take it? Sorry, Potter, not quite the grades I require."

"Severus," Albus warned.

"What?" Snape snapped, "you know my policy."

"Yes, Severus, I do. I even support you on it, but since it isn't Harry's fault that his exams weren't able to be recorded before the incident, we need to come to an agreement regarding this situation."

"An agreement meaning I let him into my class even without the proper OWL scores."

"That could be one way." Albus agreed ignoring Severus's derisive tone and glare. "The other choices are you can either assign him some potions work, grade them and see if he could handle your class or he could retake his potion OWLS."

"I already know he can't handle my class, he hasn't been able to for the last five years, so by all means, let's have him retake his owls."

"If we need to, we will. It depends on you. Think about it for a few days, and let me know by the end of next week if I need to schedule a make-up OWL exam." Albus said, then stood up as he finished his breakfast. "I believe you two have a lesson to go to, and I have work that needs to be done before the new term starts."

"Come on, Potter, let's see if you have indeed practiced this last week."

* * *

During Monday's lesson, a small improvement was noticed. Harry wasn't able to keep Snape out of his mind, but he _was_ able to hold him off for a few minutes. Hey, Harry thought, it's a start.

After the lesson, Harry cautiously asked about working on the appearance potions. He was hoping that the potion master would still work with him on them, but Harry wasn't sure since Snape seemed to be in a strange mood, not necessarily worse than normal, just different. Thankfully, he replied "Meet me down in my classroom after dinner, Potter. If you don't plan on following instructions, don't show up at all."

* * *

Harry spent the afternoon outside reading some more books on appearance potions before grabbing something to eat from the kitchens and heading to the dungeons.

He was standing outside the classroom door when Snape entered the hallway.

"Never thought I'd see a Potter so eager to learn about potions."

Harry had to bite his tongue to keep from replying that he wasn't a Potter but was in fact 'Aren Brac Swann'.

"So, Potter, what exactly do you want to know?"

"Well, I was wondering, is there a way to tell if someone's appearance is a result of a potion? Do all potions require an antidote or can they just naturally wear off? Are there any that are irreversible?"

Snape's was leaning his head on his hands and without looking at Harry, he answered, "No common potion is designed to last forever, but if an antidote is required, the potion cannot be reversed without the correct one. Most appearance potions can be brewed as either antidote or timed reversals. With timed reversals, the potion can be set anywhere from five minutes to 20-plus years. You can't tell by looking at someone if an appearance poition has been consumed, nor can you do some silly wand waving or incantation to reveal the presence of these potions. There is however, a potion that can be brewed to detect the existence of an appearance potion is at work. The potion is fairly complicated and is more powerful and accurate if the person it is intended to be used on is the one who actually brews the potion. Which is often a trick, since it is often aurors who try to administer this potion and most criminals aren't very willing to help brew a potion that will send them to prison."

Harry watched his professor as he spoke. Snape seemed so impassive, his voice monotone, it was almost as if he was depressed. "Professor, are you okay? You don't look well."

"I'm fine, Potter"

Now Harry _knew_ the professor wasn't feeling like his normal self. Normally, Snape wouldn't pass by the opportunity to ridicule him, and having Harry in a classroom to himself with said boy asking personal questions, would usually open the floodgates.

"Did you have a particular potion you are interested in brewing?"

"Well, I'm curious about the revealing potion that you mentioned. Would you be able to help me with that potion?"

"The 'Revealo' potion? Fine." Standing up, he took 'Moste Potente Potions' off the shelf and handed it to Harry. "Read the chapter in there on the potion. Then meet me back here tomorrow evening. Be prepared to brew the potion. I will supply all the ingredients except the last two."

Harry left the dungeons with a puzzled expression on his face. He wasn't use to seeing his professor like that. Sure, the man could be distant and emotionless, but this was just too weird. After the first remark about a Potter's eagerness to learn potions, he never said another disparaging or personal comment towards Harry. Some might mistake the professor for almost being civil, but Harry had a feeling it was more than that. If someone had looked into the professor's eyes, they would've seen what Harry had seen. Hopelessness. Despair. Pain. A pain so deep that it could not be healed by any charms or potions.

* * *

Snape watched the boy as he left the classroom. Spending his spare time in his labs was usually a joy to Severus. He even enjoyed having someone to share it with, at least, when it was someone who was genuinely interested in potions, and not a room full of dunderheads. Yet he couldn't help feel angry over the fact that it should be _his_ child that asked questions, _his_ child that eagerly wanted to learn about potions.

No, instead it was the son of one of the men he had most hated. Merlin, how he hated that child. There was no denying that the boy was smart, much smarter than Severus had ever thought he was. If he didn't look so much like James Potter, Severus wouldn't believe that the two were related. It's probably a good thing that the kid inherited Lily's brains, now if only he would use them, Severus thought. Severus was also reevaluating his assumption that the boy was as arrogant as his father as well. He was loyal to his friends and inspired others to be loyal to him, of course, so did James with his 'Marauders'. But the boy did seem to be kinder than his father, the only one the boy got into fights with was Draco, and Severus was pretty confident that it was the Slytherin that started most of those skirmishes. Still, he hated the boy. There was no _rational_ reason, it just was. And today, today Severus was so consumed by his feelings, that he couldn't even bring himself to speak a withering comment to the boy, to torture him as was the norm. It should be easier now, more than ever before, Severus thought, since the boy knew so much about _his_ personal past. The pain of the past that consumed him and had shaped him into the man he is today.

* * *

Tuesday night after dinner, Harry went to the potion classroom. He was excited to perform this potion and learn if his 'current' appearance was a result of a potion. He was also nervous about brewing this potion with Snape in the room. Even if the potion master hadn't been that evil this summer, he was still a bit unnerving when he hovered.

Stepping into the room, Harry saw the gold cauldron and ingredients already out on the workbench.

"Everything is there Potter, except for the last two ingredients that you should have with you. Tell me before you add those, now get to work." Snape said as he turned around and sat at his desk, leaving Harry to work along.

Harry looked at Professor Snape in disbelief, Snape wanted him to brew a NEWT level potion on his own?

"If you read the book, you shouldn't have any trouble. This is how I conduct my NEWT level classes, as you'll find out if I let you in. After five years in my class, I shouldn't have to babysit my students any more. I'm here if you have any questions or problems. Now get to work, that particular potion takes a while to brew."

Harry started preparing his ingredients according to the instructions in the book. At first he kept sneaking glances at Snape to see if his professor was watching him. After a while, when Harry realized that Snape _wasn't_ hovering over his shoulder, he relaxed and continued to prepare the necessary ingredients and soon began brewing the potion calmly, and to his surprise, without any calamities.

Severus watched as Harry brewed the potion. He was prepared to put up a shield in case the cauldron exploded. To his surprise, it wasn't necessary. In fact, Severus almost felt like _he_ wasn't needed here. Once the boy relaxed he wasn't doing to bad a job, outside of some sloppily prepared ingredients since Harry seemed to rush things at first. Considering this is could almost be qualified as a post-NEWT level potion, it was a little impressive, especially compared to the level of work that the boy normally submitted in class. If the boy keeps this up, Severus thought, it could be a shame to keep him from NEWT potions. Severus shook his head at that thought, immediately dismissing it. There was no way that Harry could keep up this level of work.

"Sir," Harry interrupted. "I'm ready to add the last two ingredients."

"About time, Potter," Snape said, as he looked into the cauldron. "It'll do. Pour two ladles of the potion into the smaller cauldron."

A puzzled Harry followed Snape's instructions. He was curious as to _why_, but decided he didn't want to risk the potion master's temper when he was so close to revealing if a potion was the cause of his appearance.

"Now, Potter, which of the last two ingredients are you going to add first?"

"I thought I would add the hair first and then the blood. I believe the potion would be more effective if they are added in that order."

"Fine. You might want to prepare a vial of your blood now. If you wait until the ingredient is needed you could delay the brewing process or have an inaccurate measurement, which would effect the potions potency. Now add the first ingredient to the potion you just put in the smaller cauldron."

At his words, Harry pricked his finger and let four drops of blood fall into a small vial, that he set aside. He then took a hair from his head and dropped it into the small cauldron. He stirred the cauldron three times clockwise, three times counter-clockwise, then once more clockwise, pouring the blood into the cauldron during the last stirring.

"Now we wait five minutes, after which you will repeat the stirring process of three times clockwise, three times counter-clockwise, and once more clockwise. If an appearance altering potion or charm was placed on you, the potion will change in color. The color will indicate what potion or charm it could be. If your appearance has not been altered with a charm or potion then the potion will be clear."

"Charms?" Harry asked. "The potion can detect if an appearance charm is used as well, sir?"

"Yes, Potter. Didn't I just say that? I thought you read the book."

"I did, sir" At Snape's stare, Harry continued, "I read the part on the brewing of the potion many times until I had most of it memorized, and I skimmed over the description and history of the potion."

Snape shook his head at Harry's word. "After five years at this school, you should know better, even if this assignment isn't being graded. Time's up, now stir again."

Harry stirred the potion three times clockwise, three times counter-clockwise, then once more clockwise and looked down into the potion. It looked clear to him. Well, maybe if he squinted it looked like a pale yellow, or was that just the refection of the gold cauldron?

"Well, Mr. Potter, apparently there aren't any appearance charms or potions at work here. Too bad for you, your looks might have improved; instead you'll have to suffer through being a carbon copy of your father. Not that I blame you for hoping, especially with that mop you call hair."

Harry was quiet as he started to clean his workspace. He was so sure that his appearance was a result of a potion, since none of the counter-charms worked. But now it appeared as if _no_ potion or charm had been used on him. He was so aware of the hope he had of discovering his true appearance disappear, that he barely heard Snape's insults, nor did he notice as his professor sealed the larger cauldron with the remaining potion and set it aside.

"Thank you very much professor, for your help and the use of your labs. I'll see you tomorrow morning for our occlumency lesson."

"Fine, Mr. Potter. Hopefully we can make some more progress and stop _enjoying_ each other's company."

* * *

Thursday night Harry was in his rooms thinking about the past week and writing in his journal. Each day Snape seemed to be coming out of the trance he was in and became more like his old self. Making comments about everything in Harry's life, including his father, Sirius, his lack of skills in potions, his boy-who-lived status, and even commenting on the few memories he had seen this last week in occlumency.

At the beginning of the week, Snape was extremely cold and distant, not even insulting Harry that much, but as each day came, Snape grew more volatile, and all Harry could picture was a volcano getting ready to erupt. Each day Snape was crueler and more insulting than the last, in fact, if someone were to ask Harry he would saw that Snape had exceeded his previous level of vindictiveness.

While the two of them couldn't be called friends by any stretch of the imagination, there seemed to have been an unspoken truce last month, as each of them tried to make the best of the situation.

Harry couldn't help but be curious as to the reason behind his professor's recent mood swings. Apparently, holidays didn't agree with the man. Either way, Harry was not looking forward to lessons tomorrow.

Although, surprisingly, Snape was more tolerable during potions than occlumency.

Tuesday, he learned how the Revealo potion worked if there were no potions present in the body. On Wednesday & Thursday, he learned about potions that could change your hair or eye color, both as antidote or as timed reversals. He even learned what the Revealo potion looked like if an appearance altering potion was in use. At first, he was surprised when Snape brought out the Revealo potion that he made Tuesday and placed two ladles in a smaller cauldron and had him add the final two ingredients, after he ingested the eye color changing potion. This time, instead of becoming clear, the potion turned a pale orange. Snape even showed Harry how to look up the colors to determine the possibility of potions that were affecting his appearance.

At least he had learned some new skills, Harry thought, as he finished writing in his journal and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Once again Harry was able to delay the potion master's entrance into his mind, but was unable to fight it completely. Memories of the past week flashed across his mind, before Snape stopped the spell and yelled "You're not trying, Potter! Resist me, and if you can't do that, push me out! Again, legilimens!"

_His 'talk' with Dumbledore...sharing the prophecy with Remus...celebrating his birthday with his friends. _

All these memories were visible to the professor before Harry pushed him out of his mind.

"Come on now, Potter. You should have made more progress than this. You need to try harder. Or do you like the Dark Lord being in your mind? Legilimens!"

_Harry blowing out the candles on his cake...opening his present from Ron and the Weasley's...spending the weekend after his birthday with Moony, shopping._

"Boy! Can't you do anything right? How you are still alive is beyond me. You should do the world a favor and stop living, instead of giving them the false hope that you'll save them, someday. You barely made any progress this last week, in fact you're back where you were two weeks ago. At this rate you'll be having visions and killing people again in no time! You're as useless as James, and as arrogant and immature. You with your perfect _life_, your family and friends that spoil you rotten, your fame that-"

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!" Harry shouted. The combo of being called 'boy', being told that he wasn't worthy of living and being reminded that he was responsible for the deaths of others was all too much for him to take in, especially coming from someone, who up till this last week, he had begun to admire. "You've been a bloody git all week. I've almost expected you to erupt. You know nothing. Absolutely NOTHING, about anything. Not me, or my life, and certainly not my _father. _Merlin, you call me immature, you're the one that hates me because of something that James Potter did to you 20 years ago. Grow up and get over it!"

"You stupid boy! Do you really think I'm as infantile as that, to hate you because of what you're father did? I don't like you because of who your father is and what he and his friends did to me, but I hate you for more reason than that." Snape said ominously.

"Then why?" Harry asked, against his better judgment. "I have a right to know why you have hated me all these years, why you did your best to make my life more of a hell than it already was, why you've tried everything you could to get me expelled! TELL ME WHY!"

"I hate you for the same reason that the Dark Lord hates you and wants you dead!"

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**End Chapter 17**

**Please R&R. I don't know about this chapter...I was a bit distracted trying to proof it, hopefully I can get back on track soon.**

If I don't post again (due to computer limitations-see above a/n) Have a happy & safe Halloween!! Yeah! I won 2 awards in a pumpkin carving contest today! (carved 4 pumpkins –macbeth dbl, dbl toil & trbl, fireburn, cauldron bubble scene complete w/ 1 witch on each pumpkin & 4th pumpkin as cauldron-even carved the words...)

Reviewers: **Iana Moon, Obiwan Snape, oreocookieqt423, fhippogriff, ShadowHand, Henio41, HarryPFan001, juliedecarson, fragonknight01, Pure Black, Makalani Astral, Hecate DeMort, Talons, Kaleena Mason, Adenara Yatman:** Thanks for the reviews! You guys (girls) are awesome!!

**Molly Morrison:** partly. Replies like that aren't easy to write, it might take a bit.

**Lady Lily 3:** Well, the chapter is written (but not typed), if that helps. I will tell you that it is not until after school starts.

**Risi:** let's just say that I am not a believer in the k.i.s.s. principal.

**Lunatic Pandora1:** got the names from ; it said Aren was Scandinavian, Brac is Welsh, I tried, even if it isn't very Scandinavian, it fits in for many reasons (okay a couple), Molly Morrison, guessed part of it.

**Gorman99:** I understand, I'm inpatient too, (of course, that could be because I can't wait to find out you all's reaction.

**Petunia**: Thanks for the info on Lily, now I don't have to worry about correcting it! I had no idea how fast kids grow (I never grew much, part leprechaun, ya know), I got the info from the web, anyways, he grew a lot in month. I'll try to write things out, sometimes instinct takes over when typing and I don't catch it when proofreading either. Thanks for taking the time to Read & review, I appreciate the help.

10/29/2004


	18. lesser of two evils

Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

**A/N: (personal) correction: It was actually two computers in two months. I hope you enjoy this chapter, I had to redo it since the disk was lost as well (luckily the later chaps were mostly on another disk, which I still have).**

k.i.s.s.- keep it simple

**Thanks Reviewers!!!! **Since comp was taken, :( don't have regular access to e-mail or fan fiction, but I enjoy reading the reviews when I am able to (a little bit of sunshine on my otherwise bleak life). If you really want an answer to a question, feel free to e/m me at wwwendy(at)sbcglobal(dot)net

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**Chapter 18 lesser of two evils**

At Snape's words a look of fear came into Harry's eyes as he backed away from his professor before turning around and running out the door.

Harry ran from Snape's office as fast as he could. His first thought was to run to Dumbledore or Remus to tell them what Snape said. Harry could imagine their reaction. Remus would probably think that he was overreacting. Everyone knows that the Harry and Snape don't get along and that in the past, nothing would have made Harry happier than having the potion master out of his life. Dumbledore would just say that he trusted Snape, and that that is all Harry needs to know.

No, Harry thought, he would have to figure this out by himself.

"Oh, God" Harry mumbled, "He really hates me." Childhood grudges he can deal with, but this, there was nothing but hate in his eyes.

Harry had a sudden thought, if Snape was good enough in occlumency to convince the Dark Lord that he was a loyal servant, than why couldn't he convince Dumbledore of the same thing? Maybe Snape was a double-agent that would explain so much from the past 5 years.

Harry stopped and looked around, somehow he was on the third floor corridor, close to where Fluffy once resided. Feeling the physical exhaustion of running from the dungeon, Harry leaned against the wall and slowly slid down it until he was sitting on the floor, his knees bent with his arms wrapped around his legs, his back against the wall, eyes closed and his head resting on his knees.

Harry didn't know how long he sat there, thinking, crying about his life, his family, before he heard foot steps approach.

He slowly looked up, and saw a tall shadow that could only mean one person, Snape. Harry didn't even think about moving or running again. He was too tired. Tired of running, tired of being afraid, tired of living. What did it matter, he thought. Snape will eventually catch him anyways. Who really cared if it was Voldemort or Snape that ultimately killed him? As Harry contintued to watch in silence, Snape turned the corner and stood a few feet from Harry.

* * *

Snape stood rooted to the spot, just staring at where his student had been. The words he just said, echoing in his head, 'the same reason Voldemort hates you.' He was so caught up in his own anger and jealousy of the boy, that he actually _spoke_ the Dark Lord's name. He couldn't remember if he had ever done that before, if he had, it had been a long while.

No wonder the boy ran in fear, Severus thought. Harry probably thinks I'm still loyal to the Dark Lord, that this has all been part of a plot to bring him to 'his master' to kill him. Merlin, the boy is probably on his way to tell Dumbledore or the werewolf what happened. Severus didn't think he could take it if Dumbledore questioned his loyalty. Dumbledore was the only one that stood by him consistently during the last 20 years, he really didn't want to disappoint him. No, Snape will have to take care of this himself, and the only way to do that was to find Harry and explain. Using a locator spell, Severus followed the path that Harry took after leaving the dungeons.

He was not looking forward to talking with the boy. Of course, the only alternative was to explain to Dumbledore what he meant by his rash statement. That would only bring more questions. And after all those questions were answered, first the headmaster would look at him in sympathy over the past that he had just learned about. Next, Albus would look hurt that Severus didn't mention these events before. No, it looks like it would have to be Harry after all. At least, Snape thought, the boy already knows part of the story. Better to have one person, even if it was Harry, knowing the full story, then to have two people, Harry and Dumbledore, knowing part of it. The lesser of two evils, so to speak. Snape snorted, who would ever think that he would be alluding to Harry Potter as the _lesser_ of two evils, especially compared to Albus.

* * *

"We need to talk," Snape said as he turned the corner and stood before Harry.

Harry just stared at him in silence.

"Fine. We will talk here." Snape said while lowering himself to the floor across from Harry. After making sure that there were no ghosts in the area, he cast a privacy spell to keep anyone from entering the corridor, as well as a silencing charm. "I shouldn't have said what I did."

"Sir, if it's not because of my father, why do you hate me?" Harry asked, deciding that if he was going to die, he might as well have some answers.

Severus didn't reply, he just sat there, staring at the floor.

After a few moments of silence, Harry spoke again. "Sir? I think I have a right to know. It's only fair."

"Fair! What do you know about fairness? You're the bloody boy-who-lived. What is fair about that? You with your friends and families and birthdays..." Snape's voice trailed off, as he remember that he was here to explain things to the boy, not to make things worse.

"As I said earlier, professor, you don't know a thing about my life, so don't talk about what you don't know. It only makes you look like more of an idiot, or as you would say, a dunderhead." Harry replied, his anger and temper getting the best of him.

"I thought you wanted to talk, but if all you are going to do is yell at me and take your bad mood out on me some more, than I'm leaving."

And as he stood up to leave, he heard Snape command, "Sit back down, Potter."

Once more, the potion's master voice was void of feeling as he continued, "This isn't easy for me to talk about, especially with you."

"As I mentioned earlier, I hate you for the same reason that the Dark Lord hates you. Because you are the boy-who-lived. Time and again, you defeated the odds and lived. Oh, I really don't want you dead. I honestly wouldn't wish that anyone's child die, I know what that's like. Nor am I a loyal servant to the Dark Lord that is upset because you incapacitated him 15 years ago. And it s not because you keep thwarting his plans to kill you, either, actually, I find that last bit rather amusing." Snape stopped and took a couple of deep breaths.

After a few minutes of silence, Harry asked "Sir, why are you so upset that I didn't die? You said you wouldn't wish death on anyone."

"I'm getting to that." Snape said angrily, "And I'm upset that you lived, not that you didn't die."

"Okay," Harry said slowly, not really seeing the difference between being upset that he lived versus upset that he didn't die.

"And if you had listened, you would have heard that I said I wouldn't wish any _child_ to die. There are plenty of adults I wish would disappear from this earth."

There was another time of silence, and this time, Harry wisely refrained from speaking.

"Do you remember those memories of mine you saw?" Snape asked quietly.

"Yes, sir," Harry whispered.

"My wife died the same day as our children were born. July 31, 1980."

"That's my.." Harry started to whispered then left the sentence unfinished, not wanting to state the obvious.

"Birthday. Yes, I know. Interesting isn't it, you and my children born on the same day."

Snape paused before continuing, "You see, not many people knew I was married, and even less knew that she was pregnant. I didn't want details of my personal life to get out for many reasons. If the Dark Lord knew that I had children, he would extract a promise from me that they would serve him or die once they reached adulthood. I couldn't, wouldn't do that to my children. There was also the fact that some aurors were ruthless when it came to dealing with suspected Death Eaters. My family would be used against me. Some aurors would even threaten their lives, thinking that 'evil' was in their blood, since they were my family.

"About five weeks after my wife died, I returned home to discover that my house was broken into, the nanny dead, and my children missing. The ministry was notified and a search for my children had begun. The Dark Lord was rising in power and little by little, the ministry pulled people off the search for the children to try to capture him. A few months later, I received a call from the ministry. An auror had found the body of a five month old child, identified as mine. The next thing I know, I was alone with only three graves for company and no more hope of finding my children alive."

Harry sat silently, still not exactly sure how he was involved in all this. What exactly did this have to do with _why_ Snape hated him?

As if reading his mind, Snape continued, "At the same time, I heard that James Potter had returned with a bright-eyed healthy boy, born the same day as my kids. The man, who tormented me throughout school, had the things that I had just lost, a wife, a child, in other words, a family. A year later, James and Lily died at the hands of the Dark Lord, but you survived, because of your mother's love and sacrifice.

"My wife loved her children and she died to bring them into this world, however, that apparently was not enough to protect them. I was not enough to protect them. They were kidnapped from the one place where they should have been safe. Taken from my life and from this world by someone who knew what they were doing.

"This _creature_ was able to evade the ministry and all magical means of tracking. When the body was found, there wasn't a doubt in anyone's mind that they were gone. Why did you, who was born on the same day, under the same sign, able to live a charmed live, escaping death and danger, half of which you willingly put yourself in, over and over again, while my children-" Snape stopped to take a deep breath. Harry had never seen his professor, or any adult for that matter, so distraught, as Snape continued "My children didn't live to see their first Christmas. I spent their first birthday and every birthday since placing roses on the graves of my wife and kids."

Harry sat there, thinking about what he had just heard and remembered what he saw on his birthday when he was out flying on the Quidditch pitch. His eyes widened as he said, "You. You're Raven."

The only response he received from Snape was a glare. Harry hadn't meant to speak his suspicions out loud. He really needed to learn self-control, he thought.

"I'm sorry, sir." Harry paused then decided to be honest with his professor. "When I first saw your memories of your kids, I admit that I was curious. I wondered where they were, who they were, if they went to Hogwarts in disguise. When I, uh, accidentally overhead that you would be going on holiday, I thought that you were spending it with your kids, going on trips and things that families do, and I was jealous. Then on Friday, when I saw, er, well, I realized what had happened, and I felt awful. I never once imagined that that happened. I was also amazed that you were able to function."

At Snape's look of disgust, Harry hurriedly continued, "Not because you aren't strong or anything like that, but because I understood. I never knew Lily and James, but oh, how I wished they were with me almost everyday of my life. Then Sirius was there, and he cared about me. Me, Harry Potter, not the boy-who-lived. I finally caught a glimpse of what it might be like being a part of a real family. To finally have a family of my own, someone to care for me and to help me when life seemed overwhelming. And then he was gone, just two years later, before I really got to know him. Gone from my life, forever, and partly because of my actions. Because I didn't listen, because I didn't-. Oh, Merlin, I'm rambling again," Harry stated, "Anyways, what I am trying to say is that I know what it is like to lose the person that means the most to you. After Sirius was gone, I wasn't sure if I would have survived this, I wasn't sure if I wanted to survive this. I'm sure I wouldn't have if it wasn't for-. Anyways, I don't know how you do it, sir. Everything else that happened seemed so unimportant, after losing Sirius. It felt like my whole world ended, all my hopes and dreams of a family and a happy life disappeared when he did. I can imagine it was similar for you, and even more so."

Severus just listened and watched as Harry rambled on. He never thought about it like that. The day his children were declared dead was the day that he felt that he died on the inside. Life was no longer something to enjoy, but rather something to endure. As he reflected on what Harry said, he realized that perhaps the two of them did have more in common than he ever thought, the again, the boy still had his friends and his aunt's family.

Deciding that this conversation was at an end and that Harry had learned all he was going to about his professor's private life, Snape stood up and said, "Since we missed most of this morning's lesson and the summer is half over, why don't we meet this afternoon after lunch to practice occlumency?"

"Yes, sir," Harry said as he took his cue from Snape and stood up.

"Oh, and Potter"

"Don't worry, sir. I won't tell anyone." Harry said with a smile in his professor's direction.

"See that you don't. After lunch, then." Snape said as he cancelled the silencing and privacy charms as he turned and headed down towards his dungeons, his robe billowing behind him.

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End Chapter 18 lesser of two evils

_Upcoming: Chapter 19 Appearances can be deceiving_

11/2/2004


	19. appearances can be deceiving

Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. I'm preparing to move this weekend (gee, wonder why?). Hopefully, once moved & comp is replaced, can update more often & get more typing done.**

**WOW! Thanks Reviewers!!!! **Wanted to get this out, so I didn't have time to respond to every review, but I loved them!** FYI-**Names won't help; GoddessMoonLady is on the right track. Dante Lewis, thanks for the incredible review-again, names won't help. HP knows the names of Snape's family already.

As for them being clueless you're right in many ways, but also, their isn't much reason for them to suspect anything (yet).

Some of you commented on the suspense/not rushing it/delay/ when they will find out: I wanted to develop some type of relationship between the two before they found out. Also, they won't find out till after school starts (and I like _how_ they find out).

Some of you also figured out 'the twin', good job. I didn't do it to be mean, but to give support to story line.

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**Chapter 19 appearances _can_ be deceiving**

Severus admits that his reason for this afternoon's lesson weren't just to teach the boy occlumency. No, Snape had an ulterior motive. He couldn't help but think about what Harry had said while he rambled earlier that morning. 'To finally have a family of my own, someone to care for me' Snape was curious as to what Harry could have meant by those words. The boy had a family that spoiled him, didn't he? Lily's sister, her husband and their son. Even if they were muggles, they had to know about the boy-who-lived, they were probably instructed by Dumbledore 15 years ago to spoil the boy. Harry and his cousin must be so close in age that the two were probably like the Weasley twins, best friends, always together when possible, and completing each other's sentences. Snape was an only child, a 'lonely only' some would say. Often as a child he would wish for a brother or sister to share things with, someone that would always be there, similar to what he saw in the Weasley's relationships. Severus was so happy when he learned that his wife was expecting twins. Even after his wife died, he took comfort in the fact that they would always have each other, someone to share life's burdens with, someone to talk to who would understand.

Severus shook his head, no time for this, he thought, Potter should be here any minute now. As if on cue, he heard a knock on his door.

"Come in." Snape said, after reminding himself that he was going to _try_ to 'play nice'.

Harry walked into the room. "Is this a good time, professor?"

"Perfect." Snape said, pretending not to notice the look of shock on Harry's face at his professor's friendly tone. "Ready?"

"Yes, sir."

"Legilimens."

Hmm, much different than he imaged, Snape thought, as he found the information he was seeking. Memories of Harry as a young child and his life with the Dursley's played in the boy's mind. Harry obviously didn't use his journal after this morning's discussion.

"You okay, Potter?"

"Yes, sir," Harry replied, shocked and embarrassed that his professor saw so many troubling memories. Harry didn't understand what was happening. He had been able to keep Snape from seeing the memories of his childhood most of the summer, why not now?

"Okay, let's do this again. Try to reign in your emotions. Legilimens."

Once more Snape saw pictures of Harry, cooking, cleaning and waiting on his relatives. He saw him being hunted by Dudley, locked in a cupboard, and locked in his room. Snape watched as the three youngest Weasley brothers tore bars away from his window and pulled Harry into a get away car. He saw Christmases with a young Harry receiving a coat hanger, while a much larger boy opened up a mountain of presents and sweets.

"Potter, sit down." Snape said, trying to keep the bite out of his voice.

"Do you know _why_ I was able to see so many memories just now? Why they were so clear and accessible?"

"No, sir."

"It is because you are vulnerable. You had an emotional morning. After our discussion, you should have taken the time to clear your mind. If necessary, carry the journal with you everywhere you go, just be sure to place protective charms on it." Snape cautioned. "It is especially important that you use it after emotionally stressful times. You also might want to think about other options besides the journal to help clear your mind. The Dark Lord will do his best to distress you, cause you to lose control of your emotions. He will make you vulnerable and then go in for the kill."

Harry paled at Snape's choice of words.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, I didn't mean kill like that, although knowing the Dark Lord, it is a possibility. I meant he will take advantage of your vulnerable state to gain access to your memories. I don't think he will grant you a few minutes reprieve to write in your journal. If nothing else, at least picture yourself writing what you are feeling in the journal. This should help you organize your emotions and help you get them under control."

"But sir," Harry asked, "Why was the journal working so well before?"  
  
"Harry, what is the last thing you do at night?"

"Write in the journal."

"And what do you do before our lesson?"

"Get up and get some breakfast," Harry replied.

Snape just looked at him and raised an eyebrow. At Harry's confused look, Snape replied, "Piece it together, Potter. How stressful or emotionally taxing is breakfast?"

"Oh," Harry replied, as he finally understood the point Snape was making.

"Oh, indeed, Mr. Potter." Snape paused as he came to a decision. "Starting tonight, while we are working on the appearance potions, I will use that time to check on your progress in occlumency. It wouldn't hurt for you to be prepared at any given moment to repel me from your mind."

"Yes, sir," Harry replied, wondering if he should start to expect sneak attacks when he was walking down the corridors.

* * *

"Okay, next week we can work on potions that are set to be reversed by antidotes." Severus said, as Harry went to leave the lab. "That will only take one or two nights, if you listen."

"Okay, thank you, sir." Harry said, hoping that even though the revealing potion didn't show a potion in his system, that one of the antidotes would still trigger the reversal process.

"Oh, and Potter, interesting look for you."

Harry just gave him confused look as he walked out the classroom door.

Snape shook his head after the boy. Harry was smarter than he originally gave the boy credit for, Severus thought, but still utterly clueless at times.

At least the boy was getting practice at potions, even if they didn't serve any real purpose at this moment, once more thinking that the object to learning appearance altering potions was for a prank. Although where he was brewing them was mystery.

Snape couldn't figure out why the boy was so desperate to change his appearance though. For his hair to have grown that fast, it had to have been a spell of some kind, the logical choice was a potion since they had been working on such potions all week, of course, Snape thought, given the boys tendency to steal ingredients in the past, Harry could have just taken the potion when he wasn't looking. Snape laughed and wondered what Harry's reaction would be if he knew that the appearance that he had chosen was so similar to the way _he_ looked when he was a Hogwart's student.

"It's good to hear you laugh, Severus." Albus said as he entered the room.

"Evening, Albus."

"Care to share what is so amusing?"

"Just curious over Potter's use of appearance altering potions."

"Speaking of potions, Severus-"

"Headmaster, do I need to remind you that you said I could have until the _end _of_ next week_ to inform you of my decision? I fully intend on using every second of that time."

"Fine, fine. I was just wondering if I needed to contact the ministry to reschedule the test or if I should warn Harry to start studying for it."

"Tell him it wouldn't hurt to start studying." Snape said with a smirk, before grimacing and grabbing his left arm. "Make sure Potter clears his mind before he goes to sleep tonight."

Seeing Severus's action, Dumbledore said "Yes, of course. You had better go now, but be careful. You're important and not just to the order or for the information you bring back."

Snape dismissed Albus's words with a wave of his hand as he headed to his room to grab his things before leaving the castle.

* * *

Saturday morning, Severus spent recovering from Friday's 'meeting'. He finished his report to Albus, detailing what he had learned last night, which wasn't much. All he knew was that the Dark Lord was planning something and that Potter was somehow involved. No surprise there. The only difference is that it doesn't seem like the Dark Lord is willing to wait until the end of the school year as he normally does. Severus had a feeling that the Dark Lord's plan would be implemented before the new year was upon them.

The remainder of the weekend Severus thought about what he learned regarding the boy-who-lived in the past few weeks. Severus thought back to yesterday's 'make-up' lesson in occlumency. "No wonder he so readily latched onto the mutt," Snape mumble, "even _I_ would be a better caregiver than those muggles." Maybe he was wrong about Harry being like James, giving how he was raised, he obviously wasn't spoiled, in fact, he was treated worse than some house-elves Severus knew.

There was no denying that the boy had a knack for finding trouble, but he often tried to protect his friends and keep them away from danger or punishment. He also took things _too_ seriously, on the plus side, he admits to his mistakes, often taking it too far, by becoming paralyzed with the guilt.

Perhaps he does understand, Severus thought, and maybe we do have a lot in common.

* * *

Saturday afternoon, Moony decided to track down Harry and share his suspicions. He finally found him down by the lake, reclining on a blanket, reading.

"Harry, can we talk for a moment?"

"Of course, Moony, come down and join me."

After Moony sat down, he took a look at Harry, before deciding to speak. Words failed him, he was shocked at what he saw. How could Harry not notice all the changes that were happening to his body? "Harry, have you noticed how much you've changed in the last week?"

"What? Oh, you mean the height, I already told you about that."

"Well, then, what about your hair?"

"Yeah, I admit that's a bit strange. I never knew it to grow at all, except one time when Aunt Petunia gave me a really bad, really short hair cut, it grew over night that time, but only to the length it was before. I didn't even notice that it was at my shoulders until Professor Snape mentioned it at breakfast on Monday."

"Harry," Remus said, wondering how clueless the boy could get, "On Monday it was shoulder length, now it is more than half way down your back."

"Really? I could do with a change, hopefully the longer it is, the easier it will be to keep neat."

"Harry, if it keeps growing at this rate, you'll be lucky if you aren't tripping on it when school starts."

"What! You don't think it'll keep growing, do you?"

"I don't know, we will just have to wait and see, I don't think there is anything we can do about it, anyways. What about your eyes?"

"What about my eyes?

"Harry, did you even _look_ at a mirror this morning?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Here," Remus said as he conjured a mirror and handed it to Harry.

"Wow! My hair is long." Harry said as he noticed that his hair, normally short black, messy hair was very different. The color was still black, but that seemed t be the only thing that stayed the same His hair, was, as Remus said, more than half way down his back, it was also curling at the ends. Unfortunately, it didn't appear to be that much neater, the curls seemed to make his hair tangle easily or cause it to stick out in different directions. "I think I like it like this, although I will definitely need to get something to tie it back him."

"Your eyes, Harry, look at your eyes," Remus said, clearly lacking patience with Harry's wandering mind.

"Okay, okay." Harry said as he looked at the mirror again. At first he wasn't sure if he was seeing things correctly, He took off his glasses and looked at the mirror again. No, the same reflection was staring back at him. He blinked his eyes, once, twice, nope still the same image.

Remus watched as Harry stood up and faced different directions, positioning the mirror at different angles. Still looking in the mirror, Harry laid down on his stomach and looked at the mirror again. Slowly, Harry raised those shocking eyes to Remus and said "I don't suppose a conjured mirror can be charmed?"

Remus shook his head no.

Harry sighed, "The height, well, it's natural for teenagers to hit growth spurts, even if this one isn't quite normal. The same could be said about my hair. I mean, I've never been 'normal' so why should this be any different. But those eyes. At first I thought it was a trick with the mirror or with my glasses. Or even a reflection off of something, but it's not is it?"

Again, Remus shook his head and this time said, "No, it's not."

"But my eyes-" Harry paused for a moment "They're BLUE! How? Why?"

"I think you must have found a way for the appearance charm or potion to wear off."

For the first time since this conversation started, Harry started to smile. "Really? Do you really think so? But how? I tried everything I could think of. And most of that was _weeks_ ago. And I've only worked on timed reversal potions with Professor Snape, we weren't going to work on the antidote potions until next week." Harry paused as he thought of something else.

"Hey! I even brewed a revealing potion and it didn't show anything at work. Charms _or_ potions."

"I don't know what to tell you about that, Harry. I'm just sharing my suspicions. The fact that you've grown, practically overnight, your hair has changed drastically in the last week and your eyes have changed color since yesterday, makes me believe that these changes are the result of some spell ending. The only other option is that someone is playing a joke to change your appearance."

"No, the only ones brave enough to do that would be Fred and George, and they would want to be here when their victim starts to freak out about the changes."

"Well, then, maybe the original charm or potion was timed or something else happened to reverse it."

"Moony! That's it! You're a genius." Harry said as he gave the werewolf a quick hug and ran back towards the castle.

"Harry! Harry! Stop! Where are you going?" Remus shouted before standing up quickly to take off after him.

Standing up a little too quickly, perhaps, the normally agile werewolf's legs got tangled up in the blanket that he and Harry were sitting on, and the next thing he knew he was falling, falling, falling, back down onto the ground when everything went black.

* * *

"Remus. Remus. Are you okay?"

"Hmm," the werewolf replied, wondering where he was, and even more importantly, where Harry was. "Harry."

"As far as we know, Harry is fine. It is you we are worried about. We have no idea how long you were out there for. Luckily Minerva and I came along when we did, otherwise, it would take you even longer to recover."

"No, no, I'm fine." Remus said as he realized that he was in the hospital ward, being looked after by Madam Pomphrey. "I need to go find Harry."

"You are not leaving here, Remus. You took a nasty fall. You have a concussion from where you hit your head on a rock. Your broken arm will take a bit of time to mend, since I didn't want to use any potions so soon after the full moon. Not to mention that you could have pneumonia thanks to the splashing of the Giant Squid. You were positively soaked through when Minerva found you. No, you are staying right here, at least until after dinner. Preferable overnight."

"Poppy, I'm fine. I really need to go find Harry."

"I told you, Harry's fine. We will let him know what happened. Now take these potions and rest." She said, handing him two bottles of potions.

"I'm fine," Remus said again, trying to get up.

"I am not going to let my first patient in over a month, fall into a decline, because he wouldn't listen to me. You are staying in that bed until dinner and you _will_ take these potions if I have to knock you unconscious to give them to you myself."

Recognizing the signs of a stubborn witch, Remus gave in with a long sigh. Taking the potions, he fell into a deep sleep, wondering why he was such a genius in Harry's eyes.

**

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**

End Chapter 19 appearance _can_ be deceiving

So tell me, how do you think SS should react once he knows?

Wanted to get this out to you, please forgive the minor errors (not beta'd)

_Upcoming: Chapter 20 Novo Visius Adoptio_

11/5/2004


	20. novo visius adoptio

A/N: Harry didn't know Remus got hurt, he ran to the castle & didn't look back.

The truth will be revealed by Turkey Day (11/25/04) hopefully sooner, if I have access to a computer (I believe it is ch. 26)

* * *

Chapter 20 novo visius adoptio

"So, Harry, you're telling me that your appearance was a result of this 'Novo Visius Adoptio' spell." Remus said to Harry. Poppy finally let him leave the hospital ward after dinner and the first thing he did was track Harry down in his rooms.

"Yes."

"Why couldn't we find it in any of the books we looked through?"

"It is only used in cases of adoption. Because of that, it isn't that well known. In fact, I think the adoption book is the only one that mentions it. The book said that usually only Ministry workers in the Department of Family Services are aware of how to cast the spell."

"Then why wasn't it detected by Moody or Severus's potions?"

"It's a blood based potion, again, only used in adoptions, so it is not classified as an appearance altering potion. The effects are that the child will have features of his/her adoptive parents until he is told about the adoption. This spell is used to protect the child, most appearance altering potions or charms are done to disguise or conceal something." Harry wasn't sure how to explain this, it was something he was a bit confused about as well, all he knew was that it worked, since it wasn't detected. "Since it is a protective spell, it is able to hide the fact that it is a spell. It also hides the actual identity of the child, if any genetic testing was performed while the spell was still active, whether magical or muggle, it would show the adoptive parents as the result rather than the birth parents until the spell was completely reversed."

"Okay, I might not understand exactly how it works, but I understand that it does. But the question now is, how was it reversed?"

"It will revert itself once the child has been informed that they were adopted." For some reason, Harry felt like _he_ was the professor here.

"Harry, you found out that you were adopted over five weeks ago!"

"Yeah, I know. According to 'Magic of Adoption' the spell will begin to wear off four weeks after being informed about the adoption. The book said that this is done to provide time for the parents and child to reset the spell. This time the child's blood is used as well, and the spell will become permanent."

"Starts to wear off, you said. How long does it take for it to wear off?"

"Well, that kind of depends on the power behind the spells. The stronger the witch and wizard involved in the spell, the longer it will be before the spell is completely reversed. Usually about one or two weeks."

Remus sat thinking for a moment before asking, "So what day did you read Sirius's first letter?"

"July 3. Why?"

Moony ignored Harry's question and started to calculate the days in his head, "So your birthday was four weeks, today is ten days after that. By next Wednesday or Saturday at the latest, you appearance should be how it naturally would be."

"Merlin," Harry said. "I think I need to lie down." Remus laughed as Harry crawled down onto the floor, taking all of this in. "I can't believe I will finally learn what I should look like behind the charms. It's really not that much of a change, is it? I mean, my hair is the same color, just much longer and wavier, and I suppose I could always cut it if I wanted. Mostly it is just my eyes right now. I think it will take a while to get used to blue eyes, though. I kind of liked the green."

Remus nodded, he too would have to get used to the physical changes in Harry. He wondered if Harry had given any thought to _how_ he would explain his appearance to his friends once school started.

"Harry, have you thought about how you will explain your appearance to everyone?"

"No. I figured I have a few weeks until school starts, hopefully I can come up with something by then."

"Are you going to tell Dumbledore about the adoption?"

"Don't plan on it right now. As far as I can see, it doesn't affect the prophecy or the order. I will have to tell him before the school year ends, though."

"Why?"

"I'm not sure what affect the adoption has on the wards at my aunt's house. Supposedly they are based on the blood connection between me and my aunt. Since I was adopted by Lily, there is no blood connection, which I am grateful for in many ways." Harry added the last phrase with relief.

"Yes, I suppose he would have to be informed about the adoption for that reason, at least. I know that you are not eager to share the information with him, but he might be able to help you. Maybe you should let him know before school starts. He probably suspects something anyways."

"He seems to know just about everything that happens in this castle. If he asks me directly, then I will tell him, otherwise, not until I'm ready. I would like to at least know a bit more about my parents first. I have a feeling that he wouldn't want me to pursue a relationship with my natural family."

"Harry, why would you say that?"

"Just an instinctive feeling. He always tries to do what's best for me, which often turns out to be the worse thing for me. My family is in Sweden. If they want to spend time with me, I would have to go there, I don't think Dumbledore would allow that. He won't even let me go to the Weasley's!"

Remus listened to what Harry said and even more important what he implied. The boy was genuinely afraid that Albus would keep him from his family. At times, Remus himself wasn't sure what the headmaster was up to. Remus had to believe that Albus cared about Harry and would want him to be happy. Surely he would do what he could to _help_ the boy come to terms with his past and future.

Remus decided to change the topic off of Albus and asked another question that had been on his mind. "Harry, where did you find the book, anyways?"

"Oh, that was the strangest thing. I walked into the library on my birthday with Ron and Hermione was sitting at a table reading it. She said she found it open on the table, and of course, being Hermione, had to read it."

"So you decided to take it from the library after all?" Remus said, pointing to the papers in his hands.

"No, actually, Hermione took it from the library later that night when I wasn't looking. After Hermione and Ron left, I eventually went back to the library to find it again, but once more, it was missing. It wasn't until a few days later when I remembered that Hermione had left some library books in the tower that she asked me to return for her. One of the books was 'Magic of Adoption'.

"And you decided to hang onto it, so it wouldn't disappear again."

"No, I returned it. But first I used a copy spell on some of the pages, just in case it disappeared again." Harry said sheepishly, since they weren't suppose to use the duplicating spell on library books, at least not for so many pages.

"Smart boy." Remus said, laughing.

* * *

Harry avoided the great hall and the other professors the rest of the weekend. He wasn't sure how to answer all the questions he knew would come from his 'new' appearance. Hopefully, most will attribute it to potion experiments and not ask.

Come Monday morning, though, Harry knew he couldn't evade Snape any more, so he knocked on his office door and went in.

"Potter," Snape said without looking up. "Take a seat, I'll be with you in a minute."

After finishing his supply request list for Albus, Snape grabbed his want and stood up. "Okay, Potter, over here. Ready? Legili-"

"Professor," Harry said after Snape was silent for a few minutes. He couldn't figure out why Snape stopped halfway through the spell.

Snape just looked at Harry, taking in his height, his hair and his face. Finally, he shook his head and once more said "You might want to be careful about the potions you combine. Ready? Legilimens!"

Even though Harry was distracted by Snape's remark, he was still able to keep his professor out of his mind for the duration of the spell.

"Finally, Potter, improvement. Good to know that our time here this summer is not being wasted. However, the Dark Lord will keep the spell on you for a longer period of time. If you can't keep him out completely, which I wouldn't suggest if you meet face to face, let him see what you want him to see."

"Sir, why would you suggest that I don't keep him out completely, if I am able to?"

"Potter, if you are able to keep him out completely then he will know that you learned this. If Albus saw to it that you were taught this, something, normally not taught at Hogwarts, and hardly ever to teenagers, then the Dark Lord will assume that you have information that would be valuable to him and he would stop at nothing to get that information, eventually wearing down your shields."

"But sir, what about the dreams and visions?"

"Those are a different matter, Potter. Your mind should be completely clear when you go to bed at night. I would suggest you continue with the journals, since they seem to be working. This will prevent the visions occurring while you sleep." Snape explained. "Imposing specific memories or even false memories for the Dark Lord to see is only if you meet him in person."

"How would I do that?"

"The opposite way of clearing your mind. Instead you fill your mind with thoughts, memories and most of all feelings about the event or item you want him to see, while everything else is cleared out."

"Can we try that?"

"Perhaps," said Snape. "Once I am satisfied that you can keep me out of your mind."

* * *

Harry just finished taking the antidote to change his hair color back to its original color rather than the Slytherin green Snape had colored it. The last two evenings, Snape had showed him how to create appearance altering potions set to antidotes rather than a timed reversal. Snape would brew an appearance altering potion for Harry to digest, Harry would have to figure out what potion it was and work on the antidote. Last night, Snape had handed him a potion that made his eyes turn black. Before Snape handed the potion to Harry, he informed Harry that he wouldn't help on the antidotes. Harry's appearance will stay as it was until Harry successfully brewed the correct antidote. Luckily, Harry was able to figure out the antidotes pretty quickly.

For some reason, Snape was part proud that Harry was showing such skills in potions, he never would have imagined that this student could so quickly identify the potions applied to him and be able to figure out the correct antidote and brew it successfully. Of course, the other part of him was disappointed. He had been looking forward to the looks on the other professor's faces, especially Minerva's if the Gryffindor golden boy had gone to breakfast with Slytherin green hair, not to mention eyes that resembled his own.

Of course, it was the feelings of pride that confused the potion master. Ever since he shared his story with the boy, the two seemed to be closer. Snape didn't automatically insult Harry, and he hardly ever made a derisive comment about his father or godfather. Harry didn't lose his temper, but seemed to enjoy Snape's sarcastic humor, even when it was directed towards himself.

"Sir? Are there any other appearance potions that we can work on tonight?"

"No. You learned the both the timed and antidote reversing potions to change eye color, hair color, hair length and texture, which you seem to have put to use. The only other appearance altering potions are too dangerous to use."

"What other potions are there?"

"We went through the cosmetic or surface potions, the only other ones are skeletal changes." At Harry's blank look, Snape sighed and explained, "Changes to your skeletal system, bone structure, et cetera. Facial features, Height, skin tones. Charms let someone see what you want them to see, without actually changing these items. Potions actually make this change, causing pain during the transformation, as well as danger if something went wrong."

"How could something go wrong? Wouldn't you know if the potion was incorrect?"

"I would know, but not many others would. If the potion is off by even a little bit, the results could be disastrous. Think back to Lockhart's spell to fix the bone in your arm. Now imagine if you had ingested a potion to change your bones or muscle, and the potion was wrong, what would happen if that incorrect potion had the same effect as Lockhart's incorrect spell?"

Harry paled at the thought of someone with no bones in their entire body, "Oh."

"Oh, indeed. The only other variant of the potions you know is the different colors or length of time the spell lasts. You don't need to brew a potion to learn those, any book on appearance altering potions will have a table showing you which ingredients are needed to achieve your desired result."

"Oh," Harry said again. "Well, then, thank you for teaching me these potions. I'll see you tomorrow for occlumency, then."

"Potter, I'm brewing some potions for Madam Pomphrey for her stocks. Dumbledore suggested that you assist as a way to evaluate your potion skill level for possible admittance to my NEWT class. If you are still interested in that class, I suggest you meet here tomorrow at seven."

"Yes, sir, thank you, professor." Harry said as he left the classroom.

* * *

End Chapter 20 novo visius adoptio

Forgive the minor errors, wanted to get this out to you while I could.

_Upcoming: Chapter 21 accepted and rejected   
                    Chapter 22 going, going, gone_


	21. accepted and rejected

Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

**A/N: HP found out about the 'novo visius adoptio' charm from the 'Magic of Adoption book'. Sorry that I didn't make that clearer.**

**Thanks Reviewers!!!!**

**

* * *

****Chapter 21 accepted and rejected**

Harry woke up early on Wednesday. It was now six weeks since he had found out about his adoption. All the physical changes should be completed by now. He couldn't wait to see what 'Aren' looked like, he thought, as he grabbed his glasses from the nightstand, put them on and jumped out of bed to run to the mirror.

His eyes were the same shade of blue that they were on Saturday.

His hair was still black, but wavy and much longer; it was now past his waist.

He now stood a little over six feet.

His skin was a golden-tan tone.

His built wasn't as thin, and his shoulders seemed wider than before.

There was no obvious changes to his facial features. If you looked close, you would notice that his smile was a little wider and his eyes weren't as close together as they were at the beginning of the summer. Luckily, the changes to his features were very subtle, barely noticeable, unless someone was comparing 'the new Harry' to a picture of him from last year.

Overall, not too bad, he thought. He was a little worried, though, that his new height would be a problem in Quidditch. The smaller, slimmer built seemed to work better for seekers. Oh, well, if it was a problem, Harry thought, Ginny could always be the seeker; she did a great job last year. Maybe he could try out for chaser. He wouldn't mind being a keeper, either, but that was Ron's position and he wouldn't challenge his friend for it.

He finally stopped his musings and got dressed to head to breakfast.

The minute he entered the hall, he saw Hedwig waiting for him. Knowing that she had come back from Sweden and possibly with a reply from Cybelle's parents, he ran over to her.

"Mr. Potter, it may be summer, but the rules still apply. No running. Be thankful school isn't in session or it would be twenty point and a week of detention."

"Yes sir." Harry said, clutching the letter and small package that Hedwig had with her. His family had written back to him and it looks like they sent him a present as well, nothing could upset him today, he thought, not even Snape's insults or comments.

Harry quickly left the Great hall, more than willing to miss breakfast to read his letter and open the package that accompanied it. As soon as he was out of Snape's sight, he ran down to the lake, opened the letter, and started to read.

As he finished reading the letter, there were tears streaming down his cheeks and his mouth hung open in shock. He couldn't believe what he read. Why were they doing this to him?

Numbly, Harry stood up. He had just enough time to bring the letter and package into his room before heading to occlumency with Snape.

* * *

Harry spent the next few days in shock. He couldn't remember anything that happened during his occlumency lessons on Wednesday or Thursday, or what potions he had worked on with Snape in the evenings.

He didn't see the worried glances shot his way from his professors. Dumbledore, Remus, McGonagle, Pomphrey and even Snape watched him with concerned eyes. Each one of them had noticed the dramatic difference in his attitude that had occurred since they last saw him Tuesday evening. All of them suspected that something had happened, but none of them knew what it was. Perhaps his nightmares were back? Perhaps he was finally coming to terms with Sirius's death? Both of these were all possibilities, they thought, but no one knew for sure. If asked, each one of them would say that the boy was clearly in a state of depression. For the last two days, he had a vacant look on his face, seemed to automatically go through the motions of life, without showing any feelings. He barely talked and when he did it was only in short phrases, usually to answer direct questions, but his voice was flat and monotone, not revealing a hint of emotion. He wasn't eating; oh, he came to meals, but mostly just pushed the food around on his plate, not once lifting the fork to his mouth. He was more oblivious than usual to what was going on around him. When he wasn't with Severus for lessons, he could be seen haunting the corridors, wandering aimlessly about, consumed by his own thoughts.

Many of the professors tried to get Harry to share with them his problems, for the most part, he ignored them. He wasn't rude about it, it was as if he didn't even realize that they were there. Remus also tried to get Harry to talk to him, but Harry spent most of his time staring at nothing. He barely acknowledged that Remus was next to him. When he did talk it was usually to answer questions, his voice was flat and monotone, showing no emotion.

Thursday evening after Harry's 'potion lesson' with Snape, Harry was once more wandering around the castle, when he came upon a conversation between Dumbledore, Remus and Snape.

"Remus, do you know what happened to make Harry so withdrawn?"

"No, I don't think it is related to Sirius's death, though. We have talked about that, and he seemed to have accepted it and had come to terms with it. There are a few other things going on in his life right now, but he was excited about them last time we talked. I've tried to talk with him, but he barely acknowledges that I'm there."

"What's going on with him?" Dumbledore inquired.

"I really can't say, Albus. It's personal. If Harry wants to share it with you, he will."

"Does it have anyth-"

"No, sir. It has no connection with Voldemort, nor does it impact the Order."

"Hmm. Well, if that changes, please let me know. Now we will just have to pinpoint when Harry started acting like this and try to find the reason why."

"Something must have occurred early Wednesday morning. Tuesday evening at dinner he was fine. I didn't see him at breakfast on Wednesday, he must have slept in, but at lunch he was extremely quiet and I don't think he actually ate anything. The only thing I could think of that might affect him like this would be a vision from Voldemort."

"If it was a vision, I would think that he would share it. Surely he knows to do so by now, especially after the events of last term." Severus stated automatically, starting to think about his interactions with Harry yesterday morning.

"Severus," Albus said, seeing the expression on the potion master's face. "Do you know what this is about? Did something happen during his occlumency lesson on Wednesday?"

"What?" Snape asked as he was brought out of his thoughts. "No, sir, nothing happened during occlumency. I was just wondering if this was connected to the letter his owl brought him on Wednesday."

"Letter?" Remus said, sitting up straighter. "Hedwig brought him a letter on Wednesday? How do you know?"

"Because I _saw_ it, wolf. He arrived early to breakfast yesterday, saw his owl waiting for him with a letter, ran over, grabbed the letter and left."

"How was he in occlumency that morning?" Albus asked.

"Quiet, but that's been normal. He's trying to learn how to impose false memories in his mind for someone to see. It requires more concentration on his part."

"Remus, can I gather from your reaction that something in that letter might have triggered this episode?" At Remus's reluctant nod, Albus continued, "Well, then, for now we will assume that the letter is the reason for this change, and not Voldemort. Remus, try to see what was in the letter and let us know if there is anything we can do. Hopefully he will talk to you about it. Now, Severus, how is he doing in occlumency? If Voldemort did try to plant a vision into Harry's mind, could Harry fend off the attachk?"

"The boy is doing surprisingly well. He can resist me, blocking me out for several minutes. If I am able to get into his mind, he can quickly push me out. However, if there are repeated attacks, his resistance is lower and it is only a matter of time before it is broken and he is no longer able to block me or push me out. If he keeps writing in the journal and clears his mind every night, he shouldn't have any more visions from the Dark Lord while he sleeps."

"Wonderful! Now you mentioned imposing false memories?"

"Yes, sir. This defense is best if he were to meet the Dark Lord in person again. He can protect the most important memories without revealing that he can block someone out of his mind. I do not think it is wise for Harry to try to keep the Dark Lord from his mind if they were to meet in person. This would only let the Dark Lord know that you thought it prudent that he learn occlumency. From what I know of the Dark Lord, this would make him believe that Harry has information that could be valuable if the 'wrong people' were to know it. He would stop at nothing to get this information from Harry, perhaps even causing irreparable damage to the boy's mind. However, if the Dark Lord sees less important memories or even false memories that Harry is controlling, then most likely he will assume that there is nothing of importance to gather from the boy's mind and that the information he seeks simply isn't there."

"That is great news. Hopefully, we can keep an eye on Harry this year, and won't have to test that theory. Now Severus, about letting him into your NEWT class-"

"No need to discuss it, Albus. I have already made my decision." Snape smirked.

"Surely, we can discuss this?" Remus asked, knowing how much Harry needed that class if he wanted to be an auror.

Albus ignored Remus's words and asked Severus, "and what is that decision?"

"Actually, I have realized that the boy is quite talented when it comes to potions. I suspect that with the smaller class and without Weasley to distract him, he could pass a NEWT potions class with honors. The skills he learned during his occlumency lessons should benefit him in the classroom as well. If he is able to keep the Dark Lord out of his mind and his emotions under control, then there should be no reason why he shouldn't be able to keep distractions in the classroom from hindering his work. I will let him into the class under a few conditions. First, neither of you mention to _anyone _what I just said regarding his talent for potions. Second, as far as he is concerned, the only reason I am letting him into the class is because the headmaster requested I do so. Along with that, he is held to the same standard as everyone else in the class-no special rules for the boy-who-lived, if at any time his grades in my class fall below the standard, or he is a danger to himself or other students in the classroom, due to improper technique, or if he cannot control his temper, he is out."

Hearing Severus's conditions, Albus's eyes twinkled and the older wizard smiled. "Agreed. I will let him know that he has been accepted at my request, much to your dismay and against your judgment. Remus, I have an assignment for you, if you are willing. Please meet me in my offices tomorrow morning and we can discuss it. Right now, maybe you should try to see how Harry is doing. Try to get him to talk with you about that letter. Hopefully he will discuss it with you and will return to his 'normal' disposition" Ignoring Severus's muttered 'I rather like him quiet like this', Albus continued, "He isn't going to be able to stay here the next few weeks, since all the teachers will be busy preparing for the new term, and I would like to see him eating and being aware of his surroundings if he is to spend the last few weeks of summer holiday at home. Severus, I need to discuss a few more things with you, will you join me in my office?"

"Of course, headmaster." Severus said as the three left the great hall, two of them heading towards the gargoyle leading to the headmaster's office and one of them following the scent of the only teenager currently in residence in the castle, who had left the hallway just moment's before.

XXXX

"Harry, Harry. Open up."

"Harry. Let me in." Remus said as he knocked on the door to Harry's room. "I know you're in there and I know that you are still awake."

"How did you know?" Harry said as he opened the door. "Or did you only suspect and I just proved you right by opening the door?"

"Harry, I leave those tricks to the Slytherins. I'm a werewolf. I followed your scent from the great hall. How much did you hear?"

"About all of it, I think." Harry said as he looked down.

"Harry, I know that you don't like people keeping things from you, but you also know that there are some things that don't concern you. I don't want to catch you or even hear about you listening to conversations that you weren't intended to be included in."

As Harry opened his mouth to reply, Remus continued, "Even if it is about you. Is that clear?"

Is this what a parent would sound like, Harry thought? He wasn't sure how he felt about that, even if he did deserve it for eavesdropping on their conversation. "Yes, sir,"

"Okay, now, since you know why I'm here, tell me about that letter. I'm assuming that it was from Cybelle's parents?"

"Yes, sir," Harry said, all the emotions that he felt when he first read the letter coming back to him. "Do you want the good new or the bad news?" Harry asked flippantly.

"Harry, drop the attitude and tell me what is wrong."

"They don't want me." Harry said succinctly, without any emotions behind the words, as he started to pace across the room.

"Apparently they didn't even know that their daughter was pregnant. She returned back from a 'business trip' and presented her parents with a grandchild, without a husband or the child's father in attendance, and refusing to say who the father was. They didn't see or talk to her again. They didn't even attend her funeral when she died a few weeks later. _That's_ why they didn't want me. They didn't know who my father was and because Cybelle refused to tell them, they concluded that it was someone to be ashamed of. They decided that perhaps my father was a muggle, a squib, or even a dark wizard. Without knowing for sure, they were not willing to take a chance on me when she died."

Harry continued to pace, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I was hoping that they didn't seek custody of me because they couldn't handle raising an infant, especially right after losing their daughter. But NnnnOooo," Harry sang, "they were too afraid that I'll turn out to be evil!"

The more Harry talked, the faster he paced and the angrier he got, as he recalled the words his 'grandparents' wrote. He could feel his magic getting out of control like it did three years ago when he accidentally 'blew up' Aunt Marge.

"They figured my father had to be evil to leave their daughter alone and pregnant without a wedding ring. No respectful wizard or even muggle would leave a young woman alone and pregnant, therefore he had to be evil, just using her while she was separated from her family."

At the sound of glass cracking, Remus stood up and quickly walked towards Harry. "Harry, Harry. Calm down." Remus said as he enveloped Harry in a hug, comfortingly stroking Harry's hair like one would to calm a small child. "It's okay. Just relax. Let's try to get your emotions under control. Take a deep breath and relax."

"And go to my happy place." Harry mumbled, laughing. Remus's words reminded him of all the exercises he read about in the school's occlumency books. Soon he was out of Remus's arms and was on the floor, laughing hysterically, all the anger gone.

"Harry," Remus said tentatively, "Are you okay? Should I go get Madam Pomphrey?"

"Oh, Merlin, NO! I'm not going to be in the hospital ward before school even starts," Harry said, erupting into a new fit of laughter at that thought.

"No, I'm fine, Moony." Harry said, taking some deep breaths. "Thanks for trying to calm me down."

"Hmm," Remus said, eyeing Harry, trying to gage how 'fine' he was. "Next time, I think I'll try a calming potion instead, if you don't mind, after seeing you fluctuate between moods so quickly."

"Hey, I'm a teenager, that's what I do." Harry said, beginning to laugh again and then laughed even harder at Remus's expression.

"Honestly, I'm fine." Harry said as he calmed down and got control over his emotions.

"Okay, then," Remus said, "What else did the letter say?"

"Not much. I knew that there was a possibility that they might not want me, but to see it in writing was a shock. I didn't realize how much I wanted a family. How much I was hoping that they would accept me and want me in their life. I had visions of traveling to Sweden to visit them, spending Christmas with them, building memories of my family. It was just disappointing to know that it was never going to happen. It hurts almost as much as when Sirius died." Harry said, thinking that if this is what Snape felt at the loss of his family and his dreams, then the respect he had for the professor just went up another few notches.

"Harry, I'm sorry that it hurts. I wish that there was some way I could prevent you from feeling this pain. But remember, you have family all around you. In me, Hermione, Albus, and the Weasley's. The Weasley's alone are more than enough family for anyone and they think of you as one of their own. You can create memories here, with us. You might not be able to live with us year round or spend much time with us outside of Hogwarts, but when it matters, like family, we will be there."

"Thanks, Remus. I know and I promise that I won't forget." Harry said, his tone taking on a yearning tone, as he continued, "I just wish..."

"You just wish that you at least knew who your father was." Remus concluded, recognizing Harry's tone and the expression on his face.

"Yeah. I'm kind of hoping that there is something in the journal, but after what I read in the letter, I am not sure if I still want to know about my father. I mean, what if they're right and he was just using her?"

"What journal?" Remus asked, confused.

"What? Oh, After Cybelle died, the ministry brought her parents all of her belongings. They threw everything out, including any pictures of me or her. The only thing her mother kept was a journal that Cybelle had written in the last few years of her life. Her mother said she never read it, but at the same time, she couldn't bring herself to destroy it. She said it was only right that it was passed on to me."

Remus shook his head, wondering how Harry could forget to mention something like that.

**

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End Chapter 21 accepted and rejected**

_Upcoming: Chapter 22 going, going, gone_

11/16/2004


	22. going, going, gone

Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

**Thanks Reviewers!!!!**

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**Chapter 22 going, going, gone**

Friday morning, Harry went down to breakfast with a smile on his face. He sat down and started to eat, ignoring the looks from everyone at the table, except Remus, gave him due to the change in his routine from the past two days. He felt much better after sharing things with Remus last night. After Remus left, Harry spent some time writing in his journal about his feelings towards his grandparents.

"Harry," Professor Dumbledore said.

"Yes, sir," Harry replied, looking down at his plate and thinking 'please don't ask, please don't ask'. Since he was looking downward, he missed the warning glance that Remus shot in Albus's direction, requesting that he leave the topic alone.

"I'm glad to see that you are feeling better."

"Thank you." Harry said as he let out a deep sigh of relief.

"We will have to stop your occlumency lessons until after school starts. The remainder of the staff will be returning this weekend and we will all be busy preparing for the upcoming school year."

"Yes, sir," Harry said, not paying too much attention to what Dumbledore was saying. After not eating for two days, Harry was starved and all his focus seemed to be on the plate in front of him.

"Snape tells me that you've significantly improved in occlumency," Albus said, eyes twinkling. He ignored the glare from Severus, he agreed not to mention the comments the professor made regarding Harry's talents in potions, Severus made no restrictions about repeating his comments on other subjects. Albus had had enough of the contention between these two. It was now obvious that the two could get along. And he was going to do what he could to improve the relationship between these two key elements in the war against Voldemort, Albus thought as he continued, "He has also agreed at my request and against his judgment, he tells me, to admit you into his NEWT class."

Harry ignored the potion master's glare and tried to hold in his laughter as he recalled the professor's 'conditions' that he overheard last night. "Thank you, professor," he said as he turned toward the potion master.

"Now, Harry, the question has come up about where to have you spend the last two weeks before term starts."

Harry paled as he remembered Dumbledore's words last night about sending him home. His eyes pleadingly turned towards Remus's. Seeing this, Albus continued, "Unfortunately, Remus will be away on a special assignment and will not be available. No one else will be available either, since as I mentioned, we will be occupied with pre-term items. We don't want you to be bored or lonely here, so I am afraid that we have no choice but to send you-"

Suspecting that the sentence would be ending with 'back to the Dursleys', Harry didn't give Dumbledore a chance to finish his sentence, but instead interrupted, "Honestly headmaster, I won't be any trouble. Maybe there are some things I could do to help? Maybe work with Hagrid, or, um, even Filch? I could help clean the classrooms or the common areas or something." Harry said, knowing that he didn't want the best summer of his life to end by him spending two weeks with the Dursleys, even if they did ignore him.

"Calm down, my boy." Albus said, eyes twinkling. "If you would really rather stay here than with the Weasley's, I am sure that we can work something out."

"Oh, yes. Thank you, professor. I would much rather stay here than with...Wait, did you say at the Weasley's?" Harry looked around and saw that Snape was looking at him with one eyebrow raised and a smirk on his face. All the other adults at the table were trying to hold back their own laughter and expressions of amusement, and doing a poor job of it too, one might say.

"Why certainly Harry, where did you think I meant?"

Harry just crossed his arms and looked at the headmaster, hardly believing that he would do that to him.

"I thought you were going to say that I would be spending the remainder of the holidays back at the Dursley's. You know what I was thinking. You did that on purpose." Harry glared at Dumbledore, while the other professors, except Remus and Snape wondered a) why Harry didn't refer to it as home and b) why he would be so upset to spend time with his family.

Ignoring Harry's glare, the same way he ignored Severus's, Albus answered, "Since you have made such progress with occlumency, I am sure that you will have more than adequate protection against Voldemort's visions. Even without the extra wards that are on Hogwarts or your home."

Harry finally relented and smiled at Dumbledore. "Thank you, sir."

"Your welcome Harry, I dare say you deserve a holiday this year. You have worked hard this summer. You will be leaving tomorrow afternoon, Remus will escort you."

* * *

"Harry, are you ready? The Weasley's are expecting us." 

"Yeah, just about," Harry said as he opened the door to let Remus into his room. "I'm just finishing packing everything." He said as he placed his books in his trunk.

"Remus, I need a way to disguise Cybelle's journal."

"Why do you want to disguise it?"

"Because I want to read it before school starts, but I don't want Ron or Hermione to know what I am reading, since they don't know that I was adopted. I also don't want anyone else able to read it if they find it."

"Hmm, I suggest that you disguise it as another book, one that no one else would want to read."

"If it was just Ron, that would be easy. The only books he reads are about Quidditch. However, Hermione will be there as well, and I am pretty sure that she will read just about anything, except of course, Quidditch."

"Hmm," Remus said again. "Do you still have those advanced charm books you borrowed from the library?"

"A few, why?"

"So we can look up some charms, Harry." Remus said with a smile on his face.

"Oh, here." Harry said as he handed some books to Remus, who immediately started thumbing through them.

"There is a charm that your mother, er Lily, used to keep James and Sirius from reading her diary."

"What was it?"

"I don't remember the name, charms was never my strong subject. I do remember that it is fairly advanced. Each person who sees the book, who doesn't know what it really is would just see a book on a subject that would not interest them."

"But how will that work? Won't they see different books then and become suspicious?"

"I think James and Sirius saw it as the same book, of course, that could be because they had similar interests. Ah, here it is, 'Alienus Thema'. Apparently, when the charm is at work, it scans anyone who could possibly come into contact with the book and disguises itself as a subject that the majority, if not all, won't be interested in. It also charms the text so that anyone else reading it will read random facts about that topic. The only problem, is that the charm would need to be done at the Weasley's house so that the book would scan Ron and Hermione, as well as everyone else in the vicinity."

"How can I do that? Once I leave Hogwarts, I will have to adhere to the underage restriction on magic." Harry, said, as he sat down on the bed, a disappointed look on his face.

"I might not be the best at charms, but I can try to apply this once we reach the Weasley's."

"Thanks, Moony, hopefully that will work. Otherwise, I will have to tell them about the adoption before I find anything out about my parents."

"Okay, now finish packing; I'll bring this book with us and the rest I'll return to the library."

* * *

Harry and Remus arrived at the Weasley's via floo network. It took about ten minutes for Remus to convince them that the tall, long-haired, blue-eyed young man next to him was indeed Harry Potter. Ron knew that he had gotten taller, but none of them had seen or heard about the changes to his hair, eyes, or his facial features. 

"Blimey Harry, what did you do to yourself?" Ron asked the minute he and Hermione were alone. Remus had walked Harry to his room, spelled Cybelle's journal, and left for his 'mission' for Dumbledore.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked innocently.

"Well, the hair, the eyes? You've even grown since the last time we saw you. Why all the changes, mate? Did you get those muggle contacty things?"

"Contact lenses, Ron." Hermione corrected, as she stared at Harry. "And if he got contacts, he wouldn't need his glasses anymore."

"Well, then, mate? Why the changes? Hoping to be noticed by some girl?"

"Ron, he's Harry Potter, girls can't help but notice him already." A voice said from the hallway.

Harry pretended not to hear Ginny's statement, as she walked into the room while he blushed and looked away embarrassed.

"Well, mate? I'm still waiting for an answer."

"Sorry, Ron, I really can't tell you right now."

"Why not?" Ron said, as he tried to understand why Harry was keeping things from him. "I'm your best mate! You shouldn't keep secrets from me. I mean, with the way girls gossip, I can understand not wanting to tell the Ginny and Hermione, but me?"

"RON!" Ron jumped as both girls screamed his name at his last statement. In typical Ron fashion, he apparently forgot that they were still in the room, when he indirectly insulted them.

"Ron, I can't talk about it right now. There is too much to figure out. Once I am ready, I promise that I will tell you," said Harry, as he finished the statement to himself, 'at least one of my secrets'.

"Fine." Ron said, as he stormed out of the room.

"Don't mind him," Ginny said, "he's just being his normal immature self." Ginny then chased after Ron, closing the door after she left the room.

Hermione came over and sat next to Harry on the bed. Quietly, she put her hand on his arm and said "You were adopted, weren't you?"

"I don't know what you mean," Harry said as he looked away.

"It's the novo Visius adoptio spell wearing off, isn't it?" Hermione continued as she stared at Harry. "I read about it in the 'Magic of Adoption' on your birthday. You pretty much admitted that you had read the book as well. I wondered why it was on the table, you were reading it too. I figured you had to be doing research on adoptions. That's the 'research project' you mentioned in your letter, wasn't it?"

Harry quickly looked at the door to see if he could detect any extendable ears before replying, "I really can't talk about it." At least, he didn't want to talk about it, not until he finishes Cybelle's journal, he thought.

"That's okay, I understand if you're not ready. If you need to talk, come see me. Until then, I won't mention it to anyone."

"Thanks Hermione."

"So, how was the rest of your summer? Obviously you did well in occlumency?" Hermione asked as she opened the door and the two began to walk towards the kitchen.

"Yeah, I am able to block my mind from Professor Snape's attacks. A couple of times he can make it through, but I can push him out rather quickly. He also showed me how to manipulate it so that I will only show people what I want them to see, whether the memory is true or not."

Neither saw Ron following them, nor did they hear him mutter, "He's turning you into a Slytherin and you don't even know it."

"Wow, that is impressive, Harry. What happened with your potion OWL scores? Is Professor Snape going to let you into his class?"

Harry started laughing as he remembered Snape's 'conditions'. "He has agreed to let me into his class, at Dumbledore's request and against his better judgment, he will say."

"Just like that?"

"Oh no, I spent two weeks with him brewing potions, some appearance altering potions and some healing potions for Madam Pomphrey."

"Wow! Appearance altering potions. What did you do?" Hermione asked, eager to learn.

"Um, hair and eye color change potions, hair texture and length and the revealo potion. Both the timed reversals and the antidote reversals."

"You are so lucky." Hermione cried. "We probably won't get to those potions till next year, if he even decides to teach them. They are not required for our NEWT exams."

"They are actually easy and kind of fun. Professor Snape made a potion that turned my hair Slytherin green. He said he wouldn't make the antidote, and that if I couldn't do it, then I would have to keep my hair green until I succeeded. That made me realize that these potions would be great for jokes."

"Joke."

"Did we just hear"

"Someone say"

"Our favorite"

"Word?" Fred and George finished together, after alternating every few words.

Harry and Hermione looked up, finally realizing that they had reached the bottom of the staircase where they had halted to finish their conversation.

"What would make a great joke?" Fred asked.

"And why weren't we told earlier?" George scolded.

"Oh," Harry said, "I worked on some appearance altering potions while I was at Hogwart's this summer."

"Really?" The twins said as they looked at Harry.

"Does that explain the new look?" Fred asked.

"Kind of," Harry said, it _was_ connected to the new look. His new look, however, wasn't the result of the potions as most would conclude, though.

"Timed potions or antidote required?" George asked.

"Both."

"Harry," Fred said as he put an arm around Harry's shoulder.

"Our new best friend," George continued as he looped his arm through Harry's.

"Come join us in our lab." Fred said as they pulled him up the stairs.

"Have we got a proposition for you." They said as the three disappeared from Hermione's view.

* * *

An hour later, Hermione went to see what the 'boys' were up to. She found Ron on the couch, sitting in the corner, with a scowl on his face. 

"Ron, what's the matter?"

"It's Harry! He changes his appearance and doesn't tell me how or why. He talks about Snape, like the two of them are best friends, playing pranks on each other. He even refers to him as _professor Snape!_ Then Fred and George shanghai him, proclaim him as their new best friend and take him into their lab. They never let _anyone_ into their lab. Not even me! And I'm their brother."

"It's like Harry all of a sudden thinks he's too good to be my friend anymore. Oh, sure, I was there to help him win against McGonagle's chess set; I was the one that ultimately led him to reunite with Sirius; We took him with us to the World Cup; My family encouraged and supported him during the tri-wizard tournament. I was even there to risk my life to save his godfather, who didn't need saving after all, but now. Now he's changing. He does better than me on his owls, somehow gets into NEWT potions, probably by sucking up to Snape; _He's_ going to be able to achieve his dream of becoming an auror, most likely just because he is 'the Harry Potter'. He changes his appearance to get more attention than he normally does. Oh no, he's not content with half the world noticing the boy who lived, he wants everyone's attention on him. Huh, he probably took some growth potion as well, that would explain why he's taller than me all of a sudden. Since _he_ could use magic this summer, he probably even-"

Hermione was willing to let Ron get a couple of things off his chest, but this was ridiculous. There didn't seem to be an end in sight. She knew that Ron often felt jealous when it came to Harry, but this was ridiculous. "Ronald!" She whispered harshly, as she slapped his cheek.

Once she was sure she had his attention, she continued, "I would think that you would have learned your lesson about jumping to conclusions, by now. Especially conclusions about Harry. There is a lot that Harry is dealing with right now. We still don't know if he has properly dealt with Sirius's death. I, for one, am glad to see him in one piece, happy, healthy and alive. I could care less about his eye color, or the changes to his hair, or even how tall he is. I'm more concerned about his heart. Neither one of us have lost someone close to us. Harry, however, Harry seems to lose everyone he has ever had. He needs his friends right now, to care for him and support him. He does _not_ need a jealous prat that will make him feel worse. Do you understand me?"

"You know, don't you?" Ron said in disbelief. "He bloody well told you. No wonder why you don't care. You already know! I can't believe he told you and won't tell me."

"Ronald!" At her tone, Ronald looked up. Seeing the anger in her eyes, he leaned away from her, just in case she tried to slap him again.

"Ron, did you listen to a word I just said? For your information, he has not told me anything. I have my suspicions, but he isn't ready to talk about it yet and _as his friend, _I respect that. He will tell us when he is ready and I will not pressure him into talking to us, just because I want to know. I suggest you do the same."

Hermione stopped to take a deep breath before she continued, "I also don't want to hear you say another word about how Harry thinks he is too good for you or any other nonsense. Harry loves you and your family. You have the one thing he has always wanted in life and instead of being glad that you can share your family with him, you get jealous of the attention he gets from them. You're really going to have to work on that jealous streak you have regarding Harry. His life is difficult enough with a dark lord trying to kill him; he doesn't need to constantly wonder if you are going to turn on him in a moment of jealousy, like you have numerous times in the past. If your attitude towards Harry continues this way, I hate to think what it will do to your friendship. Harry is a very forgiving person, but I don't know how much more he can forgive you before you ruin your friendship with him."**

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**End Chapter 22 going, going, gone **

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**So, how far should I go in this story, once HP & SS find out the truth? Should it stop a bit after & anything else is done as a sequel? **

_Upcoming: Chapter 23 reading at the burrow   
Chapter 24 nothing stays the same   
(Tentative chapter titles)_

Please forgive minor errors/typos. Have to work w/ not having total access to a computer.

Alienus - belonging to another (alias-also known as)   
Thema – topic

Still haven't replaced my computer yet, so I don't spend much time commenting on reviews. Here are the replies to reviews from the last week. If you really want to know, something, e-mail me. My address is in my bio.

**risi**: I am curious about your idea, please let me know (and I was thinking about HG as well); **Gorman99**: Many stumbling blocks might develop-few people know SS had kids, those that did have seen the kids graves; **Talons: **I liked hysterical Harry as well, I actually had a similar episode, totally freaked my sister out! LOL; **juliedecarson:** Thanks! I love being called sneaky (would that be a slytherin trait?); **merlinhalliwell:** hmm, you're right...what's going on? (heehee); **japanese-jew:** prophecy still applies (marked as equal & all), this will be discussed later, but I figured if SS was a spy, had to defy V & of course, his wife would as well.

**ShadowedHand; GoddessMoonLady; Miss Teinge; Lady Lily 3; Helle's Seraph:** The truth is out there and will come into the story soon (by end of next week, hopefully); I, personally, like how it comes out, although you all might want to kill me for it, since it probably doesn't happen the way any suspects, of course, now you might suspect that it is not how you suspect, but anyways...

**Wytil; Makalani Astral; Lunatic Pandora1; rhia; volleypickle16; Pure Black; Henio41; Silver Butterfly 04; Luna Rose and Phoenix Child; Lydia Blue; It'sHardtoBelieve; HecateDeMort; Hakkai – Gojyo – Goku – Sanzo; HarryPFan001;** Thanks for your reviews. I love reading them.

11/19/2004


	23. reading at the burrow

A/N: when I referred to HG in previous author notes, I meant Hermione Granger. As for ships, none planned right not, but definitely not Harry/Ginny. I'm not sure why Ron came out that way in last chapter, it just happened and seemed to fit.

Don't know about you guys, but I haven't been able to log on since Friday night/Sat early morning.

This chapter summarizes Harry's time at the burrow (last 2 weeks of holiday) and the trip to school. It also includes a summary of what Harry finds in the journal, only one actual excerpt from the journal is taken (for now).

Didn't originally like this chapter at first, so I redid it over the weekend. Hopefully it's better now.

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Chapter 23 reading at the burrow 

The first few days at the Burrow Harry could be found lying on his bed reading Cybelle's journal. At first, he was a little worried that the charm Remus used might not work, but that fear disappeared his second night there after a conversation with Ron.

**- - -FLASHBACK- - -**

**As Ron prepared for bed, he asked Harry "What are you reading?"**

"**Hmmm?" Harry said, not taking his eyes off of his book. **

"**I asked what are you reading?"**

"**oh, nothing." Harry replied distractedly.**

"**It can't be nothing, you spent more time with that book then you have with us." Ron said as he approached Harry's bed. **

"**It's just a book I brought with me." Harry, replied, not noticing Ron approaching.**

"**Well, it's got to be interesting, since you've ignored us all day to read it." Ron said as he tried to grab the book from Harry. **

**Harry quickly sat up and pulled the book out of Ron's reach. "Hey!" Harry shouted "What are you doing?"**

"**Just trying to find out why my best mate's new hobby is reading. I realized you spent a lot of time over the summer reading, but man, you have to realize, you're free now. It's time to have some fun."**

"**This is fun and interesting too."**

"**To Hermione, maybe, but I know you better than that. You like Quidditch, exploding snaps and losing at chess, not being stuck indoors all day and night reading a book." Ron said, as he made another grab for the book, but landed face first on the bed.**

"**I won't be stuck indoors all day," Harry said with a smirk, as he raced to the other side of the room, book in hand, as Ron stood up. "Tomorrow, I'll bring the book outside to read it."**

"**Merlin, you have spent way too much time with Snape this summer. Hopefully it's not too late to bring the old Harry back out." Ron said as he quickly lunged left, then right to grab the book out of Harry's hand. "Huh! Got it!" He cried.**

**Since Harry was now taller than Ron, Ron quickly jumped on the desk to keep the book from Harry's grasp. After reading the title and looking at a few of the pages, he tossed the book onto Harry's bed and jumped down from the desk.**

"**Forget it," Ron said, with a frown on his face. "I think the old Harry is gone forever."**

**Wondering what Ron could've meant by that, Harry said "What? Why?"**

"**Why!" Ron shrieked. "Harry, you're reading a book on the usefulness of Flobberworms! And you find it interesting! Not even Hermione would be interested in reading that book! Hagrid might, and possibly Snape, since it's main use is in potions but nobody else would willingly read an _entire book_ dedicated to Flobberworms."**

"**Flobb-" Harry started, as he turned away from Ron and tried to control his laughter. It looked like Remus's charm worked, he thought. "Um, would you believe me if I said that Snape assigned it to me as an extra credit project?"**

**Ron looked at Harry, "Maybe. I hope that's the reason why you're reading it, but it still doesn't explain why you find it interesting."**

**Luckily, before Harry could answer, Mrs. Weasley knocked on the door and entered the room. "What is all the noise about in here? It sounded like a herd of elephants. Now get to bed you two. No more fooling around."**

"**Yes, mum" Ron said as he crawled into his bed.**

"**Good night, Mrs. Weasley," Harry said as he climbed into bed and under the covers.**

"**Good night, boys. And I don't want to hear another sound from this room tonight."**

**- - -END FLASHBACK- - -**

Harry was relieved that the charm worked and even more relieved that after that night he hadn't heard a single word from Ron about Flobberworms. Hermione, however, kept giving him strange looks whenever he brought the book out to read.

* * *

His mother, Cybelle, began writing in the journal in 1978. It started off with her acceptance into the auror training program, which now takes three years to complete, but at the time, in Sweden, was only ten months. Shortly after her first day, she met a fellow auror, Dane Foxim. Apparently, the two were put together for training and Cybelle quickly fell in love. It wasn't long before the two were dating. Within the year, he proposed-chocolates, flowers, the works-according to her journal. She even included descriptions of what they were both wearing that evening. Harry was pretty sure that he just found out who is father was. Dane Foxim, but why did his birth certificate read 'Aren Brac Swann' instead of 'Aren Brac Foxim'? Harry continued to read, hoping to learn the reason for this, as well as to find out more information about his parents. 

The journal entries for the next few months were slow moving, as they all seemed to be about the preparations for the wedding. Harry got a very different impression from his grandparents from Cybelle's journal. According to her journal, they were making her every wish for her dream wedding come true. Harry wasn't sure what to think. How could parents that were so loving and caring, ignore their daughter and her child, especially after the aforementioned daughter had died?

Harry continued to read the entries that were leading up to the early September wedding. Considering the fact that his mom was an auror, he couldn't believe how boring it was. He couldn't wait to get past all the entries that talked about the wedding. He thought about skipping ahead, but he felt that he might miss something if he did that, so he continued to read every entry she wrote. He still had a little over a year till he got to the entries closer to his birth.

Every few hours, Harry would take a break from reading the journal, usually when Cybelle's description of wedding preparations got to be too much, and would meet with Ron to play chess or Quidditch. He would also visit the twins in their lab to see how they were coming along on the 'looky lollies'-lollipops that temporarily changed either your hair or eye color. They had also created 'eye candy', candies looked like eyeballs and another yet unnamed candy, that looks like strands of hair. They eyeballs changed your eye color, while the strands of hair changed your hair color. The main difference between the lollipops and the candies was that there was no indication on the lollipops what will change or what color it would be. On the candies, the color of the eyeball indicated what color your eye's will change, the same was true regarding the strands of hair. The only condition Harry made before he helped them with this project is that they promise not to make candies that would change someone's eyes to red. The twins were a little puzzled at this request, but quickly agreed.

* * *

He had reached the Cybelle's entries from August of 1979 in journal, knowing that there was only one month left until the wedding, Harry was determined to read about the wedding by the end of the day. 

It was after midnight when Harry put the journal down, stunned. He had read that last page a few times to make sure he got it right. The pages were all smudged, from tears he now suspects, and were difficult to read.

In late August, just a few weeks before the wedding, Dane and Cybelle went to England to meet with the London Minister of Magic to discuss assisting England in the fight against Voldemort. Most countries had sent represented to London, since they new it was only a matter of time before Voldemort invaded their land as well. While they were there, Death Eaters attacked a muggle village, the London Aurors, and those visiting from other countries, went to assist in the fight. This was one of the major battles in the first war against Voldemort. Dane Foxim was among the many aurors fatally wounded.

Now it looks like Harry was starting over. He was so sure that Dane was his father, but if the man died about a year before Harry was even born, then that made it impossible.

Sighing, Harry turned off the light and went to sleep, after he wrote in his own journal to clear his mind.

* * *

There were very few entries for the month of August and September. Cybelle wrote about her trip home, her worry of seeing Dane's family and telling them the news. She spoke highly of her parents, how her mother stepped right in to take care of canceling everything for a wedding that now wouldn't happen. The scariest thing to Harry were the entries Cybelle wrote that mentioned how much she missed Dane and didn't want to live without him. He obviously knew that she didn't act impulsively, since she lived for another year, but still, he couldn't get over the fact that something just didn't seem right. 

Cybelle, needing to get away and keep herself occupied, had agreed to return to London to work with aurors there in the fight against Voldemort. The entries after that were much more frequent and violent in nature. Harry got the sense that she was personally trying to avenge her fiancé's death. After moving to London, every page of the journal spoke of a battle. Harry was impressed. Even if only half the things his mother wrote were true, she was an incredible woman. There were times, however, when Harry felt like she was also incredibly stupid. He was beginning to understand why Snape and some of the other adults in his life called him foolish and reckless. Obviously, it was a trait he had inherited from Cybelle, he thought. After reading about a few more of her daring actions, the incredible risks she took, as well as some of the injuries she acquired, he now wondered if she was either insane from grief or trying to get herself killed.

As 1979 became 1980, she continued to fight. It seemed like a one-woman crusade against the death eaters. Not once did she mention a boyfriend, or even a co-worker that she might have been seeing. Nor was there any mention about her pregnancy. Harry wondered how she could continue to fight in what should have been the last few months of her pregnancy.

A year after Dane died, there was a more personal entry in the journal, the first one, since his death. It began saying how much she missed him and the family they had both wanted so much. It continued talking about how she was born to be a mother, how she longed to hold a child, their child, a perfect combination of the two of them, in her arms. Her yearning was so strong, Harry almost felt like it was something tangible he could feel coming off of the pages. These entries continued on for about a month, quickly overshadowing her thirst for revenge. She wrote how it wasn't fair that others, people who didn't deserve to have a child did, but she did not. Harry was beginning to believe that she was obsessed with having a child.

The next few entries wrote how she had the opportunity to do just that.

Many of those entries actually began as if it were a letter addressed to him instead of a diary. Harry thought he would always remember the last entry:

_My dearest little one, I suppose you want to know how you came into my life. I heard of you, a young child whose mother had died, a father who couldn't love and care for you as you should be cared for. You deserved a peaceful life, a happy life, a free life. I was determined to give you that. So I took you and left London. With the help of my contacts in the Swedish ministry, I adopted you. I 'borrowed' blood from Dane's brother for the Novo Visius Adoptio spell, hoping that as you grew up, you would be the perfect combination of the two of us. A reminder to me of our love, which continued even after death. _

_The only thing left was to give you a name. I wanted your name to have meaning, to have power. I finally decided on Aren Brac._

_Aren-peace, a ruler. It was the reference to peace that made me choose this name. My wish for you was a life of peace and love, one that I knew you wouldn't have if you had stayed with your father._

_Brac-Free. Freedom was what I wanted for you more than anything else. Freedom to be who you wanted to be. Freedom to make your own choices and not to be tied down by the decisions of your father._

_I love you my little one. Be happy, be at peace, and be free. I will never regret what I have done to give you that life._

The first time he read those words he wanted to bang his head against the wall. He was right back where he was at the beginning of the summer, with no new information.

Novo Visius Adoptio. He was beginning to hate those three words, Harry thought.

* * *

Over the next ten days, Harry did spend more time with his friends. However, a lot of his time was spent in his room as he tried to figure out what he had learned about his family. 

He was originally from England, most likely born in London. If his father was still alive, there was a good chance that he, Remus, the Weasley's or Dumbledore might know him. The familiar feeling of hope returned, as he realized that he might have more family than just his father. If his father had remarried after his mother's death, then he might even have siblings at Hogwarts. His birth mother was dead, but her parents or siblings, if any, could still be alive.

Now he just had to try to find out _who_ his parents were. From what Cybelle wrote in her journal, most of her time was spent fighting. Because of this, Harry felt pretty confident that there was a strong chance that his birth mother or father were also aurors. It seemed likely that that was how Cybelle learned of his situation.

He had tried contacting Remus to see if he was available to talk, but unfortunately, Hedwig returned to him with his original note. Harry suspected this meant that Moony was still on a mission and was unavailable. He hoped that the werewolf would be at school in September and he could talk with him then.

Luckily, Ginny and Hermione weren't hounding him too much about being alone in his room most of the time. They even kept Ron from disturbing him as well. They did this because they thought that he was working through his feelings regarding Sirius's death. Of course, that could be because of the time they entered the room he was on the bed with the memorabilia from the packages that Moony and Sirius had given him on his birthday spread out around him. Pictures of Sirius, his old school records, as well as various notes from the Marauder's pranking days. He even had the baby items that Sirius had included with his second letter out on the bed, looking at them for clues to his family.

Harry knew that if he wanted to find his family, he would have to enlist Hermione's help. Granted, she already suspected that he was adopted, she was just waiting for confirmation from Harry that this was true. But it was still difficult to talk about, especially in light of the news he received from Cybelle's journal.

* * *

The trio sat in one of the last compartments on the train. Harry brought out some of the sweets he had bought last week when they went to Diagon Alley for their supplies. 

"Hey." Harry said. "Don't you guys have to go to the prefect's compartment?"

"We've got some time," Hermione said, "Although, I am curious who the head boy and girl are this year."

"Yeah mate," Ron echoed. "So what type of adventure do you think we'll be in for this year? Merlin knows it's never quiet around Hogwarts with Harry there."

"Ron," Hermione said, looking apologetically at Harry.

"Its okay, Hermione. He's right anyways. Although I for one am hoping for a quiet school year. Last year and this summer were eventful enough, thank you very much."

"Why, mate?" Ron asked, "I mean I know what happened last year, but what happened over the summer?"

Harry hesitated before replying "I promise I'll tell you. I vowed to myself that I wouldn't keep secrets from you guys, since I didn't want that to be a problem in our friendship. I'll tell you before the first week of school ends. There are some things I need to discuss with Dumbledore first, though."

"Okay, Harry," Hermione said, as Ron nodded and reached for another chocolate frog. "Just remember that you can tell us anything."

"Thanks."

No sooner had Harry finished speaking when the compartment door opened and the trio were joined by Neville, Luna and Ginny. It was a tight fit into the compartment until Ron, Ginny and Hermione left for the prefects meeting.

"Hey Neville," Harry suddenly spoke.

"Yeah, Harry?"

"When is your birthday anyways? I mean, I know that it is close to mine, but I'm not really sure when."

"Oh, it's the day before yours, the 30th."

"Oh."

"Why?"

"Just wondering." Harry said, deciding not to mention the prophecy to him. "Happy belated birthday. Did you do anything special?"

"A family party that night. Earlier in the day we went to St Mungo's to see my parents. Other than that, not much. What about you?"

"Oh, I spent the day with Ron and Hermione. It was actually the first birthday party I ever had. It was definitely one of my favorite birthdays."

"Oh yeah" Neville said as if he just remembered something. "I also got a new wand from Ollivanders. I can't wait to get to class and try it. It feels more powerful than my dad's wand. I guess that could be because-"

"The wand chooses the wizard!" Harry and Luna joined in with Neville, all three laughing at their imitation of Mr. Ollivander.

"I remember the first time I went in there. It was kind of eery. I mean he remembers every wand he sold; he even recited the statistics on my parent's wands. And that tape measure." Harry shivered. "I still don't see what its purpose was. I must have tried over a hundred wands."

"Not me." Luna said. "I walked straight over to a box sitting on the shelf, opened it up and took out the wand. I knew before I even opened the box that this was the wand for me. Mr. Ollivander was amazed."

Neville and Harry laughed; they could just picture Luna doing something like that.

"Harry," Neville said once they stopped laughing. "How are you? You seem to be feeling much better now than you did on the train ride home. I was worried about you this summer, especially after I received your letter. I know that what happened that night was difficult for you, him being your godfather and all."

"Honestly, Neville? I don't know. It has been an interesting summer, I'll tell you that. The first few days I was looking for something, anything to keep my mind occupied so that I wouldn't think about that night. I had most of my homework done in that first week, which shows you how desperate I was. Luckily I was able to keep from dwelling on it too much. I can now think about him without feeling guilty about his death. I still miss him and get upset at the senselessness of it all, but overall, I think I'm doing pretty good."

Luna gave him a long searching look, before saying, in a dreamy way that only Luna can, "I am sure that he wouldn't want you to blame yourself for what happened and to not see the beautiful things in life." Harry just looked at her. Her words were so similar to what Sirius wrote in his letter that it was spooky.

Neville just nodded and said "I'm glad to hear that. Now, what's with the new look?"

Before Harry could come up with an answer, the compartment door opened and Ron, Ginny and Hermione reappeared.

"So Priscilla Clearwater and Xavier Stebbins are the head boy and girl this year." Hermione said, "It's a shame that neither one is a Gryffindor."

"But at least they're not Slytherins either." Ron said, as he took a bite of a chocolate frog. Priscilla Clearwater was a Ravenclaw and Penelope's younger sister. Xavier Stebbins was a Hufflepuff.

At the sound of the door opening again, all six sitting crunched in the compartment, looked up.

"Well, well, well, Potter. I noticed that your little pet didn't escort you to the station this year. What's the matter? Did the puppy have to be put down?"

Harry just looked at his blonde classmate as he grabbed Ron's shirt to keep him from attacking Malfoy. Hermione placed her hand on Neville's arm, as he reached for his wand, as an signal to let Harry handle this. "Good afternoon. Ready for another school year?"

"Oh, no, scarhead the question is, are you ready for your _last_ year?"

"What will be, will be, Draco." Harry said, purposely using his first name.

"Don't call me that. You lost the privilege of calling me that when you refused my offer of friendship."

"I might not have refused your offer if you weren't acting like stuck-up git, so much better than everyone else."

"Hmph. I wasn't acting." Draco said snidely, as he took in Harry's new appearance. "Finally got the guts to use magic to try to improve your looks, huh, Potter? Even magic can't work a miracle like trying to make you presentable. That's right up there with trying to bring someone back from the dead." Draco smirked.

Harry only looked at Malfoy. To Harry's point of view, Malfoy's comment didn't deserve a reply. In fact, Harry figured he had better get used to comments regarding his appearance, especially when he starts changing again.

For once, Ron followed Harry's and Hermione's example and ignored Malfoy. Neville and Ginny just stared out the window at the passing scenery, while Luna continued to read the Quibbler upside down.

Malfoy, noticing that he didn't get a rise out of Harry with his earlier comments and not even a response from his last one, turned around and left their compartment. Crabbe and Goyle also left, trying to catch up with a disgruntled Malfoy. Malfoy was too buys thinking of ways he could get revenge on Potter for putting his father in Azkaban, to hear their calls.

"Mate, how did you keep yourself from hexing him like that? Especially after some of his comments about Sirius?" Ron asked once Malfoy was gone.

"I tried really hard this summer to control my temper, especially since it got me into so much trouble last year and banned from Quidditch. I also realized that Malfoy doesn't matter. His comments don't matter. There are much more important things I can do with my time and energy than lose my temper over things he does or says. I can't control what _he_ does, but I can control how I respond. Especially since most of the time, I'm the one that gets into trouble for it."

"Harry's right Ron." Hermione said, speaking for the first time since Draco entered the scene. "You should really learn to control your temper as well. I'm sure once Malfoy notices that he doesn't get a response from us, he'll just forget about us."

"Says the girl who slapped Malfoy two years ago." Ron said ironically.

"What!" cried Ginny and Neville both shocked that _Hermione_ did that and upset that they had missed it.

"Never mind about that," Hermione said. blushing. "I meant what I said, you should learn to control your temper before it gets you into trouble."

* * *

End Chapter 23 reading at the burrow 

**So, Can anyone help me with a name for the hair changing candies that the twins & Harry created??**

Names, their origins & meanings taken from 

Cybelle-mother  
Tyra (Cybelle's middle name)-Goddess of battle

Aren-ruler/peace (Scandinavian origin); Lily focused on the ruler aspect of the name Aren, Harry (Harold also Scandinavian origin) means (army) ruler as well.


	24. end of the world, er, first week

DISCLAIMER: JKR owns Harry Potter & Co. I am not JKR. Therefore, I do not own Harry Potter & Co.

Thanks for all the great suggestions. Haven't totally decided yet, but I believe the name will be in the next chapter. So far I am thinking about:  
**Mock Locks**-Thanks Shadowedhand

**Metamorpha-mane**-Sevati (suggested many variations of metamorphasis & mane)!

**Hairball** (would change from strands of hair to a gumball)-inspired by Arica, Princesss of Rivendell-she got me thinking about 'hairy/harry' variations w/ her suggestion of Colored Harry's

**Feel free to 'vote' or write in more suggestions!!**

* * *

Chapter 24 end of the world, er, first week 

"Okay, guys" Harry said as they reached the entrance hall, "I'm going to try and see if I can talk to Moony before the feast starts."

"Professor Lupin?" Hermione asked, "What is he doing at Hogwarts?"

"Oh, please say that he's teaching again!" Ron pleaded.

"Maybe. I don't know. Professor Dumbledore wouldn't tell me who the DADA professor is this year, but he did say that Moony would be staying at the castle."

"That's it then," Ron said with a smile on his face. When Hermione and Harry looked at him, he explained, "He _has_ to be the DADA professor. Why else would he be staying at Hogwart's during the school year?"

"With Professor Dumbledore, Ron, you can never tell." Hermione answered, she was well aware of his cryptic plans and words.

"Yeah, for all we know, he might be here to make sure that the headmaster never runs out of lemon drops." Harry continued. As they all laughed, Harry snuck through the crowd and made his way to the rooms Remus used over the summer.

* * *

"Harry? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the feast?" 

"Yeah. I just wanted to see if you were back yet. I really need to talk to you when you have a chance."

"Okay, then, come on in for a minute." Opening the door so that Harry could enter, Remus asked, "Is this about Cybelle's journal?"

"Yeah. I tried owling you about a week ago, but the letter came back with Hedwig."

"I wasn't here. I'm sorry that I missed your letter. Do you want to set up some time to talk this week?"

"That will be fine." Harry said, dejectedly after a moment's pause.

"Harry? Is something wrong?"

"I guess I just really wanted to talk now. I haven't been able to talk about this with anyone since I found out. You are the only one that knows for sure about the adoption and Cybelle. There have been so many times I wanted to talk about this, that I almost told Ron & Hermione."

"Why didn't you? I'm sure that they will understand."

"Yeah, they probably would. But until I understand it, it's a little difficult explaining it to someone else."

"I can understand that. If you want to talk now, we can. You will probably end up missing the feast, though."

"That's okay, not much happens anyways. Is Dumbledore expecting you at the feast?"

"No," Remus replied. "I will be taking most of my meals in my room."

"Oh," Harry said, wondering if the werewolf was in the castle for reason's other than safety.

The two moved into the living area, as Remus told Harry, "Get comfortable, and remember, you can tell me anything."

And so Harry told him about what he had read in the journal. About how Cybelle's fiancé died, how a year later she discovered Harry's father's inability to care of him when his mom died, and how Cybelle adopted him and used 'Novo Visius Adoptio' with the blood of her fiance's brother and her own.

Remus just listened as Harry spoke. Outwardly he appeared calm and collected, inwardly, though, that was another story. The poor child had three mothers he couldn't remember. Three mothers, all of which had died within 15 months of each other, within the first 15 months of his life. Remus was sure that Sirius never expected anything like this when he wrote that initial letter Harry informing him of his adoption. No one could imagine this. An adoption within an adoption, Harry must be more confused than ever. Of course, he must also be heartbroken. If the journal didn't mention anything about his birth parents, then most lkely, Harry would never discover who they were.

"Harry," Remus said when he finally finished. "How are you doing?"

"Truthfully, Remus? I don't know. At times I can't believe this is all happening. Just when I begin to feel like a normal teenager, I remember everything that has happened in the last two months. I can't even imagine this as a plot in a movie, and yet, it's my life!" Harry said with a half-hearted laugh.

Remus didn't know what a 'movie' was and wasn't about to ask, since he didn't want to distract Harry from the topic at hand. "So, now what are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I just don't know." Harry said as he shook his head. "I debated writing to the Swann's to tell them what I found out, but I wasn't sure if I should. I mean, they stopped talking to their daughter because they thought she became pregnant outside of marriage. I can't decide if they deserve to know the truth or not."

"That decision is up to you. If you ever want to discuss it with me, you just need to ask."

"Thanks. I figure that I have a week to decide what to tell Ron and Hermione. I promised them that I would tell them the first week of school. Of course, Hermione pretty much figured it out already."

"Not surprising. How long did it take her?"

"I think she pieced most of it together on my birthday, because of the 'Magic of Adoption' book, and all. I made a comment that pretty much told Hermione that I read the book. When I showed up at the burrow with blue eyes, she asked me about it. I didn't say anything other except that I couldn't talk about it yet."

"Are you going to tell them about both adoptions?"

"Yeah, might as well. Otherwise, they'll try to help me track down Cybelle's family. Both of them know how much I would like a family of my own and the opportunity to leave the Dursleys. Besides, Hermione might be able to help me find a way to explain my ever changing appearance to everyone. Plus with her detective and research skills, maybe she can see something that I missed in the journals to point me to my parents."

"Harry," Remus said with a cautioning tone. "I don't want you to get your hopes up, only to be disappointed again. If Cybelle didn't mention their names, then it's going to be pretty impossible to find them. Unfortunately, during the time that you were adopted, so many families were torn apart by Voldemort. Almost everyday, parents were left without children and children without parents. It would take years to track them all down. It would take ages just to come up with a list of all the broken families."

"I know Moony. But I have to at least try. Hope is all I have left. I can't ignore the fact that I might have a family out there, especially if there is a possibility that they might want me to be apart of their life."

* * *

"Double potions first thing Monday morning" Harry grumbled. "Welcome back to Hogwarts." 

"It could be worse," Ron said, grinning since he wouldn't have to suffer through it.

"How?"

"It could just be Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in the class instead of a class with all four houses. And at least Hermione's there with you."

"True," Harry said, still a little nervous. He kind of liked the 'truce' that developed over the summer between himself and Snape. He had also realized that he actually enjoyed brewing potions, when no one was breathing down his neck or telling him how awful and hopeless he was at potions. Now however, he was worried that Snape would be the same 'greasy git' he has been for the last 5 years, deducting points and giving him detention every five minutes.

* * *

Hermione and Harry were seated at one of the work benches in the back of the room talking when they heard a voice behind them. 

"If it isn't Scarhead and the Mudblood. I must say, I'm surprised to see you here, Potter. I expected you to get a 'T' on your potion OWL. Or maybe you did and the headmaster had to use his 'power' get his precious Golden Boy into this class."

Harry had to bite his tongue to keep from saying that Snape willingly made an exception for him after seeing his skills. Much as he would enjoy popping Malfoy's bubble, Harry knew that if he said that a) Snape would throw him out of his class, not just for knowing, but for repeating what he said and b) Malfoy would tell his dad, who would tell Voldemort who might then become suspicious of Snape.

Luckily the office door opened and a block robed figure walked into the room.

"Congratulations, you've been accepted into my NEWT potions class. Whether or not you will be here next year is up to you.

"Let's hope all of you are worthy of being in this class." Snap said as he looked around the room, his gaze gliding over Harry before stopping on some six year Hufflepuffs sitting behind Draco. "We will soon find out.

"You'll discover that my NEWT classes are structured a little differently. You are responsible for knowing _all_ the material assigned, not just how the potion is brewed," Severus said with a glare at Harry. Harry cringed as he remembered how he did that for the Revealo potion over the summer, _that_ won't be a mistake he would make again. "This includes the history and origin of the potion, as well as the different varieties. If I feel that you are not taking this class seriously, or if you are failing this class, your attendance will no longer be required or allowed. Since you made it this far, hopefully you will be able to brew your potions without endangering the lives of your classmates. I will be in the room at all times, but as NEWT potion students, I should not have to, nor will I babysit you. I will also not tolerate you sabotaging your classmates potions and putting everyone, myself included, in danger. You are sixth years, that juvenile behavior should be far behind you. If you have a question, a problem, or are unclear about something, it is your responsibility to ask me. I will not hover over your shoulder, watching your every move.

"Today's lesson is a review from last semester." With a wave of his want, note cards appeared at each desktop. "On those cards you will find the potions you are to brew this week. Begin."

As the class just stared at Snape, he pounded his fist on the desk to get their attention. "I said begin. Get your ingredients."

* * *

"So, what do we know about the new DADA professor?" Harry asked as they took their seats. 

"Only that it's not Professor Lupin," Ron whined.

"Not much." Hermione said, ignoring Ron. "Just that her name is Wren Rivedy and she didn't attend Hogwart's."

"As long as she isn't another Umbridge, Lockhart or Quirrel. Or a death eater in disgui-" Harry's voice trailed off as the class room door closed.

"Good afternoon, class."

"Good afternoon, Professor Rivedy." The class stated back.

Rivedy looked surprised at this before smiling and saying, "You might not have learned much about Defense last year, but I see that you learned how to answer a professor."

"Yes, ma'am."

Rivedy smiled again.

"Now, I hate to do this to you on the first day of class, but" she continued, ignoring the groans, "I have no choice. Since there has been a different DADA teacher every year that you've attended Hogwart's, there has been no consistent record keeping. It appears as if some professors didn't even bother with records."

"Too busy trying to kill you, Harry," Ron whispered.

"Shh" Hermione whispered.

Harry thought he saw Rivedy hide another smile at Ron's comment, but dismissed it, since the professor didn't say anything to Ron about talking in class.

"Wands away." Rivedy said as the class groaned again at her words. They had heard that so often last year from Umbridge. "Books away as well." And with a flick of her wand, test papers appeared in front of each student. "No talking. You may begin."

* * *

At lunch on Friday, Harry and Hermione, as the only six year Gryffindor's taking potions, told everyone about the week in Snape's class. 

"It has actually been quite enjoyable," Hermione said.

"For you, maybe, but what did Harry think about it?" Ron asked, knowing that Hermione even enjoys History of Magic.

"Actually, it was good." Harry said, ignoring the gasps of surprise. "Professor Snape left us on our own to do our work. He feels that as NEWT potion students he shouldn't have to walk us through things, so he doesn't hover over our shoulder. He mostly sits at his desk grading papers. It is up to us to go to him if we have a question or a problem. This way, it is our own responsibility whether we pass or fail."

"Why couldn't he have had that approach the last few years?" Neville grumbled as he banged his head on the table.

They all laughed at Neville's antics as Hermione said, "And except for a few glares at Harry on the first day, he's pretty much left Harry alone. Not a single insult or comment directed at him."

"What about Malfoy? Hasn't he tried anything?"

"No, well, nothing except a couple of remarks before class starts. Professor Snape said he wouldn't tolerate anyone sabotaging someone else's work and placing the class in danger. So far, no one has tried anything."

"No offense, Harry," Dean said. "But I'm still a little surprised that you got an 'O' in potions."

"Hmm," Harry said, not willing to lie, yet not wanting to explain about his potion's OWL score either. "I was surprised when I got into the class as well." Harry said, ignoring the pointed look from Hermione. He grinned and shrugged at her, as if to say, 'Hey, I didn't lie, I was surprised'.

"So," Ron said as they left the great hall, "Snape hasn't been mean at all?"

"Ron, you sound disappointed that Professor Snape isn't mean to Harry!"

"Not, disappointed. Just surprised. I figured there would be some things in this world that would never change. Snape hating all Gryffindor's and especially Harry was one of them. Even if he is being nic_er_," Ron continued, emphasizing the 'er', "I still don't think you should trust him, Harry."

"Ron, if he wanted to hurt me, he had plenty of opportunities over the summer. Trust me, he's really not that bad." Just lonely and missing his family, Harry finished silently.

"Humph" Ron said, dropping the subject. "So, school started and the first week's almost over. Are you going to tell us _why_ you changed your appearance?"

"Ron!" Hermione scolded as she looked around the hallway, "We said we wouldn't p-"

"No, it's okay, Hermione. I said I would tell you and I will. Meet me in the Room of Requirement tomorrow after lunch."

"Okay, Harry." Hermione said as Ron nodded. "But only if you really want to tell us.

"I do." Harry said, before walking off to find Remus. Now he just had to decide if he was going to share the prophecy with them as well.

* * *

"Um, I need to tell you guys something," Harry said after he placed a silencing charm, an Imperturbable Charm and a locking charm on the room. 

He looked at Ron and Hermione, before looking down at his feet. Slowly he began pacing around the room.

"I was adopted," Harry started to explain, when Ron interrupted.

"Blimey, Harry, that's great! I mean, you might be a little bit older than most kids are when they are adopted, but still! You've got a family now. So, who adopted you? Remus? It must have been. That's why he's staying in the castle and why you've met him for meals a couple of times this week, isn't it? No?" Ron said when Harry just looked at him, "Well, it wasn't my parents. They would love to adopt you, but they would have told us about it first. Please don't say it was Snape! Although that would explain why you are being so nice to him, but you wouldn't do that, even if it meant a family." At his last suggestion, Ron stood up and started pacing around the room. "Dumbledore!" Ron cried out as he snapped his fingers, "I always knew he liked you, but I didn't think he would adopt you. Merlin, the things we can get away with now."

"Ron! Hush!" Hermione said when Ron stopped for air; for she had seen the pleading look in Harry's eyes when he glanced in her direction. "I don't think that's what Harry meant."

"What do you mean, not what he meant?" Ron asked puzzled. "He said he was adopted!"

"Ron! Just let him finish. Harry, please continue."

"Er, yeah, um, okay." Harry said nervously as he resumed his pacing. "I was adopted by the Potter's when I was almost three months old."

"Oh!" Ron said, as he turned as red as his hair.

Hermione just looked at Harry, with a calming smile on her face, since this is what she expected.

Harry went on to explain about both of Sirius's letters, writing to Cybelle's parents, and their response. After hearing about the response from Cybelle's parents, Hermione and Ron jumped up. Both of them looked like they were ready to kill her parents for hurting him like that.

"Calm down," Harry said. "It's okay, it doesn't really matter. There's more."

"More?" Ron asked with a glance towards Hermione. "What else could there be?"

Hermione just looked at Ron and shrugged, asking Harry to continue.

"Well," Harry confessed, "I wasn't really reading a book on Flobberworms. That was Cybelle's journal that her parents sent me, Moony charmed it for me."

"Whew, mate, you had me worried about that this summer," Ron said with a giant sigh of relief.

Hermione shook her head as Harry explained about what he read in journal, discovering that he was adopted by her as well. He finished with "Cybelle was an auror and apparently my birth father wasn't able to raise a child, I suspect that it was because of the death of my birth mother, so Cybelle took me to Sweden and adopted me there."

"An adoption within an adoption." Hermione said, unknowingly echoing Remus's words.

"How does that explain why your appearance changed?" Ron asked.

"The Potters used a spell to make me look like them, it starts to reverse itself four weeks after you learn about the adoption."

"Oh,"

"And it will be changing again." Harry concluded.

"What do you mean? Are you going to reverse it back?"

"No, I can't reverse it back. It can only be applied by using the same blood as when it was used. My appearance will be changing again, because Cybelle used the same spell."

"Harry, when did you discover the second adoption?"

"That first week at the burrow."

"So four weeks would be around September 18? Is that correct?"

"Yeah, I think that's it. Last time it took about two weeks for the spell to be fully reversed. So you guys will finally get to see the 'real' me around the second of October." Harry said sarcastically.

"Harry, it might be a bit sooner than that." Hermione said, as she bit her lip, not wanting to upset Harry.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, from what I remember reading about that spell, the more often it is applied, the quicker it wears off each time. They didn't see that as a problem, since they never really figured on that spelling being applied to someone more than once. I mean, that spell is hardly ever applied at all, let alone twice to one person."

Harry groaned as he rested his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" Hermione asked as she walked over to crouch down beside Harry.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I don't mind the change in appearance so much, it would be nice to know who I really am, but it's just going to be tough to explain to everyone why I keep changing."

"Don't worry," Hermione said as she rubbed Harry's back. "We'll think of something."

"Harry? Where there any clues about whom your natural parents might be?"

"She didn't mention any names, and I couldn't find any clues. I think that they might be auror's as well. Cybelle didn't do much here other than work, I figured she probably heard about my situation from a co-worker. All she mentioned about my parents was that my mom died and that my dad wouldn't be able to care me as I should be."

"Maybe they were auror's." Hermione said before tentatively asking, "Harry, do you mind if I read her diary? Maybe I could find something."

"No, I don't mind at all. I was actually thinking about asking you to read it, hoping that you might notice something that I missed. I know how much better you are at picking up those clues than I am." The two smiled at each other as they remembered 'the art of occlumency' clues from earlier this summer.

"Thanks, Hermione. I would really like to find out about my family. There is even a chance that my father might still be alive, or that either of my parents might have family that is alive. Although I am curious as to why none of their friends or family wanted me."

"Oh, Harry, I'm sure it's not like that. It was a very difficult time, since Voldemort was attacking so often. If your parents _were_ auror's, most of their friends were probably auror's as well. If that was the case, then you wouldn't have had a stable home with them either. It was probably safer for Cybelle to adopt you, even though she was also an auror. I mean, she brought you to Sweden, away from the attacks, and she was no longer in London fighting against Death Eaters every day. I'm sure your parent's friends and family want to know how you are. For all you know, they might have even tried to keep in contact with Cybelle after she left."

"Yeah," Harry said, "Possibly." The feeling of hope burning once more in his heart.

* * *

End Chapter 24 end of the world, er, first week 

So, I know why Remus is at the school, anyone care to take a guess (no clues have really been given yet).

Okay, with my little adoption w/in an adoption (did I mention that I am fascinated/obsessed with adoptions?) plot, I was beginning to think it sounded like bad plot to a movie, hence HP's comment. BUT I am overjoyed that so many people are reading this. The truth will soon be revealed.

_Upcoming: Chapter 25 back to how things were _

I actually have like 10 possible titles for ch 25, all which fit equally well, I think. But I had a hard time creating a title for ch 24.

_Chapter 26 I'M NOT GONNA TELL YOU YET _(Title provides hints to **how **Harry discovers the truth)

Thanks for all the great reviews!! Got a lot of new reviews from people who never reviewed before (hence the term 'new'). Anyways, THANKS XOXOXXO

11/25/04


	25. nothing stays the same

I recently found out that Ch 5 disappeared (Thanks jock1444 & meredith-kun for making me aware of this). Sorry to everyone who has been unable to read that chapter. I have reposted that chapter this morning. Please let me know if you notice any other chapters missing.

**BOLD print is basically flashbacks/Harry's diary or a log that lists the details of Harry's days. The chapter begins on 9/13, where they come up with a plan to help explain HP's change of appearance, it then skips forward about 2 weeks, to state that the plan mostly worked & HP's overall change in appearance, the rest of the chapter is like flashbacks, as it goes into the day by day details of those 2 weeks as Harry changed. The chapter ends on Thursday 9/26, ch 26 begins on that day as well.**

* * *

Chapter 25 nothing stays the same 

"Harry?" Hermione asked as she and Ron walked into the common room Friday evening after prefect rounds. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Harry replied. After receiving a look from Hermione, he continued, "It's just that the second adoption spell will start wearing off soon and I still haven't found an explanation for my changing appearance."

Hermione sat down next to Harry on the couch, thinking a moment before turning to Ron, "Can you contact the twins and see if we can get some Looky Lollies, Eye Candy & Mock Locks from them?"

"Hermione," Ron said, "Why are you thinking about candy at a time like this? We need to help Harry come up with an explanation about his appearance."

"Honestly, Ron." Hermione said as she shook her head at him. "That is what the candy is for. I figure if we have some of that candy and have some of the Gryffindor's eat it then their appearance will constantly be changing. When Harry's appearance changes in the next week or so, it won't be as noticeable since everyone's appearance had changed. The only difference is that Harry's appearance won't change back. We might have to provide an explanation later on, but at least it would buy us some time."

"Hey, that just might work! Thanks, Hermione, you're brilliant." Harry said as he gave Hermione a hug. "Ron, I'll contact the twins about the candy."

* * *

Hermione's plan regarding the candy worked. Not only were the Gryffindor's appearances constantly changing, but so were the Ravenclaw's and Hufflepuff's 

Harry's appearance was slowly changing. He actually seemed to have shrunk. He was taller than he was last year, but was now a few inches shorter than Ron, standing at a respectable five feet, eight inches. His hair was still long, but now only shoulder length. The most noticeable difference was that the color was no longer black, but instead was a cinnamon brown, it also wasn't wavy anymore, but was as straight as a board. His eyes were back to green, but not quite as intense as they were before. According to Hermione and Ginny, his eyes seemed to sparkle when he laughed or if he was excited about something.

Overall, Harry was happy about these changes, especially since he had a smaller frame that would be better for his seeker position.

Of course, Harry's appearance wasn't the only thing that changed since school started. Apparently Snape, the old Snape, not the Snape Harry knew from the summer was back. And he was making up for lost time.

**- - - FLASHBACK sequence begins- - - **

**9/18 Wednesday**

**Wednesday morning Harry sat at breakfast between a blonde Hermione and a brown-haired Ron. The minute the two saw Harry with his cinnamon brown, wavy, shoulder length hair, they opened the sweets that arrived from the twins on Sunday.**

**Their appearance got a few laughs in the common room and soon almost all the Gryffindor's were persuaded to try a free sample of the newest product from the Weasley twins.**

"**Harry," Ron whispered as he elbowed Harry's side, "Why does Snape keep on looking at you this morning? I thought you guys were getting along pretty well?"**

"**We are," Harry said. "You must be imagining it." Harry looked up at the head table, sure enough, Snape _was_ looking at him, not just looking, staring, with an expression on his face that Harry had never seen before, although it did remind him a bit of one from Uncle Vernon after he heard Harry make fun of Dudley that one time.**

"**Maybe it's the changes in our appearances," Hermione said.**

"**But why does he look so mad at Harry and not everyone? Almost every Gryffindor has changed their appearance this morning because of those candies."**

"**Because he knows that Harry is familiar with the appearance altering potions and is probably responsible for this."**

"**Yeah!" Ron said. "He probably can't believe that you would use potions for something fun. Bet he never thought that potions could be fun like that."**

"**Maybe" Harry said, feeling that there was more was going on with his professor than Harry's ability to 'have fun' with the potions.**

**

* * *

**

**During potion class that morning, Harry would catch Snape staring at him from his desk at the front of the room. Harry attributed it to the slight change in his appearance, while everyone else returned to 'normal' halfway through class, Harry's hair stayed cinnamon brown. For some reason, this seemed to cause Snape to stare at him harder, in fact, for a few minutes, Harry thought he could feel Snape trying to get into his mind. At the tingling in his head, he dropped his quill and looked up at his professor. Snape stared back at him, his face void of all emotion, Harry immediately went on the defensive and put up his shields before returning to work on his potion. **

**As they left class, Hermione asked, "What was that all about?"**

"**I don't know. He was trying to use legilimency on me, though."**

"**What?" Hermione said as she looked for a logical reason why a professor would do that in the middle of class. "Maybe he was just trying to test you?"**

"**Maybe. But why did he wait until now to do so? It's the third week of school and over a month since I've had any lessons in occlumency. No, if it was just a test, he would've done it sooner. Why would the change in my appearance provoke him to try to get into my mind?"**

**Hermione went silent as the two walked to their next class, for once, she did not have the answer.**

**

* * *

**

**9/19 Thursday**

**Thursday morning, Harry was greeted with the same image in the mirror that he was the night before.**

**Again, Snape spent breakfast staring at Harry, who was very glad that he _did not_ have potions that day. Unfortunately, that did not keep him from Snape as his professor stopped him in the hall after classes.**

"**Potter, what do you think you're doing?"**

"**Excuse me professor?" Asked a puzzled Harry.**

"**What do you hope to gain by changing your appearance like that?"**

**Harry remained silent since he knew that his appearance was out of his control.**

"**Detention tonight." Snape snarled as he walked away.**

"**What was that about?" Ron asked.**

"**I have no clue." Harry said as the two of them continued to walk to the Quidditch pitch for practice before dinner.**

* * *

**9/20 Friday**

**On Friday, Harry noticed that his eyes were back to green but not as intense as before.**

"**When you get to step six in your potion, you will need to come up to the plant on my desk to pick the gurlzenberries. It is very important that these ingredients stay on the vines until you need them."**

**Snape spent the majority of the class staring at Harry, not making any comments on his appearance. When Harry reached step six in his potion, he walked to the front of the class to get the necessary gurlzenberries. As Harry picked the berries off the vine, he looked up and green eyes met black. **

"**Sir? Are you okay?" Harry asked as his professor's face turned white. **

**Snape closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and placed a hand his desk to steady himself before saying, "Get what you need and sit down." **

**Harry finished picking the berries and went back to work, keeping one eye on the professor in case he was ill.**

**When class finally ended, everyone stood up to leave when Snape said "Potter, stay."**

**With a nod to Hermione to indicate that he was okay, he set his books back on the work bench and walked up to Snape's desk.**

"**Yes sir?"**

"**Do you have an explanation for this?" He asked with a wave of his hands towards Harry.**

"**Excuse me sir? I'm not sure what you mean."**

"**Your appearance. Do you have an explanation?"**

**Harry just stared at the potion master. Since his appearance started to changed two days ago, Snape had been the only professor to comment on it. At least, the only one to ask Harry about it directly. Remus had mentioned some of the statements the other professors made during staff meetings and in the teachers break room.**

"**Well Potter, an answer would be nice. Unless you want detention?"**

**Harry just continued to look straight at Snape, not answering.**

"**Fine. Detention it is. I suppose this is some kind of joke?"**

"**No, sir," Harry replied honestly, willing to tell his professor that much.**

"**Hmm. Dismissed."**

**Harry grabbed his books and raced out of the room, wondering what in the world that was all about.**

**

* * *

**

**9/21 Saturday**

**Saturday afternoon, Harry was sitting in the common room finishing his homework while Hermione was reading Cybelle's journal.**

"**Harry." Hermione said quietly.**

"**Yeah, Hermione," Harry said, without looking up.**

"**Can you come with me a moment. I need to show you something."**

**Harry looked at Hermione and noticed that she as holding Cybelle's journal in her hands. "You've found something."**

"**I think so." She said as Harry stood up and they walked to the lake.**

"**This is just speculation, but I'm beginning to think that your adoption by Cybelle wasn't really legal."**

"**What do you mean? Why not?"**

"**Read these lines from her journal." With a wave of her wand, select text in Cybelle's journal was highlighted.**

'We thought he was unfit'  
'he doesn't deserve to have children'  
'Why should he have a child when I didn't?'  
'I could care for him and protect him'  
'so I took you'  
'wanted you to be free'  
'Safer and better for all if I took him'  
'have a peaceful life'  
'took him to Sweden to arrange the adoption'

"**So?"**

"**Well, it was all what _she_ thought about your father. Not to mention that she repeated many times that she _took_ you. She never once actually said that your father gave you up for adoption. She gave you a name that meant peace and free, a symbol of the life that she didn't think you would have with him."**

"**So? That doesn't prove anything."**

"**How about the fact that she used her contacts in Sweden to adopt you? Since you and your family were residing in England, your adoption would have to be facilitated by the London Ministry of Magic to be legal."**

**Hermione looked Harry straight in the eye and took a deep breath before continuing, "I think you were kidnapped from your father."**

"**By Cybelle?" Harry said, "She doesn't seem the type that would do that. She was an auror. Why would she do something against the law like that?"**

"**I don't think she thought of it as illegal."**

"**Hermione, how could kidnapping _not_ be illegal?"**

"**_I'm_ not saying it isn't illegal. Just that I think Cybelle convinced herself that she was doing it to save you. I think that after her fiancé died and she moved to London, she might have had a breakdown or something. Since she was in a new place with new people, no one really noticed what was going on. You read her journal, you had to have noticed how different she was after Dane's death, how extreme she was in going after Death Eater's."**

"**Hermione, her fiancé was _killed_. Of course she was different. And going after Death Eater's was natural, first of all, she was an _auror_ and second of all, they killed Dane!" Harry said. He felt that he had gotten to know and care for Cybelle while reading her journal, after all, he did think she was his mother during that time. It hurt that Hermione was blaming Cybelle and thought that she was responsible for this. **

"**Yes, I know." Hermione said patiently, "But she was consumed, she took outrageous risks, all she did was fight like she personally had to destroy all of them."**

**Harry was silent since he had had similar thoughts when he first read the journal.**

"**Then the anniversary of Dane's death came and she remembered all that she lost; not just Dane, but their hopes and plans for a family. Somehow, in the middle of that, from another auror, she heard about you and your sister. She-"**

"**Wait. Sister? What sister?"**

**Hermione looked at Harry in disbelief. How could he not remember his sister? Hermione hesitated, not knowing how to continue.**

"**WHAT SISTER, HERMIONE?" Harry shouted, making Hermione glad that she had put up silencing and privacy charms.**

"**Cybelle mentions your sister in the journal, Harry." Hermione replied. She hadn't seen Harry this upset since last summer when he arrived at Grimmauld Place.**

"**Where? Show me in the journal where she mentions my sister."**

**Hermione opened the journal and held it out to Harry. Harry read some of the words on that page:**

'I knew I couldn't care for both of you. As much as I hated to split the two of you up, I knew that I had no other choice. You were crying as I walked away with you in my arms. Your sister sounded just as heartbroken. I had the strangest feeling that the two of you knew what was going on. It made me think that the two of you hadn't been separated since you were brought home from the hospital. But don't worry. I am sure that she is in a good home, as well.'

**Harry leaned back against the wall in shock. When Hermione looked at him, she noticed that his eyes were closed and that he had tears streaming down his cheeks.**

"**Harry, are you okay?"**

"**A sister. I have a sister. I'm not okay. I'm bloody fantastic. A family. My family includes a sister." Harry opened his eyes and looked at Hermione, "how did I miss that page?"**

"**The pages were sticking together. I almost missed it myself. I didn't even think that you might have missed it. I'm sorry."**

"**Don't be sorry," Harry said as he hugged Hermione. "If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have known about her. Not that I know much about her now. I wonder how old she is? I wonder where she is and what her name is? Her favorite col-"**

"**Harry. I'm glad you're excited about your older sister, but-"**

"**How do you know she's older?"**

"**Harry, you were about a month old when Cybelle adopted you, I really don't think your sister could be younger than you and still exist at that time."**

"**Oh, yeah, sorry." Harry said sheepishly.**

"**Anyways, as I was saying, Cybelle heard about the two of you from another auror. Since she was in a vulnerable state and desired a family, it was probably easy for him to suggest that she take you back to Sweden with her and adopt you. My guess is that it was her coworker that actually kidnapped you and your sister."**

"**Wait! If we were kidnapped, then there is a chance that my father is looking for us right now?"**

"**Possibly." Hermione said, her voice doubtful.**

"**Hermione? Why wouldn't he be looking for us if we were kidnapped?"**

"**Harry, you were taken 16 years ago. I am sure that when you first went missing that he looked for you. But because of Novo Visius Adoptio, any spell that they tried to use to find you wouldn't work. The minute the adoption spell was performed, whoever you were ceased to exist, you were legally Aren Brac Swann at that point. It would be as if your original identity had died, no trace of him existing would be found."**

"**Okay, but what about now? The spell wore off when I found out about the adoption, remember? Now they would be able to find me."**

"**Yes, if they tried."**

"**What do you mean if they tried? Why wouldn't they try?"**

"**Harry, it's been 16 years, since you were kidnapped. When no trace of you was found, they probably declared you dead and a funeral, without a body, was held."**

"**Oh merlin," Harry said. He hated to think that his father, his family had gone through the same thing that Snape went through. Possibly even worse if no body was found. So his family probably thinks that he's dead. Once he finds out who his family is, how would he tell them? He couldn't just he show up on the doorstep and announce that I'm alive, could he, Harry wondered.**

"**Harry, there's more."**

"**What? Did you find out the identity of my father?"**

"**No, not really." Hermione said hesitantly.**

"**Clues, then?" At Hermione's hesitation, Harry continued, "Come on, Hermione, just tell me. It can't be that bad."**

"**Well, assuming that I'm correct and that you were kidnapped, the next logical question is 'Why?' Why would Cybelle and the other aurors believe that your father didn't deserve to raise his own children?"**

"**I don't know, Hermione. Cybelle mentioned the fact that my mother had died. That seemed pretty important to her. Maybe she didn't think a single father could do the job right or something."**

"**That might be what Cybelle thought, but I seriously doubt that that was the reasoning behind the other auror's actions."**

"**Then what? Hermione, if you know something, say it."**

"**I was just remembering some things I read. One reason is if your father was abusive. You read 'Magic of Adoption', you should know that wizards look down on parents that abuse their children. That would be one reason why they would feel that he didn't deserve to have children."**

"**Hey, that could also tie in with my name meaning peace. But why wouldn't they just bring my father up on charges of abuse? Wouldn't that seem more logical then kidnapping me, not to mention legal? If we were abused, then we would be adopted and my father would've been punished."**

"**Yeah. That's what I was thinking."**

**Harry looked at Hermione, "You have another theory, don't you?" Hermione slowly nodded. "Well, go on, tell me."**

**Hermione took a deep breath and said in one quick breath "Yourfathermighthavebeenadeatheater."**

"**What? A little bit slower this time." Harry couldn't recall ever seeing Hermione so nervous, not even before OWLS last year.**

"**Your-father-might-have-been-a-death-eater." She said a bit slower.**

"**A Death Eater. Wouldn't Voldemort be surprised to learn that?" Harry said as he started laughing. The boy-who-lived could be the son of one of Voldemort's servants. His father was either abusive or a Death Eater. Harry wasn't really sure why he felt so surprised, this was his life, right? Why would something as simple as finding his father be easy?**

* * *

**9/22 Sunday**

"**-Anyways,as I told Crabbe and Goyle, I don't need to focus my time and energy on Potter right now. Professor Snape is doing a more than adequate job of it for me. Actually he's doing a much better job then I am. Even though I can deduct points and give him detention, I would need a reason for it. Professor Snape does not. I swear, every time he sees Potter he deducts points. Of course, I can't help but wonder why. What exactly has Potter done to make Professor Snape so mad at him? Of course, I also can't help but wonder, how upset Professor Snape is."**

"**What do you mean?" Nott asked as Malfoy paused.**

"**Well, I had been wondering how serious Professor Snape was about sabotaging someone else's potion. Is he mad enough at Potter that he would welcome the excuse to deduct more points and assign detentions?"**

"**Is it really worth finding out? If it's obvious that you are the one who did it, Professor Snape would have no choice but to stand by what he said on the first day of classes."**

"**Ahh, yes," Malfoy drawled, "_If_ it was obvious, we will just have to ensure that it isn't."**

**Nott laughed as the two Slytherins turned the corner, taking their conversation out of earshot from Harry, Hermione and Ron.**

"**Now what?" Harry asked.**

"**Now, we'll just have to make sure that you are on your guard in potions class. If we had overheard this during the first two weeks of school, I would have suggested that you talk to Professor Snape about this, but now. Malfoy's right. He has been deducting points from you every time he sees you."**

* * *

**9/23 Monday**

**Harry woke to discover that the only thing different about his appearance today was that his hair, although still cinnamon in color, was no longer way, but was now straight as a board.**

"**Potter! Stay."**

**Harry sighed and turned around to face Snape, as the remainder of the students left the classroom. All the empathy and respect that he developed over the summer for this professor was quickly disappearing.**

**Snape seemed worse than he was last year, only this time he didn't even pretend to have a reason to assign Harry detention.**

"**How long is this going to go on for?"**

**Harry wasn't exactly sure what his professor was referring to, but by the way Snape had been staring at him, Harry suspected it was due to the change in his appearance. "Forever, sir."**

**Snape got a look of disgust on his face as he said, "Just like your father with his jokes. Detention tonight and twenty points from Gryffindor. Now leave."**

**Harry glared at Snape before turning to leave, he knew that if he stayed, not only would he be late for his next class, but that he would most likely lose his temper and end up in a lot more trouble then losing points and detention.**

* * *

**9/24 Tuesday**

**Tuesday, Harry noticed that he was now shorter than Ron. His height was now five feet, eight inches, and he was skinnier, his shoulder's no longer as wide as before.**

**Much like he had the previous week, Snape was constantly staring at Harry. It didn't seem to matter to Snape that by now over half the school were eating the appearance altering candies, Harry was the only one that received detentions or had points deducted for it. Harry thought it was ironic, since he was the only one _not_ eating those candies. The changes to his appearance were natural.**

"**POTTER! Enough is enough. Twenty points form Gryffindor and Detention."**

**Everyone in the corridor stopped and looked between Harry and Snape, wondering what Harry could have done to make the professor so mad. It seemed as if every time the professor saw Harry he was deducting points, assigning detention, or both.**

* * *

**9/25 Wednesday**

**Harry and Hermione spent most of potions keeping an eye on Malfoy. After the conversation they heard last weekend, they weren't taking any chances. Luckily, it didn't appear as if he had anything planned for today.**

**As usual, when the class started to leave, Snape called out, "Potter, stay."**

**Harry stayed where he was. Since he was expecting Snape to keep him after, he hadn't even stood up. After the rest of the class left, Snape closed the door and sat down across from Harry.**

"**Potter, what is going on?"**

"**Nothing, sir." Harry replied.**

"**And that is why your appearance is changing on a daily basis." Snape said sarcastically, before he continued as Harry opened his mouth to reply. "And don't try telling me that it is the candy. No one else's changed in appearance lasted this long nor has anyone's changes been the same two days in a row, let alone a week. This is your last chance to tell me what is going on."**

**Harry just glared at Snape, without answering.**

"**Since you won't explain or end this joke, I have no choice but to assign you detentions every night, until you either end this or provide a _valid_ explanation of why your appearance is changing. Dismissed."**

**Harry just stared at Snape with his mouth hung open. _Detention_ every night! Just because his appearance had changed, something he had no control over.**

"**Unless you are going to stop this charade, get out of my sight. NOW!" He added when Harry hesitated.**

* * *

9/26 Thursday, after Harry's detention with Snape

"Harry," Hermione said. "You should just tell him what's going on."

"I can't."

"You really should, mate." Ron chimed in. "At this rate, not only will we _not_ be in the running for the house cup, but Gryffindor will be in the negative point wise."

"What am I suppose to say: 'Professor, please stop assigning me detention and detecting points from Gryffindor simply because you don't approve or like the change in my appearance. I was adopted, hopefully only twice, and this is the adoption charm wearing off.'"

"Sounds good to me," Ron said. "Anything that might keep him from deducting points."

"Actually, Harry, that wasn't that bad. Although I wouldn't say the part about his not approving or liking the changes to your appearance."

"Why not? I mean, what other reason can he have to be so disturbed by the changes in my appearance? None of the other professors seem to care about it. As a matter of fact, Remus told me that most of them believe that either I lost some type of bet and that it is a dare, or that it is one of the twins experiments gone wrong. Why is Snape so concerned that he is constantly giving me detentions and deducting points? Why doesn't he come out and tell me what is bothering him about my appearance change?"

"Has Moony said anything to you about why Snape is so upset?"

"Just that Snape is telling them that it is something personal and between the two of us. But I don't know what it is. I think he's just saying that as an excuse to deduct points and give me detention."

"Hey!" Ron cried, "Why don't you just use a glamour charm to change your appearance back to how it was last year? That would make Snape stop."

"NO!" Harry yelled, then whispered when everyone turned to stare at him. "I'm just finding out what I really look like. I'm not going to change what I look like to please that greasy git."

"Harry!" Hermione shouted, shocked since it was the first time since Harry's birthday that Harry referred to Snape disrespectfully.

"What?" Harry asked. "It's not like he doesn't deserve it. He is acting like a git. He doesn't even pretend to have a reason. If it wasn't bad enough that I have detention with him _everyday_ he is still deducting points every time he sees me. I'm getting sick of it.

"Do you know that yesterday in detention Snape tried spells to end any appearance charms that he thought were on me. I tried to tell him that they wouldn't work, but he wouldn't listen, I spent most of the detention cleaning the desks while he stood behind me shouting spells. Funny thing was, they were actually the same spells that I tried over the summer to change my appearance. Tonight he had me use some of the leftover Revealo potion I made over the summer. It's like he made it his personal mission to find out what's going on."

"You could always tell Dumbledore what is going on."

"No, Snape said that this is personal, so personal it will stay. Beside, it's Dumbledore, I'm sure he knows that Snape has landed me detention with no end in sight. Since he hasn't mentioned it, neither will I. I am not going to go running to Dumbledore with this, neither am I going to tell anyone about something this personal if I don't want to. Sooner or later, Snape will get tired of having me in detention."

As Harry walked up the stairs to his dorm room, Hermione and Ron just shook their heads, at their friends and professor's stubbornness. This could be going on for a while, they both thought. Harry might still be serving detention with Snape next year, as well. Sometimes Harry and Snape could be so much alike, it was scary.

* * *

Thanks to everyone who reads & reviews this story.

We will be finding out a bit out Snape's reactions next chapter.

The truth is coming out

_Upcoming: Chapter 26 cognatus lamia lector_

So, since I couldn't post (partly ff & partly my lack of access to a computer), I ended up revising this chapter, it is twice as long as it originally was, thought about breaking it up into separate chaps, but then I figured you all would kill me if I didn't have someone find out the truth in Ch 26 like I said I was.

gurlzenberries - my own creation (as far as I know), hey if there can be boysenberry, why not this?

Hopefully this chapter answered some questions (while creating others?).


	26. cognatus lamia lector

Disclaimer: I do not own HP & Co.

**A/N: **Honestly now, if you were Harry or Snape (especially Snape), would you really suspect that the other was your father/son in this story (if you only knew what each individual know, not the fact that you know both sides, so to speak)? If yes, I would love to hear the reason(s) why-a nice debate is always good for the soul.

Yes, communication is the key. Snape, up till now, had no idea that Harry was adopted (I don't worry about ruining the story, since I made a reference in the second Chapter that Sev knows HP was adopted by the Potter's). Coincidentally, Harry's appearance didn't really start to change until the week the two began to work on the appearance altering potion (brilliant of me, BTW). Snape has no reason to believe that Harry might be his son. Maybe if Harry looked like his wife (and yes, Harry is almost the spitting image-where did that phrase come from anyways?-of Snape's late wife) without knowing what she looked like, he might be more curious. Snape, used to being teased & tormented by a Potter, naturally assumed that this was the case. He honestly believed that his children are gone. Harry, however, does know that Snape had kids, but remember, as far as he knows Snape's kids are dead. Besides, as we all know, Harry can be pretty clueless. Hermione might piece it together, but that death thing, (Harry does remember that Snape mentioned a body), can be kind of hard to get over-after all, even Dumbledore said death was permanent. He figures some things out in this chapter on his own, but also has some help.

**SHADOWEDHAND: Meant to thank you again for your suggestion of 'Mock Locks', but I forgot last chapter, forgive me? **

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**Chapter 26 cognatus lamia lector**

After Harry left detention Thursday evening, Severus remained seated at his desk, shaking his head. Just when he thought that there was more to the boy-who-lived, he had to go and pull a stunt like this. Well, one thing was for sure, James Potter would be proud that his son was carrying on with the Marauder's task of tormenting him.

Honestly, did the boy really think that Snape would let him get away with this? The two might have unofficially declared a truce over the summer holidays, but Snape wouldn't let _anyone_ mock his pain like this. A fact that Potter would soon realize. If he doesn't stop his charade and confess, the boy will be in detention until he graduates, and maybe even longer if Snape could find a way to make it happen.

Snape wasn't happy when he saw Potter at breakfast last Wednesday, with his wavy cinnamon brown hair, but he let it pass, since almost every Gryffindor had a different hair color that day. However, when everyone else had returned to normal, Harry's hair was still the lighter color. Fine, he thought, maybe the boy just used more potion or set it to last longer. At that time, he had no reason to believe that the result was deliberate. He even tried legilimens on the boy to see what was in his mind. Unfortunately, Harry was aware of this and defended his mind.

On Thursday Harry's hair was the same light brown. Snape couldn't take it anymore, he had kept an eye on Potter during breakfast and lunch and when the boy made no attempt to change the color of his hair, Snape finally decided that it was time for action. He cornered Potter and Weasley as they were on their way to Quidditch practice. After Potter refused to answer his questions regarding his change of appearance, he quickly assigned the boy a detention for that evening. His only regret was that he didn't deduct points as well.

Friday, though, Friday was even worse. Not only was his hair still cinnamon in color, but the eyes were changed as well. The two together reminded him so much of Sonja, that for a moment, he felt faint and almost whispered her name, before he remembered where he was. By the time class ended, he had regained his composure, at least enough of it to assign Potter another detention.

Still, Potter kept the charade up for the last week; even go so far as to say that it wasn't a joke. Regardless of the points deducted, the detentions assigned or the questions asked, Potter never admitted what he was up to. Snape was the only one bothered by Potter's refusal to change his hair color back to normal, of course, at this point, Snape wouldn't have minded if he turned his hair Weasley red, as long as it no longer resembled his wife's. Most of the other professors were relieved that the boy-who-lived wasn't in his room crying over his mutt of a godfather. They put the change in the boy's appearance down to either a lost bet, a dare from a friend, or most likely a Weasley prank gone wrong. But Severus _knew_ differently. He was convinced that Harry deliberately changed his appearance and that he used the information to entertain himself and his friends.

Out of all the people to find out about his past, it had to be the son of one of the men who hated him most. Snape couldn't believe that he was _almost _believed that the boy was more like Lily than James, one thing Harry's recent actions showed Snape was that the boy was more like James than Severus ever thought, and obviously three years around his godmutt was enough for Harry to emulate Black's attitudes. Only a marauder would think a joke like this would be funny. Although he was right, it wasn't a joke. It was cruel. Soon the boy would find out just how cruel Snape could be in return, thanks to those occlumency, Potter wasn't the only person who learned some things this summer.

The potion master stood up to leave the classroom when he noticed a book on the floor. He stopped to pick it up.

"Stupid boy, to leave his journal out like this. Even if the know-it-all did put protective charms on it," Snape mumbled to himself as he recognized the book.

Severus decided to stay in the classroom a little longer to wait for Potter to return to claim his book. Surely, it wouldn't take long before he realized it's gone. Especially since he should be writing in it every night before he goes to sleep.

Severus soon realized that an hour had passed since the Golden-boy left the dungeons. He came to the conclusion that Harry hadn't even noticed the missing journal yet. Not too observant, Snape snorted. He would definitely have to teach the boy a lesson about losing something so valuable. Out of boredom, Severus started thumbing through the pages. The minute he opened the journal he realized that _he_ could read it. So much for the know-it-all's skills, Severus smirked. If the charm isn't set right, it won't work. Even a first year knows to check a spell after it is applied. But apparently two members of the Gryffindor Trio, think themselves infallible. The arrogant fools, not to check the journal before they leave the dorms, how idiotic could they be? Do they even realize what this information would to the light do if placed in the wrong hands?

The wrong hands. Now that it was in his hands, should he read it? Tempting, very tempting, Severus thought as he placed the books with his other materials and brought them back to his rooms. He will have to see if Harry notices the missing journal in class tomorrow.

* * *

"Potter, that is pitiful, even for you." Snape smirked as he hovered over Harry's shoulder, watching as he sliced his ingredients. "Perhaps you should see about _adopting _a new technique." 

Instinctively, Harry paled at his professor's reference to adoption, even if it was in a different context.

Harry took a deep breath and imagined himself writing in his journal. He was pretty sure that Snape wouldn't let him write in the real thing during class. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he jumped when Hannah Abbot dropped her quill on the floor. Unfortunately, as he jumped, his hand knocked over a jar of powdered graphorn.

"Potter! You really shouldn't leave things _lying around_. You never know how dangerous it might be." Snape leaned in closer so that only Harry could hear him, "Now go to the _cupboard_ and get some items to clean up this mess."

Harry hands shook as he cleaned up the powdered graphorn. Once more he imagined himself writing in his journal as he ignored his professor's remarks and went back to work.

As the bell rang, Harry brought his bottled potion up to the desk, thankful that it was Friday and that this class was now over until Monday. Unfortunately, Snape had a few more things to say.

"Potter, I don't know what type of _mark_ you think you will get on this potion, but be assured that it won't be _equal_ to your previous ones." And with those words, Snape turned around, and went into his office, his robes billowing behind him.

* * *

Friday night Harry knocked on Snape's door ready to serve his detention. Overall, the detentions hadn't been that bad. Last week he helped Snape prepare the Wolfbane potion for Remus, although Harry was puzzled why Snape needed three cauldrons of it. Other than that, most of the detention he spent cleaning. He never thought he would be grateful for the Dursley's, but the one thing he learned there was how to clean. Snape couldn't possibly find anything wrong with his cleaning skills. Of course, the funniest thing about his detentions was the way Snape tried to reverse Harry's appearance. Having a professor walking behind you shouting spells as you clean desks or mopped floors wasn't normal, not even for Harry. 

"Potter. Come in."

Once Harry entered the classroom, Snape immediately started in on him again. "Your attempts at potion makingare pathetic. You should think about _abandoning_ it before you get someone _killed_."

Even though Harry knew that his teacher was most likely referring to a situation where a cauldron exploded or Harry accidentally poisoning someone, he still couldn't help but grow pale at those words as the images of Cedric and Sirius flew to the front of his mind. No, he thought, not my fault. Let it go. Slowly, Harry imagined all the feelings associated with those two disappearing as he gained control over his emotions.

"For detention tonight, you will remake this morning's potion successfully or _die trying._"

* * *

Most of the weekend passed in a similar fashion. Snape, when in his rooms could often be found by the fireplace reading Harry's journal. When he wasn't in his rooms, Snape could be seen skulking about the castle looking for a student to terrorize. What a coincidence that his steps often led him to the boy-who-lived, of course, he did have a little help from a location spell. How he enjoyed watching Potter squirm at his innocent use of words. Who knew that some words, such as 'cupboard', 'defy', 'vanquish', 'mark', 'equal', 'serious', 'adopt', 'dog', 'blame', and 'profit' could have such a dramatic effect on a teenager? 

At first he did this to drop hints to Harry to see if this sparked the boy's memory of his misplaced journal, but after seeing his reaction, Snape realized that this was quite fun. Okay, so maybe this wasn't something a teacher should do to a student; then again, a student shouldn't take what they know regarding a professor's personal life, combine it with what they learned from that same professor and mock his pain in such a way. Snape, unfortunately, was blinded by his need for revenge. He had no pity for the boy, not after the boy so callously tormented him by deliberately changing his appearance.

Sunday evening Severus entered his room after tormenting Gryffindor's golden boy. He opened up the journal and started reading. "That little-" Snape mumbled, staring at what he just read. Oh how he wanted to enter the Gryffindor tower and drag Harry Potter out of his dorm room by his ears. How dare he write about _his _past for anyone to read.

* * *

At breakfast on Monday morning, Harry was sitting at the Gryffindor table laughing and talking with his friends when he realized that the great hall had suddenly gone unnaturally quiet. He then noticed that most of the students were staring at something behind him. Before he had a chance to turn around, a hand gripped his shoulder and he heard, "Potter, come with me. NOW!" His shoulder was released and the shadow turned and headed out of the great hall, with Harry following not far behind. 

Harry followed his professor to the potion's classroom., leaving a concerned Hermione behind The minute they were in the classroom, Snape said, "Potter, are you missing something?"

"Excuse me, sir?"

"I asked if anything is missing."

"Er, um, not that I know of."

"_That_ does not make me feel secure at all," Snape replied sarcastically. "If the Savior of the wizarding world doesn't even notice when something important has been lost."

"Um, excuse me, sir, can you please explain what this is about?"

Without a word, Severus took the journal out of his robes and placed it on the workbench. "This was left in my classroom Thursday night after your detention. I thought that you would be back for it once you realized it was missing. Imagine my surprise when you went the entire weekend not knowing that it was missing. I thought you were writing in the journal every night, how could you be doing that if you don't even have the journal?"

"Actually sir, I am writing in a journal every night, just not that journal. That is one of the first ones that I had. I brought it to dinner with me that night to share some things with Remus. I don't use that journal every night which is why I didn't notice that I didn't have it with me."

"You should know better than to leave your personal belongings lying around. _Do you know what this information could do if found in the wrong hands?"_

"Um, not much, sir. They are protected."

"Are you _sure_ of that, Potter?"

"Yes, sir." Harry said confidently, remembering the charms that were set on _all_ of his journals.

"Are you willing to bet your life on it? Are you willing to bet your friends life on it? What about my life? Because that is exactly what you are doing."

Harry was silent, not sure how to respond. Yes, it was irresponsible of him to leave the journal laying around where anyone could find it, but if they couldn't read it, then how much help would it be?

"If the Dark Lord found your journal, he could easily read about how you feel about the prophecy, not to mention figure out exactly what the prophecy is! If he or one of his _loyal_ Death Eaters discovered how much you really cared about the Weasleys, Lupin, Granger, or any of your other little friends, you could kiss them goodbye. If someone found out about the feelings you had towards the headmaster at the beginning of the summer, they could use those feelings to create discord for this side of the war. Not too mention the _information_ you shared regarding my personal life and my past. If any of the students came across that…"

Snape was cut off as a pale Harry interrupted, "No! They couldn't find out. The journal's charmed! No one can read it except -"

"Except who, Potter? Anyone who picks it up off the floor?" Snape asked as Hermione walked through the door, hearing their last exchange.

After Harry left the Great Hall with Snape, Hermione had been worried about her friend, she had never seen Professor Snape so upset. She finished breakfast quickly and as soon as she could she escaped Ron and headed to the Dungeons, not noticing a grey-eyed blonde doing the same thing.

The minute Harry saw Hermione, he grabbed the journal from Snape's hands and shoved it under her nose. "Read this!" He yelled.

"Harry, you know, I can't. We charmed it."

"Oh, please, Potter. Of course your _friend_ is going to lie to protect you. Ten points from Gryffindor." At that moment, Draco Malfoy walked in.

Harry glared at Snape and pushed the book into Malfoy's hands, telling him to read it, and ignoring the glare that Snape returned at him.

"Potter, that's just being foolish. Bring it back over here." Snape said, a little worry creeping into his voice. If Draco read what Harry wrote was in the journal and told his father…Snape shuddered at the ramifications.

"Malfoy, ignore Snape and just read it," Harry said,

"Read what, Potter? There's nothing on here," snarled Draco as he turned page after page looking for something to read.

At Draco's words, Snape looked from a very pale Harry to a paling Hermione to a puzzled Draco. Snape knew that Draco had his faults, but lying wasn't one of them, especially lying to protect the-boy-who-lived.

Before he could say another word, Harry grabbed his journal and his bag and ran out of the classroom. "Potter, get back here. You still have class. Twenty points from Gryffindor if you aren't in class when the bell rings." Snape yelled down the hall towards Harry's back.

"Professor," Hermione asked, ignoring Draco. "What was that about? Could you really read the journal?"

"Draco, out" As Draco left the room, closing the door behind him, Snape answered, "Of course I could read it, Miss Granger. Somehow your charms _failed_. I was able to read every page, I do not know what charm the two of you used, but I strongly suggest you use a stronger one, one that won't leave room for errors." Snape indicated that this conversation was over as he then went back to the door and opened it, letting the students into classroom.

Hermione stood where she was for a moment, growing paler by the second. Suddenly she made up her mind as she grabbed her books and ran out the door.

"Granger! Granger! Where are you going? Twenty points from Gryffindor and detention."

Hermione just ignored him; she knew that she _had_ to find Harry.

* * *

"Harry," Hermione said, "Are you okay?" 

"Merlin, Hermione, I don't think so." Harry said as he lifted his head up from his knees to look at her. "Maybe he _was_ right and the journal wasn't charmed properly. But we tested it! We had to have done it incorrectly on that first journal or maybe we missed something. We had to have missed something, right? Perhaps this charm only works if performed during the full moon or if you are facing north. There has to be something like that we forgot about! Or maybe the charm just wore off; perhaps the charm only works for a certain amount of time before you need to reapply it? Could that be what happened? Or maybe he couldn't really read the journal and it was just a new way for him to torment me, making me think that someone could read it. Merlin knows I would go insane if I actually thought that he or anyone else read it. Perhaps he was just guessing about what I wrote in there about everyone. I mean, it is kind of obvious what I am feeling at times. Anyone could take a guess and win a prize." Harry didn't notice or care that his ramblings weren't even making any sense. All he knew was that he _had_ to find a way to explain what just happened. Well, any explanation except the truth, of course.

Hermione listed as Harry continued to rant, she never knew that he had such a creative imagination. Honestly, she thought, the things he could come up with just to avoid the truth.

"We know that it was done correctly, we even asked others to read it and no one could, so why _HIM_?There has to be some kind of explanation." Harry concluded.

Hermione hesitated a moment before speaking. She knew that Harry was aware of the only possible reason that Snape was able to read the journal. He just didn't want to admit it. Hermione realized that the sooner he did acknowledge it, the easier it would be for everyone involved. "Harry, do you remember what I told you about the charm when we placed it on the first journal?"

"Yeah," Harry said as he thought back to the conversation the two of them shared had as they walked back to Harry's room from the library on his birthday to look at the potion books.

_FLASHBACK_

"_Harry, I know of a few spells that can offer you the security and the privacy you are looking for to protect the journals. I would suggest the 'Cognatus Lamia Lector' charm. With this charm, no one can read the book if they are not connected to you by blood."_

"_But wh-" Harry started to say._

"_Oh, I meant to say no witch or wizard could read it, unless they share your blood. Even though your aunt & cousin share your blood, they won't be able to read it, since they are not wizards."_

"_But wh-" Harry started to ask again, not really worried about the Dursleys, since he knew that he wasn't related to them by blood.._

"_Oh, and Vol-" Hermione paused, took a deep breath and continued, "Voldemort can't read it, because even though he has your blood, he isn't related to you, the spell requires a deeper blood connection than the one between you and him. It is only your immediately family that would be able to read the journal once this charm is applied."_

_END FLASHBACK_

_Immediate Family_. Who qualifies as immediate family, again? Harry wondered, sincerely hoping that distant cousins were in there somewhere.

"Hermione, I don't suppose that in the wizarding world, 'immediate family' includes distant cousins, does it?"

"No, Harry, it doesn't." Hermione said with a gentle/sympathetic look on her face.

"So that means…"

"Yes."

"NO! There has to be some other explanation. Couldn't he be my uncle? That's it! He's my uncle?" Harry exclaimed with a smile on his face. Even though he wasn't exactly pleased to have Snape as an uncle, it had to be better than the alternative.

"No, Harry, he's not."

"Why are you so sure? Aunts and Uncles are considered immediate family."

"Yes. But Professor Snape is an only child."

"How do you know?"

"I read his biography in "Hogwarts Today". It includes a biography on all the members of the staff."

Trust Hermione to know something like that. Harry sat silently, the last of his hopes dashed.

"The million galleon question is 'did Professor Snape _know_ that he had a child out there'?" Hermione pondered out loud, meaning the question to be rhetorical. She believed that if their professor wasn't aware that a possibility existed that he had a child it would be that much more difficult for him to accept that Harry most likely was that child.

"Yes, he did. Actually, he had two." Harry replied quietly, while thinking that apparently 'Hogwarts Today' doesn't know everything.

"Two? How do you know?"

"That's what I was referring to in my letter when I mentioned that I had learned some things about our professor. Snape was married, his wife died in childbirth the day their twins were born."

"Wow. So what happened to the twins? Did he give them up for adoption?" Hermione again wondered out loud. Somehow that scenario didn't coincide with what they had garnered from Cybelle's journal, she was pretty sure that Harry's adoption by Cybelle wasn't legal.

"Actually, no. He returned home one day about five weeks after his wife's death to find his children gone."

Harry was so involved in recalling the details about the kidnapping that Snape shared with him, that he didn't notice the looks that flashed upon Hermione's face. Sympathy for their professor at what he went through; then a glow of enlightenment as she realized what probably occurred 16 years ago.

"They searched for them for a while, but couldn't locate them. Slowly, aurors were pulled off the case to work on capturing Voldemort instead."

When Harry paused to take a deep breath, Hermione chimed in with her thoughts on the matter. "This all makes sense. Remember how I told you that some auror's went after Death Eaters or suspected Death Eaters a bit more personally? There were many cases where children disappeared. Once the adoption spell was done, of course, they couldn't locate you. It was as if you no longer existed or were de-"

Harry cut Hermione off in mid-sentence as her words reminded him of the conclusion to Snape's tale. "Hey! I can't be Snape's son."

"Why not?" Hermione asked, shaking her head, as she realized that Harry was determined to find another explanation for everything that has happened.

"His children are dead. A few months after they went missing, a body was found and identified as Snape's kid. A double funeral was held right around Christmas."

"Hmm." Hermione said. A little perplexed by this last tidbit of information, the remainder still fitted in well with the information she had from Cybelle's journal. Maybe Harry was mistaken about the death of Snape's kids.

"Harry, how did you find out this information?"

"Some of it I saw in Snape's memories, and some of it he told me."

"He _told _you?" Shock and disbelief evident on her face and in her voice. She couldn't imagine her professor willingly sharing information about his personal life.

"Yeah. I had already saw most of it, his wedding, his wife's pregnancy, his wife's funeral, him with the twins, then the twins funeral, when I got trapped in his mind. Then one day during an occlumency lesson he lost his temper and said something, I got scared and ran. He followed me to explain what he meant by what he said. This is when he told me about his family."

"What did he say that got you scared?"

"He said that he hated me for the same reason that Voldemort hated me."

Harry heard Hermione take a deep breath. "Yeah, that was my reaction to, I thought that maybe he was a double agent and was still loyal to Voldemort after all. Anyways, he hated me because I was the-boy-who-lived, not because Voldemort couldn't kill me. No, it was much simpler and much more complex than that. He hated me because I lived year after year, despite numerous deadly attacks, while his children didn't live to see their first Christmas. He hated me even more because we were born on the same day."

"Harry, you knew that you were born on the same day as his kids? That is too much of a coincidence; you have to be his son."

"Why? People share birthdays all the time."

"Perhaps, but for him to be able to read the journal, for you to be adopted, for Cybelle's journal to vaguely hint that you were 'taken' away from your father because of who or what he was, for Professor Snape's sons to disappear from his house. Harry, it all adds up."

"Son and daughter."

What?" Hermione asked, clearly puzzled over Harry's response.

"Son and daughter," Harry repeated. "The twins were fraternal. I can't remember their names, though, just that they both began with an 'S'."

"HA!" Hermione exclaimed triumphantly. "That makes it fit even more. Cybelle mentioned that you had a sister, remember? We just thought it was an older sister since you were a new born. Cybelle was probably talking about your twin. No wonder the two of you were so upset when you were separated. It was probably the first time that you had been apart. Anyways, Harry, you have to admit that it is too much of a coincidence."

Harry remained silent. He would need a lot more proof before he admitted to anything.

"You said you _saw_ his wife during your lessons, right? Well, what did she look like?"

"I don't know, pretty I guess."

"Come on, Harry. Remember!"

"Why, what does it matter?"

"Well, over the summer how the two of you were getting along, right? I mean, you said he wasn't exactly nice or pleasant, but for the most part, civil. Plus, he helped you with the appearance potions, even though he didn't know why you wanted to know about them. And he let you into his NEWT class without the necessary OWLS. I also know that you began to respect him as well, which makes sense, with what you just shared. Plus, the first weeks of classes, he didn't go out of his way to torment you, for the most part he treated you like any other student, well," Hermione qualified, "any non-Slytherin student. He yelled at you in class at times, but he didn't search for reasons or ways to make you miserable."

"Yeah, at least not until these last few weeks."

"Exactly!"

"Huh?"

"Harry, he didn't start tormenting you until your appearance started to change. The more you changed and the longer you refused to reverse it, the crueler he was. Now, _what_ did his wife look like?"

"I don't know." Harry said as he closed his eyes, trying to remember what she looked like. "I remember thinking that she had green eyes, similar to mine & Lily's in color. Her hair was a med/light brown, kind of wavy and about the same lengths as Snape's. She was smaller in build, but height wise, reached about his shoulder. Why?"

"Harry, look." Hermione said as she handed him a mirror she conjured.

"Do you know that you are the second person to do that to me in as many months." Harry said as he took the mirror.

"Just look and tell me what you see."

Harry help the mirror up to his face and looked. A second later, you could hear the mirror fall on the floor in front of him. "Merlin! I think I need to lie down."

"Harry? What did you see?"

"Hermione, you knew exactly what I would see. I pretty much look just like her, except for the fact that my hair is straighter, more like Sna-" Harry broke the sentence off, shaking his head. He was not about to admit that he might look a bit like _him._ "Merlin! I look like _Snape's wife._ I kept thinking that I looked familiar, but I couldn't place remember who I reminded me of. No wonder he kept on asking me what I was up to and gave me detention until either my appearance changed back or I 'confessed'. I guess I really can't blame him, I mean, what he must have thought of me. He had to think that I was doing in deliberately, since it's something that James probably would have done. God! He must really hate me now. Merlin! Why did I have to get trapped in his mind during occlumency anyways? Not only did he have to share his past with me, but he thinks I've been playing a cruel joke on him all these weeks. And it is all because I learned some personal information about him. That's it. Next time someone wants to tell me something personal, I'm going to say 'No Way'. It just gets me into too much trouble." Once more Harry didn't care if he no longer made any sense. All he could think about was that their was no way his fath-,er Snape was going to forgive him for this.

"Harry," Hermione said, as if she had read his mind. She awkwardly rubbed her hand on his back trying to calm him down before he became hysterical. "All you have to do is tell him that it wasn't deliberate."

Harry sat there thinking a moment about what Hermione just said.

"Hermione."

"Yes, Harry?"

"Now the million galleon question is '_How _do I tell him?'. I can't even be in the same room as him without him deducting points. The minute I tell him that I think that he's my, uh, anyways, the minute I tell him, he's probably going to deduct a hundred points."

Hermione just sat there shaking her head. If Harry couldn't even say it to her, how was he going to talk to Professor Snape about this?

* * *

End Chapter **26 cognatus lamia lector**

Well, it's finally out there. Now Harry just has to decide if & how to tell Snape.

I REALLY want to know how you feel about how Harry found out & such. I thought it was pretty cool, but hey, it's my story, so I guess I'm allowed.

I know there was a lot of rambling (both myself, Harry & w/ Snape's actions,), but hopefully the point got across. Now if only _I_ knew what that point was

_Upcoming: Chapter 27 telling secrets  
-will probably be postedin about a week._

Special a/n after thanking reviewers.

_Cognatus-connected by blood  
__Lamia-witch  
__Lector-reader_

**Thanks Reviewers!!!! I love & appreciate all the reviews, here are a few quick comments to some:**

**Jaypallas:** Hmm, good idea about Ron, definitely an idea for a future fic; **GreenPanther:** Thank you for those wonderful words, only hope your faith in me is not misplaced. Gotta blush, though-I embarrass so easily. **Felinity:** I actually haven't tho't about the impact this would have on the map…hmm. **harry-draco:** Snape's reaction, coming up soon, it will be as complicated as he is (I think/hope). **HP-Scriptor:** Thanks for calling me talented, looked at the sight yesterday, cool! **Risi: **You were right about Sev's reaction. In my mind, Cybelle did not know all the details of Harry's background-she knew he was a widower & that he was a DE, but not that he was forcibly kidnapped, now, she probably suspected it, she was smart, however, she was also very caught up in her own tragedy and at times, wasn't think about things clearly (now, not sure if this is entirely possible, but a) it's my story so why not & b) when my dad died when I was 11, I remember nothing-absolutely nothing-of the six months that followed, have a few vague memories of things between 6-12 months, but that's about it. Grief is an amazing thing, especially how you survive it.

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MANY PEOPLE ASKED ABOUT SNAPE'S DAUGHTER/HARRY'S SISTER. IF YOU DON'T WANT ANY ADDITIONAL INFORMATION, DON'T READ FURTHER.

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12/2/04

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LAST WARNING

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DAUGHTER INFO

* * *

Okay, here it is. At the beginning I thought about having Seren be alive in Harry's life. If she was going to be involved, I thought about having it be Hermione, since she did fit a bit of the physical description, but then would have to explain the whole adopted by muggle thing & such. Not to mention that I wanted this story to focus on Harry. I mean, I have sister's (they are for sale if anyone wants one), so I know the attention that they can get. This way, It is only Harry going through this turbulent time. Plus once the truth does come out, he will be the main focus of Snape's attention (be it good or bad). I also think that having Seren die (yes, she is definitely dead, unless I get loads of hate mail/reviews asking her to come back), backs up Sev's belief that his son is also dead. 

12/2/2004


	27. telling secrets

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter or any other familiar characters/places.**

**A/N Earlier chapters are being revised (thank you **Enarra) & reposted.

Sorry it took so long for this chapter, wasn't sure if I liked ch 28 & if I redid that chap had to be sure it still fit with 27.

* * *

**Chapter 27 telling secrets**

"Okay, Harry." Hermione said as the two sat in the common room late Monday night after Harry returned from detention with Snape. "We need a plan. You have to tell him. You should also tell Ron and Remus. Both of them deserve to know and they should hear it from you. And you should definitely tell Professor Dumbledore as well."

As Harry remained silent, Hermione continued. "You missed the perfect opportunity to tell him tonight. You had detention with him. You should have told him then. I really think that he should be the first one you tell."

Harry continued to just sit silently next to Hermione looking blankly at the wall.

Hermione, finally realizing that Harry wasn't really paying attention, decided to write down a 'plan' for Harry, that included who he should tell and what he should say. He could read it after he recovers from the shock of discovering who his father is.

* * *

A nervous Harry knocked on the door. 

"Come in," called the voice behind the door.

As Harry entered the room he said "I need to tell you something. Some of it you all ready know, but it's easier for me to start at the beginning. One thing I ask is that you let me finish before you interrupt or stop me. This is kind of difficult for me to say."

At the older man's nod, Harry started to pace and continued to speak. "Um, as you know, I was adopted by the Potter's when I was about three months old. I later found out that I was adopted by Cybelle Swann before that.

"Hermione thought that Cybelle's adoption of me wasn't legal. She believes that I was abducted from my birth father. After listening to her reasons, I 'm beginning to believe her." At the man's puzzled look, Harry went on to explain the references in Cybelle's journal about his father not deserving to raise him and how Cybelle 'took' him to Sweden. He also explained the meaning of the name Cybelle chose for him. "Anyways, both adoptive parents used the Novo Visius Adoptio spell. As you know, this explains why I looked so much like James. The spell Lily & James used wore off four weeks after I found out about that adoption, after two weeks my appearance then resembled how I looked before that spell was used. The other spell started reversing itself about two weeks ago. Since my appearance started to change, I kept thinking that I looked familiar, but I couldn't remember who I was reminded of. Now I know."

Harry paused, looking at everything in the room except the man across from him. "I look like Sonja Snape."

"I-"

"I'm not done yet. She was Professor Snape's wife. She died July 31, 1980, from complications in child birth." Taking a deep breath, Harry concluded, "I think I'm Professor Snape's son."

After a few minutes of silence, Harry looked up at Remus.

Remus looked back at Harry, a confused expression on his face. Finally he was able to say "Severus wasn't married and he doesn't have any children."

"He was and he did." Harry replied. "I promised him I wouldn't tell anybody this, but, well, I already told Hermione. Besides, if I'm right, then it's my story to tell as well."

"Maybe you should talk to him before you tell me this."

"Are you kidding? Every time we're in the same room he deducts house points. He is so mad at me right now that there is no way he would listen to anything I have to say."

"Why is he so mad at you?"

"At first I wasn't sure. I just figured the old 'Snape' was back. Now however, I believe it is because he thinks that I purposely changed my appearance to look like his wife with the help of the potions he taught me over the summer. He thinks that this is all some joke that I am playing on him."

"How could you possibly know what his wife looked like? How did you even know that he was married and had kids?"

"Occlumency lessons. The week before my birthday when I pushed him out of my mind, I got trapped in his. I saw his memories of his wife, their wedding, the birth of his kids and their graves."

At the last word, Remus gave a jolt. "Did you say graves? If they're dead, how can you be his son?"

"That's the one thing makes me say that I _think_ I'm Snape's son, rather than actually saying it for sure." Harry said quietly. "All I know is that all of this is too much of a coincidence."

"Harry, you do know that you have to talk to Severus about this, don't you? He might have the answers you are looking for."

* * *

"Harry, have you told him yet?"

"No."

"Harry."

"I know, Hermione, I know. It's just difficult, okay?"

"I understand that, Harry. That's why I created that plan for you. Have you even looked at it? It's been two days since you found out."

"Yes, I looked at it. I even used it a bit when I told Remus."

"Well, I'm glad you told Remus, at least. How did it go?"

"Pretty good. It was the first time I said it out loud to someone. I'm glad it was Remus."

"When are you going to tell Professor Dumbledore?"

"I'm not."

"Harry."

"Hermione." Harry imitated. "It's not entirely my decision to tell the headmaster. I don't see why he has to know, anyways. This is about my personal life. It doesn't effect the school, the order, or the prophecy."

"Even if it is about your personal life, you should still tell him. I mean he care-" Hermione stopped mid-sentence as she realized what Harry said. "What do you know about the prophecy? I thought it broke that night at the ministry? Why didn't you mention it before?"

"Um, oops?" Harry responded sheepishly. "Would you believe that with everything going on about being adopted, I forgot to tell you?"

"No." Hermione said as she gave him a calculated look.

Harry sat silently for a moment thinking that he could share the prophecy with Hermione now and get her off the subject of telling Snape about their suspicions.

"Since we already have silencing and privacy charms up, I might as well tell you now."

"Gee, thanks." Hermione said sarcastically.

"Oh, come on, Hermione, I didn't mean it like that."

Harry went on to explain about what happened in the headmaster's office the night of the Ministry of Magic incident. Except for an outraged "I can't believe he told you that the night Sirius died. What was he thinking?" and "He really should have told you about that sooner", she listened silently until Harry finished.

"A power he knows not. A power he knows not." Hermione recited. You could practically see her brain trying to figure out that riddle. "Okay, it's obvious because of your scar that you are the one he marked as his equal. You're right. There is no doubt that the prophecy applies to you."

"Don't sound so surprised that I'm right," Harry interrupted.

Hermione ignored Harry and continued. "So Professor Snape and his wife must have defied Voldemort as well. Hmm, that makes sense, since he is a spy. Now we just need to figure out what this 'power that he knows not' is."

"Dumbledore thinks that it has something to do with love. That was the reason why Quirrell couldn't touch me my first year. It was also why Voldemort couldn't stay in my mind and body when he possessed me."

At Harry's words, Hermione stared at him, her mouth open, before she recovered. "WHAT! Harry, you didn't tell me that Voldemort possessed you. How? When? Why?"

"Oops. Would you believe that I was so shocked and consumed with my godfather's death that I forgot to mention this?"

"I could understand you forgetting a lot of things do to Sirius's death, but I don't think being possessed by Voldemort would be something anyone could forget, for any reason."

"It was that night at the ministry in the atrium. After Sirius died, I ran out after Lestrange. Both Voldemort and Dumbledore appeared in the atrium. Voldemort possessed me, hoping that Dumbledore would take the chance that killing me would also kill him."

Hermione sat there stunned. No wonder why Harry had been so quiet those final few days of school and on the train trip home. So much had happened on that one day that only he knew about. "Anything else like this that I should be aware of?"

"Merlin, I hope not." Harry said. "I think that this is more than enough."

"So, when are you going to tell Professor Snape?"

Harry groaned, so much for distracting Hermione.

"Do I really need to tell him?"

"Harry."

"Fine. I just wish that I had actual _proof._ Everything is just our speculation and coincidence. Not to mention the fact that he buried his kids. I mean, there was a body and everything. Do you know how much of an idiot I'll feel like if I share this with him and he has proof that it isn't true?"

"You should share your suspicions with him. Then the two of you can work on the lineage potion together to find out whether or not it's true. I think it would be good for the two of you to be together for the results."

Once more, Harry groaned. They only _suspected_ that the two of them were father and son and already Hermione is planning family bonding moments.

"Of course, you should probably wait a few days before you brew the potion. You want to make sure that the adoption spell wore off; otherwise it would show your adoption parents."

Harry nodded at Hermione words, he could just imagine how much trouble he would be if he shared his suspicions with Snape and the potion came up with Cybelle's name. Of course, maybe this could buy him some time before he tells Snape . "I'll think about. I just don't know how he'll react."

"Well, if you want more practice, you can always share the news with Ron first."

Harry wasn't sure if that was better or worse. Who could tell how Ron would react to this news.

"I think it would be best to have proof before I tell Ron. I mean, no sense in getting him all worked up if it isn't true."

"Fine, then tell Professor Snape and get the proof you need."

As Harry just sat there thinking, Hermione continued, "If you don't tell Professor Snape what we suspect, I will when I serve my detention with him."

* * *

Harry paused outside the door. If he didn't enter soon then he would be late for detention. An opportunity that Snape was sure to use to deduct more points.

Gathering his Gryffindor courage, Harry took a deep breath and knocked.

"Come in."

As Harry entered the room, Snape pointed to the cauldrons in the corner and said, "Clean those, Potter, and no magic."

"Sir, I wonder if I could speak to you first."

"Potter, this is detention, not a social gathering. Now get to work." Snape said as he waved a hand towards the cauldrons.

"Please, sir, this is important."

"I'm sure you think it is. However, I am sure that I would not be inclined to agree with you. Twenty po-"

"Sir, you really should listen to me."

"Don't you dare tell me what I _should_ do. Fifty po-"

"Sir. Please." Harry begged. He knew it would be tough getting Snape to listen to him, but he had expected the man to at least be willing to hear what he had to say. "If after I finish, you disagree that it's important, then you can take all the points you want. Just _please_ listen to me first."

Snape looked at the boy in front of him. He had no doubt that whatever Harry had to say wouldn't be worth his time, but he was curious as to what was on his mind that a Potter, adopted or not, would beg for him to listen. "Fine. You have ten minutes."

"Well, first I was wondering if you might be able to help me brew a potion later this week.-"

"Potter, that is _not_ important. So, according to our deal, I'll deduct Fif-"

"Professor, you said I had ten minutes. Please listen." Taking Snape's silence as agreement, Harry continued, "I didn't understand why about two weeks ago you started acting all hateful and cruel towards me again."

Harry ignored Snape's glare and mumble of disagreement, instead Harry started to pace, trying not to look at his professor. "At first I thought it was because you were keeping up the image of a Slytherin Death Eater, hating all Gryffindors and especially the boy-who-lived. But then you just got worse. It became personal and I didn't understand why. Then I found out that you could read my protected journal-"

Snape couldn't see what those two instances had in common and interrupted Harry to tell him this. "Potter, what do they-"

Harry held a hand as if to stop Snape from speaking, "You said I had ten minutes," he reminded his professor as he resumed his pacing.

"The journal _was_ protected And you may not think that the two are connected but they are. You reading the journal is what helped me and Hermione to put all the pieces together. The spell Hermione and I used on the journal was 'Cognatus Lamia Lector'. The only people who can read m-"

"Potter." Snape said with a glare towards Harry, "I am familiar with that charm."

"Well, then," Harry said, thrown off track since Snape interrupted his 'speech'.

"Well, then, nothing. What you are implying is impossible. Neither myself nor Sonja had any siblings. I am not related to you in any way, and especially not your uncle."

"Sir," Harry said quietly, "I don't think you're my uncle."

"Good." Severus mumbled. "Then you must have made a mistake on the charm."

Harry shook his head both in response to Snape's interruption and his statement about an error in the charm. "No mistake was made on the charm."

Harry took a deep breath before continuing, "Sir, it can't just be a coincidence that I look like your wife, that my birthday is July 31 and that you can read my journal. I think I'm your son."

Snape stared at Harry, anger and disbelief showing on his face. "I don't know what kind of game you are playing or what you hope to gain from this, but I'll tell you now, it won't work. There are so many holes in your theory, that I don't even know where to begin. But be assured that I will have you expelled for this, even if you are the headmaster's 'golden boy'. Now get out!"

"No." Harry said as he stared at Snape.

"What did you say?" Snape hissed, one eyebrow raised.

"I said no. You said there are many holes in my theory. I agree. Which is why I am talking to you about this. We need to figure this out and I'm not leaving until we do."

"_You_ don't have a choice. Leave now before I get the headmaster."

"Go ahead and get the headmaster if you want. I'd prefer he didn't know about this until we are sure, but if you want to tell him now, be my guest, because I'm not leaving."

The two wizards glared at each other, neither one wanting to back down.

Finally Harry broke the silence. "At least let me explain some more before you throw me out. Maybe we can fill in some of those holes."

Severus was an intelligent wizard, and prided himself on his logical mind. He finally agreed to wait before getting the headmaster and expelling Harry James Potter from Hogwarts.

"Fine. Show me your proof then."

"Um," Harry hesitated here. "Er, I don't actually have any proof." At Snape's triumphant smirk, Harry quickly continued, "that's why I asked if we could brew a potion. Everything else is just too many coincidences that I can't ignore. The lineage potion should give us the information we want to know and the proof we need."

Snape stared at Harry before waving his wand and mumbling words that Harry couldn't identify.

"What was that?" Harry asked as a blue fog swirled around the desk.

"A spell," Snape smirked.

Harry rolled his eyes. "What was the spell for?"

"To determine if you are who you say you are. This spell will give us the name of your parents. We should see the results soon."

"But, sir," Harry started to protest, since the adoption charm still hadn't worn off.

"Cybelle Swann and David Fox." Snape said as the words faded away. "Looks like you were wrong. Now let's go see the headmaster and get you expelled."

"No. I'm not finished yet. I was adopted by Cybelle Swan-"

"You were adopted by the _Potters_. You wrote about it in your journal."

Harry gave an exasperated sigh. "Before I was adopted by the Potters I was adopted by Cybelle Swann. The spell Cybelle used to adopt me hasn't worn off yet, _that_ is why I wanted to wait a few days before brewing the lineage potion."

"What spell?"

"Novo Visius Adoption. The spell makes me resemble my adoptive parents. It will also identify them as my parents if any maternity or paternity testing is done, until the spell wears off completely. It's not a very common spell. Usually only ministry personnel know how to apply it." At Snape's look of disbelief, Harry pulled out the copies he made of the adoption book and handed it to his professor. "Here, read."

After Snape finished reading about the spell he put the papers down and looked at Harry.

"Explain how you ended up as Harry James Potter."

Harry started his tale with the letter he received from Sirius at the beginning of July. "Sirius's letter said thatJames and Lilyadopted me while they were in Sweden after theirdaughter died."

"Sweden! How did you end up in Sweden?"

Harry just glared at Snape when he interrupted and continued, "I figured there had to be some kind of charm or potion on me for me to resemble James so much. When none of the reversal charms I tried worked, I asked you for your help with appearance altering potions."

Harry heard Snape mumble something about 'first smart thing you've done', but decided to ignore it, this was not the time to get into a debate with his professor.

"I got a second letter from Sirius on my birthday. This letter included a copy of my birth certificate that Cybelle had and the name and address of her parents. I wrote to them asking about Cybelle and my father. They replied that they didn't know about my father nor did they have any desire to get to know me."

"The letter." Snape murmured as he heard the bitterness in Harry's voice.

"However, they did send me a journal of Cybelle's that included the last few years of her life. Reading the journal I found out that she also adopted me. Hermione thinks-" Harry stopped, not sure if he wanted to bring Hermione into the middle of this. He also wasn't sure how to talk about what happened with Snape's family.

"Well, go on," Snape said. "What does the Know-it-all have to say about all this?"

"_Hermione_ thinks that my adoption to Cybelle wasn't really legal. She also thought that my father didn't put me up for adoption, but that I was taken from him. It seemed to fit with what happened to you, except-"

Before Harry could finish, there was a knock on the classroom door, it soon opened to reveal Dumbledore standing in the doorway.

* * *

End Chapter 27

Darn thatDumbledore, what could he possibly be up to?

You guys are incredible! Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, I think ch 26 got the most responses (a lot of 'new reviewers', as well). Hope I don't disappoint all of you.

I enjoy hearing your feedback, opinions & ideas.

12/10/04


	28. fishing

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter or any other familiar characters/places.**

**Minor correction...**

* * *

**Chapter 28 fishing**

"Good, Severus, you're he-", Albus stopped as he noticed that Harry was in the room. He looked towards Severus with a questioning glance, "Am I interrupting anything?"

Harry look?But sir," Harry started to say before falling silent under Snape's glare.

"Potter, you already have detention for the remainder of this week, now if you want to add more to that, by all means, complete that sentence."

Harry glared at Snape before standing up and heading over to the cauldrons.

The minute he started cleaning, he heard Snape's office door close behind the two professors.

Harry couldn't believe the potion master would leave it like this. How could Snape 2?? Snape replied. "Potter, you heard me, the cauldrons in the corner, no magic."

"But sir," Harry started to say before falling silent under Snape's glare.

"Potter, you already have detention for the remainder of this week, now if you want to add more to that, by all means, complete that sentence."

Harry glared at Snape before standing up and heading over to the cauldrons.

The minute he started cleaning, he heard Snape's office door close behind the two professors.

Harry couldn't believe the potion master would leave it like this. How could Snape just ignore what Harry said? Didn't he _want_ to know the truth? Didn't he care? Oh, Harry knew that Snape might not care about the-boy-who-lived, but surely he would care to know if Harry was his son.

"You tell the man that you might be his son and he gives you a stack of cauldron's to clean," Harry mumbled as he shook his head. It seemed no matter who his relatives were they were always making him clean. Harry went on grumbling about the unfairness of it all until he became aware of another voice that could be heard. He froze, praying that it wasn't another Basilisk in the pipes. Hoping that the Basilisk he killed didn't have a mate or children hidden somewhere in the Chamber of Secrets.

"Albus, I told you that I don't _know._"

Harry sighed with relief as he realized that the voices that he heard belonged to Snape and the headmaster conversing in the room next to him.

"Fine, fine. But, Severus, please do your best to find out. We have less than a month until Halloween. We need to prepare for whatever he intends to do that evening. I have no doubt that something will be planned for that night and that it will somehow involve Harry."

Harry paled when he heard the headmaster's words. Not again. The cauldron he was cleaning fell to the floor as Harry's hands shook. Please, Harry silently prayed to the powers that be, not something else to deal with, not right now, not Voldemort.

At the sound of the crash, Albus and Severus came rushing out of Snape's office. With one look at Harry they could tell that he overheard their conversation.

"Mr. Potter," Snape began, "You should know better than to listen in on other people's conversations."

"Severus, give the boy a chance to explain, we did forget to put up charms and we knew that he was here." Albus said, his blue eyes twinkling, "Harry?"

"I didn't mean to listen," Harry said, "I was just cleaning the cauldrons when I started to hear voices, at first I thought I might be hearing another Basilisk in the walls, then I realized that it was the two of you. I apologize for accidentally hearing your conversation."

"Harry, it's not your fault. If we didn't want you to hear, then we should have remembered to put up some privacy charms. Now, why don't you come with me now and we can discuss this."

Harry looked towards Snape. He never thought that he would be thinking this, but he would much rather stay in the dungeon and finish talking with Snape.

Noticing Harry's glance towards the younger professor, Albus said, "I'm sure Severus wouldn't mind if you serve your detention another time."

"Not at all, headmaster, not at all." Severus agreed, thinking what else could he do with those blue eyes twinkling at him?

* * *

Once inside the headmaster's office, Dumbledore promptly held out a metal tin and asked, "Lemon Drop, Harry?" 

Harry just raised an eyebrow and looked at Dumbledore as if to say 'You brought me here for this?'

"That's a no, I take it?" Albus said as he shook his head.

"So, Harry, how are you? We haven't talked in a while. The last few weeks of summer were very quiet without you, here."

"I'm fine, thank you sir."

"As I said, we haven't talked in a while. Is there anything you want to share with me?"

"No, nothing, sir."

"Harry, I know you well enough to know that something is going on. Now, you can tell me anything. We can talk about Sirius, Voldemort, the prophecy, your classes, your professors, your family, anything you want."

"Actually, sir, there is one thing."

"Well, go on. I'm here to listen." Albus said as he leaned forward, hands clasped and eyes twinkling, eager to hear what Harry would share.

"Hermione knows about the prophecy. I told her about it the other day." Harry said, not wanting to get into details about why he told her or how it came up in the first place. "I thought that you and the order should know."

"I see." Albus said, the twinkle in his eyes fading as he realized that he hadn't earned Harry's trust back. Why else would the boy be willing to converse with Severus and not him? "Well, thank you for telling me. This could be a good thing. I'm glad that you have someone to talk to about this. Anything else?"

At Harry's hesitation, Albus continued, "Harry, forgive an old man for prying, but as I said, I can tell that something is troubling you. You and Severus were getting along so well over the holidays that I, for one, was envisioning a peaceful school year. I had hopes that the two of you would get to know one another better, thus making the order's jobs and mine as headmaster much easier. Now, you might have originally been down there for detention, but I know that I interrupted more than just Severus assigning tasks. Please tell me what is going on between the two of you."

Harry just glared at Dumbledore, if the headmaster hadn't interrupted his detention, then Harry might actually know what was 'going on' between himself and professor Snape.

"Harry, I'm not going to let you leave until you tell me what's going on."

As the headmaster looked into his eyes, Harry made sure that no memories were available for Dumbledore to see.

"It's personal, headmaster."

Albus looked at Harry and decided that another approach might work better. "Harry, two heads are always better than one to work on a problem."

"Sir, there is no problem. And even if there was I could deal with it on my own. I think that I have proved that I can handle things on my own. I didn't need your assistance in the past, and I don't now."

"I thought that you had forgiven me for my past mistakes and were willing to trust me again." Albus Dumbledore said to Harry, with a touch of hurt in his voice.

"I have forgiven you for the past, sir. However, keeping me in here until I share something that I don't want to is not exactly helping."

"My dear boy, that is all I want to do, just to help you."

"Then let me handle things my way. If it's something that concerns the Order, the Prophecy or something else that I think you should know about then I will tell you, otherwise, please let it be."

"Harry, if you and one of the professors are at odds with each other then it does concern me. Anything that effects this school is my business. Now will you please tell me what's going on?" Harry had never heard the headmaster speak in that exasperated tone before.

"I'm sorry sir, but I can't. However, I will say this; it's regarding memories that were seen during occlumency lessons."

Albus gave a frustrated sigh. This child could be as stubborn as Severus. Obviously Harry wasn't going to share anything regarding himself and the potion master.

"All right, Harry, I'll let this matter drop for now, on another note, though, I couldn't help notice your reaction to my conversation with Severus. You were positively white and shaking"

Harry sighed, it seemed doubtful that he would get out of here in time to finish his 'detention'. At least the headmaster was no longer asking him about his relationship with Snape. This new topic was one that he _could_ talk to Dumbledore about, besides, maybe if the headmaster believes that Harry is opening up about things he would be left on his own more often. "It's just, well, if Voldemort does make some attempt to get to me on Halloween and if we meet face to face again, it would be the first time since I heard the prophecy. I always knew that he wanted me dead, but to actually_ know_ that one of has to kill the other, well, it's a little be disconcerting and "

"And?" Albus prodded.

"and terrifying. I really don't want to die. I want to graduate and see my friends graduate, as well. I want to see them start careers and get married, have kids and-" Harry stopped, finishing that sentence to himself, 'find out the truth about family'.

Albus nodded his head, "I understand Harry. No one wants you to die and we will do all we can to prevent that from happening. You will need to work with us on this, though. No late night wanderings to see Hagrid, and I'm afraid, no trips to Hogsmeade."

"What? How come?"

"Harry, it's simply isn't safe for you to be outside of the castle. The castle is the safest place for you right now."

"Neither can live," Harry mumbled under his breath.

"What was that?" Albus asked, not sure why Harry was quoting the prophecy.

"I just realized the full implication of the prophecy. Apparently while Voldemort is still alive and free, I am trapped as a prisoner, either here or at the Dursley's, unable to live or enjoy my life."

Albus sighed, Merlin help him from dramatic teenagers. "Harry, we are trying the best we can to keep you safe. Again, you need to work with us on this, not fight us."

"What if Remus came with me to Hogsmeade?"

"No, Harry, that won't work."

"Why not? Surely you trust him?"

"It's not a matter of not trusting him, but he has other responsibilities that he needs to see to. As do other members of the Order, and it isn't fair to ask a professor to watch over you in town."

"Hmmp, but it's fair of you to keep me trapped here when everyone else goes into town."

Albus just shook his head. Apparently having Harry spend so much time with Severus over the summer was a mistake, Harry seemed to have picked up Severus's bad habit of arguing with him.

"If it's not safe for me, what makes you think that it will be safe for everyone else? What's to keep Voldemort from getting them?"

"The difference is that we know that Voldemort wants you."

"Then I would think that I would be safer, at least **I** would know about the possibility of Voldemort attacking and would be prepared. Besides, if Voldemort can't find me in town, he isn't going to leave empty handed. He will make sure that people know that he was there."

"Maybe so. But my decision stands. Besides, you don't have signed approval from your guardian to be off of school grounds."

"What?" A puzzled Harry asked, "But Sirius signed-"

"Yes, Sirius signed one for you two years ago. Unfortunately, he is no longer your living guardian so that form is no longer valid."

"And you couldn't have told me this last year when I would've had the opportunity to ask the Dursley's to sign it, could you?"

Albus remained silent as he watched the student in front of him, he could feel the anger radiating from Harry's body.

"Fine Is that all, sir?"

As soon as Albus nodded, Harry turned around and left.

What a waste of time, Harry thought, as he stormed back to the tower, shaking his head. It was now after curfew, definitely too late to go and finish his conversation with Professor Snape.

Giving the fat lady the password he entered Gryffindor Tower.

Hermione was sitting on one of the couches waiting for Harry when he walked in through the portrait. "Harry, how did-"

"Merlin, Harry, did Snape keep you this entire time?" Ron interrupted as he entered the common room and saw Harry. "He's never kept you this late before."

"No, I was with Dumbledore for part of the night."

"Is everything okay, Harry?"

"Depends on your definition of okay," Harry grumbled.

At Hermione's look, Harry continued, "My permission form for Hogsmeade isn't valid since Sirius is dead and Dumbledore conveniently forgot to tell me at the beginning of summer when I could have had my family sign another form."

"Oh, Harry," Hermione sympathized, "I'm sure it wasn't on purpose."

"Considering Dumbledore once more thinks Hogsmeade isn't safe for me, I wouldn't bet on that."

"Well, then, maybe it's for the best."

"Hermione!" Ron cried, "How could it be for the best? No Honeydukes, no butterbeer, no Zonko's! This is just cruel."

"Hush, Ron. You're not making Harry feel any better about this."

"Sorry, mate. Hey, maybe once you figure out who your father is, he can give you permission."

"Don't think that will happen." Harry said with a sigh.

Hermione watched Harry with a concerned expression on her face. Uh-oh, she thought, it doesn't sound like things went all the well with Professor Snape.

"What? You don't think he'll sign or you don't think you'll find out who your father is?"

Harry sat silent for a few minutes, thinking about how to answer Ron's question.

"Harry?" Ron asked. He wasn't used to Harry thinking before he spoke. Maybe both of them had spent too much time with Hermione, but Ron decided that there had to be a reason why Harry hadn't answered he question yet. "Do you know who your father is?"

"I can honestly say that I don't know who my father is."

"Oh," Ron said, feeling better before he caught the look exchanged between Harry and Hermione. "What aren't you two telling me?"

Harry winced at Ron's voice. He sounded so hurt and the expression on his face reminded Harry of Remus's when he talked about how upset and disappointed he felt that Lily and James didn't share the news of his adoption with them.

"Ron, I don't _know_ who my father is, but I have a pretty good guess. Unfortunately, it's just suspicion right now. I didn't want to tell you until I had proof."

"Oh," Ron said again, thinking out loud, "Why won't he tell me?"

Harry and Hermione shared another look.

"Ron, I just don't want to upset you for nothing. I could be wrong about this."

"Could be, but you don't think you are, do you?"

"Honestly, Ron, I don't know what to think. Most of the pieces fit, but there are a couple of things I just don't understand about this whole thing."

"I'd really wish you would tell me. I mean, how bad can it be? We've been through so much together, what's a little thing like the identity of your father?" Ron said with a grin.

Harry smiled at Ron's words while he sat there thinking, before looking at Hermione. At her nod, he put up privacy charms, so they would be aware of anyone approaching the common room, and silencing charms so no one else could hear them.

"Okay, I'll tell you. But you have to give your word that you won't tell anyone. And if you freak out, I will have you obliviated. Do you promise?"

"Harry, you're scaring me," Ron said as he gave a half-hearted laughed. At Harry's glare, Ron nodded and said, "Okay, I agree." At a look from Hermione, Ron continued, "Okay, I give my word as a wizard."

* * *

End Chapter 28 fishing 

So, you all thought ch. 27 was an evil cliffie? I didn't much think of it as one, of course, I didn't have to wait a week to see what happened (and I am sorry about that, busy with holiday stuff)

So, if you guys hated me for the last chapter, I bet you really hate me for this one (minor cliffie & not much Sev)…

Bet you can't guess Ron's immediate reaction...

I was amazed (and impressed) by the threats and accusations many of you directed towards Dumbledore…Just to let you know, he didn't have anything to do with the kidnapping, in fact, he is pretty much clueless about the Harry/Sev situation.

You guys are awesome!!! Wonderful reviews! And so many…Thanks to all of you my faithful reviewers & those that reviewed for the first time and everyone in-between.

_Upcoming: _

_Chapter 29 shocking_

_Chapter 30 awakening reflections _(tentative title) –this might be a long chapter

_Chapter 31 playing along_

12/17/20049


	29. shocking

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't want to. Okay, so that last part is a lie.

**Bold-flashback**

_Italics, note/emphasis_

Chapter 29 shocking

* * *

Harry sat on 'his' bed in the hospital wing. 

"What happened?" Madam Pomphrey asked as she looked at the bruise developing on Harry's face.

"Nothing."

"Mr. Potter, I highly doubt that this bruise just appeared on your face for no reason. It looks like you were fighting. And with your best friends, too!" She scolded with a glance at Hermione and Ron lying on hospital beds next to Harry's.

"No, Madam Pomphrey, it wasn't like that." Harry told the mediwitch.

The mediwitch just looked between the three friends, disbelief on her face.

"Honestly, Madam Pomphrey, it was an accident." Hermione interjected, she couldn't let a staff member think badly of her or her friends.

"Well, then, explain how this 'accident' happened. I can't help Mr. Weasley regain consciousness until I know what happened to him. What spells did you use?"

Harry sat there, remembering exactly what happened.

**- - - FLASHBACK - - -**

**After Ron gave his word as a wizard Harry began telling him what he learned about their professor from his summer occlumency lessons.**

"**Harry, what does that have to do with you? I mean, I'm sorry and all that for what happened to Snape's family, but why are you telling me this?"**

"**Well, you know how ever since my appearance started to change Professor Snape's been mean to me?"**

"**Mean! He's been down-right evil, Harry. And all for something that you couldn't control! He's been giving you detention and deducting points everytime he sees you. That's beyond being mean."**

"**Perhaps," Harry agreed. "Well, the reason that he's been acting like that is because I look a lot and I mean a lot like his late wife, Sonja."**

"**Ugh!" Ron spewed. "You could be related to Snape by marriage. I mean, he could be your uncle or something."**

**Harry and Hermione exchanged a look. If this was his reaction when he thought the relation might be by marriage, what would Ron do once he found about Harry's suspicions?**

"**No, Ron, I don't think he's my uncle. I don't believe Sonja had any siblings."**

"**Well, then, what?" Ron paused. "I got it!" **

**Finally, Harry thought, glad that Ron figured it out on his own and he didn't have to say it out loud.**

"**_And_ it explains why he hates you so much." Ron You're Sonja's son. She cheated on Snape with your father. _That's_ why he's so mad. Not that I can really blame him. I mean, I would be mad too, as well as devastated if I found out that my wife cheated on me. But how are you going to figure out who your father is? I highly doubt that Snape will share that information with you."**

"**No, Ron." Hermione said, stopping his spiel. "That's not it either. We don't believe that she ever cheated on Professor Snape."**

**Ron sat there quietly, his eyes darting between Harry and Hermione as he tried to take in what they were saying.**

"**No! It can't be."**

"**Yes, Ron, we think it is. We think that Professor Snape is my fa-"**

"**NO! Don't say it out loud. He can't be. You can't be. My best friend can't be the son of that evil greasy-haired…"**

"**Ron calm down." Hermione said as Ron stood up and started pacing.**

**The faster Ron paced, the harder it was for him to breathe. Soon he was struggling for breath. **

"**Oh, God, Harry, something's wrong. We need to get him to calm down."**

**Harry rushed over to Ron and led him to one of the couches to sit down. He sat next to Ron on the couch, his arm pinning Ron down so that he couldn't get up. **

"**Ron, listen, it's okay. I'm still the same Harry you met five years ago."**

**At Harry's words, Ron started to struggle. He twisted and turned his body, kicked his legs and flailed his arms. Harry, however, refused to let him go.**

"**Harry, it's not working. Either he can't hear you, or he's just not listening. We need to go get help."**

"**We should probably get Remus. He knows about the adoption and everything. If this is a sign for how Ron is taking the news, we might need to obliviate him."**

**Right then, Ron's body started to spasm.**

"**He's having a seizure. Move." Hermione cried as she pulled Harry away from Ron to take over. "Harry, go get someone, I don't care who, anyone. We need someone now!"**

**Harry raced out of the common room. The first person he ran into was Professor McGonagle.**

**- - -END FLASHBACK- - -**

"As we told Professor McGonagle, we don't know what happened. We were just sitting in the common room talking about Hogsmeade and our families when Ron started to have difficulty breathing. When we tried to calm him down, he started struggling to get loose. Then he started having seizures. That's when Harry went to find someone to help. It wasn't a fight and no one used any spells."

"Hmm," Madam Pomphrey said as she looked into Hermione's eyes. "I will still need to inform the headmaster about this. From what you described, it sounds like Ron went into shock, although why he would at the mention of those topics is beyond me. I would like to yourself and Mr. Potter here overnight as well, just to make sure that it wasn't something else that could affect the two of you."

Harry groaned at the thought of a night in the hospital ward. At least he was healthy, since Madam Pomphrey healed his and Hermione's bruises.

As Madam Pomphrey finished speaking, the door opened and Dumbledore swept into the room. His gaze flitted between Harry, Hermione, and Ron, the latter laying unconscious on the bed.

"What happened?"

"Mr. Potter and Miss Granger are fine, just minor bruising, most like from when Mr. Weasley was fighting against their care. In the case of Mr. Weasley, it appears to be shock. Although what brought it on, I do not know. You will have to ask his friends."

"Will he recover?" Harry asked

"He is currently in a coma, and it might be a day or two before he wakes up, but once he does, he should be fine."

That's something, at least, Harry thought. He couldn't believe that the identity of his father had such an impact on his best friend that he was going to be unconscious for a few days.

"Mr. Potter? Miss Granger?" The headmaster inquired. "Is there something you wish to tell me?"

Harry shook his head, while Hermione addressed the professor, "No, sir. We do not know what happened, we were just talking about Hogsmeade and our families when Ron went into shock."

Dumbledore looked Hermione in the eyes as she spoke. To the best of his knowledge, she hadn't learned occlumency, and couldn't prevent him from seeking the truth from her mind.

"Very well, then. I will talk with Mr. Weasley once he awakes to find out what triggered this reaction."

* * *

Early the next morning Harry and Hermione were waiting for Madam Pomphrey to release them from the hospital ward. 

"Okay, you two can go now. I will send you word when Mr. Weasley wakes up."

"Thank you, Madam Pomphrey," Hermione and Harry called as they exited the hospital ward. Once outside, Hermione grabbed Harry's arm, making him stop and look at her.

"Harry? When Madame Pomphrey healed your bruises did she perform any other spells on you as well?"

"No, why?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Now what is this about, Hermione?"

"Have you had any headaches or anything lately?" At Harry's glare, she clarified, "Not Voldemort related headaches, but normal headaches?"

"I don't know, Hermione. With everything that's been going, my whole life is one big headache. Now, once again, why?" Harry answered as he once more started walking towards the tower, Hermione, quickly catching up to him.

"Well, do you have a headache now? Does everything look clear or is it all blurry?"

"Hermione!" Harry said, exasperated. "I could probably help you much more if _I_ actually knew what you were trying to find out!"

"Don't yell at me, Harry Potter! I am just trying to help."

"Fine, I apologize, now will you _please_ tell me what this is about."

"You're not wearing your glasses."

"What?" Harry asked as he reached to touch his face. Sure enough, his hands met with air.

"Now that I think of it, I don't remember you wearing them at all last night when we were in the hospital wing."

Harry looked at Hermione, a puzzled expression on his face.

"Now that I think of it, I think they were knocked off when I was trying to restrain Ron."

"Have you been having headaches lately? Or has your vision been blurry?"

"Well, yeah. As I said, my life has been one giant headache, especially with what's been going on the last few days with Snape. And I just figured that since I wasn't sleeping well that that was the cause for my blurry vision."

"Professor Snape, Harry." Hermione corrected again. "You should've told me that you were having headaches or that your eyes were bothering you. At the least, you should have gone to Madame Pomphrey. You should know that if you have headaches or are in pain, then it is your body's way of saying that something is wrong. You really need to pay more attention and be more responsible, Harry." Hermione said as she shook her head. "In this case, I think the headaches were an indication that your vision was correcting itself. I really wish you had mentioned something, Harry. Not only could you have gotten something to help with the pain, but you might have damaged your eyes by wearing your glasses when you didn't need them."

Harry just rolled his eyes at Hermione's lecture and gave the fat lady the password to enter the tower. Once inside he changed the topic. "I'm going to get changed and then see Remus. I need to tell him what happened with Ron and let him know that he might need to be obliviated once he wakes up."

"I'll come with you.."

"Fine. I'll meet you back down here in 15 minutes."

Twenty-five minutes later the two of them found themselves seated on a couch in Remus's rooms.

"You two are up early. Is everything okay?"

"Not sure." Harry replied. "I told Ron last night who I thought my father might be and, well, the three of us spent the rest of the night in the infirmary."

"What?" Remus exclaimed. "Are you okay? Is Ron still there? Don't tell me you guys got in a fight because of that. I'm sorry that Ron didn't take the news better. I was hoping that he might have matured since last year."

"Actually, I'm not sure _how_ he took the news."

At Remus's puzzled look, Hermione said, "Ron kept saying 'No' and that his best friend couldn't be the son of that greasy-haired git' before he started to have trouble breathing and developing seizures."

"Shock." Remus said, almost in shock himself at this news. "That is a very strange reaction to have. It is very unusual for someone to go into shock after hearing some news. Normally, someone has to experience a tragic situation to develop that reaction. I can't believe he went into shock just hearing about this." Remus chuckled.

"What's so funny about this?"

"Well, if this is Ron's reaction to hearing about Harry's parentage, I was just imagining what would've happened if _Ron_ found out that _he_ was Snape's son."

Harry had to admit, that would be interesting to see. Even Hermione had a small smile on her face at the picture Remus's words invoked.

"Has he woken up yet?" Remus asked.

"Not yet. Madam Pomphrey thinks that it will be a day or two before he wakes up."

"Well, thanks for telling me this. You'll have to let me know how Ron reacts once he wakes up."

"Actually, that's kind of what I wanted to discuss with you."

"Oh?"

"I was hoping you might be able to stay with him until he wakes up. I'm afraid that once he does wake up, he'll immediate start to talk about what he found out last night. I really don't want anyone else to know about it right now, especially since no one really knows that I was adopted in the first place."

"Is that all? As long as Madam Pomphrey lets me into the hospital ward, I'm sure that I can do that."

"Well, I was wondering if you might be able to obliviate him once he wakes up as well. At least until I find out whether or not it's true. I mean, there's no reason for him to be so upset if I'm wrong, right?"

Remus looked at Harry for a moment before nodding. "I understand what you are saying, however, I won't obliviate him until the two of you have a chance to talk about this first."

"Fair enough." Harry said "Thanks. Oh, yeah, you might have to protect him from Dumbledore as well. The headmaster is curious about what we were talking about when Ron went into shock. All we said was that we were talking about Hogsmeade and our families."

"I'll see what I can do to keep Albus from finding out. If we are lucky, hopefully I can talk to Ron after he wakes before he comes in. Now, you two better head to the Great Hall for breakfast, now."

"Sir?" Hermione asked hesitantly. "Can we have breakfast here with you? I want to hear how Harry's detention went last night and anyone could overhear us in the Great Hall, not too mention that everybody will ask us about Ron."

"The two of you are more than welcome to join me for breakfast. It would be nice to have company for breakfast for a change." Remus said as he called a house-elf and ordered breakfast for three. "But I don't know why you think Harry's detention would be an interesting topic of conversation."

"His detention was with Professor Snape."

"Oh." Remus said with insight, turning to Harry. "Did you talk to him about this?"

"I tried." Harry replied. "He kept trying to deduct house points. He even threatened to have me expelled for playing 'games'. We were just getting somewhere when Dumbledore interrupted."

"Oh, Harry." Hermione said, as they sat at the table to eat the food the house elves just brought up.

"I just hope that he'll be willing to continue our conversation again tonight. At least I don't have to deal with him during class today."

* * *

Harry and Hermione told everyone that asked that Ron had a reaction toan unidentified objectand was recovering in the hospital ward for a few days. Other than Hermione, Harry, Madame Pomphrey, Remus and Dumbledore, only Ginny and Ron's professors knew that he was in a coma. 

When asked about his glasses, Harry simply let everyone, except Remus, assume that he was wearing contact lenses.

As the day wore on, Harry grew more and more anxious about his detention with Snape that was to take place that night. He was a bit nervous to bring the topic up again, but at the same time, excited that he might get one step closer to the truth.

However, both of those feelings were replaced by anger when he received a not at the beginning of dinner.

_Mr. Potter,_

_Your detention for this evening will be served assisting Mr. Filch. Please report to his office at 7 p.m. this evening._

_Professor Snape_

After reading the note, Harry's hand clenched tightly, crumpling it into a small ball.

"Harry? What's wrong?"

"I now have detention with Filch tonight instead of Snape."

"Professor Snape, Harry. You should make sure you get back into the habit of addressing him with respect, especially if we are correct." Hermione corrected. "Did he say why?"

"No, but he probably knows that I want to continue our conversation from last night."

"Harry, I'm sure he's not doing this just to avoid you. Especially since you have detention with him indefinitely until your appearance is explained to his satisfaction. I'm sure that something happened and that he has a perfectly logical explanation for changing your detention."

"Yeah, something happened all right, he doesn't care whether or not his son might be alive. Because if I am his son, then he can't keep finding fault with everything I do."

"Harry!"

"Well, it's probably true," Harry said before groaning and banging his head on the table."

"What now, Harry?" Hermione asked, impatiently.

"I just realized that I'll have to see him in class tomorrow before we get a chance to talk again. I can only imagine what he'll do."

* * *

End Chapter 29 shocking 

_Upcoming: Chapter 30 awakening reflections_ (oops, accidentally typed revelations last chapter, tried correcting it, but couldn't upload new chapter)

_Chapter 31 play along_ (or playing along, basically same thing)

Hope you all have a wonderful holiday season (and a white one!)

Thanks for the many awesome reviews...I think some of you might have tried legilimency on me, since you mentioned some things. Will try to give you a 'gift' of another chapter later this week/this weekend (and it will/should contain Snape's reaction).

Had to have Harry get rid of his glasses, I know that I hate mine (much prefer contacts)!

12/21/04


	30. problems in potions

a/n Okay, I know I promised a long chapter, but it was too long, so I split it up into 2 chapters. This is ch 30. Chapter 31 will be awakening reflections and will be up by/on Sunday….

_Sorry, no Snape reaction yet, but there is some Snape/Harry interaction._

_Italics-Hermione writing_

**Bold-Harry writing**

* * *

**Chapter 30 problems in potions**

"Hurry up, Harry. We don't want to be late."

"No," Harry replied "I don't want to go at all."

"Come on. I highly doubt that Professor Snape is going to tell everyone what you talked about the other night."

"Probably not, but you know he's going to do something. He _always_ takes his anger out on me."

"Not always."

"Fine. Me or Neville, but guess what? Neville won't be there today, so that leaves me."

"If you don't show up he'll just be angrier tonight in detention and you still have to talk with him. Now come on and hurry up, we definitely can't be late." Hermione said as started to leave the great hall to head towards the potion lab.

Harry quickly caught up with her and the two walked silently to class.

"Happy now? We're not late?" Harry said as they sat down.

Hermione ignored Harry's comment and instead asked, "Have you heard from Remus yet? How is Ron?"

"Last I knew, not awake yet. If I'm lucky, he'll wake up during this class and I can leave."

"Harry, I don't think that Ron waking up will be considered a legitimate reason for you to leave class. Unless you want to share with Professor Dumbledore _why_ Ron went into shock."

"Quiet down and get to work." Snape said as he entered the classroom, closing the door behind him. When no one moved, he continued, "Well? If you did your homework you should know what potion we are working on. Get to work." Snape said as he sat down at his desk to grade papers.

As Hermione went to get her ingredients, Harry looked at Hermione's open book and opened his to the same page. He quickly retrieved the necessary ingredients and returned to his seat.

"Harry," Hermione whispered.

"Hermione!" Harry hissed in reply, "Are you trying to get me into trouble? Snape doesn't need an excuse to deduct more points. Can't this wait?"

Hermione looked at Harry and then at the potion master sitting quietly at his desk. Even whispering, the professor was sure to hear them. Quickly she spelled some parchment and placed one sheet in front of Harry before beginning to write on the sheet in front of her.

Harry looked at Hermione in confusion before looking down at the blank piece of paper. Only it was no longer blank. While he was looking at Hermione, words had appeared.

_You might want to keep an eye on Malfoy today_

Harry read the parchment then looked back at Hermione. As he opened his mouth to reply, Hermione tapped her paper, indicating that he should write it down.

**Why?**

_When I went up to get my ingredients, I heard him complaining to Zabini about how Professor Snape seemed to be in a good mood, today._

**Good?**

_Well, he hadn't yelled at you yet. Malfoy said he wasn't going to let that interfere in his plans._

**Plans? What plans?**

_Don't you remember, honestly, Harry. _

Harry snorted, only Hermione can sound condescending in writing.

_When Professor Snape kept on assigning you tasks and deducting points, he told Nott that he was going to try to sabotage your potion. To see how much Professor Snape hated you, and to see if he meant what he said that first day. _

**So, what could he try?**

_Almost anything, depending at what stage he does it at. My guess is that he will try something at the end of class._

**Why at the end?**

_Because that way, even if you aren't injured, you won't have enough time to start over. You'll end up with a zero for the day and based on the professor's threats, that could mean your expulsion from this class._

**I'm more concerned about the injured part. So, what can I do to prevent something from happening.**

_Not much._

**Hermione! That's not much help.**

_Maybe not, but it's the truth. Actually, this is the perfect potion to try something on. If you try to erect a shield around the potion or desk, then it would interfere with the potion itself. The best thing to do is to keep an eye on him and try to prevent anything from entering the cauldron._

Harry groaned. Great, as if Snape wasn't mad at him as it was, soon his cauldron could explode. That would be a sure fire way to get expelled.

_Well, you had better get to work or else it won't matter what Malfoy does, you'll fail anyways. Besides, we don't want Professor Snape to notice that we haven't gotten far on this potion._

Harry nodded and looked at Snape, expecting to be met with a glare. Fortunately, he was still grading papers and wasn't paying much attention to his class. Of course, for Harry, that was also unfortunate, since it probably meant that he wouldn't notice if Malfoy did sabotage his potion.

Hermione grabbed both pieces of parchment and placed them in her book before preparing her ingredients.

Harry followed Hermione's example and tried to prepare his ingredients the best he could while keeping an eye on Malfoy.

Class was almost over when Harry caught a movement in the corner of his eye, something he definitely would have missed if he had been wearing his glasses. He elbowed Hermione and pointed to the item headed in her direction. Her face fell as she caught sight of the Unidentified Flying Object heading towards her cauldron.

Hermione's hands were filled with glass vials. The only way she would be able to keep the UFO from her cauldron would be if she dropped those vials. Either scenario would spell disaster, not to mention detention or a loss of points for Hermione. Luckily, Harry wasn't the youngest seeker in a century for nothing. As soon as he noticed that Hermione wasn't going to be able to prevent the incoming disaster, he climbed up on his stool and reached over to snatch the item from the air seconds before it hit her cauldron.

As his bare hand connected with the item, Harry bit his tongue to keep from screaming. From the corner of his eye, he saw Malfoy frown before his trademark smirk was on his face once more, this time, directed towards Harry as he looked at Harry's hand. Harry followed Malfoy's eye and noticed his hand turning red.

"Ahhh," Harry moaned as his hand started to throb.

"Are you okay?" Hermione asked, relieved that disaster had been adverted.

Harry shook his head no and waved his hand in front of Hermione.

"Oh, Harry! You need to go see Madam Pomphrey."

"I will, as soon as class ends. Snape hasn't noticed yet and I don't want to draw attention to myself." Harry whispered.

"But,"

"No, after class, there's ony a few minutes left, anyways."

"Fine. But as soon as the bell rings, you head to the infirmary. I'll clean up and grab your stuff."

Harry nodded as he continued to work on his potion, trying to keep his right hand out of Snape's sight.

"Professor! Professor!" Malfoy cried.

"Yes, Mr. Malfoy?" Snape said as he looked up.

"I think Potter injured his hand."

Harry and Hermione glared at Malfoy as Snape turned in their direction.

"Is this true Mr. Potter?"

"Kind of, sir."

"Kind of? It was a yes or no question, Mr. Potter. Which is it? Yes or no?"

"Um, yes?"

Snape shook his head, Potter couldn't even answer a simple yes or no question. "What happened?"

"I'm not really sure." Harry said.

"How can you not know what happened? I'm assuming that your hand was with you the entire time. Was it cut? or Did you spill something on it?" Harry shook his head as he stared at his professor. Snape sighed. "Let me see your hand."

Harry brought his hand out from under the desk. His hand was red and puffy. The fingers were curled into the same position from when he caught the UFO.

"Class dismissed." Snape said as he moved closer to look at Harry's hand. "Open your hand, Potter."

Harry tried to unclench his fingers, wincing at the pain the movement caused. "I can't."

"I won't know how to treat this if I don't know what caused it. Now tell me what happened."

Harry looked at Hermione who stayed with him after Snape dismissed the class. "I don't know. I saw something heading towards Hermione's cauldron and grabbed it before it made it in."

"And you have no idea what this item was?"

"No. sir."

"You stupid boy. The item probably did more damage to your hand than it would've to the potion that was being made. Not to mention that the item could've been charmed as an illegal portkey."

Harry paled as he remember the first time he came in contact with an illegal portkey. "Oh, Merlin, I didn't even think of that."

"Of course you didn't. I'm beginning to believe that you never think. You just speak and act foolishly, without regards for the consequences."

Harry sat there silently fuming. What else was he suppose to do? He couldn't just let the UFO enter the cauldron. From what he suspected of the objects origin he had no doubt that it would've caused a massive explosion.

"What you should have done is used your wand and levitate the object out of the path of the cauldron. At least you were smart enough not to put up any shields."

"Professor," Hermione interrupted, "Can you help heal his hand?"

"Not without knowing what caused this reaction. Any potions I used could interact with this object, including pain potions." Snape paused as he looked closer at Harry's hand. "He'll have to open his hand first so that I can identify the object." At his words, Snape started to move Harry's fingers.

"Ouch! That hurt." Harry complained.

"Stop acting like a child. You got yourself into this mess in the first place. Miss Granger, kindly distract boy-wonder over here while I try to release this object."

Hermione moved to the other side of the potion master and turned Harry's head in her direction. "It's easier if you don't look at what he's doing," she said. "My dad used to have my mom distract me while he got splinters out of my hand." Hermione continued to tell Harry stories from her childhood. Soon Harry was laughing through the tears as he heard some of the tails from her childhood.

Meanwhile, Snape continued to reposition Harry's fingers and thumb to retract the item in his palm. Once his palm was opened, Snape levitated the item out of Harry's palm and onto the workbench.

"Hmm," he said as he looked at the UFO. "Where did you say this item came from?"

"I didn't." Harry snapped. "I just saw it flying through the air, heading towards her cauldron."

"And from which direction did it come?"

Harry looked at Hermione before replying, "I don't know. I didn't notice it until it was almost right above her cauldron."

Snape glared at Harry. "Unless it was hovering over her cauldron for a few minutes, you had to notice the general direction."

"Sorry, sir, I wasn't really paying attention."

"Why am I not surprised to hear that, Mr. Potter? Well, Miss Granger, did you happen to notice where this item came from?"

Hermione looked at Harry before answering. She wasn't sure why he was trying to protect Malfoy, but if he wasn't going to tell, neither would she. "No, sir."

"Hmm." Snape said as he looked at the two of them. "I cannot say that I believe you, but I will let the matter drop for now, since we need to tend to Mr. Potter's hand."

"Sir," Hermione asked, "What was it?"

"A penguino pebble."

At Hermione's gasp, Snape answered "Indeed."

"What is that?" Harry asked puzzled.

"Probably the only item that could drastically interfere with this potion, if the potion is prepared correctly. It wouldn't have any effect on the color of the potion, and is virtually untraceable once added. But once it is out of the cauldron and poured into glass vials, it would cause the glass vial to explode."

"That doesn't sound too bad," Harry said.

"Not until that explosion set off a series of other explosions in the classroom. Once the penguino pebble mixes with this potion and glass and is exposed to air, it becomes airborne, causing every class item it comes into contact with to explode."

"So, we would have a big mess to clean up. Still doesn't sound that bad."

"Think, Potter, think. Every class item in this room would explode. Not only would the various ingredients and potion held in glass vials explode and mix, causing unheard of disaster, but _eyeglasses _would also explode, quite possible leaving slivers of glass in someone's eyes."

"Oh," Harry said as he paled, his hands instinctively reaching up to his glasses as he imagined what could've happened, before remembering that he no longer wore glasses. Of course, that wasn't true for his other classmates that needed classes. "So, maybe it was lucky that I grabbed the pebble before it hit the cauldron?"

"Just wonderful, Mr. Potter," Snape replied sarcastically. "If you think the possibility of losing your hand and quite possibly your whole arm is lucky?"

"What?" Harry screeched as he looked over at his hand.

"The penguino pebble has a different effect when it comes into contact with human skin. If you had a drop of this potion on your hand or even trace of any lotions or liquids, it is quite possible that your hand wouldn't have turned red and puffy, but would have fallen off, much like the muggle disease of leprosy."

"But that won't happen right? I mean, my hand is okay, isn't it?"

"After treatment, your hand will be fine, Mr. Potter. Now I suggest that you head up to the infirmary and give this to Madam Pomphrey. Miss Granger, you should head towards class now."

"Yes, sir." Hermione said as she grabbed grabbed her and Harry's books in her arm and gently pushed Harry towards the door.

Once outside the classroom, she said, "Harry, why didn't you tell him that Malfoy threw the pebble?"

"He probably wouldn't have believed me. He would just think that I was trying to get Malfoy into trouble. Besides, even if he did believe me, he wouldn't punish a Slytherin. Especially not Malfoy."

"He might have believed you. Penguino pebbles are very rare and expensive. Malfoy is probably one of the few students in school who could afford one. Besides Harry, he's your f-"

"Shh! Besides, we don't know that for sure, Hermione."

Hermione was silent the rest of the journey, pushing Harry towards the infirmary before entering her next class a half hour late.

* * *

End Chapter 30

_Upcoming: Chapter 31 awakening reflections_

_Chapter 32 playing along_

12/31/04 Happy New Year!!!

ILLEGAL PORTKEYS: first time tri-wizard tournament, I'm guessing the 2nd time was when AD used it to take them to GP when AW was bitten & the last time when AD used one to bring HP to his office the night of the MOM incident.


	31. awakening reflections

_As foretold by my crystall ball, the next chapter…and it's LONGER than normal as well. Consider it a belated holiday present._

_a/n _OOPS! umm, would you believe that Ron is psychic? No? neither do I. Error on the author's part. clarification requested by Gorman99 (Thank you!). Line in question was when Ron referred to Snape changing Harry's detention to Filch for Thursday night. Harry found out about the change on Thursday. Ron was in a shock induced coma since Wednesday night, he couldn't have known about the change. I was thinking that Harry rec'd notice of the change of detention on Wednesday night & that's how Ron knew about it. I decided to change the dialogue of that conversation a bit, rather than change chapter 28 & 29....

_Oh yeah, & Points to Strawberry22!!!_

_REFLECTION: Snape thinks back to his reaction from their previous conversation_

**FLASHBACK**: **while thinking back, Sev remembers events from 16 years ago.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 31 awakening reflection**

"Sir?" Harry said as he entered the potion classroom that evening.

"What is it, Potter?"

Instinctively, Harry stepped back at this professor's tone. "I was wondering if we could finish our conversation from yesterday."

Snape stared silently at Harry. Severus couldn't believe that anyone could be this clueless. The fact that he moved the boy's detention the previous night with Filch should have alerted him to the fact that his professor didn't want to hear any discuss this topic any further.

Severus thought back to Wednesday night.

_- - -REFLECTION - - -_

_Snape had followed Harry and Albus as they left his classrooms. When they turned to head up the stairs, Severus followed the corridor until he came to his private rooms._

_Once inside, he seated himself in front of the fireplace to replay what Potter had said. It couldn't be, Severus decided. It just couldn't be. Regardless of what happened sixteen years ago, Harry Potter was not his son._

**- - -FLASHBACK - - -**

"**Sir, I regret to inform you that the tests prove conclusively that the body we found was indeed your daughter."**

**Severus just looked at the ministry employee that gave him this information. NO! It can't be, his mind screamed. There has to be some mistake, not his daughter, not Seren. She couldn't be dead, she never even had a chance to live, he thought. Severus leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes in an effort to stop the tears.**

"**Sir," the employee said, "Can I get you anything?"**

**Severus just shook his head and waved his hand, indicating that he wanted to be alone.**

**Severus didn't know how much time he stayed in that position, consumed with his thoughts. If it wasn't for the hope that Synclair might still be alive and needing him, Severus didn't think he would survive this.**

"**Excuse me, sir." Walter Box, the auror assigned to his case, interrupted. "If you could follow me, there are some items we need to discuss."**

**Severus silently followed the man to a small office, once seated, the other man began speaking. "My condolences on your loss. It is a difficult thing to lose a child."**

**Severus inclined his head showing his acknowledgment of the man's words.**

"**All evidence shows that your son and daughter were taken at the same time, presumably by the same person. No magical or physical trace of them has been found since this investigation began. An autopsy revealed that your daughter was killed a week after the abduction. After she was killed, the body was then disposed of in the Channel. It is our belief, based on this information, that your son has shared the same fate as his sister."**

**Severus stared at the auror in horror. Surely he wasn't saying that they were giving up.**

"**With no leads, no detection of your son and in light of the recent developments with your daughter, it has been decided that both, er, let me see," the auror said as he looked at the file in front of him, "Seren and Synclair be declared dead. Seren's body will be released into your custody so that you can begin funeral arrangements."**

"**No." Severus said quietly. "You can't do this. My son could still be alive."**

"**You are welcome to continue the investigation on your own, however, all of our resources have been exhausted. We, the ministry, needs to focus our attention on other matters that are threatening the safety of the wizarding world. It is our belief that your son's body is also in the Channel where your daughter was recovered. We have every reason to believe that your son is also dead, it is just a matter of time before the body is discovered. We will let you know if anything of that nature occurs."**

**Severus watched as the auror stood up and opened the door. Before he took that final step, however, he turned back to Severus and said, "Once more, my condolences on your loss."**

**- - END FLASHBACK - - --**

- - -_RETURN TO REFLECTION OF WEDNESDAY NIGHT- - -_

_Surely the fates wouldn't be so cruel to have his son be alive and be Harry Potter, Severus had thought. Snape knew from reading the boy's journal that the famous Harry Potter wasn't a Potter at all, but he never expected the boy to claim to be a Snape. No. It just wasn't possible, Severus decided. He buried his children a long time ago. It took him years before he finally trained himself not to search the faces of children walking by him for traits that resembled his own. There was no way that Harry Potter was his Synclair. It was just a prank that the boy-who-lived cooked up with the help of the Weasley twins, Severus decided._

_Well, they would not get Severus to fall for it. He was smarter than that. He could just imagine what that trio had planned. They probably expected him to welcome the boy with open arms, to bond with him like father and son and then, when he had opened himself completely, that would be the time they would reveal their joke. Just to humiliate him. To have everyone see his pain and to make his past known to all. No, Severus wouldn't allow that to happen. _

_He didn't care what explanations the boy came up with. It simply wasn't the truth. Severus knew that neither his heart nor his mind could handle the disappoint that stemmed from his efforts of following any more 'leads'. He remembered how a part of him had died each time a lead had come to a bitter conclusion. The hoping and waiting and waiting and hope was worse than giving in. As a result, he had decided years ago that he would no longer go chasing after rainbows. _

_He didn't know what Potter was playing at and truthfully he didn't care. He would just have to let the boy believe that it just wasn't possible. The first thing he would have to do is make it clear to Potter that he didn't want to hear anything else on this subject. Having him serve tomorrow's detention with Filch should get the point across._

_- - - END REFLECTION- - - _

No more rainbows, Snape reminded himself. He couldn't afford to live in the past. He had to be firm. He wouldn't be swayed by what Potter said.

His family, his SON was dead. Synclair was dead and nothing Potter said was going to change that.

Of course, first he would have to find out exactly what Potter knows. Remembering his grandmother's words of catching more flies with honey than with vinegar, Snape gave a small smile and said, "Certainly, I'm curious as to what you have to say."

Harry sat there in shock. He could now understand how Ron could have such a strong reaction to 'mere words'. Harry wouldn't be surprised if he had the same reaction due to Snape's smile and words.

Okay, thought Harry, that was easier than it should have been. "Thank you, sir. Um, as I mentioned yesterday, I was adopted by the Potters in Sweden after Cybelle died. Cybelle Swann, was a Swedish Auror who was assisting the London Ministry in the fight against Voldemort, brought me back home with her when she left London. Her parents sent me her journal which included the last few years of her life. There was no specific information regarding the identity of my parents, just that my mother died and that my father wouldn't be able to care for me and my sister.

"She never mentioned _why_ my father wouldn't be able to care for me, though. Hermione thinks that this was more the thoughts and feelings of Cybelle and her co-workers than actual fact. I, um, brought her journal in case you wanted to read it."

Honey, Severus reminded himself, as he bit his tongue to keep from lashing out at the boy. "Thank you. I'm sure it will be interesting," or at least a cure for insomnia, if he had any inclination to read the journal in the first place, Severus thought.

"Um, the one thing I am unsure about is…" Harry's voice trailed off, since he was hesitant to address this topic.

"One thing?" Snape said sarcastically, no longer able to hold it in. "Well, go on, gather that Gryffindor courage and ask." Snape snorted, like any son of his would be sorted in Gryffindor in the first place.

"You mentioned many holes with my suspicions. Well, the only one that I have is that I saw the graves of both your son and daughter in your memories If your son died, how could I be him?"

Severus stared at the boy. Did he know that the body of his son was never recovered? Was that the basis for this whole joke? Only one way to find out.

"If he died, then you couldn't be." Snape snarled, finally losing complete control of his tongue. It was bad enough that Potter was trying to pull a stunt like this in the first place, but there was no way this insolent student was going to get him to talk about those years that he spent wishing, hoping, and searching for his son.

Harry stared at Snape, a look of disappointment on his face.

Good, Snape smirked, the boy is finally realizing that I wasn't going to fall into his trap. This could be the perfect way to end this farce.

"So your son is dead then?"

Apparently the boy didn't know. Snape just glared at Harry and elevated one eyebrow as if to say 'don't be a dunderhead. You saw my memories, what do you think?". The best thing of all, Snape decided, was that he didn't even have to lie to the boy about it. Not that he would have had any qualms about lying to a student regarding his personal life. As long as he remained silent and let Potter draw his own conclusions, this matter would be settled in five minutes.

"Then why did you let me go on? Why did you let me think that I might have found my family, if you knew that it wasn't possible? You've done cruel things in the past, but this takes the cake! My best friend is in a shock-induced coma because of this and you knew on Wednesday that it wasn't possible and yet you didn't stop me from asking about it again! Do you know how difficult it was to approach you about this the first time? Let alone twice! How could you do this?"

Severus stared at Harry in disbelief. Never before had he seen such raw magical energy. His attention was drawn from the words Harry was speaking to the objects in the room that started to hover.

"Potter!" He cried, trying to get the boy's attention. "You need to calm down before you hurt someone." For each moment that Harry spent ranting, his control of his magic slipped more and more.

"Potter!"

No matter how many times Snape cried his name, he couldn't even seize the boy's attention. Severus gave a small sigh as he walked over to Harry and placed his hands on the boy's shoulders, urging him to sit down. "Just calm down," he repeated over and over to no avail.

Snape had never felt so helpless before, he couldn't even get Harry to calm down enough to take a potion. Every time he tried to summon one from his room, Harry would knock it out of his hands before he even had the stopper off.

All Severus could hear was the sound of glass breaking, mixed with Harry's mumblings about hope, family, and homes. Without fully aware of what he was doing Snape started talking to the child in front of him, while instinctively rubbing his shoulders and back to calm him down.

"Synclair was never found. My son's body was never found. Seren was found in the Channel a few months after she was killed and the ministry didn't have any leads on Synclair. Since no magical trace of him existed, they decided that he was most likely dead, killed by the same person at the same time Seren was and that it was only a matter of time before his body was discovered. The ministry declared them both dead.

"I spent years continuing to search for him, believing, hoping that he was still alive. I was determined not to give up on my son. After a few years, I realized that I couldn't carry on like I was. I was literally killing myself trying to find him. All my spare time was spent following leads that only led to disappointment. I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, but instead was scouring the country side looking for him. I had decided that if I had no concrete information, no reason to cling to the hope that Synclair was alive, that I would stop living in the past. Another year had passed and I never found anything that proved the ministry wrong."

With the comforting touch and soothing tones of his professor Harry had calmed down enough to hear the words he spoke. "But you never found anything that proved them right, either."

Beyond inclining his head at Harry's words, Snape gave no reply.

"So it is possible, then?" Harry said, with a small smile.

Possible, but highly improbable, Snape thought.

"So, when can we brew the lineage potion?"

Snape just stared at Harry, horrified at what he had just told this student. He never meant to share that information with him. He didn't plan on sharing it with anyone.

He quickly released his hold on the boy and stood up. Standing behind his desk, he grabbed a stack of essays that needed to be evaluated. "I think that discussion will best be suited for another time. Right now, you have desks that need to be scrubbed, no magic," Snape smirked, as he headed towards the classroom door.

"What? You're leaving, just like that? How can you just ignore this?"

"Twenty points from Gryffindor, and unless you want me to deduct more, get to work."

"Even after everything that we just talked about you're giving me detention?"

"You already had detention. I am just making sure that you serve it."

"Why?"

"You already got out of one detention this week, I can't let you out of another one. Unless of course, you would like to explain to everyone _why_ you're appearance has changed and what we discussed?"

At Harry's look of horror, Snape continued, "No, I didn't think so. Now get to work."

* * *

Remus returned to his seat next to the only occupied bed in the hospital ward. He had decided to take a walk to the kitchens and bring back some food for breakfast. So far, this would be the third day he would spend in the hospital ward, waiting for Harry's friend to wake up. Except for chest movements there hadn't been any signs of life from the red-headed boy. Remus was beginning to get worried. If Ron didn't wake up soon he would have to be moved to St. Mungo's for futher testing. 

As Remus returned his attention to the plate of food in front of him, he heard footsteps approaching. Recognizing the scent of the patient's best friends, he said, "It's okay to come in. He can have visitors. Maybe if you talk to him he will wake up."

Harry and Hermione entered the room, each of them immediately going to sit down on one side of Ron's bed.

"So he hasn't woken up yet?" Harry asked.

"Has there been any change at all?" Hermione said at the same time.

"Nothing yet. But if there isn't any improvement soon it will be likely that he will be transferred to St. Mungo's."

"But I thought he was fine!" Harry said, feeling guilty that his friend was here because of words that he said. "Madam Pomphrey said that he was fine and would wake up in a day or two!" Harry looked ill as he thought about what else could be at stake if he was moved out of Hogwarts. "He might accidentally tell people-"

""Harry, calm down." Hermione said. "We will worry about that if it happens. Madam Pomphrey did say that he should wake up in a day or two. It's only been a little more than two days. I'm sure that she is correct about the diagnosis and that Ron will be awaking up soon. He is probably just enjoying the extra sleep while he can get it. Now why don't we talk to him as Remus suggested. Muggle studies have shown that a person in a coma can be in tune with the world around them. Those who have visitors and people conversing with them on a regular basis are more likely to respond and awaken."

Remus sat their finishing his breakfast as Harry told Ron about Malfoy's attempt to sabotage Hermione's potion and his catch of the penguino pebble. He also mentioned Dumbledore's announcement of a Hogsmeade weekend for later this month.

Hermione, of course, told Ron about what he was missing in class, as well as the homework assignments that he would have to make up.

"Hermione, you keep talking about class and homework and he won't _want _to wake up." Harry joked before he told Ron about his discussion with Katie Bell, the Gryffindor Quidditch caption regarding team tryouts. "So, you'd better be well by Monday and at the tryouts or Katie said that she would hex you if you weren't there."

After many more minutes of relaying information to a comatose Ron, Harry and Hermione lapsed into silence.

"Harry," Remus said, noticing a break in their chatter, "How did your detention go last night?"

"I don't know. I'm so confused."

"Confused? Why?" Remus asked puzzled, while an equally puzzled Hermione lookd at Harry.

"Well, first he was his normal greasy-git, mean self,"

"Harry!"

"Then he was polite and even _smiled_ at me. Later on he was impatient and mean again, leading me to believe that there was no way that I could be his son."

"What? How did he do that?"

"Well, one of the holes in my theory was about his son being dead, right? I asked how it was possible that I could be his son if his son died, he led me to believe that it wasn't possible, since his son was in fact dead. At that point, I got angry."

"Harry, why did you get angry? You had already believed that his son was dead and that because of this he might not be your father."

"I wasn't mad that his son was dead, or that he wasn't my father. I was mad that he led me to believe that it was possible. Even on Wednesday he didn't come right out and remind me that his son was in fact dead, effectively ending the conversation and my speculation. Even tonight, he let me continue on about why I believed I was his son. I continued the explainations about the adoptions and the letters, Cybelle's journal. I mentioned _everything_. Then when I asked about how I could be Synclair if Synclair was dead, he said I couldn't be. That's when I lost control of my temper."

"I'm assuming that Synclair was his son's name?" At Harry's nod, Remus continued, "I agree that he didn't handle the situation in the best way. But you have to realize that this is probably a very emotional subject for him as well."

"Yeah, yeah," Harry said as he waved off Remus's explanation. "But listen to what happened next. When I lost control of my temper, I also lost control of my magic. Objects in the room started to levitate before crashing back down. Snape tried to calm me down. He started talking. I don't think he realized what he was saying. In fact, I am rather positive about that."

"Harry!" Hermione said. "Will you just tell us what he said?"

"He told me that Synclair's body was never found. How Seren's body was found in the Channel months after she was killed and how the ministry believed that Synclair suffered the same fate and that it was only a matter of time before the body was recovered. They declared both of them dead, since it was believed that they were kidnapped from the same place at the same time by the same person."

"But that's just circumstantial!" Hermione cried. "Surely they didn't stop looking for Synclair."

"They did. Apparently they exhausted all their resources and with Voldemort rising, needed all the man-power they could spare on him." Harry paused as he debated what he should share about his professors actions. "He tried to search on his own, but never found Synclair. He finally decided that the ministry was probably right and gave up."

"What!" Hermione exclaimed in disbelief. "I can't believe that anyone would give up searching if there was a possiblibility that his son could still be alive."

Harry shrugged as Remus replied, "I think I can understand why he gave up. I'm sure took so much energy from him to search and each time he hit a dead end it probably hurt more than the last. Hope dies easily when there is nothing to feed it."

Hermione reflected on Remus's words. "Okay, maybe I can understand that, but surely he sees now that it could be possible and that it could be Harry?"

Both Hermione and Remus turned to Harry waiting for an answer. Harry shrugged again and said, "I don't know. As I said before it was weird. After he explained about Synclair, I suggested that it could be possible and asked if we could brew the lineage potion and he just told me to get to work cleaning the desks."

"That's it? That's all he said?" Remus asked with a dangerous glint in his eye.

"Well, he did say something about how that discussion is best suited for another time." Harry said bitterly.

"Harry, he probably just needs some time to think about this. I mean, think about it from his perspective. He spent years looking for his son before he believes that he is most likely dead, then a student shows up and claims to be that son."

"I don't _claim_ to be anything!" Harry screamed. "I just want to know the truth."

"Still, Harry, Hermione has a point. You've had a few more days to think about this than he did. Not to mention that you have been looking for information regarding your parents for the past few months. For him, however, this is like a bolt of lightning out of nowhere."

"Fine," Harry sulked. "So, what do I do next?"

"Just give him some time to think about things. Try to be more patient and respectful towards him. Show him that you are willing to take things slow, so that you both have time to get used to it. _But_ do not approach him about it directly. Let him come to you."

"What if he doesn't?" Harry asked, thinking that this would be the most likely scenario.

"As I said, give it some time. I can't imagine that he could ignore this forever, _especially_ if you do what I recommend."

Harry moved from Ron's hospital bed to a chair on the other side of Remus. Dejectedly, he placed his head in his hands and groaned.

Harry hadn't had a chance to figure out how he felt about this yet, let alone try to see things from his professor's point of view. His instincts however, told him that Snape didn't believe him or rather, didn't want to believe him. He wouldn't be surprised if his professor did try to ignore this forever.

Remus couldn't imagine anyone not wanting to discover their child. Why, if he was Severus, he would be overjoyed to discover he had a child. It had always been his dream to have a family of his own, something that was impossible due to the restrictions the ministry placed on werewolves. He might not know Severus that well, but he couldn't see his old schoolmate ignoring the possibility of a family, even if it might lead to pain.

Hermione was sure that she was correct in her assessment that Professor Snape only needed a bit of time to process this information. Their professor had to be scared. Everything he had dreamed of might be possible. All those years of searching and hoping, and finally discovering that which he longed for. Hermione believed in her heart that a father, Professor Snape included, could never truly give up hope that his child had survived. Yes, it could be disheartening if the potion revealed that it wasn't true, but wouldn't it be worth the risk?

The silence was broken by a low moan. The three mobile occupants looked at the prone figure of Ronald Weasley.

"Ron?" Harry said as he lifted his heads from his hands and moved back to sitting on the edge of Ron's hospital bed, placing a hand on his friends shoulder. "Can you hear me?"

"Ron?" Hermione echoed as she took one of his hands in hers. "Open your eyes and wake up."

"Mmmm" Ron's head moved from side to side as if he was trying to shake something off.

"Ron, it's Harry, Hermione and Moony. Can you open your eyes for us?"

Slowly Ron's eyes flitted open. His gaze went to Harry, Hermione, Remus and back to Harry before closing again.

Once more, Ron opened his eyes and looked at his best friend. "Harry? I just had the weirdest dream." Ron paused a moment, "Or maybe it was a nightmare. I think it was scary enough. Actually it was really scary. I dreamt that you…that Snape…that-"

"Shh, Ron, it's okay. Just stop for a minute." Harry interrupted. He looked around the infirmary a moment, before turning to Remus. "Moony, can you please set up some privacy and silencing charms."

After Moony set up the charms, Harry looked at Ron and said, "It wasn't a dream or a nightmare."

"What?" Ron looked confused. "You mean it's true? Snape is your-your f-f-fa-?" Ron shuddered, unable to complete that sentence.

Harry winced at Ron's tone. "It might be a possibility. I think it's true, though. But I don't know for sure," Harry added, trying to be honest with his friend while at the same time, minimize it so he won't get upset.

"Why don't you know if it's the truth yet?" A puzzled Ron asked.

"It's complicated." Harry said.

"What's so complicated about it? Surely there's a potion or spell or something that will tell you. I'm sure both Hermione and Snape would know of something." At Ron's words, Harry looked away.

"There is," Harry said quietly. "I asked him about it on Wednesday night. He accused me of lying and playing a joke on him and threatened to have me expelled. I was finally able to get him to listen to me as I explained everything, both adoptions and the Novo Visius Adoptio spell when Dumbledore interrupted my detention. I spent most of that evening arguing with Dumbledore was planning on asking Snape about the potion again on Thursday, but he changed my detention to be served with Filch as well."

Ron's eyes grew bigger and he faced turned red from anger, as he mumbled "Greasy-git. He probably changed your detention on purpose. He doesn't want to know."

Harry smiled sadly, "I don't know he's thinking about this whole thing. Hermione and Moony thinks that he's afraid to believe it's true, just in case it isn't."

"Bullocks. Harry, you need to go and talk with him again. You can't let him do this to you."

"Ron, I did talk with him again, and I'll tell you about it later," Harry said as Ron went to open his mouth. "Right now, you need to calm down. Now that you are awake, Dumbledore will probably be here soon to ask you why you went into shock. I don't want him to find out about this yet." Ron tried to take some deep breaths as Harry continued. "Now, I need to know if you are okay with this. You seem upset."

"Upset! Of course I'm upset." Ron said as he shrugged Harry's arm off of his shoulder and tried to set up. "How can I _not_ be upset?"

"Moony," Harry whispered. "I think we might need to obliviate him. I don't think that he's going to calm down anytime soon and he's not going to be in any condition to keep from telling Dumbledore about what happened."

Ron continued, "My best friend finally found a family. Something that he has always wanted and that greasy-git is afraid! You bet I'm upset."

Remus walked over towards Ron's bed, prepared to say the spell that would erase these memories from his mind.

"Wait!" Hermione cried, as she grabbed Remus's arm to keep him from performing the spell. "Ron, are you upset that Harry's father might be Professor Snape or are you upset at how Professor Snape is acting?"

"What? Upset at how his possible _father_ is acting, of course. What kind of git would I be if I was mad at Harry for something he had no control over? I would be no better than that over grown bat, if I acted like that. I mean, who his father is or rather could be, doesn't change who Harry is. He's still Harry, my best mate for the last five years."

Harry, Hermione and Remus let out a large sigh of relief.

"So, you're really okay with this then?" Harry asked, still a bit nervous.

"Yeah, mate, but for your sake, Harry, I hope that you are mistaken about him being your father. You deserve a much better father than that. Of course, he's still probably better than the Dursley's. If he is your, er, well, if you are right, however, it will probably be a long time before I'll feel comfortable having dinner with your family." Ron joked. "Probably some time _after_ we've graduated when he can no longer give detention or deduct house points for improper cutting technique on my meat."

Remus smiled at Ron's joke. He had a feeling that everything was going to be just fine. Even if Severus turned out not to be Harry's father, or if he was and didn't want to be, Harry was very lucky in the family that he forged for himself.

"Hey!" Ron suddenly exclaimed, as he looked between Harry and Hermione. "Shouldn't you be in class right now?"

""Ron," Harry said, laughing, "It's Saturday."

"Saturday? But how?"

Hermione told Ron about the events of Wednesday night and the resulting coma that he had been in for two days.

"Two days. Merlin, Harry, only you could have information about your parentage that would put someone in a shock induced coma for two days."

Harry shook his head and laughed. "Sorry about that mate. You gave Hermione and myself quite a scare. Plus, we had no idea how to explain what happened to the other professors."

"Harry," Hermione interrupted, "I think we should have Moony take the charms down now, before someone realizes that they are up and become suspicious."

Harry nodded, seeing the wisdom of her words, before turning to Ron. " Ron, I'm not ready yet to have anyone find out about my adoption, and especially about Snape. Is there anything else you need to say right now before we take down the charms?"

"Merlin, Harry, I don't think I have even begun to process this."

"I understand. We can always talk about this later, as long as we do so somewhere private. Moony, can you take the charms down, before Dumbledore comes. Ron, we told Dumbledore and the other professors that we don't know what brought on your attack, that we were just discussing Hogsmeade and families when you started to have trouble breathing."

Hermione nodded. "Ron, I think it would be best if you tell Dumbledore that the reasons are personal and that you don't want to share them. As long as it isn't an immediate threat to your health, he can't force you to share it."

"Why can't he just pretend that he doesn't remember?"

"Because that would make Dumbledore and Madam Pomphrey worry more. A shock induced coma, followed by a bout of amnesia? No, I think it's best my way. Besides, I don't think that you'll be able to pretend that you don't know what brought on your attack, when Dumbledore questions you. Either way, be careful not to make direct eye contact."

Ron groaned. He didn't think he would be able to pull this off. "Why don't I just pretend that I am still in a coma?"

"Ron! Madam Pomphrey and Dumbledore would be able to tell if you are out of the coma or not. Don't worry, you can do this. For Harry and his family."

"For Harry, not for that greasy-git." Ron agreed.

Moony took the charms down and Harry and Hermione repeated their earlier conversation, this time with an a more aware Ron participating, as they waited for Dumbledore.

* * *

End chapter 31 awakening reflections

* * *

_Upcoming: Chapter 32 playing along_

_Okay, not sure about Sev being OOC. Of course, you can't expect a guy to find out that his son, that was declared dead 16 years ago might still be alive and not be affected by that. And that isn't even going into the whole emotional/guilt thing about he's treated his possible child for the last 5 years. Anyways, I tried my best, of course, maybe I'll just have SS be bipolar, that could explain some things (no offense to anyone who is bipolar, since it 'runs' in my family-yours truly included)._

_I like Ron's reaction, that righteous indignation on Harry's behalf…Overall he's okay with it, but he can't quite say 'Snape is your father",_

_**So, what do you think should happen on Halloween (time wise in story we are at the beginning of October)?**_

_**Nothing-just feast**_

_**Harry/Snape brew potion**_

_**Harry/Snape happy bonding moment**_

_**Harry/Snape fight**_

_**Voldemort/DE attempt to kidnap HP**_

_**V/DE attack (Hogwarts? Ministry? Hogsmeade? Muggle London? ??)**_

_**Other??????**_

_**1/02/2005**_


	32. Snape's plan

A/N a revised version of chapter 31 was reposted a few hours after the original. If you did not see the below a/n (in italics), then you have not read the revised version (not a major change, just correcting an error on my part).

_a/n OOPS! umm, would you believe that Ron is psychic? No? neither do I. Error on the author's part. clarification requested by Gorman99 (Thank you!). Line in question was when Ron referred to Snape changing Harry's detention to Filch for Thursday night. Harry found out about the change on Thursday. Ron was in a shock induced coma since Wednesday night, he couldn't have known about the change. I was thinking that Harry rec'd notice of the change of detention on Wednesday night & that's how Ron knew about it. I decided to change the dialogue of that conversation a bit, rather than change chapter 28 & 29...._

_Oh yeah, & Points to Strawberry22!!!_

_Chapter title a/n: decided that the title 'playing along' would be better suited for the next chapter, when SS starts to put his plan in motion. Of course, that could change again-LOL. _

_This chapter is how/when Snape comes up with his plan (hence the name) on how to proceed with after he accidentally divulges his secret to Harry. (I honestly, can't believe I'm up to ch. 32!! With the next few written, waiting to be typed & revised)_

* * *

Chapter 32 Snape's plan 

"No, I didn't think so. Now get to work." Snape said before turning around and exiting the room, his hands shaking. The classroom door closed behind him, trapping Potter inside.

After walking a few steps down the corridor, Snape stopped and banged his head against the wall. "Merlin," he muttered, "what did I just do?"

It took all of his strength to leave the classroom without showing Potter his weakened state.

He turned 180 degrees, now pressing his back and head against the wall, thankful that the castle walls were there to keep him upright. He didn't mean to tell the boy that information. Nobody was supposed to know, Severus silently screamed. That secret was more closely guarded than any of his secrets, including the fact that he had a family in the first place. He couldn't believe that he just disclosed that information, and to Potter no less. He might as well have told the Dark Lord. Well, too late now, he thought.

Or was it? He didn't have a time turner, but he _did_ have the next best thing. A memory charm. Severus smirked as he gathered his strength, took a step away from the wall that supported him, and headed back towards his classroom.

Severus paused for a minute outside the door, eyes roving up and down the corridor, making sure no one was watching. His hand reached for the handle to open the door, the spell on the tip of his tongue and his wand poised and ready.

Then he heard it.

A voice inside his head asking 'Severus, what are you doing?'

"Bloody hell," Severus muttered, dropping his hand from the doorknob and shaking his head to dislodge that voice from his mind. Once more, his eyes looked around the seemingly deserted corridor. He recognized that voice. Dumbledore. What a moment for his conscience to subconsciously act. Much as he wanted to go through with his plan to erase the last half hour from Potter's memory, he knew that he wouldn't be able to, not now. The headmaster would never trust him nor forgive him if he obliviated Gryffindor's Golden Boy.

He quickly spun on his heel, his black robes billowing behind him as he retreated to his rooms. Once inside the sanctuary of his bedroom, Severus laid back on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

Keeping his secrets to himself was not worth his life or his soul. And that was what it came down to. Severus had a feeling that if he betrayed Dumbledore in that manner, he would be in Azkaban before the clock struck midnight.

No, he would just have to find some other way to handle Potter. But what? That was question of the day. He couldn't just pretend that none of this happened, especially with the information Potter now possessed. The boy would be relentless in his pursuit to have the potion master believe the tale of woe that Potter and his cohorts concocted.

Snape snorted. Not bloody likely, he thought. Snape knew what he believed and sure as he was sitting here, Potter was NOT his son.

Snape thought a bit more about the incident in the classroom, shaking his head in disbelief. He couldn't believe that he got caught up in Potter's act. Even suspecting what was coming he managed to lose sight of what he knew and was pulled in by the emotions that the brown-haired boy portrayed. Never again would he underestimate this student.

Severus snorted again. He had no idea that Potter was such an accomplished actor. If all else fails, the boy could always get a job upon the muggle stage.

Snape was also disappointed in himself for letting his guard down. He should know better than to lose control of himself like that. He had shared not only his past with Potter, but his hopes and dreams, his failures and disappointments as well.

Suddenly Snape sat up and smiled. A smile that if seen by anyone would have them running away and screaming in fear.

Hopes and dreams, he thought. Hopes and dreams. Over the last year, Severus had reluctantly learned a lot more about Potter than he ever had thought possible. Thanks to last years occlumency lessons or rather, last years occlumency disaster, he learned of the treatment the boy suffered in the hands of his relatives. While in his animagus form, Raven overhead Potter yelling at the headmaster about trust and his desire to be cared about. And thanks to Potter's journal and his earlier rantings, Snape knew quite a bit about the brats hopes for a home and family of his own.

Potter's hopes and dreams. He can use those to seek his revenge. Now to come up with what Potter hopes and dreams about.

_A loving family  
__A home away from the Dursley's  
__Parents who would be proud of him  
__Someone to care for him because he was 'Harry', and not just because he was 'the boy who lived'  
__An adult he could trust  
__Someone who would always be there for him_

Yes, Severus, thought, as he looked at the list he wrote, this could work.

All of Harry's hopes and dreams could be summed up in one word, or rather, one person. A Father.

Severus smirked as he got up and poured himself a drink.

He would turn the tables on Harry Potter. He would 'play along' with Harry's scheme and become the 'father' that the boy had always wanted. Then once Potter was caught up in his own plot, once Potter saw him, Severus, as the father he never had, that is when Severus would give Potter the one thing he wanted above all else, the truth.

He would make Potter regret the day he came up with this hoax. Severus was determined to end this on his terms, not Potter's.

Snape smirked and silently raised his glass in the air and toasted his plan before drinking. He couldn't wait until Potter's trick crumbled at his feet.

* * *

The weekend went by quickly. 

Harry and Hermione spent most of it in the infirmary visiting with Ron, since Madam Pomphrey wouldn't release him until Monday morning before classes. Once more, they told Ron about the penguino pebble, Ron even had a few words of wisdom to say, although he didn't like agreeing with Snape. Ron had commented that 'Harry should be careful about catching unknown objects in his hands, especially if they come from Malfoy.'

Harry told Ron what happened during Friday's detention with Snape, adding that the professor hadn't been seen by anyone, student, faculty or ghost since Friday evening.

Ron started to comment that he was glad and that if they were lucky, maybe something had happened to the greasy-git. Fortunately, before he stated what he was thinking, Ron remembered that that greasy-git could be his best friend's father, and instead gave a long sigh. This was going to take some getting used to, Ron thought. While he still did not like Snape, he could no longer wish him harm. For if danger or tragedy struck the potion master, than Harry was sure to be injured as well, if not physically than emotionally.

The two boys had many conversations that weekend about Snape and Harry. Harry once more explained why he believed it was true. Snape's family 'dying'; his son's body not being found; rogue auror's that attacked known and suspected Death Eaters; Snape reading his protected journal; looking like Snape's late wife. Harry ended by stating that he just felt it instinctively. From the first moment that he said it out loud, he believed that it was right and true.

Ron still felt that all those coincidences were just that-coincidences. He was not fully convinced that Snape was Harry's father, and probably wouldn't until he had some concrete proof. However, there was something that almost made him give in, Harry's instincts. If Ron had learned anything in the last five years, it was to trust Harry's instincts. More often than not, those instincts had saved someone's life.

Severus, however, spent the weekend secluded in his chambers, finalizing the details for his plan.

The first thing he had done was a little research of his own. Yes, he knew what Potter desired, but he had no idea how to become that. _That_ was not a role he had imagined himself in for many years now. Thankfully the Potter brat was a little too old for typical father/son bonding moments, such as playing catch or Quidditch, that one might indulge a younger child in. No, most likely they would just talk to each other. Severus shuddered. Hopefully his plan would end before things got too personal. The last thing he wanted to discuss with Potter was a teenager's romantic relationships. No, Severus decided, _that_ would not be a topic of discussion, best stick to school work, career choices and possible family outings over the summer holidays.

Oh, this was going to be fun, Snape smirked as he glanced at his lesson plan calendar, finally glad to put it to use. Each year he received one from the headmaster. In the past, he had no need of it, since he had his own way of recording his lesson plans. Now, however, he was grateful for the gift. On each day it Snape outlined the steps he would have to complete in order to accomplish his goal. As a task or item was completed, it automatically checked itself off. If a mission was not accomplished, it would automatically transfer onto the next day. Most beneficial of all was that if he remembered something that needed to be added, the journal would automatically enter that item before the thought was even finished in his mind. The tasks even listed themselves in the order of sequence to be completed. Each item on his agenda got him one step closer to his goal, finally culminating on the revelation of the truth to be done on Halloween. Severus figured what better day to crush the boy's hopes and dreams than the anniversary of the day that he lost the last of his 'real' family. Snape gave a quick perusal of the calendar. That would give him almost four weeks to torture Potter. Oh, yes, life was good.

* * *

Monday morning, everything seemed to be normal in the sixth year Gryffindor and Slytherin potions class. Severus sat at his desk grading papers or reading journals while the students worked on their potions. 

When the class ended and the students were filing out of the room, Snape called "Mr. Potter, I hope that I do not have to remind you about your detention for tonight. I trust that you will be on time."

At the sound of his name Harry had froze. He heard his professor's words and quickly replied "Yes, sir" before leaving.

"Merlin," Harry exclaimed to Hermione once they were out of Snape's earshot. "I can't believe that he is still making me serve detention!"

"Honestly, Harry, he probably just wants to talk to you about things."

"I highly doubt that, Hermione. If he wanted to talk he could've tried over the weekend. Instead he spent most of it avoiding me. He didn't even eat in the great hall the last two days. No, Hermione, more likely he just needs his classroom cleaned. Let me see, in the few weeks I've cleaned the desks, the cauldrons, and the empty vials. I'm betting that tonight's task will be the floors. Any takers?" Harry asked sarcastically, "I'll give you pretty good odds."

* * *

"Guys, I'll see you later. I need to get to detention." 

"Bye, mate, good luck."

"Harry," Hermione said as she followed him, grabbing his arm before he could leave the common room. "Remember what I said. Act respectful, let him introduce the subject, and above all else, you must control your temper(1). You need to show him that you are serious about this."

"I know, Hermione, and I'll try. Honestly." Harry pledged as he slipped past the fat lady and began the long journey to the dungeons.

"Mr. Potter. Glad you could make it this evening," Snape said, greeting Harry with a smile.

Harry stared at his professor for a minute, before smiling back. Maybe Hermione was right, Harry thought, maybe he does want to talk and spend some time with me.

Snape's smile changed to a smirk as he continued, "The floors are atrocious."

Harry's grin faded as he groaned. Oh, how he wished that he could have persuaded Hermione to bet on this evenings detention assignment.

"No magic, now get to work."

Give it time, Harry reminded himself as he moved the stools out of his way before retrieving the necessary cleaning paraphernalia from the closet, this is probably just as awkward for him as it is for you.

Snape was careful not to let his face portray his emotions as he watched Harry work, surprised that the boy went straight to his assigned task instead of arguing or complaining.

As Harry swept and mopped the floors, he repeated Hermione's instructions in his head. 'Be respectful, let him bring up the subject, and control my temper.' If asked, Harry would have to admit that his temper was wearing thin. He had been here for over an hour cleaning and Snape hadn't said another word to him.

Snape had the whole weekend to think about things, Harry fumed. Surely his professor had decided whether or not he was willing to brew the lineage potion with him, by now. He could at least say something instead of ignoring him, Harry thought, instead of ignoring the situation.

"Mr. Potter."

"Yes, sir," Harry asked, startled to find the potion master standing behind him.

"Take the chairs down from the desktops, now."

Harry clenched his fists at Snape's commands and walked to the desks on the other side of the room. "I'm not an idiot," he grumbled under his breath, "I _was_ going to do that before I left." Harry then worked silently, positioning the stools in their proper place, making his way back towards the front of the room where Snape was still standing.

"Potter."

"Yes, sir?"

"I have decided against brewing the potion at this time."

"What!" Harry exclaimed, no longer able to hold his temper back. "You decided. Just like that. Don't I get any say in this?"

"At this time, no. Fifteen points from Gryffindor. Now, control yourself." As Harry struggled to regain control of his emotions, Snape decided to use the situation to his advantage. "Legilimens!"

Memories of Harry being told what to do by Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon, Dudley, Voldemort, and Dumbledore played across his mind for Snape to see before Harry successfully evicted the professor from his mind.

Harry leaned on the desk, panting, trying to recover from the attack.

"Disgraceful. If you had controlled your temper, you would be fine."

"Hey! I pushed you out!" Harry retorted, adding a quick "sir" after noticing the glare Snape gave in his direction.

"I never should have gotten in, Potter." Snape snarled. "All the Dark Lord would have to do is to keep pushing you until you lost control, which apparently isn't that difficult. Once you are weakened, you would be easy prey for his continued attacks, letting him discover anything he wanted that was in your mind. Now finish cleaning."

"Finish?" Harry asked, puzzled. "But sir, the floors are done."

"The floors, yes," Snape answered with a sneer. "However, you contaminated the desktops by placing non-sanitized, filthy objects on them. They will need to be cleaned and sanitized again, before you leave."

"But," Harry began to grumble.

"Fifteen points from Gryffindor and not another word or I'll deduct more. You are already serving detention with me indefinitely; you really do not want to push me." The potion master cautioned.

On instinct, Harry opened his mouth to reply before thinking better of it. He got to work, finishing his detention without saying another word.

* * *

Within seconds after Harry flopped down on a chair in the Gryffindor common room, Hermione appeared next to him. 

"Well? How did it go?"

"I really wished you had taken me up on my offer to bet about tonight. I got stuck cleaning the floors _and_ the desks."

"Are you serious, mate?" Ron asked, as he strolled into the common room, just in time to hear Harry's reply.

"Yeah. He pretty much ignored me the entire time. He didn't even dismiss me from detention himself, he sent a house-elf to tell me that I could leave. The only thing he said was," Harry paused as he cleared his throat and imitated Snape, _"I have decided against brewing the potion at this time."_

Hermione had a contemplative look on her face as she asked, "Did you ask him why?"

"Er, no. Not really." Harry mumbled and looked away, not willing to meet her gaze.

"Harry James Potter. _What_ did you do?"

At her tone, both Harry and Ron instinctively started to back away.

"Don't you back away from me! Now tell me, what did you do?"

"Er, um…" Harry dawdled, looking at Ron for help.

"Sorry, mate, this one's all you." Ron said as he escaped the common room and retreated up the stairs to his dormitory.

"Ikindoflostmytemper." The words rushed out of Harry's mouth.

"You lost your temper." Hermione repeated. "Of all the things I told you, the most important one was to control your temper!"

"I know, Hermione, and I tried. Honestly. But I was just so sick of people making decisions about _my_ life for me without asking me what I wanted. Merlin's sake! He's probably my _father_ and he doesn't seem to care about what I want anymore than anybody else does."

Hermione expression changed to one of sympathy as she heard the pain and hurt in Harry's voice. "I understand, Harry, but losing your temper isn't going to help." Hermione let out a deep sigh before continuing, "What happened next?"

"He deducted points and incanted Legilimens."

"Then what?"

"Um, he got in my mind, but I was able to push him out."

"If you had kept control of your temper, he wouldn't have gotten in. Vold-"

"I know Hermione, I know. I already got this lecture from Snape. Can we skip it this time?"

"Professor Snape, Harry. Be respectful. Not just because he's your professor or because he might be your father, but because he _is_ trying to help you."

Harry nodded and continued rehashing the evening's events. "Then _Professor_ Snape told me to finish cleaning the room. Apparently while I was cleaning the floors, I contaminated the desks, so he made me clean and sanitize them."

Hermione shook her head, letting the subject drop. She wasn't sure she wanted to know how he could contaminate the desks when he was supposed to be cleaning the floors.

"Did you ask him _when_ he might want to brew the potion?"

"NO!" Harry denied forcefully. "I took your advice and didn't ask questions, nor did I bring up the subject."

Hermione placed her face in her hands and groaned. Honestly!

"Harry, he _did_ bring the subject up and that was the perfect time to ask questions."

"How can Sn-, Professor Snape saying he wouldn't brew the potion be the perfect time to _ask_ questions?" Harry asked heatedly.

"Think, Harry. What _exactly_ did Professor Snape say to you?"

"That he wouldn't-"

"_Exactly,_ Harry." Hermione reminded.

Harry sat thinking, before reiterating his professor's words. "He said 'I have decided against brewing the potion at this-' OH!"

"Yes, OH!" Hermione imitated. "So obviously he has decided to do it at another time. Now you just need to find out _why_ he wants to postpone it."

Now it was Harry's turn to put his head in his hands and scream.

"That's why you need to control your temper. You quickly focus on one thing and miss everything else that is being said."

"I know, Hermione, I know." Harry said, as he leaned back against the chair and groaned. Who knows when Snape would give him another chance to ask questions.

* * *

End Chapter 32 Snape's plan 

_Upcoming: Chapter 33 playing along  
__Chapter 34 acting skills _

If you hadn't given a preference regarding Halloween, feel free to do so. I think the majority is on Harry/Snape brewing potion/bonding moment rather than V or DE attack/kidnap (at least if 'votes' are combined), otherwise pretty close. Guess we'll have to wait & see

Loved all the input regarding Harry, Snape & Halloween. And all the many reviews. Thank you all so much!!!

**Now, new 'poll':**

**Does Dumbledore already know about Harry & Snape? And if so, how?**

**ALSO, I'm curious as to what you all think about Snape's plan for revenge**

* * *

(1) you must control your temper - borrowed from Disney's Beauty & the Beast

1/10/2005


	33. twenty questions

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or other characters/places.

* * *

Chapter 33 twenty questions

Severus opened the door to his classroom and took a seat while he waited for Harry to report for detention. Last night didn't quite go as planned. Severus went more with his instincts than following his plan. He hadn't expected Potter to lose control like that. The boy had been doing surprisingly well controlling his temper. He had even managed to keep his control of his emotions when Draco was insulting him and his friends.

The boy didn't listen. How was he suppose to proceed to the next state of his plan if the boy didn't even listen! Somehow tonight, he had to find a way to get the plan back on track.

Of course, one thing came out of last night, Snape smirked. He learned one more thing about the-boy-who-lived. Potter did not like it when others controlled his life. Not that Snape could blame him for that. He himself didn't like it much either. The boy however, seemed to positively hate it. Snape smirked as he filed that thought away for future reference.

"Sir?" Harry said as he opened the door.

"Mr. Potter. Glad you could make it. Have a seat."

Harry walked forward until he stood in front of the Snape's desk.

"Sir, I would like to apologize for losing my temper last evening. It was wrong of me to react like that to your words. I'm sorry that I wasn't paying enough attention to everything that you were saying. Instead I focused on a small aspect of it. I apologize."

Severus looked at the student in front of him. Apparently he had shared last nights events with Granger. That speech had the smartest Gryffindor written all over it.

Severus inclined his head in recognition of his student's apology, but didn't say a word.

"Sir? I was thinking about what you said yesterday, before I lost my temper, and I was wondering exactly what you meant by it."

"Unlike some people, Potter, I mean exactly what I say. I will not brew the potion at this time."

"Yes, sir, I understand that. But I was wondering if you had an idea of _when_ you would be willing to brew this potion."

"Indeed I have Potter-"

"Harry."

"What?" Snape snarled, startled by they boy's interruption.

"My name is Harry. I would like you to use it."

"Perhaps not the best idea you've had, Potter." Snape sneered. "Now as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I think we should wait before we brew the potion. Use this time to get to know one another better."

"But-"

"Think, Potter. Waiting will not change the outcome of the potion, but if by chance, you are correct in your suspicions, then this time could be most beneficial to our future relationship."

Harry deciphered through Snape's words. "Okay, I can see that. I'll agree to wait. Now, how will we get to know one another better?"

"The usual way, Potter, by talking."

Harry's face turned red as he replied, "I meant, how? I can hardly meet you for dinner like I do with Remus every week."

"We'll talk in detention, of course, similar to what we are doing now."

"Oh."

"However, you must know that nothing can appear to be different regarding our daily interactions with one another."

"Huh?"

Snape sighed, the boys lack of comprehension further proof that Harry was not his child. "Nobody can know or suspect that we are capable of being civil to one another. That these detentions are being used as times for us to learn more about one another. Outside of these detentions, you are still the _Golden Gryffindor_, and as such will be treated with contempt by me."

"I get it, like acting."

"Yes, Potter, exactly like acting." Snape smirked, knowingly.

"And I'll profess to hate those detentions and the greasy-git who assigned them." Harry turned red once he realized what he just said. "Um, I mean-"

Snape smiled at the boy's discomfort. Oh, how he would love to rebuke Potter for that remark. "No need to apologize, _this time._ Further proof that I am playing my role well."

Harry looked at his professor and gave a brief smile.

"So," Harry said a few minutes later. "How do we get to know one another better? I mean, what should we talk about? What should we do?"

"I was thinking that part of our evenings could be spent by you doing your homework and myself grading papers. Some evenings you can assist me in the labs, maybe you will even improve your potions skills."

Harry smiled at his professor's attempt at an insult. If he wasn't mistaken, he believed that his professor described him as 'quite talented when it comes to potions' when he talked with the headmaster last summer. At least now Harry knows where that talent came from.

"However, since you do not have any books with you and it is too late to start a potion, I am open to suggestions on this evening's activity."

Harry thought for a moment, glad that his professor-his father?-asked his opinion. "Um, well, there is a lot I would like to know about you, and there are probably some things that you are curious about regarding me, as well."

Severus raised an eyebrow and looked at the boy.

"My cousin used to play this game with his gang, it's called twenty questions. Umm, I'm not really sure how to play it, but we can do something like that, just ask each other questions about things we want to know. But we need to be honest about the answers." Harry rambled, before looking at Snape to get his reaction to his suggestion.

Sounds rather boring, Snape thought, not really able to think of anything else he wanted to know about Potter. "Fine, we'll give it a try. Go ahead."

"Er, favorite color?" Harry tentatively asked. "Other than black," Harry added when Snape just elevated his eyebrow again and stared at Harry.

"Slytherin green, of course."

Harry nodded and looked at Snape, waiting.

"Yours?" Severus asked, once he realized what the boy was waiting for.

"Not sure. Used to be green, like my eyes since that was the only thing I thought that I inherited from my mom, er, Lily. Don't really know now. Maybe orange since it isn't associated with any particular house."

Snape nodded and said, "very diplomatic, Mr. Potter."

"What's your favorite food?"

"And this information will help you get to know me?"

"Maybe, maybe not, but it's better than silence or talking about the weather."

"That's debatable," Severus said dryly. "Okay, for food, honestly, don't know, probably roast beef with Yorkshire pudding. You?"

"Are you just going to repeat the questions I ask?" Harry complained.

"Quite possible, so you might want to be careful about what you ask."

Harry gave an annoyed grunt. "My favorite food is pizza. I only actually had it once, but it was great." Even cold and three days old, Harry thought. Of course, he was so hungry by then that anything would have tasted great.

"Pizza?"

"A muggle thing. It's a flat round piece of bread dough topped with a tomato sauce and cheese, cooked until the cheese is melted. And you can put almost anything on it, pepperoni, sliced ham, sausage, vegetables, or even pineapples."

"Sounds appetizing. Next question?"

"Why don't you ask first this time?" Harry offered.

"Fine. Your favorite academic subject in school?"

"DADA, when we have a decent professor that is."

Harry groaned as he realized that he couldn't ask Snape's question back at him. He sat there silently, trying to think of a question for Snape.

"Why don't you ask the same question back?" Snape smirked.

"Why bother? I figure your answer would probably be potions, though it might be DADA if the rumors are true."

Snape groaned. Not those blasted rumors again.

Hearing the small groan, Harry grinned mischievously and asked, "Do you want the DADA job?"

Snape glared at Harry before finally replying, "Not particularly, though I haven't wanted any of the previous unworthy professors for the job either."

"Why not?" Harry asked, seething, since he was sure that Snape included Moony in that group of unworthy professors.

"Uh-uh," Snape smirked, "You already asked your question for this turn."

"Oh, come on," Harry whined, "It's part of the same question."

"Maybe so, but you didn't ask it at the same time. No revisions.

"Hmm, now, I believe it's my turn…" Snape pondered a moment before copying Harry's mischievous grin and asking, "What do you _really_ think of Mr. Weasley?"

"Hey! That's not fair! You're supposed to ask questions about me, not my friends!"

"It is a question about you. I'm asking about your thoughts, opinions and perceptions of Mr. Weasley, now if you please?"

Harry looked at Snape and smirked, "Which Mr. Weasley? I mean, there are _so_ many of them. Maybe I'll just give my opinion of one of them and won't tell you which one. Or I could give you my combined opinion of all the Weasley males that I know.

"Uh-uh, no revisions." Harry said as Snape went to comment. "Now, the many Mr. Weasley's. Hmm, hmm, I would have to say, hardworking…dedicated to his family…supportive…interesting hobbies…interesting job…obviously quite intelligent…"

"Enough." Snape growled. "From your comments I gather that you aren't talking about any of the Weasley's that _you_ went to school with."

Harry shrugged while grinning inwardly, glad to beat Snape at his own game. "Okay, so why didn't you want any of the previous professors to get the job and how did the rumors start that you wanted it?"

"Is there a penalty in this game for asking two questions in one turn?"

Harry shrugged again, "I don't know. I told you that I really don't know how to play this game. Besides, the questions are related."

Snape snorted, "If you use that measuring tape, then you could ask _all_ twenty questions in one turn, since they are all related…But, as it happens the two questions tie in well together, so just this once, I will answer both.

"I would think that you, of all people would understand why I didn't want any of the last five professors to get the job. Most of them didn't have the skills or qualifications at all. And the one that _might have_ was a werewolf.

"The rumors started almost ten years ago. Quirrell took a some time off to work in the field and gain some experience. The headmaster was having a difficult time finding a temporary qualified replacement instruction. The two of us were discussing the lack of skilled applicants when Albus mentioned that my background and knowledge of the Dark Arts would make me a perfect candidate for teaching others how to defend against them. He asked if it was something I was interested in, even on a temporary basis, or part-time by instructing the NEWT level students. I, however, had no interest in leaving my dungeons, especially to teach such a dangerous subject to those dunderheads. I also suspected that neither the ministry nor the parents would approve of a former Death Eater teaching DADA. At one point during our conversation, Albus tried to used my own arguments against, what muggles refer to as reverse psychology, I believe. It was this portion of the conversation that the students heard and used to spread those rumors."

"Oh," Harry said, wondering what happened to those students. He suspected that Snape didn't let them get off with a just few detentions.

Snape went silent as he thought about what to ask next. Merlin knows that he doesn't want to learn any more personal information about this student. He also didn't want to revise his former question and ask Potter what he thought of _Mr. Ronald Weasley_, that would like admitting that Potter had outsmarted him. No, he needed something else. If only he could think of something to ask that would get the boy in trouble or embarrass him.

Snape smiled as he asked, "Why did you steal bicorn horn and boomslang skin from my private stores your second year?"

Harry paled, both at Snape's frightening smile and at his question, before he remembered that he only needed to answer the _question_ honeslty. "I didn't."

"Come now, Mr. Potter. I know you were responsible for the missing ingredients."

Harry looked Snape straight in the eye and repeated, "I did not take those ingredients from your private stores."

"Fine." Snape sulked, knowing that he would ask a revised version of the question next round. "Your question."

Thinking of Snape's earlier answer, Harry asked, "What's the difference between a former Death Eater teaching DADA vs. a former Death Eater teaching potions?"

Snape glared at Harry as he answered, "I am potions _master_. With all the extensive training that goes with that. However, the only reason I am qualified, and make no mistake, I am qualified, to teach DADA, is my personal and questionable background. More specifically, the time I spent as a servant to the Dark Lord."

"So, tell me, Mr. Potter, who did take those ingredients and why?"

"That's two questions!" Harry yelled, hoping to distract his professor.

"Nonsense. This is one question with two parts. You, however, asked two distinctly separate questions earlier, which I answered. Now quit stalling and answer."

"Will you promise me that no one will get into trouble?"

"Why should I promise that?"

"It was four years ago!"

"So? Actions have consequences, regardless of how much time passes."

"But you aren't finding out the answers as a professor, but as a _father!_ It's not fair that someone could get into trouble because of that!" Harry said, trying to keep control of his anger. He didn't want his friends to get into trouble because he suggested this stupid game.

Snape looked at the boy in front of him. Potter did have a point. Besides, he wasn't here to get the kid's friends into trouble, but to teach him a lesson. "Fine. No one will get into trouble." He grudgingly agreed.

"Hermione took the ingredients." At Snape's shocked look, Harry continued, "We knew that if myself or Ron was caught, you would immediately have us expelled. Hermione, however, would probably just lose points or get a detention."

Granger. He never would have guessed that. The boy was right about how he would have reacted if either of the male members of the golden trio were caught stealing. Apparently they, or more specifically, Miss Granger, did have a good head on their shoulders. "Why?"

"What?" Harry asked, forgetting the second half of the question. "Oh, we made polyjuice over the holiday break to disguise ourselves to see if Malfoy was, or knew who was, the heir of Slytherin."

"And did you?"

"We made it into the common room, but soon realized that Malfoy wasn't him, nor did he know who was. Only that he couldn't believe that the rest of the school thought that it might be me.

"Hey! That was another question."

"So?" Snape smirked, "You didn't have to answer it. You did so willingly."

"Fine." Harry sulked. "Here's a question for you then, "Why do you call him the Dark Lord instead of Voldemort?"

"Not because I fear him or respect him. Although I do fear what he is capable of doing, since he has no conscience. No. I call him the Dark Lord for the same reason that I will continue to call you 'Mr. Potter' and not Harry."

Harry paled, great, he thought, something else he had in common with Voldemort.

"It would not do for me to lose sight of the role I play. Calling him Voldemort in a meeting is guaranteed way not to leave that meeting alive. Likewise, addressing you as Harry with Slytherins around would be another way to sign my death certificate."

Harry paled as he realized the precarious position that his professor was in. Merlin, he thought, no wonder why Snape didn't want to know the truth. Even if they discovered that they were father and son, nothing would really change. Nothing _could_ change, at least, not until Voldemort was gone for good.

"I guess I never really thought about it like that. I'm sorry, sir, and I will do my best to make sure that nothing is revealed. All I kept thinking about was how this effected me. I never really gave much thought to you, or Voldemort, or this war, except for the impact it might have on the prophecy, of course. I understand why you won't call me Harry and I won't ask again. Merlin knows I don't want anything to happen to you"

Snape was shocked at the heartfelt words he heard from the student sitting across from him. Never before had he had someone who tried to understand his position, somewhere who cared about that position, or his life. He looked around the room, unable to meet the child's eyes. "Yes, well, it's getting late. You should probably return to your dorm now."

"But, sir," Harry protested, "we still have more questions to ask."

"Since you don't know the rules, I'm sure we can make up our own, including that the 'game' dos not have to conclude all in one night. Now, back to the tower before I deduct points."

"Yes, sir." Harry replied as he stood up and walked out the door, after one last lingering look at his professor.

* * *

"Merlin! How could I be so selfish!" Harry mumbled as he stepped into the Gryffindor common room.

"What was that, Harry?"

Harry looked up to see Neville sitting in the chair closest to the portrait door. "Oh, nothing, Neville, just complaining about my detention."

"Oi, Harry, you're back. How did it go?" Ron called from the far corner of the room

"Apparently, not well," Neville answered, "He walked in here mumbling about it."

"Oh." Ron said, not sure what to say with Neville still in the room. "Harry, have you finished your DADA homework yet? I could use some help on mine, if you have some time."

"Yeah, sure, Ron." Harry said as he walked over to chairs in the corner where Ron and Hermione were sitting, Ron's books, sprawled out in front of her.

"So, what is the problem with the homework?"

"Merlin, mate, do you really think I called you over here for homework? I just wanted to see how it went tonight, you don't look that happy."

Harry quickly put up the silencing and privacy charms around the three of them before replying, "I'm not happy. How could I be so stupid? This is never going to work."

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked.

"I mean, that this might end up killing him! All I've thought about was how this was effecting me! I never gave a thought to what might happen if someone else finds out. One of his Slytherins or a Death Eater. If that happens, Voldemort would probably either kill him outright, or use him to get to me."

Ron and Hermione paled. "I can't believe I never thought of that. I was just so happy that you might have finally found out who your father was, that I didn't think of it."

"Oi, mate, this is bad. What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I mean, I can't just give up now, can I? I'm so close to finding out the truth."

"So he agreed to the potion, then?" Hermione asked.

"Sort of."

"Sort of?" Ron echoed, before being hushed by Hermione.

"He said he wants us to get to know one another better first. So I'll continue having detentions with him." Harry explained the plan Snape outlined regarding the detentions.

"So what did you do tonight?"

"We got to know each other better by playing twenty questions."

"Harry? How did that help? In twenty questions, one of you is suppose to think of an object and the other is suppose to ask yes or no questions trying to guess what that item is. The have twenty questions to ask, hence the name."

"Oh! So, that's how you play. I wasn't sure, we just asked each other questions about things we wanted to know about the other."

"And he answered?" Ron asked numbly. "He didn't deduct points or lie to you about it?"

"No, Ron. He wouldn't do that. Although I did have to get him to promise not to get Hermione in trouble."

"Me! Why would I get in trouble?"

"He asked me who took the bicorn horn and boomslang skin our second year."

"You told!" Ron exclaimed.

"He promised? Why? What did you say to him to make him promise that? I mean, I would think his whole point in asking that question would be to get you or one of us in trouble."

"I said that it wasn't fair that you guys got in trouble for something he was finding out as a father and not as a professor. He reluctantly agreed, so I told him."

"Merlin, I think he's gone soft." Ron mumbled.

"Oh, I doubt that," Hermione said, her brown eyes twinkling, not unlike the headmasters. "I just think that he's learning to put his priorities straight."

"Who knows?" said Harry. "I gave up trying to figure him out long ago, and even though he might be my father, I still don't think I'll be able to figure that man out."

"So, mate, what else did you find out about him? Anything good?"

"Ron! That information is between him and Professor Snape. I am more concerned about what Harry meant earlier." At the blank stare from Ron and Harry, she continued, "About getting him killed and this not working?"

"Oh! Well, it's just that I don't want to lose anyone else. Nor do I want to be responsible for someone else dying. Especially someone close to me. I mean, Cybelle's death wasn't my fault, at least, not that I know of. Lily's and James' however, well, they died because Voldemort was after me! If they had let everyone know that I was adopted, then they would've been fine, but since they kept that secret, it made me a prime candidate under the prophecy."

"Uh, mate? What are talking about?"

Bullocks! Harry thought. He completely forgot that Ron wasn't aware of the prophecy. Harry gave a quick glance at Hermione. The last time they tried to tell Ron some information, he went into a shock-induced coma. Will he be able to handle this news?

* * *

**End Chapter 33 twenty questions**

Seemed like a good place to end.

Twenty questions: if you were snape or harry, what questions would you ask the other?

I _know_, I changed chapter titles again…

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. Here are a few answers (good luck matching questions & answers): Denial, is the word of the day. Best laid plans of mice & men…people do strange things when their grieving (or when in denial)…Snape has to have some patience, I mean, otherwise, he would have blasted all those dunderheads years ago, not to mention that he's a spy, so he has to be used to following other's plans and waiting for others to signal the go ahead…Yes, it might be cruel, but isn't that Snape?…He wants to hurt Harry like he's been hurting…observance, isn't just about intelligence, it could also be about how one was raised. I think Harry is pretty observant, he just doesn't piece it together well (kinda like me, I don't take well to 'clues', I like things spelled out)…I agree, if Harry found out, this might be something that he couldn't forgive, then again, I never promised a happy ending, did I? (LOL)…

1/17/2005


	34. something's going on

Sorry for the delay. I have a massive deadline on 2/11/05 and most of my time in front of a computer is spent on spreadsheets and programming lately.

This chapter is takes place about 10 days after Harry Snape reach an understanding (it is now Friday, 10/18/96, in the story.). It is basically what people think about what is going on (Harry, Severus, Ron, Hermione, Other Gryffindor's, Albus, Draco, Remus Minerva). Each change of scene/viewpoint can cover/reflect on those last 10 days.

I hope the length makes up a bit for the delay.

* * *

**Chapter 34 something's going on**

Luckily, Ron handled this bit of information better than the suspected identity of Harry's father.

Harry still remembers the look on Ron's face before he said, "Merlin, Harry! I take back everything I ever said about how I wish I was you. This might be the one thing that can cure me of my jealous fits. I don't envy you at all. No wonder Dumbledore is so concerned about your safety."

The prophecy, of course, was no surprise to Hermione, who took this time to scold Ron for his insensitivity.

* * *

As the days went by, Ron treated Harry the same as before, except for the lack of jealous fits. It seems like this _was _the cure for his jealousy. Ron had finally grown up. After reviewing everything that occurred in Harry's life, he finally realized that the bad far out-weighed the good. 

Ron thought that one of the good things in Harry's life right now was his relationship with Snape. Even though Ron could not imagine Snape being anything other than an overgrown bat or a greasy git, Harry seemed to be thriving due to the new relationship.

From what Harry said, the potential father and son pair laughed, talked, and even enjoyed a comfortable silence with one another during Harry's detentions. Ron almost fainted when Harry mentioned that Snape showed him his chocolate frog card collection, which included an original Merlin card and one of the rarest cards ever, Agrippa.

Of course, what Ron didn't understand was, if the two of them were getting along so famously, _why_ won't Snape agree to brew the potion with Harry? That was probably the only blemish in Harry's life right now. Ron just wished that there was something he could do about it.

* * *

Hermione, however, seemed more concerned about Harry than before. 

She can still remember what Harry said that night, 'Responsible for someone else's death'. Much as she wanted to believe that those words were spoken out of fear, she couldn't help but feel that maybe Harry hadn't put the death of Cedric, Sirius, James and Lily behind him.

She couldn't help notice that Harry's paranoia now rivaled Mad-Eye Moody's. Every time he was with Ron, Remus, herself or any combination thereof, he immediately put up silencing and privacy charms in case one of them mentioned his relationship with Snape. If he was unable to erect those charms, Harry would often stop talking; he had even tried to get Hermione or Ron to be silent as well. His explanation to Hermione was 'If you don't say anything, then you can't accidentally let something slip out'.

He also seemed to be taken Snape's words to heart regarding UFO's. Granted, he was awarded points for his actions, but still…

_-FLASHBACK -_

_Professor Rivedy stood in front of the room waiting for her sixth year Gryffindor and Hufflepuff students to settle in._

_Once they were seated, she gathered a number of items in her arms and started to walk towards the students. After a few steps, she tripped and fell._

"_Remind you of anybody?" Ron whispered to Harry and Hermione, "If her hair wasn't a normal color, I would swear it was Tonks."_

_The various items the professor was carrying went askew, some rolling on the ground, some hurling through the air. The students immediately went into action. A few ducked, side-stepped, or lifted up their feet in order to avoid coming into contact with a wayward object. Those that helped mostly tried to catch an object in their hands or stop an item with their feet if it came within their reach. A few even chased after objects. Only one student used magic to stop items from coming into contact with someone.. He simply levitated the items back to the professor's desk._

"_Mr. Potter."_

_Harry looked up to find Professor Rivedy's eyes on him as he levitated various objects back to her desk. "Yes, ma'am?"_

"_Is there a reason why you decided to use magic rather than collect these objects with your hands like most of your classmates?"_

_By now the entire class watched as Harry turned red._

"_Um,Idon'tknowwhatyoumighthavedonetotheseobjects." Harry muttered quickly and quietly._

"_What was that, Mr. Potter?"_

"_I said, 'I don't know what you might have done to these objects, professor."_

"_Don't you trust me, Mr. Potter?" Professor Rivedy replied, hurt in her voice. "Or do you believe that I am out to get you?"_

_A few snickers were heard around the room as well as some comments about previous DADA professors out to get Harry. Harry was very grateful that he had this class with Hufflepuffs and not Slytherins. He would never have heard the end of this from Malfoy if he had been here._

"_No offense, ma'am, but while you haven't given me a reason not to trust you, I don't know you well enough _**to**_ trust you."_

"_Harry!" Hermione hissed, scandalized that Harry would say such a thing to a teacher._

_Professor Rivedy stared at Harry before looking at the class and saying, "Twenty-five points to Mr. Potter. Fifteen for using magic to defend himself and ten for his answers. Five points to everyone who avoided an item, although I expect most of you did so out of laziness."_

_The class laughed as a few of those 'lazy' students turned red._

"_Now, why would I award points to someone who stated that he didn't trust me?"_

_A few students raised their hands, including, of course, Hermione. "Miss Bones?"_

"_Well, Harry was right. There might have been a charm or something on the object."_

"_Afraid of a feather weight charm?" Professor Rivedy asked as she tossed a brick, one of the items Harry levitated back to her desk, into the air, as if it weighed no more than a feather._

"_No, ma'am," Susan said as the class laughed. "But other, more hurtful charms could have been on the object."_

"_Hmm," Professor Rivedy said as she looked around the room. "Miss Brown? I noticed that you tried to avoid the objects as well, care to tell us why?"_

"_I could've gotten hurt," Lavender replied indignantly._

"_How so?"_

"_Well, I could have received a cut or a bruise. I might have broken a nail, as well."_

"_Thank you, Miss Brown, though not quite the answer I was looking for, perhaps someone else"_

_Scanning the room her eyes landed on her next prey, "Mr. Longbottom?"_

_Neville nervously swallowed the lump in his throat, before gasping out, "There might have been a hex on the item."_

"_Hmm, anyone else?" As the class remained silent and looked away from the Professor's eyes, she continued. "Does anyone, other than Mr. Potter, think that I might have tampered with these objects?"_

_Harry turned red, but raised his head high, refusing to comment, the rest of the class shook their heads and replied "No, Ma'am."_

"_Unfortunately, all of you could be in the hospital wing right now due to your answer." At the class's blank stare, the professor sighed. "Miss Granger, are you familiar with the Objecto Maji Woshem spell?"_

"_Yes, Ma'am, I read about it in-"_

"_Please, Miss Granger, not now. However, would you kindly use it on the object in your hands?" She said as she nodded at the soft ball Hermione had caught earlier._

"_Objecto Maji Woshem" Hermione said with a downward spiral flick of her wand._

_A red haze appeared around the ball before the word "aegrotationis" appeared around the ball._

_Gasps were heard from the class as Hermione dropped the ball. _

"_Professor, if the object had that curse on it, why is Hermione okay?"_

"_Each of these items have either a curse, hex, charm, or potion on them. Normally, the minute you come into contact with that object the spell would transfer to you. However, since I did not want anyone in the class to end up in the hospital ward, I set the spells to a password, which no one should say either accidentally or on purpose during this lesson."_

_Professor looked around the classroom at the shocked look on her student's faces. "The next few weeks we are going to be working on revealing spelled objects as well as how to neutralize them. For now, why don't all of you who have an object in hand perform the revealing spell Ms. Granger demonstrated…" _

_- END FLASHBACK - _

Ron had been pleased with the points that Harry obtained, but Hermione was more concerned about Harry's state of mind. _Yes_, Hermione reflected _Harry was becoming obsessed with security and keeping Snape safe_. She only hoped that someone else would notice it as well and help him before it ruined his life. Once again, Hermione did not know how to proceed to help her friend.

**

* * *

**

Many of Harry's housemates had noticed a change in Harry the last few days. Oh, they noticed the change in his physical appearance earlier in the year, however most just attributed it to the boy-who-lived-who-wanted-to-be-someone-else. No, these changes were more startling, for changing his physical appearance did not change _who_ Harry was, changing his behavior and attitude made the other Gryffindor's concerned and alert.

In the five years that the trio has been at Hogwarts, they were known for their private conversations and disappearing acts, but never before had one of them been so determined to keep things private, especially Harry. Usually he was impulsive and emotional, often provoked into fighting, with words or wands. Lately he seemed to have much control over himself. At first, one might think that this was a sign of maturity, and perhaps part of it was, but it was the little things that made them concerned. The DADA class earlier that day made them realize how much Harry had been forced to deal with in life, and especially from DADA professors. It really wasn't any wonder that Harry had changed, especially if the rumors about a recent death in his family at the hands of Death Eaters was true.

They decided that whatever was happening had to be BIG. Usually it was Hermione who was the cautious one, but for _Harry _to act so paranoid, especially so early in the school year, well, let's just say that the Gryffindors were prepared to expect the unexpected. They just hoped that the trio, and especially Harry, could handle it.

* * *

Snape couldn't believe that ten days had passed since he put his plan into action. Most evenings were spent with him correcting essays and Potter completing his homework. 

On days when he had potions to brew or ingredients to prepare, Harry was a willing, and dare he say, _competent_ assist. More than once Snape was reminded of the reason _why_ he accepted this student into his NEWT classes without the proper OWL qualifications.

Another surprise to Severus was the fact that the majority of their time was spent in comfortable silence. Each evening, however, Harry would interrupt that silence about a half dozen times, often asking ridiculous questions.

Snape snickered as he remembered one of the conversations Harry tried to start earlier that week.

_- FLASHBACK -_

"_So, sir, if you could be any animal, what would you be and why?" Harry asked out of the blue. With all the unusual questions that Harry has been asking, Snape suspected that he had compiled a list of questions to ask from his friends. Most of these questions had 'Gryffindor' written all over them._

_Snape lifted his head from the paper he was grading and glared at Harry._

"_What?" Harry asked, "It's only a question."_

"_A ludicrous question, to be exact," Snape replied._

_After a few moments of silence, Harry asked, "Well, aren't you going to answer?"_

"_Do I really need too?"_

"_Well," Harry paused, "We never really made rules up about forfeiting a turn, so I guess you don't have to. But I don't understand what could be so bad about that question that you won't answer it. I mean it can't be that bad. Being in Slytherin and all, you would probably want to be a Snake. Unless maybe you want to be a lion, an eagle, or a beaver, then that could be embarrassing." _

_Snape shook his head at the boy in front of him. How quickly the young forget. "Potter, the question is ridiculous and embarrassing, for you, not because of the answer."_

"_Why?" Harry asked, thoroughly confused._

"_Why?" Snape repeated impatiently. "Think back, not only to what you learned about me over the summer, but to who and where you are, and maybe then you would have your answer." With a snap of his head, he once more ignored Harry and continued grading the parchment in front of him._

_From the corner of his eye, Snape saw Harry sitting at his desk, trying to make sense of Snape's reply. He had to hold back a laugh when Harry scratched his head, looking frustrated. He could almost hear Harry ask 'What did that have to do with the question?' _

"_Sir," Harry asked cautiously, "I'm afraid I don't understand."_

"_Why am I not surprised?" Snape sneered, before quietly asking, "What did you learn about me this summer?"_

"_Well, I learned that you were married." At Snape's nod, Harry continued, "And that your wife died in childbirth after giving birth to twins. Both of them were kidnapped a few weeks later from your house, while you were out. The ministry believed both to be dead, even though only the body of your daughter was found."_

_Harry noticed that Snape's face looked more rigid than usual, as if he was trying to keep the painful emotions that Harry's words evoked at bay._

"_And…"_

"_And…" Harry paused, wondering what else he knew about his professor from their time together over the summer. Seeing the pain on his professor's face, Harry decided that he really didn't want to continue this anyways. It didn't matter; it probably was a stupid question anyway, even if Snape had answered it. "And, I don't know, sir, but it really doesn't matter. I'm sorry that I brought up painful memories for you."_

_As Snape stared at Harry, Harry quickly lowered his head down, continuing to toil on his homework._

_Snape couldn't believe that Harry had dropped the subject, simply because it triggered some bittersweet emotions within his potion master. This was the second time that the boy had put the professor's feelings above his own. He wasn't accustomed to someone caring about what he felt. Even more unusual was someone trying to keep him from feeling pain and sorrow. None of the other students cared how he was feeling, as long as he wasn't deducting points or assigning them detentions. Even most of the staff, except for Albus and occasionally Minerva, never asked how he was doing or what he was feeling. This was an unfamiliar sensation for Severus. And to think it was triggered by his childhood enemy's adopted son._

"_Potter."_

_Hearing his name, Harry looked up from his homework. "Yes, sir?" he asked hesitantly, hoping that Snape wasn't too upset and wouldn't end their time together._

"_The reason I felt it was a ridiculous question was not only are we a part of the wizarding world, were it _**is**_ possible to become an animal, though usually, not of one's choosing, but it was also a ridiculous question due to the fact that you have seen my animagus form."_

"_So you were the Raven!" Harry yelled gleefully. "You never answered me about that and I guess I just sort of forgot about it."_

"_Yes," Snape drawled, "I am Raven. Now finish your homework."_

_-END FLASHBACK -_

Severus snickered again as he thought about Harry, earning him some strange looks from the other members of the staff that were seated in the lounge.

The boy was actually quite intelligent, when he applied himself. No Granger, by any means, but impressive instincts and survival skills. He just needed to remember to think and reason things out.

Snape pondered the insights he had obtained into Harry's character during the week. He now knew that the-boy-who-lived did not revel in his fame. In fact, lately he had become quieter and more serious than most of this classmates. Then again, Severus recalled, Potter has faced things that would cause many grown wizards to recoil.

_All in all_, Severus thought_, these detentions haven't been as painful as he thought they would_. In fact, some might have called them enjoyable or pleasant. Snape smiled as he recalled the grin on Harry's face when he had brought out his collection of wizarding cards to show the child. There was something about his child-like innocence that-

Snape was brought out of his musings by the inane chatter of the other professors. There was no way he could continue with his reflection of his plan with all this screeching going on around him.

* * *

Minerva sat silently across from Severus, watching the rare show of emotion flash across his face. Was that a laugh she just heard from him? In all the years she had known him, she didn't think that she had ever heard him laugh, not even when he had been a student. 

"No wonder that boy has been able to escape He-who-must-not-be-named. He has good instincts, though a bit paranoid."

Minerva pulled her thoughts and looked at Mathilda Rivedy, just entering the staff lounge. "Potter?" She asked, at once concerned for her student, "What happened?"

Mathilda went on to explain about this morning's lesson and Harry's unwillingness to come into physical contact with unknown objects.

"Of course, he blatantly stated that, let me see, how did he put it? Oh yes, 'while you haven't given me a reason not to trust you, I don't know you well enough _to_ trust you'."

Minerva sighed. The boy shouldn't be forced to feel that he needs to be on his guard around his professors, and especially not during lessons. Unfortunately, his experience at Hogwarts had left him unable to do much else. Minerva shook her head at that thought, catching the look on Severus' face as she did so.

"Severus, would you care to comment?"

"Excuse me, Minerva?" Severus sneered.

"You are grinning like a cheshire cat over there. I can only imagine that it has something to do with Mr. Potter and this morning's defense lesson."

"I'm afraid I don't know what you are referring to, Minerva. You are quite obviously mistaken. I have no reason to smile and certainly not in connection with Gryffindor's boy wonder," Severus said as he stood up, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have potion to brew."

Minerva quickly made her own excuses and left as well, following Severus as he walked down the corridor. She knew she wasn't mistaken; all during his silent reflection, he looked almost human. Once Professor Rivedy walked into the room, though, the mask was back on, at least until he started grinning.

Something was definitely going on there. She wondered what could have happened that would result in Severus not only having emotions, but displaying them as well. In the last week or so, he seemed so different from the professor that had been teaching at Hogwarts for the last few years. Oh, he was still sarcastic and rude to the students, especially her Gryffindors and particularly to Harry Potter, as his number of detentions attested to. Yet in the last week, the potions master seemed to have, dare she say it, softened a little bit, perhaps he had even begun to enjoy life.

As Severus turned the corner out of her sight, Minerva woke from her thoughts with a sudden realization. Yes, something was definitely different and it was affecting Severus in a positive way. Not only did he start grinning again after he left the lounge, but he left without a single comment regarding Potter. It was unlike Severus to pass up such an opportunity. And his eyes, Minerva thought, she believed that his eyes had a slight twinkling effect, the same that had often been seen in the headmaster's eyes.

_Albus_, Minerva decided, _he would know what was affecting Severus so_. She was often amazed at how much the headmaster did know about the occurrences in the castle, especially those that were thought to be private.

* * *

Albus stared at the glowing lesson planner he held in his hands in shock. Each year he gave every teacher a new magical lesson planner. Very few of the professor's knew that Albus had a 'twin' of the lesson planners, let alone that whatever they wrote in their book magically appeared in it. Some might think that he handed out the planners to spy on his teachers, rather he used it as a tool in case someone became ill or incapacitated in some way and couldn't teach. 

When he presents the planners to the professors he asks them to use them, and most of them comply. Each year there were, predictably, two notable exceptions. Sybil Trelawney would calmly state that she would not adhere to such rigid plans. She would teach what the spirits instruct her to teach. Severus Snape, on the other hand, never says a word, just sneers, grabs the planner and leaves. Year ago, Albus finally admitted the unlikelihood that one of these professors would put the journal to use and would automatically place his copy in the far back corner of his bottom desk drawer. The book that he was currently staring at was one of those books. A glowing book meant that something was written on the normally blank pages.

The only reason Albus came across these two books, one glowing, one not, was because he had been on a mad search for his back up tin of lemon drops. However, upon a closer look at the planner, all thoughts of lemon drops quickly left his mind as he realized that this particular planner was the twin to the one belonging to the potions master.

Curiosity made the headmaster open the cover to see what was so important that Severus finally used this gift. At once Albus noticed that it was not being used the way it was intended. These were obviously _not _copies of lesson plans that he was reading.

"Albus,"

Albus gave a startled jump. He was so involved with what Severus wrote that he was unaware that someone had entered his office.

"Yes, Minerva?" Albus asked, regaining his composure.

Luckily for Albus, Minerva was so focused on her own thoughts that she didn't realize how she had surprised the headmaster, "What is going on with Severus?"

"Whatever do you mean?" Albus asked his eyes twinkling as he closed the planner, placed it on his desk and folded his hands over it.

"He seems almost happy this last week."

"Surely that is not a crime, Minerva."

"Not for most people, but Severus probably views it as one. I just ran into him in the lounge, he appeared to be deep in thought, but occasionally I was catching glimpses of emotion…positive emotions." Minerva paused for a moment before quietly stating, "I think I might have even heard him laugh."

Albus just sat there silently listening to Minerva's explanations.

"Albus, did something happen with V-Voldemort? I can't think of anything else that might cause Severus to be happy."

"No, not with Voldemort." Albus said as he glanced down at the book his hands were covering.

"Albus, Is that _Severus'_ planner?" Minerva asked in astonishment, "Did he actually use it?"

"Yes."

Upon hearing the headmaster's shocking reply, Minerva quickly lowered herself into a seat. "Why?" She softly asked herself.

"Take a look," Albus replied as he passed the journal to her.

* * *

Draco couldn't honestly say that he hated Harry Potter. After all, the two boys never got a chance to know one another. He could, however, unequivocally say that he hated what Harry had become and what he stood for. He was world famous simply because he didn't die, something he had no control over if what Lucius said was true. He was liked by almost everyone because he was a 'brave' Gryffindor. Draco _wondered what would've happened if the-boy-who-lived had been sorted into Slytherin. _The blonde laughed, like that could have happened, Potter's as Gryffindor as they come. 

Draco had noticed a few things pertaining to his so-called rival lately, and some of them almost seemed to contradict each other. Potter has been very quiet and when the trio was alone or with the wolf, they were surrounded by privacy and silencing charms. Unfortunately, the charms were strong and Draco was unable to break them. Draco wondered what could possibly be of such importance in Potter's life that he went to such extremes to protect it.

For a moment Draco wondered if Potter's recent quietness or the need for privacy had anything to do with the never-ending detentions he had with Snape. _That_ thought was quickly dismissed when Draco recalled what else he observed about the other boy. Potter seemed to be _glowing_ with happiness. If the boy was withdrawn or depressed it could easily be attributed to the head of Slytherin house since Severus Snape seemed to have that effect on people, even those who _liked_ the professor.

Draco was frustrated that he hadn't discovered the reason for this happiness. He could only hope that the cheerfulness wasn't genuine. _Perhaps someone gave him a cheering charm or potion to keep the-boy-who-lived from getting depressed or suicidal over the death of his godfather_, Draco thought.

Eiher way, according to Draco, it wasn't right that Scarhead should be so happy while his own father was still in Azkaban. _No, not right at all_, he thought, _and something had to be done about it._

* * *

He failed again. Remus promised himself that he would be there for Harry, but between his own grief for Sirius, his responsibilities to the order, and this 'project' for Dumbledore, he never seemed to have enough time or energy to help Harry with his own grief. He couldn't believe that he hadn't notice Harry's extreme behavior until Hermione cornered him in the hall and mentioned it. 

He was so blind. Of course, Harry couldn't have accepted Sirius's death and the fact that he _did not_ play a part in it so quickly and easily. However, what worried the werewolf most was not only was Harry feeling guilty about his godfather's and Sirius's death, but that he was now questioning his part in the deaths of Lily, James and Cybelle. Remus fervently prayed that nothing would happen to Severus.

Remus noticed that Harry seemed happier lately and correctly assumed that Severus was the cause. He even understood a little bit of Severus's reluctance to brew the potion. Both of them needed to be positive that they wanted to know the truth before they have the proof in their hands. Once the truth was known, it would not be an easy thing to forget. He had tried to have Harry understand that, but the boy was too much of a Gryffindor to comprehend that. Harry was firm in his convictions about the truth and what was right. From what Remus could gather, he just couldn't understand _why_ someone wouldn't want the truth known, at least to themselves. It seemed like fate had a sense of humor, Remus laughed, how else would you explain that the head of Slytherin had a son in Gryffindor.

Hopefully his recent piece of advice to Harry would help the boy in learning more about Snape and his family.

_

* * *

_

Harry had never felt more content in his life, which was odd considering that he had recently found out about a prophecy which stated that he either had to kill or be killed. The only thing that affected his happiness was the possibility of Snape dying. Harry knew that his recent obsession with privacy might worry some people, but at the same time he couldn't help it. He would do anything to make sure that Snape stayed alive. After he thought about the danger that he was putting Snape in, Harry was willing to forget about his suspicions if the potions master asked him to. He was even willing to have Snape obliviate him and his friends if it meant keeping the older man safe. Harry was more than pleased that Snape didn't seem to be thinking similar thoughts.

Instead it seemed that the potions master truly wanted to get to know Harry. There were definitely times when Snape was cold and distant before going silent for a few minutes and initiating contact with his student but Harry just attributed this to nervousness. _After all_, Harry thought, _it wasn't everyday that you tried to get acquainted with the son you thought was dead_.

He had always suspected that he would enjoy having a father around. He just never suspected that the father in question would be Snape or that he would be so happy about it.

Harry had decided that Snape was a difficult man to get to know and even harder to understand. Snape seemed to enjoy his company, but only reached out to Harry after he pushed him away. Harry was shocked when his professor came to one of their 'detentions' with a deck of chocolate frog cards. Who would have suspected that Snape, as a young man, collected those cards, or better yet, still had them? Harry almost couldn't believe that the man he was now getting to know was the same man that treated him so cruelly the last five years.

As happy as he was that Snape suggested that they take this opportunity to get to know one another before they were confronted with the truth, he just wished that Snape would consent to brewing the potion. It's been almost two weeks since Harry shared his suspicions with Snape, surely they would be able to handle the truth without it having an adverse effect on their relationship. Even if he couldn't share the truth with the world, it would be a relief to confirm what he felt was true.

_Life is almost perfect,_ Harry thought,_ all he had to do was defeat Voldemort and have Snape was confirmed as his father, then he could leave the Dursley's forever_. For now, however, Harry would be content with being able to call Snape 'father', even if only in private.

* * *

She had had this debate with herself for about two weeks and was no closer to reaching a conclusion. Should she tell the headmaster what she heard or should she talk to the people involved first? _Oh, what to do, what to do_, she thought. Normally she would tell the headmaster about any information she discovered about a student. However this time, the information also involved one of the professors, and how she would hate to be on the bad side of this professor. 

She sighed as she sat down in front of the fire, staring into the flames. Nothing serious has happened in the last two weeks, so perhaps she didn't need to take any action at this time. In fact, she reflected, she had never seen the two men in question seem so happy. _Yes,_ she decided, _she would wait before she took any action._ After all, they were most likely keeping this a secret for a reason. They deserved to have their privacy while they straightened this out. She would only interfere if it looked like she was needed. The boy obviously had plenty of people to confide in and the man, well, he never confided in anyone anyway. If she was lucky, perhaps the two will inform Albus themselves and she would never have to reveal what she discovered.

* * *

END CHAPTER 34 

_Objecto Maji Woshem –my creation, Show me magic of object_

_Aegrotationis Latin base, sickness of body or mind-dangerous curse for Hermione (or anyone)_

cheshire cat - Alice in Wonderland (cat slowly becomes invisible/disappears the last thing seen is its wide smile/grin)-I figure it's a magical creature so Minerva Severus should be familiar with it.

**So…Does Albus Minerva know? Who was that mystery woman at the end?**

**Next chapter: Albus talks with Harry andat least1'detention' with Snape subject to change at author's discretion ;)And in a chapter or 2 after that, Snape Harry brew a potion…**


	35. familial bonds

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any related persons, places or things.

* * *

Chapter 35 familial bond 

After leaving the staff lounge Friday afternoon, Snape walked towards his dungeon, thinking about what he just heard.

Potter listened to him. Snape couldn't disguise the grin on his face. Weeks ago, after the pebble incident, he had cautioned the boy about coming into contact with unknown objects and Potter actually listened to him. Almost like fatherly advice, Snape thought with a smirk, and even though it _was_ sound advice, he didn't expect Potter to follow it.

Harry not only used magic to avoid the 'enchanted' objects, but he also earned house points. Snape gave an improving nod and murmured, "Good for him, even if the points did go to _Gryffindor_."

As soon as the words left his mouth, Snape froze. Did he just _approve_ of something Potter did? Snape slowly shook his head, he was acting like a _proud father!_ This wasn't good.

He can't be thinking of Potter like this, Snape thought. He is not my son. He couldn't be. Something had to be done about what he was feeling. He couldn't go to 'detention' feeling all proud and paternal. The plan was _not_ going to backfire on him. It was Potter that was suppose to develop a familial bond.

After checking the time, Snape changed directions and headed towards the Slytherin dorm. If anyone could make him detest Potter, it would be his Slytherins.

* * *

"Mr. Potter, just the student I was looking for." 

"Headmaster," Harry acknowledged.

"Walk with me a minute," Albus directed as he headed out of the great hall after lunch on Saturday.

"Lemon drop, my boy?"

"No, thank you," Harry replied as they left he castle entrance and headed towards the lake.

"How are you doing, Harry?"

"Fine, sir, just busy."

"I imagine so, especially with all those detentions you have with Professor Snape."

"Hmm"

Eyes twinkling, Albus continued, "I'm sure I could discuss the matter with Professor Snape and we could come up with a suitable punishment for your crimes that won't take up so much of your time."

"Please don't, sir," Harry pleaded. "If you say anything to him, Professor Snape will think that I complained to you about them. That would just make things worse. I can handle this."

"Hmm," Albus echoed Harry's earlier sentiment, eyes still twinkling. "Is there something about these detentions that you wish to tell me?"

Harry looked towards Dumbledore, a confused expression on his face, "You mean like what he has me doing?"

"No," Albus replied with a smile, "Like what the purpose is behind these detentions?"

Harry gulped, making sure to clear his mind of all thoughts regarding Snape being his father. "I cannot answer that."

Albus's eyes twinkled and as he went to speak again, Harry continued, "Only Snape knows what he hopes to get out of these detentions, so you'll have to ask him. My best guess is that he assigned them to show me the error of my ways and to keep me out of trouble."

Those last words were said with a sting of sarcasm that one usually only heard from Severus Snape.

The twinkle faded. "So you don't know _why_ he assigned these detentions?"

"Oh, no, sir, I know why." Harry stated, the twinkle rekindling in the headmaster's eyes. "Because he's a greasy-git who has nothing better to do than to torment the son of his school hood enemy." Harry forced out, as he watched a look of shock pass over the headmaster's face. "Er, sorry, sir, I've been trying to keep control of my temper, but every once in a while it just gets overwhelming. Especially when I think abou-"

"Fine, fine, Harry, you're excused this time. Now, could you answer my question please?"

"He assigned them because he did not approve of my actions."

"And those actions were?"

"Just a misunderstand, sir. Now, however, neither of us will admit we were wrong, so it has become a battle of wills."

"I see," Albus said as he nodded. Yes, that does sound like Severus "Well, here we are, back at the castle entrance. Thank you for the walk, Mr. Potter." No luck there, looks like it will be tea with Severus sometime this weekend.

"No problem, headmaster." Harry grinned as he headed towards the library.

* * *

"Hermione," Harry whispered almost hysterically, after setting up wards so no one could hear them. "I think we've got some trouble!" 

"Voldemort?" She asked as she stood up and began packing her books at Harry's words.

"No," he paused, "Dumbledore."

Hermione snickered and laughed, plopping herself back down in her chair. "Oh, Harry, don't do that to me. The only thing troublesome about the headmaster is his compulsion to offer everyone lemon drops."

"Hermione, this is serious."

Taking a look at Harry's expression, Hermione quickly regained her composure and nodded for him to continue. "I think he knows about my, er, Snape."

"Professor Snape, Harry." Hermione automatically corrected. "Why would you think that?"

"We just walked around the lake and talked. He kept asking about the detentions."

"Harry, that doesn't mean anything. Maybe he's just trying to help you. I mean, he must feel pretty bad about last year."

"Maybe," Harry replied, before relaying the conversation to her.

"Harry! I can't believe you said that about Professor Snape, especially to the headmaster!"

"I didn't mean it! I had to say something so that Dumbledore wouldn't think that we've been getting along."

"Professor Dumbledore, Harry. Well, it sounds like that might have worked. I just hope that Professor Snape doesn't find out about what you said. Anyone who heard what you said to the headmaster would believe that you still hated him. Of course, you're very lucky that Professor Dumbledore didn't deduct points or assign you detentions for talking so disrespectfully about a teacher.

"Now, about your conversation with Professor Dumbledore, it sounds like he just has suspicions at this time. He might know that all is not what it seems with you and Professor Snape, but it doesn't seem like he is aware of your true relationship. If he really knew, he would've called both of you into his office to discuss this. After all, this could've had an impact on the prophecy."

"I hope you're right, Hermione. I really hope you're right."

The two sat in silence for a moment before Hermione spoke again. "I just wonder _how_ he found out that something was different. In public, both of you act as you have for the last five years."

"Good question, Hermione, and here's another to go with it: Who else might know or suspect something?"

* * *

"He didn't clear his mind! I spent all my time this summer teaching him to close his mind to the Dark Lord only to have him _forget_ to do his part. Why did I even bother?" Severus said as he paced beside Harry's bed in the infirmary. 

"Calm down, Severus. This is the first time in months that this has happened. No harm was done."

"That is not the point, headmaster. The boy needs to be more responsible before he gets himself killed."

"I'm glad to see you so worried about him. But you need to calm down before you wake him. Besides, as I said, no harm was done."

"I'm not worried." Severus sneered, "Besides, if _no harm was done,_ then why isn't your golden boy awake yet?"

"I don't know," Albus said with a shake of his head. "Normally he wakes up from these episodes by himself, this time he's still asleep from the original vision. None of the spells I tried could wake him. Madame Pomphrey has assured me, however, that there is nothing to be concerned about, and I trust in her judgment and skills."

"Headmaster, I thank you for that vote of confidence, however, I will be extremely upset if your discussion wakes my patient," Madame Pomphrey interrupted. "I know that you're both worried about Mr. Potter, but if you need to have this discussion, kindly do so outside of the infirmary so that he can rest."

"Worried?" Severus replied in a scathing tone, "I'm not worried ab-"

"Yes, yes, of course you're not," Albus interrupted, his eyes twinkling, while he ignored the glare the potion master sent him. "We'll just take this conversation to my office. Madame Pomphrey, please let me know when he's awake."

"Of course, headmaster." Poppy replied as she shut the door behind the two men, only to turn around and see her patient stirring.

"Dad?" Harry moaned as he slowly opened his eyes.

"Mr. Potter," Madame Pomphrey said with a smile. "Glad to see you're awake. How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Harry said, looking around for Snape. "What happened?"

"You had another vision."

"What? I don't remember anything."

"Just relax a moment while I examine you now that you're awake. Do you feel any aches or pains?"

"No, ma'am," Harry said as he shook his head.

"Not even from your scar?"

Again, Harry shook his head and said no.

"Hmm. Do you feel hot or cold at all in your arms or legs?" After another negative response from Harry she continued, "How about a headache? Sore throat? Do your eyes hurt from the light? Any ringing in your ears?"

"No, no, no and no. What's going on?"

"Just a little concerned, since you didn't wake up from the vision sooner."

"Are you sure it was a vision? I mean, I don't remember it."

"Well, Professor Dumbledore says it was a vision and Professor Snape agrees. Speaking of which, I better contact your fa-the headmaster and let him know that you are awake."

* * *

"Severus, it is okay to admit that you are care for the boy." 

"Headmaster, I do not know what you are referring to."

"You paced next to his bed all night. It's okay to care for someone. No one will think less of you." The headmaster said, his eyes twinkling brightly. "After all, I imagine the two of you probably learned a great deal about each other during your summer lessons."

"Headmaster, I am not now, nor have I ever been concerned about what others _think_ of me," Severus sneered. "Likewise, I do not care for the boy-who-lived. If I cared would I have given him so many detentions?"

"Ah, yes, those detentions. I've been meaning to discuss those with you." Dumbledore paused as he looked at Severus. "I asked young Mr. Potter if he wanted me to talk with you about another punishment that didn't take up so much of his time. Surprisingly, he refused."

Snape snorted, _of course, he refused, if he took you up on your offer then he wouldn't be able to play his game._ Playing devil's advocate, Snape asked, "Did he say why?"

"Harry believed that you would think that he complained to me about the detentions and as a consequence, my involvement would only make things worse."

_Apparently the brat new him pretty well, Severus thought, indeed, that is how I would have reacted._

"One might think that he respected you and enjoyed spending time with you, except for..."

"Well? Except for what?" Severus inquired when Albus paused.

"Hmm, oh it was nothing. I was just thinking about something Mr. Potter said to me yesterday."

"If it concerns me, then I have a right to know."

"What good would it do to share it, Severus? It would only result in more detentions for Mr. Potter and I do believe that you already have him booked indefinitely."

"Sir, I insist that you share-"

"Headmaster? Severus? Just wanted to let you know that Harry is awake." Madame Pomphrey called from the fireplace.

All former conversations were forgotten as the two wizards left the office and headed back to the infirmary.

* * *

"Harry, how are you feeling?" 

"Fine."

"Harry," Remus warned.

"No, honestly, I'm feeling fine. I'm well-rested and as I told the headmaster, I don't remember anything."

"You don't remember?" Remus echoed.

"No. I don't know what happened last night to make everybody worry, but how could it be a vision if I didn't see anything?"

Remus shook his head, not knowing the answer. "Well, just listen to the headmaster and Madame Pomphrey, they'll take care of you."

"But I _feel_ fine." Harry said before asking Remus to set up some privacy and silencing charms. "Madame Pomphrey is acting strange, though."

"What do you mean?"

"She keeps looking at me and smiling."

"What's so strange about that?" Remus asked, slightly amused at Harry's antics.

"It's not normal, trust me, I know. I've been in here enough times to know how she reacts to things and how she treats her patients. If her smile wasn't so genuinely happy, I would think that I was dying from an incurable illness. She _never_ smiles at her patients. She's even worse when Snape and Dumbledore are in the room."

"Well, maybe after all the times you've been in here, she's become fond of you," Remus teased. "Stranger things have happened."

"Ha-ha, very funny. But I get the feeling that it's more than that."

"Well, you just rest now and don't worry about. We can talk more later."

"Moony! I said I was well-rested and felt fine, can't you stay and talk a bit longer?"

"Okay, but if Madame Pomphrey yells at me for disturbing her patient, I'm blaming it on you. Especially since she's so fond of you lately."

Harry scowled at Remus before informing the older man about his conversations with the headmaster and Hermione yesterday. Remus was inclined to agree with Hermione's theory that Albus was only suspicious about something at this point. The two laughed after Remus pointed out how frustrated the headmaster must feel at this evidence that he did not know everything that went on in the castle.

After the laughter stopped, Remus asked Harry about his detentions with Snape.

"I just don't know if it's worth it anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"Snape. He's cold and distant as if he doesn't care, then he's telling me about his childhood and showing me his collection of chocolate frog cards.

"He ignores me one day and the next can't seem to wait to hear about how I'm doing. I feel like an emotional yo-yo. One minute he wants me for a son and a part of his life, the next he acts like his son is dead and I'm just Harry Potter, bane of his existence again. I'm tired of it."

"Yo-yo?"

"Muggle toy." Harry said before continuing his tirade. "Doesn't matter anyways. I just don't know what to do. I've enjoyed getting to know the man behind the mask, and would love to ask him questions about my mom and how they met. But I just don't know where I stand with him.

"At least when he hated me, I _knew_ he hated me and I didn't care. I mean, I didn't care what he thought or what he said about me, I didn't really enjoy being hated by him, especially when he hated me because of who my father was, or rather, who everyone thought my father was. Now that I know that _he's_ my father, of course I care and want him to like me. I want to be a part of his life and have him be a part of mine, even if we can't really tell anyone until after Voldemort is defeated.

"But every time he distances himself from me it hurts more than the last time. Just when I thing that things are going well and he's ready to accept it, he pulls back and starts to avoid me again. He still won't admit that there's a possibility that I am his son. In fact, there are times when I think he has to refrain himself from yelling that I'm _not _his son. Every time I talk to him, I have to bite my tongue to keep myself from calling him 'father' or 'dad', yet he won't even refer to me by my _first name_. He calls me 'Potter', 'boy', and occasionally 'child', the last is often said similar to how he calls the first years dunderheads, with no affection in his tone at all. I just don't know what to do anymore. Is it even worth it?"

As Harry drew in a deep breath, pausing in his ramblings, Remus gathered the distraught boy in his arms, rocking him and rubbing his back to calm him down. "Shh, it's okay Harry. We'll work it out. I have a feeling that he is just running scared. Give him time. Eventually he will realize the truth, until then, be patient. He is probably too afraid to _hope_ for a miracle. I'm sure it isn't easy for Severus to open his heart to someone. It's probably been a long time since allowed himself to care for anyone. Knowing Severus, though, it will probably get worse before it gets better."

Harry groaned and pulled himself away from Remus at the older man's words. "I have been patient. And I don't know if I can handle things if it gets worse, especially if I'm trying to avoid the headmaster's questions. And maybe I can understand not being able to deal with the emotions, but does he have to take it out on me? Doesn't he realize that this hasn't exactly been a walk in the park for me, either? It wasn't exactly fun finding out I was adopted in the first place, not once, but **twice!** Then I discovered that the most hated professor in school is my father. I finally have the family I've always wanted, but wait, nobody can know because it'll put both our lives in jeopardy.

"But it's been two weeks and the only thing that's changed on his part is that he now knows more about my life, the truth, not just rumors. I already _know_ that he's my father, inside, where it counts, I know. Why doesn't he feel the same? Why doesn't he want to?" Harry asked despondently. "I would at least like him to at least acknowledge the fact that I'm his son."

* * *

"Harry, you're too quiet. You usually talk more when it's just us. What's the matter? Has Professor Dumbledore been asking you questions again?" 

"No, Dumbledore hasn't said anything else. I'm just thinking, Hermione."

"About?"

"What else? Snape, of course."

"Professor Snape, Harry," Hermione sighed. "I thought everything was going well?"

"We've been able to get along for the most part, when he isn't avoiding me," Harry replied softly. "But he was so distant Friday night, and he never spoke to me over the weekend. Remus thinks that he's running scared. I don't know what to think, except that I'm kind of dreading tonight."

"Well, he wasn't too bad this morning in class." Hermione replied cheerfully.

"No, he just ignored my existence. He didn't even pretend to despise me. It was just indifference."

"Harry, I'm sure that's not it. Maybe something happened with Voldemort. This could have nothing to do with you."

"Merlin, I hope nothing happened. As far as I know, he hasn't been called lately. That's the only problem with learning occlumency, I no longer know when there's been a meeting."

"Harry! How can you say that, especially after the episode on Saturday night? Promise me that you won't _not_ clear your mind in order to keep track of him."

Harry remained silent thinking about what he called the vision that wasn't.

"Harry, promise me." Hermione reiterated.

"Okay, Hermione, I promise that I won't stop my nightly occlumency exercises."

"Good and just to be sure, I'm going to have Ron remind you before you go to sleep. I don't want you to forget again, like you did last weekend. Now you'd better get to detention before you give Professor Snape a reason to be mad. Don't antagonize him, but if he's in a good mood, perhaps you can ask about the potion."

"Yes, ma'am," Harry replied with a grin before leaving the common room.

* * *

Harry walked into the classroom Monday evening excited to see a cauldron and potion ingredients on the workbench he normally sat at. _Could it be_, he thought,_ Did Snape decide to brew the potion?_

"Potter, as you can see, I'll be working on a potion tonight, you'll have to sit at one of the other desks this evening." Snape sneered as Harry walked in the door.

"Fine, fa- sir."

At Harry's word's Snape flinched. He did _not_ want to think about what the boy started to say.

The rest of the detention passed in silence as Severus continued perfecting his potion and Harry silently completing his homework.

* * *

Tuesday's detention was also a quiet one. Snape rudely informed Harry that he had a headache and would appreciate a quiet evening without any inane, childish chatter. 

Harry, not wanting to upset his father, or make him feel worse, spent the evening quietly pouring over his text books. However, he couldn't help but wonder why he was bothering coming to these 'detentions' if he was just going to be ignored. At least if he was working in the common room he would have his friends with him.

* * *

There was so much he wanted to ask Snape, but he didn't dare, Harry thought as he sat in 'detention' Wednesday night. Especially since Snape had ignored him the last two evenings. Harry vowed that if Snape didn't ignore him tonight, he would gather his courage and ask about the potion. 

So far this evening, both have been silent, either completing homework or correcting essays. As he worked diligently on his potion essay, Harry could feel his professor's eyes on him. Taking this as a sign of not being ignored this evening, Harry took a deep breath before addressing his professor.

"Sir?"

As Harry's head began to rise, Severus quickly lowered his, focusing his eyes on the essay in front of him.

"Yes, Potter? What is it?" He replied, keeping his eyes cast downward.

"Well, it's been about two weeks since we first talked and I was wondering if you thought any more about the lineage potion."

"Not particularly. As you said, it's only been about two weeks."

"Oh." Harry said with a disappointed groan.

Snape hid a smile as he continued to correct the parchment in front of him. Apparently, the boy was eager to end this farce. _Probably wants out of detention so he can spend more time playing Quidditch_, Snape thought. Wait, Potter wasn't suppose to be _eager_ to end this. According to the plan, Potter was suppose to enjoy spending time with 'his father'. Up until this last week, Severus had noticed that Potter seemed to thrive due to the attention bestowed on him by what he perceived as a parental figure.

The potion master silently groaned. Apparently, spending some time Friday night with the Slytherins in a round of Potter-bashing was too effective. Snape inwardly sighed, time to put those acting skills to work and play the father to his so-called long lost son.

"Potter, what are you working on there?"

"Your essay."

"Hmm," Snape said with a nod. "Let me know when it's finished."

"Actually, sir, I think it is."

"Bring it here."

"What?"

"Bring it here," Snape said slowly. "I want to check it."

"Oh, okay," Harry said as he stood up and walked to Snape's desk, handing him the two foot parchment.

Snape unrolled the parchment and lifted an eyebrow. "You've been spending two much time with Miss Granger. The assignment was only for one-and-a-half feet."

Harry just shrugged and replied, "I found some interesting books in the library and I wanted to include that information as well." _And perhaps impress you,_ Harry thought.

The young Gryffindor watched as Snape read his essay. The only change of expression on the older man's face was an occasional smirk or raised eyebrow.

"Not bad, Potter. In fact, it might be one of your best pieces of work, at least in this class. You might want to rework your conclusion a bit. You did unearth some interesting facts. You might also want to look in your textbook under Section five; there is some additional information there that might be beneficial."

Harry grinned as he took his essay back from Snape. _So, there were benefits to having a potions master as a father_, he thought. "Thanks."

Snape nodded in reply. "How are you doing in your other subjects?"

"Fine."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Care of Magical Creatures is going well. Luckily, Hagrid hasn't brought in anything too dangerous."

"And what do you consider dangerous?" Snape drawled. "You took on a Basilisk at age 12, Hippogriffs at 13, and Dragons at 14. Not to mention acromantulas, centaurs, and various sea creatures."

Harry blushed as he looked away, changing the subject. "Transfiguration is okay. It's definitely not my strongest subject. I do wish that she would show us how to become an animagus though."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Animagus is rare, only one out of every twenty-seven wizards can accomplish it. It takes raw magical energy, intelligence and discipline. And is much too dangerous for a class of Gryffindors to try, especially a class with Longbottom or Weasley in it."

"Hey!" Harry shouted, trying to defend his friends and his house.

"Nothing against Gryffindor's in general, but Longbottom doesn't have the energy and Weasley doesn't have the discipline. The intelligence is debatable in both cases as well."

"What about Crabbe & Goyle?" Harry replied. "You can't be saying that they have the energy, discipline or _intelligence_."

"Ah, but we weren't discussing the Slytherin class trying to become animagus, we were discussing the dangers of _your_ class attempting to become animals."

Harry 'hmphed' and headed back to his seat, knowing that he wouldn't win this argument.

Harry sulked for a few minutes before speaking. "Sir, could you tell me about your wife?"

As Snape silently stared at Harry, he continued, "I mean, I've really enjoyed getting to know you these last few weeks. I just wish there was a way to get to know her as well."

Snape stared at Potter in shock. He didn't expect Harry to admit a desire to learn about Sonja. That was part of the reason he was so sure that this was nothing but an elaborate scheme.

What should he tell the boy, Snape thought. Should he end the game now? He did not want to share his precious memories of his wife with this brat. There was no need for him to know. It was difficult enough that Potter knew of her existence in the first place.

Unnoticed, Harry walked around Snape's desk and approached him. Laying a hand on his shoulder Harry asked, "Sir, are you all right?"

"Perfectly fine." Snape replied coldly as he moved away from Harry's touch. "I just wasn't expecting that request. You haven't mentioned her at all so I thought you didn't care-"

"You're wrong!" Harry shouted. "I care. I just wanted to give you time to feel comfortable with me before we started talking about my m-, er, her. I was going to wait till after we brewed the potion, but since I have no idea when that will be, I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask now."

"Potter, stop rambling." Snape waited a few more seconds for Harry to calm down before continuing, "I'll think about your request. You should finish your homework now."

* * *

Severus sighed as the boy left the room. Maybe his 'plan' and these detentions weren't a good idea. Yes, Potter had been reeled in. What Snape didn't expect was how this whole situation was affecting him. 

Last Friday, when he heard about Harry's performance in DADA he felt proud. Proud of Harry's actions and proud that he had listened to the professor he once hated.

Severus couldn't believe that Potter almost addressed him as father the other day. Of course, whether it was a mistaken slip of the tongue or a meaningful accident designed to pull on Snape's heartstrings, only Potter knew.

As the word 'father' started to come from Potter's lips, Severus felt his heartbeat quicken. During the early years of his marriage and his wife's pregnancy, he had dreamt of the day when his child would call him 'father'. However, he never expected that the first time he heard the word it would be coming from a sixteen year old student.

Even now, he had mixed feelings about it. How he wished that his children had lived. He would even accept _Harry Potter_ as his son, if it meant that his Synclair had escaped the fate of his sister. Yet part of him just did not believe it was possible. Why now, after years of wishing, hoping and searching would his son turn up, and as the adopted son of his childhood enemy, no less. It was straight out of fairytale, or rather a nightmare, Severus thought. Definitely not the stuff dreams were made of. Especially after one figured the Dark Lord into the equation.

Of course, as much as he tried, Severus could not grasp the reason behind this joke. What could Potter possibly have to gain by pretending to be his son? Due to the Dark Lord's continued existence, Harry couldn't leave his relatives house, so he couldn't be hoping to get a new guardian.

Granted, by pretending to be his son, Potter was escaping punishment for his original prank, but once the truth was revealed, Potter had to realize that detentions would be the least of his worries.

There had to be something he was missing. Some reason why Gryffindor Golden boy would risk his safety, that of his professor's, and risk of expulsion for a prank.

Snape contemplated what he had learned about Harry these last few months.

_Harry had a sense of humor much like his own, something that Severus appreciated. He honestly enjoyed spending time with the boy, Severus reflected. In fact, Snape suspected that if Potter had been sorted into Slytherin, he would be the Potions Master favorite student, easily out-shining all the rest. _

_The boy was loyal to his friends and merciful to his enemies, with a profound sense of fairness that Gryffindors often personified. _

_He was often thrust into the spot light, but wasn't arrogant or prideful, like most would be. _

_He was brave, willing to face death or danger to protect those he cared for, and he cared whole-heartedly, not leaving anything behind. Something that Snape admired. Since his own heart was broken many years before with the death and disappearance of his family, Snape had refused to get close to anyone. Those that he did count as friends, mainly the headmaster, were still kept a safe emotional distance away. _

_The boy had also been through much more than other students his age, but rather than falling to pieces over the past, he easily picked up the pieces and carried on._

The question now was how should _he_ carry on, Snape thought. Should he end the game now? Brew the potion and be done with it or should he stick to his original plan of revealing the truth on Halloween?

Of course, Snape thought, if he really wanted to be cruel, he could just start hating the boy again. Pretend that these 'detentions' never happened. Ignore Potter, unless it was to ridicule, deduct points, or assign detentions. Of course, those detentions would be served with Filch or another professor. If this was the route he chose, Snape would not have more contact than was necessary with the-boy-who-lived. At least, not until he could honestly say that he hated Potter, or at least didn't care for him as anything more than the savior of the wizarding world and his ticket of freedom from the Dark Lord.

One thing Severus knew for certain was that he couldn't continue on like this, something had change.

* * *

"Mr. Potter, a moment please." 

Harry nodded to Hermione and Ron to go ahead without him.

"Yes, professor?"

"You're detention for this evening will be served with me. You will report to my office at 7 p.m."

Harry stared at Professor McGonagle in shock. "Why?" he managed to get out.

"That needn't concern you, Mr. Potter. Now, you best head to the great hall for dinner."

Harry sat down at the Gryffindor table, keeping an eye out for Snape.

Why was Snape doing this, he thought. Surely he didn't really think that Harry didn't care about his mom.

"Harry, what did Professor McGonagle need?"

"Just to tell me that my detention is with her tonight."

"What!" Ron said, "Oh, mate, you know that would be a real detention, don't you?"

"Yeah," Harry mumbled, sneaking another glance at the head table, looking for Snape.

Hermione followed his gaze, "Did she say why?"

"Only that it needn't concern me."

"Hey, maybe he's sick," Ron shouted. "If you're lucky he'll still be sick tomorrow and you won't have class."

"If he was sick, he would've just cancelled the detention rather than assign it to another professor." Hermione stated. "Besides, in the five years we've been at Hogwarts, he's never missed a day."

"He's not sick." Harry stated.

"How do you know? Everyone gets sick at some time, no matter what Hermione says." Ron argued.

"Because he just sat down at the head table."

Hermione's and Ron's heads whipped around as they caught sight of their professor talking with the headmaster.

"Oh," Ron said. "Well, then, maybe Dumbledore or You-know-who need him for something tonight."

Harry shook his head. "No, again, he would cancel, not ask McGonagle to take it for him. Besides, Voldemort never informs his Death Eaters of meetings in advance."

"But-"

"No," Hermione said, "Harry's right. Voldemort never gives advance notices of meetings."

"Well, then, what else could it be?" Ron asked, exasperated.

"He's decided he doesn't want-" Harry shook his head and broke off the sentence when he remembered where he was and that there weren't any privacy wards up protecting their conversation.

"He's avoiding me again," he said quietly as he stood up quickly exited the great hall.

* * *

End Chapter 35 

Will Harry give up on Snape?

Has Snape given up on 'the plan'?

So, Harry got a bit emotional in this chapter. After all, it's been a rough few months for the boy wonder. Is it really surprising that he would have a mini breakdown?

Has anyone noticed that when Harry (at least my Harry) gets upset or emotional he starts to ramble uncontrollably?

Hope I was able to convey the torment that Severus is feeling as well.

I apologize for the grammatical (especially tense changes) errors. Hope it didn't interfere with your reading & enjoyment of the chapter too much.

Thank you for all the wonderful reviews. I'm sorry that it's been so long between updates, but real life has a way of hindering things you want to do.

Yes this story will be completed (I hate reading a story through, only to find out that it was never completed-I wouldn't do that to my readers or reviewers).

I think that there are only a few more chapters left. It just might be completed by the end of the month (no guarantee's though).

3/11/05


	36. what an imagination

Chapter 36: what an imagination

**A/N:**

**Bold: day dream sequence/Harry's imagination working overtime (WARNING: one of harry's daydreams briefly mentions him having 2 fathers…hopefully done tastefully…as mentioned, very brief.**

This chapter is my tribute to all the various severitus or other characters as Harry's parents stories (couldn't resist).

* * *

"Harry, Harry. Stop!" Hermione yelled after leaving the great hall and chasing after Harry. 

Harry just ignored her as he ran down the hallway.

Ron ran pass Hermione and grabbed Harry by the arm, forcing him to stop.

"Harry," Hermione said as she caught up with the two boys, setting up charms so that their conversation couldn't be overheard. "Tell us what's wrong."

"What do you think is wrong?" Harry asked, as tears streamed down his face. "My father doesn't want anything to do with me. I wish I never discovered that I was adopted. At least then I believed that my parents would have been with me if they could have. Now I know that something must be wrong with me if my father doesn't even want to admit to being my father."

"Harry, there's nothing wrong with you," Hermione said, trying to comfort her friend. Ron just looked on helplessly.

"What else could it be? I mean, all week he's been cold and distant. He finally breaks a bit last night, but when I asked him about the potion, he says no. I then asked him about my mom, and he accused me of not caring about her since I didn't ask earlier. Nothing I do is right, as far as he's concerned. Maybe I should just forget about everything. Maybe we both will be happier not really _knowing_ the truth."

"Harry, you can't really believe that. I don't know what's going on with Professor Snape, but you can't give up yet. I'm sure this is very difficult for him."

"Difficult for him! Why does everyone keep saying that! What about me? How come no one is telling him that this is difficult for me? Why do I have to be the one to consider how _he_ is feeling. He's supposed to be the adult!"

Ron snickered, "Suppose to be. It's not like he's really acted like much of an adult where Harry is concerned these last five years."

"Ron!"

"What? It's true. He's been acting like a vindictive child, always trying to get Harry in trouble."

"Well, that's not the point. We are trying to figure out why he's doing this to Harry."

"I think Ron has a point," Harry said quietly. "Maybe there is just too much history between the two of us for us to be anything more than the greasy-git professor and the student he loves to hate."

"NO!" Hermione shouted. "I won't believe that. It can't end like this. It's not right. Please, Harry, just wait until Halloween before you decide anything. It's only another week. Who knows? A lot can happen in a week."

* * *

"There should only be one person at each workbench today," Snape sneered, as he entered the classroom Friday morning. "Potion is on the board, books should be stored away. This will count for a third of your grade. Talking will not be tolerated, now get to work." 

Harry read through the information on the board regarding today's potion before starting. He knew this potion! This was one of the potion's he worked on with his father during detentions, Harry realized. For the first time in five years, he knew what he was doing in potions class without Hermione whispering in his ear. He started to grin as he began to carefully and properly prepare his ingredients.

Just as Harry was beginning to slice the root of the rutabaga rhubarb, an ingredient Snape usually prepared, he became aware of a presence behind him.

"Potter, for detention tonight be sure to wear old robes. It wouldn't do for the-boy-who-lived to ruin his good robes while working on a dangerous potion tonight," Snape drawled sarcastically.

Potion. Tonight. Suddenly Harry had a difficult time breathing. _Maybe asking about his mother made Snape realize he was serious about this,_ Harry thought, _so he's decided to agree to brew the potion_. They were finally going to _know_ the truth.

"On second thought," Snape smirked as his gaze passed over Harry.

_No, _Harry thought, _please don't have him change his mind and assign the detention to McGonagall or Filch._

"You can come as you are. It looks like you are already wearing your 'old robes."

Harry heard Malfoy snickered at the professor words.

_Ha, ha,_ Harry thought, it wasn't his fault that his physique changed again _after_ he bought new robes for sixth year. Magic could only do so much where fabric was concerned.

"Potter. Stop day dreaming and get to work."

**Harry and Severus waited nervously for the parchment to list his family.**

"**Well, it appears that you were correct in your assessment," was all Severus could say as he viewed the results.**

**Mother: Sonja Halle Kasen-Snape  
****Father: Severus Alexander Snape**

**Harry glanced at Snape, not sure if his prof- his father was happy about this. "Sir?"**

"**I suppose we better inform the headmaster of the recent developments. Come along, Mr. Pot-Harry."**

**Harry grinned as his father used his first name. A family. He finally had a family.**

The sound of breaking glass jolted Harry out of his dream.

He quickly looked around, except for Hermione, who was giving him odd looks; everyone else was ignoring the boy-who-lived.

_Now that was a nice vision_, Harry thought. If the outcome of the potion's results were anything like that, he would be happy.

Harry gave a deep sigh as he went back to work on this morning's potion assignment.

"**Okay, Harry, now add the final ingredient and stir counterclockwise for three minutes." **

**Harry, he finally called me Harry, was Harry thought.**

"**Harry, add the ingredient, unless you have decided that you do not want to know the truth?"**

"**No sir, sorry sir, I was just thinking about what you said." Harry commented as he added the last ingredient and started stirring counterclockwise.**

"**Okay, that should be enough. The potion should have a consistency similar to molasses. Now, you want to pour it onto the specially treated parchment."**

**Harry carefully followed the instructions, not wanting to mess things up. As he watched, a family tree, similar to the one he saw at twelve Grimmauld Place appeared on the parchment.**

**Harry let out a gasp as he read the results:**

**Father: Severus Snape  
****Mother: Lily Evans Potter**

"Harry." Hermione whispered from behind him, after hearing him gasp. "Are you okay?"

"What?" Harry asked as he looked around the room, disoriented. His dream felt so real. "Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking about something." Why would he imagine that his parents were Lily & Snape? That was a little too disturbing.

"You better get back to work before Professor Snape catches you daydreaming."

Harry nodded as he tackled the next step in the potion.

"**This certainly explains why you've been able to escape the Dark Lord. I should have realized you were adopted that Halloween night fifteen years ago. There is no way the son of James Potter would be powerful enough to defeat the Dark Lord, even with the sacrifice of Lily Potter." Snape stated after looking at the results of the heredity potion.**

"**But…but" Harry stuttered. "It must be wrong. I must have made a mistake somehow."**

"**Trust me, Mr. Potter," Snape sneered as he said the name, "no mistake was made, I carefully kept a close eye on you."**

"**But he promised that he wouldn't withhold any more information from me!"**

"**Come now, Mr. Potter, excuse me, Mr. Dumbledore surely you can't expect the headmaster to share everything with a sixteen year old brat, even if it is his son?"**

**Harry stared at the parchment in horror. It must be some mistake. He closed his eyes and counted to ten before opening them and reading the results once more. Still the same:**

**Mother: Minerva Olivia McGonagall  
****Father: Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore**

"**Well, at least this explains why you are one of Minerva's favorite students. Now, why don't you run along and inform your parents of what you learned today?" Severus smirked as he pushed Harry out the door.**

"Harry," Hermione whispered, "what is going on?"

"Nothing, Hermione, just concentrating."

"Yes, I can see that, the question is _what_ are you concentrating on? It definitely isn't this potion with the way you keep on staring into space. You almost look like you were having a vision of some kind."

At these words, Harry paled. The ever-observant Hermione noticed this and hissed, "Harry, _is_ it a vision? Is it Voldemort?"

"No, Hermione, it's not Voldemort. I know because my scar isn't hurting. It's just my imagination working overtime."

"Maybe you should talk to Professor Dumbledore or someone after classes are finished."

Harry nodded as the two of them went back to their potions.

"**Mr. Potter, carefully pierce your finger and bleed into this vial." Snape said as he did the same to his own finger. "Now take three drops of your blood and add it to the six drops of my blood. Carefully, pour the blood mixture into the cauldron and stir it clockwise for 26 strokes." Snape completed as he turned around to clean the used vials.**

**BOOM!**

"**Mr. Potter! I said _clockwise,_ NOT counter-clockwise. What were you thinking? Go, I will clean up this mess you created."**

"**But sir, the potio-"**

"**We will not be brewing this potion, Potter, not today or any other day. It is quite obvious that you could not possible be my son. Not only are you horrible at potions, but you can't even follow simple instructions. You are more like James Potter than you realize."**

**Harry stared at Snape in shock, not moving. Surely the professor didn't mean that? It was just because he was nervous that he messed up. Professor Snape _knows_ that James Potter is not his father. Why was he so determined to deny paternity?**

"**Mr. Potter!"**

"Mr. Potter!" Harry jumped as the sound of his name echoed in his dream.

"I have been calling you for over five minutes. Please tell me, what could be so fascinating that you would risk the safety of your classmates by not paying attention?"

"Sorry, sir," Harry replied absently, thinking about his daydreams. Merlin, he would have to be sure not to mess us this potion tonight. Unfortunately, Harry had a feeling that if he did make an error it would be just the excuse Snape would use to make this daydream became reality.

"Well, get back to work. I would assign you a detention, but since you are already booked indefinitely, deducting five points from Gryffindor, will have to suffice."

Harry glared at Snape as he went back to work, determined to finish his potion correctly.

"**Sir, is this why you didn't want to tell me about your wife?" Harry asked, after he recovered from the shock.**

**Snape just glared at him.**

"**I didn't even know it was possible for two wizards to become parents. How exactly _does_ that work? I mean, is it natural for a man to conceive or did a potion make that happen? Maybe one of you didn't conceive, after all. Did one of you carry me or am I some type of clone?" So many questions popped into Harry's mind once he saw the results of the potion that read:**

**Father: Severus Snape  
****Father: James Potter**

_That was more shocking than the results that showed Lily and Snape as his parents_, Harry thought as he was jolted out of his vision. These visions were really beginning to worry Harry. Why was he imagining all these bizarre scenarios? After what he imagined, Harry really wanted to talk with someone, if he left class, maybe he could find Remus.

"Professor," Harry called as he raised his hand.

"Yes, Potter, what is it now?"

"I'm not feeling well, I wonder if I can be excused."

Carefully, Severus's gaze perused the boy who asked to be dismissed. He did look a little pale, but otherwise seemed healthy. "Fine, Mr. Potter, however, I will remind you that that this potion is worth one-third of your grade. If you leave now, I will have to grade it as it stands. You will not be allowed to make up this assignment."

Harry, who had started gathering his things when Snape started to excuse him, paused. He couldn't risk failing this assignment and this class. He would have to try to complete the potion quickly and leave right afterwards. Slowly, Harry returned his items to his work bench and sat back down.

"Decided to stay, Mr. Potter? We will see if that was the wise choice. You might have received a better grade on a partially completed potion, since it means less time for you to make an error."

"**Now you want to place your right hand on the parchment in front of you. Hold the potion in your left hand and pour it into you mouth. Be careful to consume the entire vial. Do not lift the glass from your lips until the vial is empty."**

**Harry completed the assignment as instructed by his professor. Both of them looked down at the parchment, one fearful of what it might show, the other eager. **

"**This can't be. You obviously made a mistake." Snape sneered as he viewed the parchment.**

**Harry wished his professor was right. "You watched me brew the potion. If I made a mistake, you would have caught it. We need to get Dumbledore." **

"**Fine. But if this is the truth, there is nothing the headmaster can do." With those words, Snape turned and left the room, quietly muttering, "Unbelievable. The Dark Lord has been trying to kill his own son all these years."**

Harry jumped and looked around. All he knew was that he had to get out of here. Without paying attention to what he was doing, Harry quickly bottled his potion and placed it on Snape's desk, at least this way he wouldn't get a zero for this class.

After returning to his workbench, he then hastily placed all his items in his bag, informed Snape that he wasn't feeling well and left, not caring that all eyes were on him as he hurried out of the dungeon classroom, without permission to leave.

Each result was more disturbing than the last. He couldn't believe that he just imagined that _Voldemort_ and Lily were his parents. Each vision seemed to be worse than the previous ones, if this kept on, he would soon be imaging pairings involving Voldemort, Peter Pettigrew, Lucius Malfoy, Bellatrix LeStrange or other death eaters as his parents.

* * *

"Harry?" Remus asked as he opened the door to his chambers. "Shouldn't you be in class right now?" 

"I was. I had to leave."

"Come in, sit down," Remus invited, after hearing the hopelessness in his voice. "Now, tell me what the problem is."

"I was in potion class when I started to imagine what would happen when Snape and I brewed the hereditary potion. My mind started to envision all these different scenarios, each one worse than the first."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, in the first dream, I imagined Snape and his wife were my parents and that Snape was okay with it. I then imagined that Snape and Lily were my parents." Harry broke off as Remus started to laugh.

"Sorry, Harry, I was just trying to imagine Lily and Severus together. One of them would have killed the other within a week. They were too much alike to ever get along. Again, I apologize, please continue."

Harry shook his head as he continued, "If you thought that was strange, wait till you hear the rest of them."

"Exactly how many of these visions did you have, Harry?"

"Um, Snape and his wife; Snape and Lily; McGonagall and Dumbledore; Snape throwing me out of his classroom; Snape and James; Voldemort and Lily;" Harry counted, marking each off on his fingers, "six."

Remus stared at Harry. "Severus and James? Voldemort and Lily?"

"I know," Harry said. "It was the last one made me leave the classroom. Although I almost left after the one about Snape and James. Now I really wish I had. I never gave a thought that I might be related to Voldemort. Merlin, what would the papers say if they found out that I was _his_ son! What would Fudge do?"

"Harry, calm down. You are _not_ Voldemort's son. You can't be. Most especially not the son of Lily and Voldemort. I'm sure that there is a perfectly good explanation for these visions."

"How can you be so sure?" Harry asked as he stood up and started to pace.

"Because I am." Remus replied. "There is no evidence that even _hints _at Voldemort being your father. _Besides_, didn't you say that you _knew_ inside that Severus was your father? Has that feeling changed?"

Harry stopped pacing as he looked at Remus. "No, I still believe that Snape's my father. But what about the vision before that? Could Voldemort _and_ Snape be my parents? Is it even possible for two wizards to become parents?"

"Harry, almost everything is possible with magic if you know the right spell and can combine it with the right potion." Remus answered, continuing as he saw the hope die from Harry's eyes, "However, you must remember that you are the image of Snape's wife. If you are Severus's son, then you are the son of him and his wife. Voldemort is not involved in your parentage."

"Bu what if-"

"Harry, no." Remus said firmly. "I know that you are scared about the potion results, especially Severus's reaction, but I am confident that these visions are nothing but the manifestation of those fears, combined with the anxiety of the situation. You cannot use these dreams as a way to deny what you know is true."

* * *

"Harry, what exactly happened in potions this morning?" Hermione asked as they walked from dinner back to the common room. 

"Nothing." Harry replied, wishing that it was time for his 'detention'.

"Harry, I know something was happening. What were you seeing and are you sure it wasn't Voldemort?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Moony thinks it was just my anxiety regarding the potion that I will be brewing tonight."

"What potion?" Ron asked

"Professor Snape mentioned this morning that Harry would be brewing a potion for detention this evening."

"Really?" Ron asked excited. "Do you think it's the hereditary potion?"

"What else could it be?" Harry asked with a grin.

"Harry, there are thousands of potions out there that Professor Snape could have you brew. It could be any one of them, especially since he didn't mention that potion, just _a_ potion."

"Hermione, he couldn't mention it by name, especially not with all the Slytherins in the room. He knew that I would know what potion he was referring to the minute he mentioned it."

"I just don't want you to be disappointed if it turns out that you are brewing a different potion tonight."

"Hermione, Snape may be a git at times, but as said, he would know what I would think of the moment he mentions a potion. He wouldn't do that to me."

Hermione shook her head; the answer to what Harry saw during class wasn't worth an argument with her best friend. She just hoped that Harry was right about the potion, she thought before changing the subject. "Harry, is there anything you need or want from Hogsmeade tomorrow?"

"Yeah, mate," Ron piped in, "We would gladly pick you up some chocolate frogs or something. I only wish that Butterbeer would taste good cold, I would bring a whole trunk back if I could."

Harry thought for a moment, "I don't need any chocolate frogs or anything like that. But I would like to get my father a gift, unfortunately, I can't think of anything to get him."

"Why is it his birthday?" Ron asked.

"No, but I never had a parent to buy something for before. I would just like to give him something so that he knows how much he means to me."

"Harry," Hermione stated, "I would be glad to pick something up for you."

"Thanks, Hermione, but as I said, I don't know what to get, and while I am sure that you have great taste, this is really something that _I_ should pick out."

Hermione nodded in understanding.

"Maybe you can sneak into Hogsmeade again like you did third year."

"Ron! Don't go giving him any ideas. Harry, please don't sneak out. It is much more dangerous now that Voldemort is alive again. I'm sure that some of the professors will be in Hogsmeade just in case something happens. There is no way you can risk it. Not only would your life be in danger, but if you are caught, you probably will be expelled."

Harry and Ron looked at each other and grinned, seems like Hermione has her priorities mixed up again, death should be considered worse than expulsion.

Harry gave a quick look at the time before standing up and straightening his robes. "Well, time for detention. Don't wait up, depending on how it goes, I might be awhile."

Ron and Hermione nodded and Harry heard them whisper 'good luck' as he left the common room and headed towards the dungeon.

As he walked down the staircases, Harry felt as if he had butterflies in his stomach. He was more nervous now than he was 5 years ago before his first Quidditch match. Merlin, he thought, he needs to calm his nerves before he makes a mistake on the potion and has his earlier vision come true.

Outside the potion lab, Harry takes a deep breath, reminding himself that regardless of what happens tonight, everything would work out, before knocking on the classroom door.

"Enter," Snape calls from inside.

Slowly Harry opens the door and steps into the classroom, letting the door close behind him.

* * *

End chapter 36 

root of the rutabaga rhubarb: okay, this might be a bit redundant, but it's from a children's play (can't remember which one) I saw when I was a kid, all the characters go around singing 'root of the rutabaga rhubarb'…very catchy & memorable tune since I remember it _years_ later :)

As this fic draws to a close, are there any loose ends/questions that you want tied up/answered?

Anything that you would like to see?

Should Dumbledore find out what is going on between Harry & Snape? Should he figure it out on his own, or should he be told by someone else (and if so, by whom?)

Since I am trying to update more often, the chapters will be shorter than the last 2 chapters. Likewise, it will now be more than chapters until the story finishes.

* * *

ABOUT THE VISIONS: 

Harry imagines the potion working in many different ways, since he doesn't really know what is involved in creating this potion. Which do you like better?

Minerva Olivia McGonagall-initials spell MOM, only reason why I gave her that middle name.

Again, hope nobody was offended by the brief mentions of the possibility of Harry having 2 fathers. Just needed some things that would progressively freak Harry out.

Hmm, what do you think caused those visions? Just Harry's overactive imagination & anxiety or is it something more?

**CHALLENGE:**

**Harry discovers that his parents aren't Lilly AND James **(one of them could still be his parents, but not both)

**Severus Snape helps/assists him brew a potion to determine who his parents are **(why Snape helps is up to you, he can assist willingly, could be ordered by AD, blackmailed by Harry, or any other reason you can come up with)

**His parents have to be characters from Canon **(no original characters, please), **extra points** (like the points matter) **if his parents are one of the couples mentioned here.**

**Have fun and be creative**

**Please let me know if you respond to this challenge, as I would love to read it.**


	37. missing

**a/n: in ch 36, I referred to the potion as 'heritage' potion rather than lineage…oops**

**Chapter 37 missing**

Harry walked at a fast pace, eager to return to the comfort and security of the Tower. After muttering the password to the fat lady, he entered the Gryffindor common room.

"Hermione!" Hermione!" He yelled up the stairs that lead to the girls dormitory.

"Harry," she hissed. "What is it? Are you _trying_ to wake everyone up?"

"Sorry," he muttered. "But I need your help."

"I gathered you needed something. What is it that couldn't wait until morning?" Hermione said as she led him to the chairs in front of the fireplace.

Harry set up privacy and silencing charms in case anyone wandered downstairs to see why he yelled. "I need to know how to brew the lineage potion."

"Why did something go wrong tonight? Is that why you aren't talking with your father right now? I would think that the two of you would have much to discuss. Of course, if you made a mistake with the potion I'm sure that Professor Snape will make time for the two of you to brew it again. Oh!" Hermione exclaimed, waving her arms frantically, alarm showing in her eyes. "Did it show that Snape _isn't_ your dad? What-"

"Hermione," Harry said as he reached over to grasp her moving hands. "You're rambling. You never ramble; usually you leave that task to me or Ron."

Hermione took a deep breath to calm herself before continuing, "Sorry. Now tell me what happened tonight with Professor Snape and the potion."

"He had no intention of brewing the potion tonight."

"What! What about what he said in class?"

"You were right; he said _a potion_, meaning wolfsbane."

"Of course," Hermione stated, "the full moon's tomorrow."

"He _knew_ I would assume he was referring to the lineage potion. I can't believe he did this to me. That he would deliberately hurt me like this. Well, it's obvious that he doesn't care to know the truth. That he doesn't care to know me."

"Harry, you can't jump to conclusions like that."

"Why not, Hermione? He has since the moment he met me."

Hermione was silent for a moment at the truth of his words. "Yes, perhaps he has, but that should show you how wrong it is."

"Hermione, can you honestly say that it looks like he wants to know the truth? Look at the facts," Harry said harshly. "Since my appearance started to change, he's assumed it was a joke, even after he found out about the adoptions and the charms; Very rarely does he volunteer information about himself, I usually have to ask; plus he keeps changing from hot to cold in his dealings with me, it's like he has to keep reminding himself to be nice to me. If he really wanted to know the truth, he wouldn't be acting like this."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't care whether he wants to know the truth,_ I_ need to know. Even if he never acknowledges me or if we never have any type of relationship, I need _proof_ that I'm not imagining all of this. I'm going to make the potion myself."

"But Har-"

"Hermione, I need to know. And I need your help. You're the one who mentioned the potion in the first place; I don't even know what book to look in."

"Most Potente Potions, of course."

"Of course," Harry replied with a smirk, making him resemble Professor Snape. "Okay, now that I know what book it's in I'll get the book from the library."

"Harry, it's in the restricted section remember? How are you going to get it?"

Harry grinned, "The invisibility cloak, of course."

"Of course," Hermione echoed, "But without a pass you can't take it out of the library, unless you want to get expelled."

"Who said anything about taking it out?" At Hermione's puzzled look, Harry explained, "I'll sneak into the library at night and use the copy charm that I learned over the summer. The library will be empty, so no one should hear the spell. Then I'll sneak back into the dorms with the copied pages. The copies should last long enough for me to brew the potion."

Hermione nodded, not able to believe that she didn't think of that herself. "Is that all you needed me for? To know what book it's in? And you couldn't wait until morning?"

"Please, Hermione, it's not like you were asleep. I mean, you were probably up studying," Harry said, laughing when Hermione started to blush. "No, that's not quite all I need you for, as I said, I will brew the potion myself, but I was wondering if you would read the instructions with me, just to make sure that I know what I'm doing."

"Of course, Harry. I still think you should wait and see if Professor Snape changes his mind about the potion, but I will help you in any way that I can."

* * *

Harry was in the common room telling Ron the details of last nights 'detention' and his conversation with Hermione when she walked in. "Harry, I've been thinking about our conversation from last night. Maybe you should talk to Professor Dumbledore."

"Why?" Ron asked.

"He might be able to help. If nothing else, he can make Professor Snape brew the potion."

"No. If he doesn't want to know, then it won't do me any good to have Dumbledore order him to brew it. I can handle him not knowing and hating me. I don't like it, but at least I can try to convince myself that he still think it's a joke and that he's not really rejecting me."

Hermione's voice was full of sympathy as she started to speak, "Har-"

"No, Hermione. _You_ don't understand. Neither of you do. Both of you have parents that love you. Ron, you have a whole slew of relatives that care about you. I have no one. The Dursley's don't care, actually they would much prefer if it I was dead. This was my chance for a family. If he's knew the results of the potion and still hated me, knowing that I'm his son, well, I don't know what I would do, but _that_ it would difficult to take."

"Harry, I'm sorry. You're right, I don't understand. And I can't imagine Professor Snape or anyone _not_ wanting to know you especially as their child. I just wish there was something-" Hermione's voice trailed off as she got caught up in her thoughts.

"Hermione? Hermione, are you okay?" Harry asked.

"Sorry, I was just trying to think of something that might help us. Something that would let us know what Professor Snape is thinking and feeling."

"Veritaserum!" Ron cried.

"It's too difficult to brew, besides we would get into trouble for using it on a professor. We would need something else, something that couldn't easily be detected."

"Hermione, no. This isn't important enough to risk you getting expelled or having your prefect badge taken away, especially if you want to be head girl next year. Don't worry. I'll just stick to my plan of brewing the potion myself. As long as _I_ know the truth, nothing else matters."

The three friends lapsed into silent as they left the common room and headed towards the great hall for breakfast.

* * *

"What are going to do while we are in Hogsmeade?" Hermione inquired, as she took a sip of her pumpkin juice.

Harry shrugged.

"You could always study and get a head start on some of your homework."

Ron snorted. "Study? I think not. It's Saturday, he deserves to do something fun. Something to take is mind off of the greasy-git and last nights detention. Besides, it's bad enough to study with friends, but alone? No way."

Hermione just shook her head at Ron's antics, before turning to ask Harry another question, "Are you sure you don't want anything from Hogsmeade?"

"Better yet," Ron asked, "Are you sure you don't want to sneak out and join us?"

Harry smiled, but didn't answer. Ron had been trying to convince him all week that he should use the invisibility cloak to sneak out to Hogsmeade and meet them at the Three Broomsticks.

"Ron!" Hermione exclaimed. "Not only will you get Harry in trouble, but you might be putting him in danger."

"Oh, come on, Hermione. If Voldemort want to attack, he'll attack, whether Harry's there or not. The only difference is that if Harry stays in the castle, he won't be there to stop him as usual. I still think that he needs to have some fun and forget about last night's detention."

"Ron, if an attack does happen, one: we'll know that Harry is safe and two: the DA will be there to help defend everyone."

"Hermione, everything we learned in DA Harry taught us, so he is obviously better than all of us at defense. Plus he is brilliant at spontaneous defense, if Voldemort attacks, he would be needed to direct everyone. We already know that the DA would listen to him if there was a real attack and I'm sure that most of the village would as well, considering he _is_ Harry Potter."

"I'm not contesting the point that he would be valuable. All I'm saying is that _I_ would feel much better knowing that Harry is safe in the castle."

Harry listened as his two friends debated his options for a few minutes before finally interrupting, "Hello…I'm still here, you know."

"Sorry, Harry," they murmured, Hermione looking embarrassed, while Ron just grinned.

"So, Harry, are you going to use the tunnel to sneak out?"

"Ron!"

"Guys, please don't start that again," Harry pleaded. "Both of you have some good points. I know that I would feel better if I knew that the two of you were safe in case of an attack, however, I also know that I don't like being here alone, left to wonder what might be happening in Hogsmeade. And if there was an attack and someone was hurt, I imagine that I would wonder if things might have turned out differently if I was there."

"Harry, I'm sure that we will be fine. Professor Dumbledore is bound to have some extra professors and aurors around town in case something happened. Besides, if he thought an attack was possible, I'm sure he would cancel the trip."

"If he's so well prepared and so confident that everything would be fine, then why won't he let me go?"

Hermione avoided Harry's eyes as she tried to think of an answer to his question answer.

"Doesn't matter," Harry said as he gathered his belongings in preparation to leave the great hall. "You guys just have fun today." He finished as he stood up and started walking towards the door.

"He never answered what he would be doing today, did he?" Ron asked as he looked from Harry's retreating figure and back to Hermione.

"No," Hermione whispered as she stared fearfully after Harry, hoping that he wouldn't try to sneak out.

* * *

"Severus. Severus!" Remus called as he ran into the potion lab.

"What is it, wolf?"

"Harry. Has Harry been down here today?"

"No, thank Merlin. Why would I want to spend anymore time with that boy?"

Remus ignored Severus's question and instead asked his own, "Have you seen him at all today?"

"No, and my day was quite enjoyable until you marched in."

"He's missing."

Severus's hand paused in mid-motion. "He probably took his invisibility cloak and snuck into Hogsmeade."

Remus paled. "He wouldn't do that. He knows that Dumbledore doesn't think it's safe for him to be away from the castle."

"Like the castle has been safe for him these last five years." Snape muttered quietly. "He did it in his third year when he didn't have permission from his uncle."

"Severus, you have to help me find him."

"Just find his friends, he won't be far behind."

"Hermione and Ron haven't seen him since this morning when he left the great hall during breakfast. None of the students have seen him."

"Lupin, they are probably covering for him, not wanting Gryffindor's Golden Boy to get into trouble."

"Severus! Stop it! This could be serious. _No one has seen him since this morning. Not even your Slytherins._ We asked all the students to return from Hogsmeade after a few students were found stunned."

The vial Severus was holding fell from his hands, crashing onto the floor, both men ignored the sound. "What happened?"

"I don't know. I left immediately to locate Harry."

"Have you checked with the students who stayed at the castle?" Severus asked as he headed towards the door, Remus close behind him.

"Yes. I've also checked his dorm, the infirmary, the library and the Great Hall. I've walked around the grounds and the lake and up to the astronomy tower. There is no sign of him. No one has seen him since breakfast."

"You've said that already, wolf," Snape sneered. "He seemed upset when he left the great hall during breakfast. No doube he'soff pouting somewhere, unaware of the chaos he's creating. Merlin help that boy if he did ignore the headmaster's orders and snuck off the castle grounds."

"After what happened in your class yesterday, I don't think he would be feeling up to sneaking out."

"Yesterday?" Severus asked, concerned and puzzled. How could something happen in his class without him knowing about it? "What happened yesterday?"

"He had some visions ab-"

"Visions? From the Dark Lord?" Snape interrupted.

"What?" Remus asked as he processed Severus's question. "No, these visions don't have anything to do with Voldemort."

"Hmm, I'll be the judge of that. What were these visions and why didn't he say anything?"

"I think he was just anxious about brewing the lineage potion with you. His anxiety seemed to play itself out in daydreams with various results, most of which he found unappealing."

Snape stared at Remus in shock before muttering, "The root of the rutabaga rhubarb."

"What?" Remus asked puzzled.

"It appears that the Golden Boy has an allergy to the root of the rutabaga rhubarb that was used in yesterday's potion."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because unlike some _people_, I know the possible side effects of various potion ingredients. It is very rare for someone to have a reaction to the root of the rutabaga rhubarb, it only effects about one in every ten thousand wizards, actually. It produces visions, hallucinogenic type visions, taking your current thoughts and gradually mixing them with some of your worse fears, similar to the boggart in that aspect. The more contact you have with the ingredient, the worse and more frightening the visions get."

"Why didn't you prevent it? How harmful is it?"

"As I said, the more contact, the worse things get. After enough exposure, a person's mind can be permanently ensnared in a world of their own making. There are some easy ways to prevent the reaction from occurring. If I knew that there was a possibility for one of my students to have this reaction, I would have mentioned it to them. Usually it is-" Severus' voice trailed off as he left his last sentence unfinished.

"What? Is it fatal? Is there a cure? Will Harry be okay?"

"No, it's not fatal. Mr. Potter didn't have enough exposure to the ingredient be harmed. In fact, I am rather confident that he was fine once he left the classroom."

"Then what were you going to say?" Remus demanded. "What don't you want me to know about this?"

"Nothing that concerns you, wolf. As I mentioned before this condition is rare and is usually hereditary. I had no reason to suspect that Potter was allergic to it, he has been exposed to that ingredient before."

"Hereditary?" Remus repeated, before scrutinizing the man in front of him. "Severus, do you have a reaction to it, as well?"

Severus didn't answer and avoided the wolf's eyes as he picked up the pace, exiting the castle.

"Do you? Severus, answer me!" The wolf asked. With the full moon being that night, the wolf did not take kindly to being ignored, especially when the topic involved his cub. "Sererus, answer me!"

"That is not your concern. Now, come on, we need to be looking for Harry. You check the forest; I'll check the grounds and the lake."

"You do," Remus stated calmly, quite the opposite of his demeanor from a few minutes ago. "Yet you didn't think he would have a problem. Why is that?"

Severus was silent as he stepped away from Remus and turned in the direction of the lake.

"You still don't believe that he is your son, do you? Or is it that you are afraid to believe?"

Except for the slight momentary stiffening of his shoulders, Severus gave no indication that he heard those questions as he started to walk away.

* * *

Where is Harry?

I'd like to thank everyone for reading & reviewing. I know I wrote that this story will be finished soon, and it will be, I figure, a nice even 40 chapters should do the trick (unless of coursed inspiration strikes and leads me in a totally different direction than what was originally planned…oh wait, I think that's already happened once or twice.

Was going to post this yesterday, but well, couldn't as you know. I then have been trying all day to download this file and after many hours it worked! Yeah!


	38. there's a moon out tonight

a/n story backtracks a bit to Harry when he left the great hall after breakfast. Don't worry, I didn't kill Harry off, neither did I make you guys wait until the end of the chapter to find out what happened to Harry…Don't you just love me

Chapter 38 there's a moon out tonight

* * *

Harry quickly left the Great Hall and returned to his dorm. He spent a few minutes laying on his bed thinking about his life. It almost seemed as if he was destined to be alone. Adopted twice, yet all of his adoptive parents died; a 'family' that didn't love or care for him; a godfather that died trying to protect him; and a father that denied the possibility of his existence. 

It was the latter that hurt the most.

He was too young to have memories of the months he spent in Cybelle's care, but after reading her journal, he knew that he was wanted and cared for.

Due to the visions he saw when he was near a dementor, he knew that Lily and James loved him and did everything they could to keep themselves and him safe.

And even though he had only known Sirius two years, Harry had felt closer to him than any other adult he knew. Harry knew that Sirius had loved him and like Cybelle, Lily and James, didn't have a choice in the decision to leave.

Contradictory to those parental figures were the ones that were alive and were able to love and care for him, didn't.

The moment Aunt Petunia found him on the doorstep she ignored and neglected the toddler in her care.

Likewise, since the moment Harry shared his speculations with his father, Snape had decided that it wasn't possible. Last night's detention just made it clearer to Harry that Snape didn't want to believe it. Snape might have cared that his son was alive, but not if that son was Harry James Potter.

Harry couldn't help but believe that he was destined to be alone, to never know what it was like to have a family of his own.

Harry wiped the tears from his face, got off his bed and walked over to the window. From the window he watched as third year students and older, including his friends, left for Hogsmeade. He knew that staying in the castle was the right decision, even if he had been tempted to sneak out.

Sighing, Harry turned away from the window and grabbed his book bag, packing it with his potion book, his quill, some spare pieces of parchment and the copied pages from 'Most Potente Potions'.

After talking with Hermione last night, Harry, knowing that he wouldn't be able to fall asleep right away, had grabbed his invisibility cloak and snuck into the restricted section of the library to find the lineage spell. He had been shocked to find that there were _seven_ pages dedicated to this potion. He had briefly wondered if maybe he should wait to see if Snape changed his mind, but quickly decided that surviving the killing curse at the age of one was enough of a miracle for this lifetime and that he shouldn't push fate by asking for another.

He then made two copies of the pages relating to the lineage potion, one for him and one for Hermione, before returning to his dorm to get some sleep. He had planned on giving Hermione her copy before breakfast, but was sidetracked when she mentioned that she thought he should talk to Dumbledore.

A yell from outside jolted Harry out of his memories and he gave one last look around the room, making sure he didn't forget anything, before he covered himself and his belongings with his invisibility and left his dorm. He quietly stood by the portrait and waited for a first or second year to open the door. When the opportunity came, he quickly left the tower and headed down to the lake.

Once at the lake, Harry sat on the ground, in between some rocks, using one of the rocks to support his back as he leaned against it, making sure he was still covered by the invisibility cloak. Once satisfied that no part of his could be seen, he took out a set of the copied pages on the lineage potion. As Harry started to read about the potion, he groaned. This was almost as complicated as the polyjuice potion. The lineage potion took three days to brew and items had to be added at certain times.

Harry gave another sigh as he thought about his options. The last thing he wanted to do was make a mistake on this potion and hurt himself, that wouldn't be the best way to impress his father. Maybe he should just try to find the parental spell that Snape used that first day. That would be much easier than this potion, Harry thought. He would definitely have to ask Hermione if she knew that one. Until then, Harry decided, he would continue reading.

* * *

Many hours later, Harry took off the cloak, stood up and stretched. The potion wasn't as bad as he first thought, Harry had realized. The person brewing it had to be very precise with the timing of items, and how they were prepared, but luckily he didn't have to worry about the phases of the moon or anything similar. 

Since he had missed lunch, Harry decided he would pack up his belongings and head to the kitchen to see Dobby.

He had walked less than ten feet from his study spot when he heard his name being called.

"Harry! Where have you been?" Hermione exclaimed running over to Harry and gaving him a hug.

"Down by the lake, studying. Why?"

"Moony has been looking everywhere for you."

"Why? Is he okay? Did something happen?"

"There was, well, I guess you could call it an incident at Hogsmeade. They asked all the students to return to the school."

"What happened? Why is he looking for me?"

"No one knows exactly what happened," Hermione began.

"Some students were found unconscious in Hogsmeade, probably stunned," Ron interrupted.

"Ron, we don't know if that's true." Ron just looked at Harry and shrugged as Hermione continued. "As I was saying, none of the students know _exactly_ what happened, but there is a rumor that there was an attack of some kind."

"Was anybody hurt?"

"Not that we know of, but no one has really told us anything. I didn't notice anyone missing, though."

"That's good." Harry nodded, relieved that no one seemed to be hurt. "But why has Remus been looking for me? Shouldn't he be preparing for the full moon tonight?"

"Apparently all the professors had a 'job' to do if there was an attack at Hogwarts or on a Hogsmeade weekend. Moony's job was to confirm that the three of us were okay."

"Do you know where he is now? I should let him know that I'm here and that I'm okay."

"I believe that he was heading to the dungeons to inform your, er, Professor Snape about the attack and you being missing."

Harry groaned, he did not want to see Snape after last night. With the way that he was currently feeling about his father/professor, Harry wished that he was old enough to leave school so that he would never have to see him again, or at least old enough to yell at him without worrying about losing house points or serving detention for the rest of the year.

"Listen, Hermione, I need you and Ron to do me a _huge_ favor. Can you guys find Remus and let him know that I'm okay. I'm going to let Dumbledore know. You can tell Remus to meet me there."

Hermione nodded as she dragged Ron away. She could understand why Harry didn't want to see Professor Snape so soon after last night's detention.

* * *

As Harry turned the corner towards Dumbledore's office, he saw a tall figure in bright blue robes and long white hair approaching the hidden staircase. 

"Professor Dumbledore!" Harry called as he ran to catch up. At least if he entered with the headmaster he wouldn't have to waste any time guessing the sweet password.

At the sound of his name, Albus turned around. Upon seeing Harry run towards him, the headmaster stepped in the boys path opened his arms and enveloped him in a hug.

"Professor?" Harry asked. He was not use to receiving hugs from people, and was especially surprised at getting one from the headmaster.

"Sorry, my boy," the headmaster apologized, the twinkle returning to his eyes, as he released Harry. "I'm just relieved that you are okay. We have spent most of the day searching the castle and grounds for you."

"I heard. Well, Hermione told me that Remus was looking for me. She and Ron went to find Remus. He should be meeting us in your office."

"Good, good. I'm sure Remus, as well as all the professors will be relieved to hear that you are safe. Now, do you-"

"Want to know what happened in Hogsmeade?" Harry interrupted, "Of course, I do. If you feel you can tell me, that is. There are all kinds of rumors going around."

The child has been spending too much time with Severus, the headmaster thought, his eyes twinkling brightly. That technique has Slytherin written all over it. Normally, he wouldn't let a student get away with it, but what would it hurt to inform Harry about today's incidents? After all, he would be making similar statements at dinner this evening. Besides, perhaps if he shared what he knew with Harry, then maybe Harry would be inclined to return the favor. "Kingsley came across some students stunned by the shrieking shack. He immediately signaled the alarm to have all students return to Hogwarts, since we were unsure if Hogsmeade was secure. Remus was to locate you, Miss Granger, and Mr. Weasley to make sure that the three of you were safe. Panic arose when Remus returned to the castle a few hours ago and discovered that no one had seen you since you left the Great Hall at breakfast."

At the headmaster's inquiring gaze, Harry answered his unspoken question, "I was studying."

"Interesting," the headmaster stated, "We checked the library, your dorm, the common area and the room of requirement. Where exactly were you studying?"

"The lake."

"I believe that Remus also checked the lake. He was quite positive that you weren't there."

"Um, I was kind of under my invisibility cloak, and hiding between some rocks."

Before Dumbledore could ask anything else, his office door burst open to admit Remus and Severus.

"Harry!" Remus exclaimed as he unknowingly mirrored the headmaster's actions by embracing the boy-who-lived. "Where were you? I was so worried when I couldn't find you. Please tell me that you didn't sneak into Hogsmeade."

"Apparently he was studying by the lake," the headmaster answered for Harry.

"The lake? But I checked the lake! He wasn't there."

Severus sneered, clearly showing that he didn't believe Harry's story, but otherwise made no comment, a fact that did not go unnoticed by the headmaster.

"I was under the cloak and hiding between some of the larger rocks," Harry answered. When Snape's sneer turned into a raised eyebrow, Harry continued, "I didn't want to be disturbed. I'm sorry that I worried everyone. If I had looked away from books and had seen Remus, I would've told him I was there, likewise, if I had heard him call for me, I would've answered."

"I didn't call," Remus answered. "I didn't want any rumors that you were missing flying around this place."

"Wise decision," Albus commented. "Do you have anything else to add, Harry?"

Harry shook his head no.

"I'm just glad that you are okay," Remus said softly, placing an arm around Harry's shoulder. "Come on, I'll walk you back to your common room."

"Wait. I still want to know exactly what happened in Hogsmeade. Was it Voldemort? Death Eaters? Who was stunned? Was anyone hurt?"

The three men exchanged glances before Dumbledore replied, "At this time we are not positive who attacked, although most likely it was Death Eaters on Voldemort's orders. It seems that a certain type of student was the focus of the attack."

Harry wondered who would attack a group of students and why. Suddenly, Harry paled, "Was it the DA? Are Luna, Ginny and Neville okay? What about the other members? Why didn't you answer my question about anyone being hurt?"

"Calm down, Harry. It wasn't the DA that was attacked. Luna, Ginny and Neville are fine. No one was seriously hurt, but until we discover the exact reason for the attack, we won't know for sure."

Harry tried to process what Dumbledore just said. "But who was attacked? And how could you not know if someone was seriously hurt?"

"Potter," Snape said, finally losing his patience, "If this attack was orchestrated by the Dark Lord, I sincerely doubt that he came to town just to give certain students some much needed beauty sleep. Whoever attacked these students could have given them a potion or cast a spell on them while they were unconscious."

"Oh." Like Severus, Harry was quickly losing his patience. "But _who_ was attacked and _why_?"

"That information doesn't concern you. While you might enjoy being in the public's eye, most students value their privacy." Snape sneered.

"What do you mean it doesn't concern me? I was not _allowed_ to go to Hogsmeade for fear of an attack, only to have _a certain group_ of students attacked. And I don't like being in the public's eye. I would think that you would've learned that about me by now!" Harry yelled, finally losing his patience about being kept in the dark.

Snape didn't comment, but just stood still, casting one of his deadly glares at Harry.

"Harry," Remus said, "I would tell you if I could, but this time, it is not _my_ secret to tell. Just trust us, please. The students have a right to their privacy."

"I don't have any."

"What do you expect? _You_ are the boy-who-lived," Snape sneered.

"I'm also a student, a friend, and a _son_." Harry retorted, as he glared at his father, once more letting his temper get the best of him.

"Mr. Potter, I believe this discussion has come to a close. I think it is best that you leave." Snape said icily.

Harry looked at Remus and Dumbledore and after seeing a nod from each growled, "Fine" and retreated to the staircase.

As soon as Harry left, Severus collapsed in a chair across from Albus. He wearily ran a hand over his eyes and down his face. The events from the last hour had taken there toll on him. He didn't understand why he had been so worried after hearing about the attack and that Potter was missing.

"Severus, Remus, is everything all set for tonight's full moon?"

"We won't know until tomorrow morning," Remus replied. "Severus has provided enough wolfsbane for everyone, and the shrieking shack is secure, but after the attack…"

"Headmaster," Severus stated, when Remus's voice trailed off, "Without knowing what happened during the attack, we need to be prepared for anything. A spell or potion might have been used that could negate the effects of wolfsbane. We should also set up extra wards and security, just to make sure no one gets loose or hurt. In fact, it might be best to separate those that were attacked from the ones that weren't somehow. A simple barrier spell should work. Lupin, however, should be with the students that were attacked, just in case. I would also recommend that you arm Lupin with tranquilizer darts for his protection. Since he was not attacked this afternoon, the wolfsbane will keep him with his mind intact."

"Thank you, Seveus, I will see that these things happen. Now, would either of you gentlemen care for a lemon drop?"

* * *

"Harry? Are you okay?" Hermione asked as Harry entered the common room after leaving the headmaster's office. 

"Yeah, I'm fine, Hermione." Harry said as he opened his book bag and withdrew the copied pages of Most Potent Potions and his notes and handed them to Hermione. "Here, these are for you. If you can look over the steps and the comments I made that would be helpful. Merlin knows I don't want to mess this up as well."

"Harry, you haven't messed anything up."

"Just my life," Harry replied as he grabbed his books and headed up to the dorms.

"I'm worried about him," Ron said, as he opened a chocolate frog he bought at Honeydukes that morning.

"What?" He said as Hermione snorted.

"Ron, I've been worried about him since this whole adoption thing started, actually, I've been worried about him since first year. However, I do agree with you, he's gotten worse. Almost depressed, this is the type of behavior I expected him to portray after Sirius's death, not because of a difference of opinion with Professor Snape. I just wish there was something we could do."

"Not a difference of opinion with a professor, Hermione, but with his father. I mean, come on, Harry thinks the git _hates _him. How does someone deal with that?"

"Harry's right. We don't understand. We couldn't possibly understand what he has been feeling. Now that I think of it, his behavior makes sense, after all. I suppose it is like death in away. I just wish there was a way we could help him."

Two thirds of the trio sat silent for a moment as they thought about the absent member that brought them together in the first place.

"You know, Hermione, I've been thinking." At another snort from Hermione, Ron said, "Hey it happens! Anyways, I was thinking about what Harry said to us, about how everyone is telling him that he needs to understand how difficult this is for Snape and how he needs to be patient until Snape gets his act together. Well, Harry had a point. Maybe someone _should_ tell Snape how difficult this has been for Harry."

Hermione stared at Ron in shock. "Ron, that _is_ a good idea. The only question is who should talk to Professor Snape. If either one of us tries to, most likely we will be thrown out of the dungeon, threatened with expulsion, and leave Gryffindor with no chance of winning the house cup for at least ten years.

"I really think that Dumbledore should talk with Professor Snape, but Harry will kill us if we share this information with the headmaster. He has been most adamant about not telling him."

Ron sat silent for a moment as he thought about what Hermione said and what Harry had come to mean to him. "Some things are worth the trouble. Forget the consequences, for Harry's sake, we need to do something."

* * *

After dinner all three members of the trio were quietly reflecting on what needed to be done, when Harry remembered something he wanted to ask Hermione. 

"Hermione, when I first told Snape that I thought he was my father, he used a spell to show the names of my parents. I was wondering if you knew what that spell might be? It could be easier than the potion."

"I don't think I'm familiar with it. I'll need more information to be sure, though. Did you hear the spell he used? How did the names appear? Do they just appear out of nowhere or do they slowly form? What do they look like? How long do they last? Do they disappear automatically or do you need a spell to vanish them?"

"Um, I didn't really hear what he said, all I remember thinking was that it rhymed. The names appeared out of nowhere, and stayed for about a minute, then slowly started to fade away. It resembled smoke or fog. Oh, the father's name appeared in blue and the mother's in pink."

"No, definitely doesn't sound like anything that I have read about," Hermione stated, ignoring Ron's dramatic expression at her revelation that there was something she hadn't read about. "My guess is that it's a very complex charm. If you want, I could do some research in the library and try to locate it."

"No thanks, Hermione, that's okay. I'll just stick with the potion if you can review my notes on it."

"Of course, Harry."

* * *

a/n some people asked about DD & if he knows since he found his copy of Snape's lesson plan book… I admit that this was misleading, but because of the book, Albus just knew that something was going on & that it involved Harry, but he didn't know what it all meant. My reasoning for this was: Snape's a spy, he knows better than to leave info like that in writing… he either writes in code or just puts down general info that cannot be interpreted…Plus I really wanted to drive DD crazy, something going on his the castle that he didn't know about & it involved his boy wonder. 

Chapter 39: Confrontations  
Ron & Hermione do something to 'help' Harry  
Harry begins to brew a potion  
Dumbledore finds out what's going on, suddenly things start to make sense

Thanks for all the reviews: I can't believe there are over 1000, Thank you!

In case you couldn't tell…Harry's a bit depressed. He believes that he has been rejected by Snape and as indicated in chapter 37, doesn't know how to handle it. Consciously, he's not acting on anything, it is just his automatic reaction to rejection, pulling away & distancing himself from things…Hmm, if he keeps this up and he quickly going to resemble Snape in attitude & actions.

4/19/2005


	39. confrontations

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter or related characters.

Chapter 39 confrontations

* * *

"Harry, thank you for stopping by." 

"Didn't realize I had a choice, headmaster," Harry replied as he took the seat across from Dumbledore's desk.

"We always have a choice, Harry,"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's our _choices_ that make us who we are," Harry mumbled.

"Right you are, my dear boy, right you are. Now, I was wondering, if you would inform me what has been going on with you these last few months? You claim to forgive me for my past mistakes, yet you don't share your troubles with me. You were even reluctant to have me teach you occlumency last summer. I can't help but feel that there is something that you have been hiding from me."

Harry was silent as he looked at the floor.

"Harry, please look at me. I promise not to use legilimency. I just want to know what is going on. As I mentioned last spring, I think of you like a grandchild. I will gladly help you in any way that I can."

Harry looked at the headmaster and came to a decision after seeing the sincerity in the older wizard's eyes. "Headmaster, I will tell you what is going on and why I didn't want you to teach me occlumency, but other than that, I must insist that you leave this matter alone. It is something that I can and will handle on my own." As Dumbledore went to comment, Harry continued, "If I find myself over my head or needing assistance, I will let you know, but please don't meddle. If you do, you could make things worse and I don't think I could forgive you for that."

Albus nodded after he thought about Harry's words. He knew he did not want to alienate the boy he had come to care so much about. "I agree, wizard's honor."

"It started over the summer, a few days after I returned home. I was wishing, praying for something to keep me from dwelling on Sirius's death. That wish was granted by Sirius himself."

"Ho-"

"One more condition, professor, please don't interrupt. If you have any comments or questions, please right them down. I will answer what I can when I finish."

Dumbledore nodded and Harry continued. "Sirius sent me a letter that was charmed to be delivered in the event of his death. The letter contained information that few people knew, and most of those were dead (1). The letter stated that I was adopted by Lily and James in Sweden while they were on a mission."

When Albus went to ask a question, Harry pointed to a piece of parchment. As soon as a quill was in his hand, Albus started writing frantically. "Lily was in her second trimester of her pregnancy when they left England. The baby, a girl, was born in April. Due to complications, Jasmyn died soon after birth and most likely, Lily wouldn't be able to carry another child. Six months later, Sirius was at the Swedish ministry when a coworker walked in with an orphaned child of a former auror, Cybelle Swann. The minister wasn't sure where to place this child when Sirius mentioned his friend's recent tragedy.

"To make a long story short, Lily, James, & the Swedish Minister agreed that it would be best for them to adopt me. Lily guessed that most her friends had expected her baby to be born during the summer and that they would assume that I was their natural child. They decided not to tell anyone about the adoption or Jasmyn, for reasons only they could say. Sirius had some information regarding Cybelle's family in Sweden. I contacted them at once, hoping to find the family that I always wanted. They immediately replied that they wanted nothing to do with me, but did forward one thing they had of Cybelle's, her journal. After reading the journal I discovered that I was actually born in England and that Cybelle had adopted me while she was here on temporary duty. And that is pretty much all the information I have," Harry concluded. After all, without the lineage potion, there wasn't any _proof_ that Snape was his father.

"The prophecy," Albus started to inquire.

"Figures that would be the first thing you ask about." Harry snorted. "Since Voldemort was able to 'mark me as his equal', then I figured the child in the prophecy still could have been me. Plus I _was_ born in England; it is quite possible that my parents thrice defied Voldemort. Of course, this most likely means that they were not in the Order."

"Most likely, since I only knew of two, well, one order member that was due around the time frame mentioned in the prophecy." Albus agreed. "And I apologize for my first reaction being about the prophesy. It's just hard to know that if Lily and James shared the news about their daughter and your adoption, that your life would have been very different."

"Not just mine," Harry replied, "But Neville's as well. And don't worry too much about thinking of the prophecy first. In all honesty it was one of the first things that I thought about too."

"Hmm," Albus replied, thinking about the events of the summer and the beginning of term before asking, "Was this the reason for the changes in your appearance?"

"Yes, sir. It seems that both of my adoptive parents used the adoptive charm to change my appearance so that I would look like their natural child. After finding out about the adoption, the charm gradually reverses itself over the course of a few weeks."

"I see." Albus said, while nodding. "Now, why is it that you didn't want me to teach you occlumency last summer?"

"Um, well, I wasn't ready for anyone to learn about the adoption. I figured if Professor Snape learned about it, he probably wouldn't care much. You, however, were a different story. I was afraid that you would try to forbid me to find my real family or that you would become obsessed with finding out who the mystery couple was that thrice defied Voldemort. I knew I couldn't handle that, so I chose Snape to teach me."

Dumbledore had a sad look on his face as he said, "I understand, Harry. I hope that I wouldn't prevent you from finding your family, but I do understand why you would think that and why you requested that Professor Snape instruct you instead."

"It all worked out for the best," Harry answered confidently and enigmatically. "Is that all, Professor?"

"Just one last comment, Harry. Have you tried to locate your natural family? Did Cybelle leave any information in her journal?"

Harry grew pale as he once again avoided the headmaster's gaze. "Nothing explicit, Hermione was able to decipher some clues, though."

"Ah, I take it your friends know about the adoption. Anyone else?"

"Both Hermione and Ron know, as well as Remus and Sn-Professor Snape."

"There are potions and spells that can be used to discover who your birth parents are."

Harry grew paler and nodded, but didn't say a word.

"Would you like me compile a list of these for you? I think your best choice would be a potion. The charms, can be quite complex, plus the results are only shown momentarily before disappearing. I'm sure that I could get Professor Snape to help you brew one of the potions."

Harry started to cough to keep himself from yelling a resounding 'NO!'. Instinctively, he started backing away towards the door, unaware that his hands were shaking.

Upon hearing Harry cough, Albus looked up and noticed that his student was slowly heading towards the door, his hands trembling. Albus wasn't sure if it was a reaction to Severus's name or if it was because Harry thought he was meddling. There wasn't much he could do to make Severus and Harry get along, he could, however, clear up any misconceptions Harry might be thinking about his meddling. "Harry, I don't want you to feel that I am trying to control your life. I just wanted you to know that I will support you, no matter what decision you make."

"Yes, sir. I'll think about your offer and let you now. Sometimes I wonder if it would be better or worse to know the truth."

"Worse?" Albus inquired. "How could finding your family make things worse?"

"With my luck and family? Plenty, believe me" Harry retorted, "So far everyone I thought was family has made it more than clear that they either hate me, want nothing to do with me, or both.

"What if I find out who my family is only to discover that they didn't believe? What if they thought I was dead? What if they didn't want me?"

Albus nodded, while imaging some other scenarios, someone who only wanted Harry for his fame and riches or someone who was sympathetic to Voldemort's cause. "I understand, Harry. Take all the time you need. I will help you in any way I can, if you make the decision to find your family."

"Thank you, headmaster. Any other questions?"

"No, not at this time. You are dismissed." Albus said absently as he reached for his tin of lemon drops. Part of him was wondering why Harry was so positive that everything worked out for the best while another part of him was worried about who his parents were. It would be traumatic for Harry to decide to find them only to discover that their reaction wasn't positive.

A few moments later, Albus leaned back and smiled, his eyes twinkling, as he formulated a plan. He promised Harry that he wouldn't meddle, but he also swore to protect Harry at any costs. Albus new which promise was more important than the other.

* * *

That night Harry and Hermione met in the Room of Requirement to discuss the brewing of the lineage potion. 

"Harry, these notes are really good. You shouldn't have any trouble brewing the potion. The only thing you need to remember is to add each ingredient at the key time. Just a few minutes off on any of the ingredients will ruin the potion."

Harry nodded.

"Because of the restrictions imposed on you due to classes and detentions, I outlined possible starting times and noted when each ingredient needs to be added. I think the best thing to do is to start the potion tomorrow after classes. The potion would then be completed before the Halloween feast on Thursday."

"That sounds good. I don't think I would be able to enjoy the feast if I was anxiously waiting for the results of this potion."

"Okay, then, here is the schedule of times and ingredients to be added. It's a good thing this potion only requires your hair. I would hate to think what you would have to go through to get a sample from your fa-Professor Snape."

"Hermione, it's okay if you refer to him as my father when it's just us. I won't get upset just because he wants nothing to do with me."

"I know, Harry. I just don't like calling him that because _he_ doesn't deserve it."

"What is this? Hermione Granger not respecting a teacher?"

"I respect him as a teacher, but not as your father," Hermione retorted. "It takes more than biology to make a father and so far, Professor Snape hasn't shown that he's capable of it. I sincerely dislike him for what he's doing to you."

"Hermione, he's not doing anything to me." Harry responded, slightly amused at his friend's attitude on his behalf. "I'll admit that I'm a bit disappointed in how everything has turned out, but after all, it's not like my life is really changing is it? I haven't had a father for the last fifteen years and even after the potion is brewed, I won't have one. The only thing that _will_ change is the fact that I will now _know _the identity of my father."

"Oh, Harry!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Hermione, don't feel bad for me-"

"I don't. I feel bad for Professor Snape. He is letting his fears keep him from the best thing life has to offer, a family." And somebody needs to tell him that, she finished silently.

After the conversation she and Ron had yesterday in the common room, she had been thinking about talking to one of the professors about Harry. Unfortunately, she didn't feel right breaking his confidence and telling the headmaster about the likelihood that Snape was Harry's father. Harry was quite adamant that even if Professor Dumbledore knew about the adoption, he didn't want him to know about Snape. She had thought about talking to Remus, but didn't want to bother him since the full moon was last night. The only other choice was to talk to Professor Snape directly.

* * *

Monday morning, after telling Harry that she had some questions on the assignment and would see him in their next class, Hermione walked up to the potion master's desk. 

"Professor Snape?"

"Yes, Miss Granger, question on the assignment?"

"Oh no, sir, I don't expect any problems on this assignment. In fact, I should have it completed in an hour. Of course, I would then spend a few-"

"Miss Granger," Snape interrupted, "If you don't have a question on the assignment, then may I ask _why_ you are here?"

"Of course, I'm sorry, sir," Hermione said as she regained her composure by taking a deep breath. "I'm here because of Harry."

"Mr. Potter? What has he done now?" Snape inquired.

"He hasn't done anything. I actually wanted to ask what you were doing."

"Excuse me, Miss Granger?" Snape said with a snarl.

"I meant, what is the purpose of all these detentions? I know that you wanted the two of you to get to know each other outside of the student/professor personas that you portray, but don't you think that this has been going on long enough? All of these games you are playing are taking away from what really matters, a family, _your_ family."

"Miss Granger," Snape said coldly, "Please tell me why you think this information concerns you?"

"Harry is my best friend, sir, what concerns him concerns me. I would do anything to help or protect him. However, I never thought that I would need to protect him from his own father!"

"Miss Granger-"

"Sir, I'm sorry if you think that I am stepping out of line, but what you are doing to Harry is slowly destroying him. He has done everything you asked. You wanted the two of you to learn about each other, Harry told you more about his life then he did any other adult he knew, including Sirius. You wanted more time to think about things, Harry waited while you tried to grasp what was happening. He listened when both Remus and I asked him to be patient and to try to understand how difficult this has been for you. What Harry couldn't understand was how come no one told you how difficult this has been for him. That is why I am here.

"He has always tried to separate the 'boy-who-lived' from Harry. His identity was tied to the connection he had with his parents, James' hair; Lily's eyes; his stag patronus, well, okay, his patronus is the same, but otherwise, it's all different. Can't you understand how difficult that must be? His whole world has turned upside down. The only thing that has been constant is the fact that none of his 'family' wants anything to do with him. The Dursleys have hated him since he was left on their doorstep, just for being a wizard; Cybelle's parents rejected him since he was born out of wedlock and the identity of his father was never revealed; and you, well, I'm not exactly sure what you are doing or why.

"He's dealt with so much since he realized that you were his father; he lived in fear that one of his mentor's would reject him for being _your_ son; his best friend went into a coma just hearing about the possibility that your were his father; he's been so paranoid about letting something slip and putting you in danger that he is constantly erecting silencing and privacy charms everywhere he g-"

"Miss Granger, enough," when Hermione went to interrupt, Snape held up a hand and said, "Do not interrupt me, unless you want your prefect badge removed."

Hermione stared at Snape before slowly nodding.

"Good. I do _not_ appreciate being discussed by you and your Gryffindor pals. Likewise, I do not enjoy you occupying my valuable time for what is a personal matter and does not concern you, regardless of _who_ your best friend is. Now, kindly leave this room before you find yourself with as many detentions as that best friend."

"Sir,"

"I said leave, Miss Granger."

"Fine, sir, I'm leaving," Hermione said as she headed towards the door when Snape started to glare. "I just thought that maybe you should know how your son was feeling about all this, how difficult it has been for him as well, and especially what he plans to do now." Hermione turned and walked towards the door.

"Miss Granger, return at once and sit down." When Hermione complied with his request, trying to hide the triumphant smile on her face, Snape continued. "One, don't refer to him as 'my son'. Two, explain what you mean about what he plans to do now."

Hermione longed to ask him why she shouldn't refer to Harry as his son, but quickly decided that this wasn't the time or the place. "He plans on brewing the lineage potion by himself."

"Why?" Snape thought out loud. Why would Potter bother to brew the complex potion if no one was around to enjoy the joke with him?

"He wants to know the truth, sir. That is all he has wanted since he found out about the adoptions. He doesn't believe that you will ever consent to brewing the potion with him, so he has decided to take control of the situation himself." Hermione paused for a moment and looked at her professor. After a few minutes of silence, she asked, "Am I dismissed, sir?" It was her hope to leave before he started to deduct points or assign detention.

Snape nodded absently as he sat silently in his chair thinking about what Miss Granger had said before he stopped her. He withdrew a quill and some parchment and wrote a short note to be delivered to Mr. Potter.

* * *

"Harry, how come you aren't in detention tonight?" Ron asked as he and Hermione walked into the common room. 

"Snape cancelled."

"Professor Snape, Harry. And why did he cancel?" Hermione asked, as Ron quietly slipped out of the tower.

"Like I know why Professor Snape does anything?" Harry stated sarcastically. "Most likely because he no longer wants to keep up the façade of pretending to be interested in me or my life."

"Harry, I'm sure he has a legitimate reason for canceling."

"Of course, he does, Hermione. Just like he always has a legitimate reason for deducting points from Gryffindor." Harry said as he stood up, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go to the room of requirement and check on the potion."

Hermione sighed as she watched Harry exit the tower. She hoped she didn't make things worse by talking to Professor Snape.

Ron was mad. No he was angry. No he was beyond angry, he thought as he left the common room without a word to Harry or Hermione. He couldn't believe that the potion master dared to cancel Harry's detention. The greasy git should be _thankful _that he has an opportunity to get to know Harry. The former death eater should consider himself blessed that _he_ is Harry's father. Instead the overgrown bat believed it to be impossible; denying any likelihood. Ron knew that he didn't take the news well when it was first reavealed, but after thinking about it, and realizing that there was nothing he could do to change it, he had decided that he had best accept it if he wanted Harry to be a part of his life.

And he did. Ron gave a shudder as he realized that his path in life would have been very different if Harry wasn't a part of it. He would either be like Percy, trying to prove himself better than his brothers or he would have failed out of Hogwarts, since he never cared much about learning, grades, or work. Harry kept him from being too serious. With the drama that was Harry's life, he needed someone who could get him to relax, unwind and have fun without worrying about the consequences. That was Ron's job, andit was only because of Hermione, that he managed to pass all of his classes. Harry was the one who thought of warning her of the troll on Halloween of their first year. That was the start of the three-way friendship that had kept his life in balance for the last five years. If Harry hadn't been in his life five years ago, Ron knew that he would've been a prime target for You-know-who's manipulations; either as a young wizard seeking power any way he could or as a young wizard with very limited choices for his future.

He had been thinking about talking to Snape ever since he mentioned it to Hermione last weekend. Someone had to do something and knowing Hermione, he thought that she would probably go straight to Dumbledore. It looks like it was up to him to confront Harry's father, also known as, the evil potion master.

* * *

"You're doing this for Harry," Ron reminded himself as he stood outside the potion lab for the first time this year. Detentions and deducted points won't matter if it helps Harry, Ron thought. After the many times that he had let Harry down, he was determined to succeed in this. Hopefully Snape would listen to him and understand the opportunity that he is passing up.

* * *

"Sir?" 

From the corner of his eye, Snape saw a flash of red hair and sighed before looking at the teenager that stood in his doorway. "Yes, Mr. Weasley? I'm going to assume that you aren't here about a class assignment since you are not in my class."

"No, sir, I mean, yes, sir. I mea-"

"Mr. Weasley, kindly inform me of why you _are_ hovering in my doorway."

Ron took Snape's words as an invitation and entered the potion lab, closing the door behind him and setting up silencing and privacy charms that he learned from Harry and Hermione.

"Wait," Snape sneered as Ron went to speak, "Let me guess, you're here to talk about Mr. Potter."

Ron stared at Snape in shock before nodding, "Yes, sir. I'm worried about Mr. Po-Harry. He's been very distant lately. And depressed. Worse then when Cedric or Sirius died."

"And what did you expect me to do about it?" Snape commented coldly.

"Talk to him. He _is_ your son, after all."

"Mr. Weasley," Snape drawled sharply, "I don't know where you get your information, but you should wait until a hypothesis is proven before stating it as fact."

"Then why won't you let him prove it! This waiting is killing him. He believes that you don't want to know the truth. That you don't want him as his son. It's tearing him apart.

"He plans on brewing the potion by himself just to prove that he's not crazy for believing that you are his father. He doesn't want you to know. He said that at least if you didn't know then he could pretend that you weren't rejecting _him._"

"If he doesn't want me to know, Mr. Weasley, then why are you telling me? Do you Gryffindor's have so little disregard for your friend's wishes?"

"No, sir. Trust me, it wasn't easy to come down here and talk to you about this, but somebody had to, for Harry. I'm doing this because I believe that not even you could be so heartless to reject your son. Harry is one of the best things that happened in my life and I don't understand how or why anyone would deny the chance to have him in their lives."

"Is that all, Mr. Weasley?" Snape's tone clearly indicated that it better be.

Ron however, didn't come this far just to back down at the first sign of trouble. After all, he was a Gryffindor.

"No, sir, I also wanted to say that in the past few months, while getting to know you, Harry has been happier than I have ever seen him. He has come to care for you like a son cares for his father. He constantly worries about the danger you face, especially Vol-, er, You-know-who," Ron substituted. Harry had mentioned how Snape didn't like it when Voldemort was referred to by his self-proclaimed name and Ron refused to call him the Dark Lord, not even to please Snape.

"You have come to mean more to him than Sirius. Harry trusts you, sir. Don't betray that trust."

"Are you finished?"

Ron looked at Snape's emotionless face for a sign that anything he said made it pass the ice barrier of the potion master's heart. Upon seeing no such evidence, Ron sighed and said, "Yes, sir, I guess that's all."

"Fine, you are dismissed."

Ron breathed a sigh of relief as he turned to leave, thankful that he didn't lose points or earn a detention.

"And Mr. Weasley, if you _ever _attempt anything like this again, you will have detention for a month and lose more points from Gryffindor than you could ever hope to."

"Yes, sir," Ron said as he proceeded to the door.

* * *

"Severus, we need to talk about Harry." 

"Not you, as well, Lupin," Snape sneered, "who will be next? Albus?"

"What do you mean, 'not you, as well'?"

"I've already had 'conversations'" Snape snorted, "with Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley. Tell me, did the three of you plan this to ruin my day?"

"Actually, Severus, we didn't, that is just an unexpected bonus. Now what did Hermione and Ron tell you?"

"Why don't you tell me what you want to say first, then we'll compare notes," Severus replied sarcastically.

"Fine. I want to know what you are playing with with Harry."

"The same thing he is wolf."

"Harry believes he is getting to know his father. Can you honestly tell me that you are only trying to learn about your son?"

"Don't call him that!"

Remus, in a remarkable Snape imitation raised one eyebrow, "Why not, Severus? After all, you said that you are doing the same thing that Harry is, and he _is_ trying to find his family."

"_Lupin_," Severus warned, "Just leave it alone."

"Sorry, but I can't. I'm here for Harry's sake."

"That's one."

"One what?" Remus asked, puzzled about Snape's comment.

"One thing all three of you had in common."

Remus ignored Snapes reply and asked, "What is it going to take for you to realize that it is extremely possible that Harry is your son? He looks like your wife; the birthday is the same; he has the same reaction to root of whatever; when upset he resembles you. Even his robes billow when he walks down the corridors! Why won't you see it?"

Severus just remained passive, no emotion on his face, no words leaving his mouth.

"Would it be so bad having him for a son?" Remus asked quietly.

Once more, Severus was silent.

"Severus? Severus, my boy, are you here?" Albus called from the floo, breaking the silence. "Ah, Remus, didn't see you there. Hope I'm not interrupting anything. Severus, could you come up here for a moment; there is something I need to discuss with you."

"Of course, headmaster," Snape answered, relieved to throw Lupin out of his rooms. "Looks like we'll have to finish this _fascinating_ conversation later, wolf," Snape stated as he held the door open, indicating Remus to exit his rooms.

Once in the corridor, the wizards headed in opposite directions; one to their quarters, the other to the headmaster's office.

Snape spent most of his journey contemplating the words the Golden boy's groupies shared with him.

He wouldn't say it out loud, but the probability of Harry being his son no longer seemed impossible. Both the wolf and Granger had some valid points which actually wasn't that surprising since they were probably the smartest Gryffindors to attend Hogwarts in the last fifty years. No, the surprising part was that Weasley made sense.

Of course, part of him wondered if Lupin lied. It seemed too much of a coincidence that all three would choose today to discuss 'Harry' with him. Not to mention the fact that two of them practically said the same things. Severus decided that he needn't finish the conversation with Lupin after all; he would probably just reiterate what the two younger Gryffindors said. Twice was enough, Severus thought, he didn't need to hear it a third time.

* * *

"Ah, yes, Severus, do come in," The headmaster greeted the potion master, indicating a chair for him to take. 

"You said you had something to discuss with me, headmaster?"

"Yes, a small matter concerning Mr. Potter and his adoption."

Severus paled. His worst nightmare was coming true. The headmaster knew about his past.

"Severus, you're looking quite pale, do you wish to reschedule this discussion?"

"No, now is fine," Severus insisted, regaining his composure. "You were saying?"

"As you know, Mr. Potter recently discovered that he was adopted, not once, but twice."

"And this affects me how?" Severus replied coolly, determined to deny any possibility of paternity to the headmaster until it was proven.

"Severus," Albus warned. Severus just stared at the headmaster, not saying a word. After a few moments of silence, Albus continued, "What you are doing to the boy is cruel. I insist that you stop immediately."

Once more, Snape gave no visible record of even hearing his friend's words.

"Severus, why do you persist in playing these games? I've been aware for quite awhile now that something was happening with yourself and Mr. Potte-"

"How?" Severus asked. He didn't mean to ask, thus admitting that something _was_ different, however, his curiosity got the better him. If Albus had found out, what was keeping the other professors or worse- the students from finding out?

"Why, Severus, didn't you know? I know everything that goes on in these castle walls," Albus, stated merrily, his eyes twinkling.

"Don't give me that. I'm a professor, not a student. I know that you only know what the portraits tell you. And don't even attempt to tell me that the portraits informed you of this situation." Severus glared at the headmaster demanding an answer.

"Harry told me on Sunday."

"Albus, one day does not qualify as 'quite awhile."

"I also had some help from you," the headmaster admitted, before reaching down into his desk drawer and retrieving a book.

Upon close look, Snape realized that it was identical to the lesson planner that the headmaster presented him with every year. At his questioning glance, Albus answered, "Everything you write in your book shows up in this one as well."

"Albus," Snape growled, trying to remember what he had written in the book.

"Unfortunately, you do your job as a spy too well. Even personal notes and lesson plans you instinctively write in code. Most of it still remains a mystery, but some things make sense now, specifically the notes about Harry and his father.

"Severus, Harry has told what he has discovered these last few months, and I cannot believe that you would be so cruel." Albus' tone was full of disappointment and sorrow.

"Albus, I-" Severus started to say, without knowing how to continue, his face normally void of expression, now almost portrayed every emotion known to man. Sorrow from disappointing the one person who always stood by him; Disbelief that Harry was his son; Hatred at the person who kidnapped his children; Anger at himself for not being able to protect them; Regret at how he has acted at this situation; Joy at the thought that one of his children might have survived; and many more, each washing over the others, until he could barely identify them.

How could he explain all that he had been feeling that day when the boy he professed to hate, wanted to hate, stated that he believed that the two of them were father and son? That was the day when he came up with his 'plan'. Surely Albus would understand that he thought that it couldn't have been anything but a joke. Miracles didn't happen to Severus Snape.

Albus didn't know what was going through Severus' mind at the moment. Never before had he seen so many emotions at once. Whatever Severus was thinking, it was a lot more powerful than any rebuke that he could give.

"I don't want to know what you were thinking when you started your game. And I especially don't want to know what you were planning. All I care about is that it stops.

"I've let a lot of things slide to keep you safe within these castle walls, but no one has the right to torment students on such a personal level."

Severus slowly nodded, as his hands twirled the edge of his robe. He couldn't understand why the headmaster wasn't asking about Sonja. Surely Harry wouldn't have told him the whole story?

"I'm glad that you agree with me. Now, I do not want to hear that you are continuing to torment Harry about his father. For years you have hated him simply because you believed that James was his father. Now that you know the truth, treat him like any other student-or Gryffindor, rather," Albus stated, eyes twinkling, "I do understand the need to keep up appearances regarding your assignment. However, I want no more comments from you regarding your opinion of Harry's father. The child has been put through too much these last few months, he does not need you adding to it."

Severus' head snapped up as he stared at the headmaster. Was it possible? Did Harry not inform the headmaster about his possible origins?

As if reading his mind, Albus continued, "Harry has some difficult choices to make in the future. I have offered to help him learn the identity of his parents. I trust that the information I am about to share will not be used to torment him further?"

Inside Snape was screaming 'yes', eager to know what Harry and Albus discussed, but outwardly he slowly nodded his head, as if the information Albus was about to share didn't matter.

"Harry is rather reluctant to learn his parents' identity," Albus paused as Severus started to cough.

Severus was trying to keep from snorting in disagreement. Reluctant? That boy has been after him to brew the potion for weeks. Why would Albus think he was reluctant?

"It seems that Harry hasn't had the best of experiences when it comes to family. Everyone he has believed to be his family has stated that they want nothing to do with him." Albus shook his head in disbelief. "It is inconceivable to me how some _people_ think nothing of telling a child, a believed to be blood relative, that they are not worthy of their time and attention."

Once more Albus paused, this time to watch his younger friend grow pale.

"Severus, are you okay?" The headmaster asked, concerned about the health of the man in front of him.

Severus, not trusting himself to speak, nodded.

"Perhaps we should continue this later?" Albus offered.

Snape started to refuse before deciding that perhaps a break would be best. "Yes, perhaps we should. I need some time to think, er, rest," Severus corrected as he hurried out of the headmaster's office.

* * *

End Chapter 39 confrontations

UPCOMING: Chapter 40 the truth

I say most because the Sweden MOM knew about Harry's adoption…

Okay, so Albus almost knows…

Some might think Hermione is a bit out of character, confronting Snape like that. It's not anger, its righteous indignation. Similar to how she gets about the house-elves, but worse, since it _is_ her best friend.

5/5/05


	40. about the truth

UGH! Don't hate me…I know it's been a while & that I said it would be 40 chapters…well, I was wrong... it'll be 41. Decided to split this chapter up. The last final & complete chapter should be up by/on Monday.

Thanks to juliedecarson for correcting some of my errors & providing me with feedback on this story.

* * *

Chapter 40 about the truth

* * *

Severus could feel three pairs of eyes on him as he entered the great hall Tuesday morning. Thank goodness the wolf had been sent on a mission and was no longer in the castle to torment him. 

He turned and glared at Weasley and Granger until the two looked away. If only the same trick would work on the headmaster, Severus thought. At least he knew that the old wizard didn't suspect that he was Harry's father. Wait. Correction, _possibly_ Potter's father.

Was it true? Did he want it to be true? Severus asked himself. Under duress, Severus _might_ admit that he hoped that his son was still alive, even if it was a miracle that the former death eater knew he didn't deserve.

Casting a glance in the headmaster's direction, Severus snickered. Discovering that Harry Potter was actually Synclair Leif Snape would most likely make cause the headmaster to choke on a lemon drop.

Snape's expression turned serious as he started to think of all the negatives involved if it proved true: one) until the war was over, no one else could know; two) in public he would still have to be the greasy-git, evil potion master that everyone loved to hate; three) he would have to call his son Harry, not Synclair; four) the headmaster would have to be informed; five) his son was a _Gryffindor-_and not just any Gryffindor, but the epitome of Gryffindor.

Severus thought a moment; he could handle calling his son 'Harry'; he could even handle the fact that his son was a Gryffindor. In fact, it might be amusing to be one of the few that know that the poster child of Gryffindor was, by birth, a Snape.

What he didn't like, other than telling Albus, was the fact that not only could he not recognize Harry as his son, but he would have to continue to be vindictive to him and his friends. Okay, so being cruel and unjust to Harry's friends and housemates wasn't much of a hardship, Severus snickered to himself.

Not that he would be all hugs and kisses when the Dark Lord was vanquished, Snape thought, that simply wasn't him. However, he would've liked the opportunity to acknowledge his child.

As Severus thought about the Dark Lord's demise, he remembered the prophecy that specified the details. That prophecy now meant so much more since it involved _his_ son. For the first time Severus focused on the fact that there was a very high probability that neither of them would survive this war. Was it worth discovering if Harry was his son only to lose him?

"Severus?" Albus asked.

"Yes," Snape replied absently, still thinking about the pros and cons of verifying the truth.

"The great hall has emptied; you might want to get to your class. First year Gryffindors and Slytherins, I believe."

"Of course, headmaster," Snape said as he stood up and rushed out the door.

"Albus," Minerva inquired, "What is going on? I have never known Severus to be late for one of his classes."

"Good question, my dear, good question," Albus paused as they headed towards the doors to the great hall. "Join me for tea during your free class?"

"Certainly," she replied, before heading to her classroom.

* * *

"Albus," Minerva stated as she took the offered tea cup, "Do you have an answer to my question?" 

"Alas, no. However I cannot help but feel that Mr. Potter is somehow involved."

"Merlin, what now," Minerva groaned. "Much as I have come to care for Harry, I cannot help but feel relief when I think that in two years he will graduate and that things will get back to normal. Severus has been unbearable since Harry started to attend Hogwarts. What is the problem now?"

"I've recently discovered that Harry was adopted by the Potters,"

"Adopted, but-"

"It is a rather long story, one that Harry will share with you if he so desires."

"Fine," Minerva reluctantly agreed, "but how does this affect Severus?"

"I'm not sure it does. However I did inform Severus that since he was aware of the adoption, it was highly unfair of him to continue to make derogatory remarks to Harry regarding James."

"I'm sure he took that well," Minerva grinned.

"Actually, it was a most interesting conversation. Never before have I seen Severus so-" Albus paused as tried to find the correct term to describe the potion master, "well, not himself. He was acting most peculiar the entire time. He did in his own way, of course, inform me that indeed something had happened between himself and Mr. Potter. Of course, the two most likely learned a great deal about each other. Such is the result of spending time in someone else's mind, why I remember when I was instructing Severus in Occlumency-"

"Albus," Minerva interrupted.

"Oh, yes, Severus and Mr. Potter. The moment I mentioned Harry's adoption, I could almost visibly see Severus construct a wall to hide behind. I can't help but be curious as to why. It was almost as if he was afraid I had learned something. Something he didn't want me to know…" Albus drifted off, as he tried to think of a reason why Severus would keep secrets from him.

"But what about Harry's parents? Any ideas on who they might be?"

"Only that he was born in England and since Voldemort was able to 'mark' him, that they thrice defied him."

"But Alice was the only order member expecting around that time."

"Yes," Albus nodded, "Which makes me mighty curious as to _who_ his parents were. I offered to help him compile a list of spells and potions to discover the identity. He is currently thinking about it."

"What is there to think about? Why wouldn't he want to know?"

"I'm afraid that Harry hasn't had the best of luck when it comes to his relations. He's afraid that his parents or his parents family might not want him. I, however, am afraid of the opposite reaction. I am afraid that his 'family' would want him for the wrong reasons."

"Wrong reasons," Minerva repeated, puzzled for a moment, "Oh, you mean for his fame or wealth."

"Or worse," Albus stated and at Minerva's inquiring look, continued, "To hand him over to Voldemort."

At Minerva's gasp, Albus started to explain his plan to discover the identity of Harry's parents without him knowing.

"Once I have this information, it will help me decide how to proceed with Mr. Potter. If his parents are on the side of the light, I will greatly encourage him to discover their identity, if it is revealed otherwise, I will not mention the situation to him again."

* * *

Snape sighed as he let himself into his rooms. He had only a few minutes before dinner to relax and unwind. His hands were itching to brew a potion. Nothing helped him relax or gather his thoughts like time in his lab. 

He quickly settled onto his couch, eyes mesmerized by the glowing flames of the fire, thinking about the events of yesterday.

When three or more people tell you the same thing, it is hard to dismiss it as the rantings of a fool. And to paraphrase Lupin, it was all too much of a coincidence for it not to be true.

If there was one thing Severus Snape prided himself on it was the fact that he wasn't a dunderhead or fool. Only a fool or dunderhead could deny the possibility that Harry was his son.

Oh Merlin, Severus thought, unless he chose to obliviate himself and spend the remainder of his days hospitalized with Lockhart, he couldn't ignore the truth. It was quite possible that he was a father. Not only was it possible, but according to Lupin, Weasley, Granger, and Potter, it was _fact_.

Severus thought about what else Harry's self proclaimed protectors said to him.

It was only natural that after listening to Granger that he would wonder what Harry _was_ thinking. Did he truly not mind that the Dungeon Dweller was his father? Was he overwhelmed due to the drastic changes in his life that the summer brought about? As Miss Granger pointed out, Harry's entire identity had changed with one note from his godfather.

Godfather. That reminded him of what Mr. Weasley had said. Was Harry really more upset over his rejection than the death of his godfather? Did he really mean more to the child than said godfather? Severus recalled Weasley's words about how this has been the happiest he's seen Harry. Lastly, he remembered Weasley's final comments, 'He trusts you, don't betray his trust'. Quite the ambiguous statement, Snape thought. It could mean any number of things.

The conversation with the wolf was the shortest of them all. Of course, it also had the most thought provoking question, 'would it be so bad having Harry for a son'. A resounding 'NO' seemed to echo in the potion master's mind.

* * *

Snape tried to spend most of Tuesday's detention formulating a plan to put into action. 

If Slytherins wanted something, they planned and schemed to get it. A Gryffindor would bluntly state what they wanted. A Hufflepuff would convince themselves that they had what they wanted. A Ravenclaw would also plan to get what they want, but would also inform everyone of what they wanted and the logical reasons of why they were doing what they were doing.

* * *

Harry could feel Snape's eyes watching him as he worked on his homework. Merlin, how he wished that Snape would put a stop to these detentions, Harry thought. His _father_ didn't want anything to do with him, so why keep up the pretense. Probably just another way to torment 'The-boy-who-lived', Harry snickered.

* * *

Snape gave a jump. Right there, that is what he has been looking for. Harry was the perfect blend of him and Sonja. The facial features were definitely Sonja's, but the expressions, the smirk, the glare, and according to Lupin, the billowing robes, were 100 percent Snape. Severus never knew how proud a parent could feel until this moment. As infants, the twins had been too young for anyone to know who they truly looked like. At the age of sixteen, it was quite obvious. 

Snape used this moment to pause in his reflections. He needed more time to formulate his new plan. After all, he only had a few days until Potter began to brew the potion. He knew that there was no logical reason why he couldn't 'plan' while his son was in the room. However, as the last forty-five minutes had shown him, he was too busy 'inspecting' his son to concentrate on the papers in front of him. And after this latest revelation, Severus was sure that he would only be looking for more things the boy did that reminded him of himself or Sonja.

The first thing he had to do was to get rid of the distraction so he could formulate a plan that would guarantee success.

"Potter," Snape said, harsher than he intended.

"Yes, sir," Harry asked as he looked up, finding a pair of obsidian eyes focused on him.

"That's enough for tonight. Return to your dorm."

Harry nodded as he packed his homework in his bag, quietly muttering "With pleasure" as he hurried to the door, not knowing or caring how his words were overheard by the man sitting at the desk.

* * *

Severus groaned as Harry left the classroom. Things were worse than he thought, Harry truly hated him. Now he definitely needed a plan. A plan to let Harry know that he cared without acting like an emotional Hufflepuff. 

The goal of Snape's new plan was to discover the truth.

There were two major steps to this plan. The first was to learn about the boy-who-could-be-his-son. The second, which now seemed impossible due to the fact that Harry hadn't looked at him once during 'detention' and practically ran out of the room once he was dismissed, was the most important. He needed to convince Harry that he _wanted_ to know the truth and that if it was true, that he would be proud to have him as his son.

Severus snickered as he realized he irony of the situation. Many weeks ago he came up with a plan to teach Harry a lesson. The fact that his plan included hurting and humiliating the boy who lived was an extra bonus, as far as Severus was concerned. It was a simple plan, really. He had set up 'detentions' with Harry under the façade of getting to know his 'son'. The two would develop a 'relationship' and Harry would forget his joke and come to care for his professor like a son would care for a father. That was when Severus would make the boy's world crumble. He would move in for the kill by cruelly informing Harry that he wasn't his father and couldn't be happier about that.

Now, with only a few days until the self-imposed deadline of Halloween, he had limited time to learn about his son.

Severus thought about what knew of Harry's plans. Both Granger and Weasley mentioned that Harry was determined to brew the lineage potion. Severus knew that the potion took three days to brew and that timing was critical. He decided that most likely Harry would utilize the weekend to brew the potion, starting it on either Thursday or Friday. Severus groaned as he realized all he had to accomplish by Halloween.

* * *

"Harry, Come on. I don't want to be late today." Hermione stated as she pulled Harry from his seat at breakfast. 

"Hermione, you _never_ want to be late."

"Well, you shouldn't be late either. What would you do if you get another detention? It would probably have to be served immediately after classes and I believe you have something _brewing_ this afternoon."

"Right," Harry said, jumping up from his seat as he realized what she was hinting at. "Definitely don't want to be late. Hurry up, Hermione."

Hermione ran to catch up with Harry in the corridor. "Harry, we don't need to run. Slow down a little. Now why are you in such a hurry to get to potions? Or are you in a hurry to see Professor Snape?"

"Huh. I'd be happy if I never have to see him again. However, I wouldn't put it past him _to_ give me a detention if I was late."

"Well, yes, but you would deserve it in that case."

Harry rolled his eyes, but otherwise didn't acknowledge her words.

"I saw that. You would deserve a detention for being late. Any self-respecting teacher would assign a detention for that reason. Professor Snape hasn't given you one unjust detention since all this started." At Harry's look, she clarified, "Those don't count. He only gave you those so that the two of you could get to know one another better."

"Yes, and it's worked so well," Harry replied sarcastically as they entered the potion lab. "He really took full advantage of the opportunity to get to know me. Nothing comes from those detentions anymore. I wish he would just cancel them."

* * *

Severus watched as his son and his best friend walked into class. Judging from Granger's reaction, Harry was upset about something. Merlin, Severus thought, he hoped Harry's attitude didn't affect his potion. It wouldn't do well for his plan if he had to spend the entire class yelling at his son. 

"Today's potion is on the board. You shouldn't have any questions. Now get to work," Severus stated as he took his seat to grade papers, only occasionally lifting his head to watch his student's progress.

Towards the end of class, Severus stood and walked around the room to view the result of their work. At Harry's workstation he stopped, peered into the cauldron and lifted his eyebrows, meeting Harry's stare, before giving a slight nod and walking away to check on another potion.

* * *

"Harry, what happened in your detention yesterday?" Hermione asked as they waited for Ron by the lake. 

"Nothing, why?"

"Professor Snape is acting differently towards you."

"No he's not."

"Yes he is."

"No, he's not."

"Yes, Harry he is. I admit that it's subtle, but it's still there."

"No-"

"Harry," Hermione interrupted, tired of debating like a three year old. "As you and Ron like to say, 'when have I been wrong?"

"Fine. So tell me, how was he different."

"At breakfast-"

"He glared at me as usual."

"No, he looked at you intensely."

"How is that different from glaring?" Harry asked confused.

"He wasn't smirking or sneering at us. Nor was he pondering ways to get us expelled. He was looking at you as if he was trying to find something."

"Not convinced. Next?"

"In class he-"

"Didn't say a word to me."

"Yes, not a word," Hermione agreed, continuing after receiving a glare from Harry. "Nothing bad at all. No comment on your appearance or clothes, your potion skills, your fame. Nothing."

"All that proves is that he is back to ignoring me and pretending that I don't exist."

"Well, then, what about your potion?"

"What _about_ my potion?"

"Harry! He approved it! I think he was proud of you. That's a difficult potion to brew."

"Hermione, I think you've finally lost it. He didn't say a word about my potion. And he most definitely didn't say anything about accepting it _or_ being proud of me."

"No, he didn't _say_ anything, but he nodded before walking away."

"So?"

"So?" Hermione repeated, "Harry, when have you _ever_ known Professor Snape to nod at someone during class,particularly a Gryffindor, especially after inspecting their work?"

Harry was silent as he took his seat in his next class. He couldn't tell you what class it was or what they learned. He was too busy thinking about Hermione's words.

Could it be true? Was Snape finally admitting that he might be Harry's father? Did he make his father proud by brewing that potion correctly? Suddenly, Harry couldn't wait for his next 'detention' with Professor Snape.

* * *

End Chapter 40 about the truth

* * *

Sorry that I split this chapter up into 2 chaps; but I really wanted to post something since you guys have been so patient and have waited so long. It was a long chapter & since it was the last (or now the second to last & last), I wanted to make it sparkle & shine. Hopefully you all think the wait was worth it. And as I said, the last chapter should be up Monday. 

Thanks for all your reviews...I totally love them & you...Feel free to review some more ;)

I would love to hear your thoughts & opinions on this chapter.

6/3/200519


	41. the father

Final chapter of 'Still Alive!' Let me know if anyone might be interested in a sequel. If the response is overwhelming, I might continue this story as Harry & Snape get to know one another as Father & son, while keeping it a secret from most of the world.

Thanks to juliedecarson for correcting/editing my mistakes.

* * *

Chapter 41 the father

* * *

Harry rushed down the corridor trying to make it to 'detention' on time. Even if it wasn't a real detention Harry was pretty sure that Snape would still deduct points or something if he was late. 

"Mr. Potter, do come in and sit down," Severus invited after hearing the boy's knock.

Harry looked at his professor, the clock, and back at his professor before he followed those instructions. Why didn't Snape say anything about him being late? Maybe Hermione was right, Harry thought, perhaps Snape was treating him differently. Harry sat quietly in his chair waiting for Snape to say something. This time, Harry thought, he would follow his professor's lead. He didn't want to risk say something and ruining everything. After a few moments of silence, Harry took his books out of his bag, deciding to start on his homework.

"Not tonight, Mr. Potter," Severus interrupted, putting an end to Harry's actions. "I realized the other day that we never finished our game of twenty questions."

"Doesn't matter," Harry stated, "Besides, we were playing it wrong."

"But I for one found it highly educational and entertaining. And one should always finish what they start, do you not agree?"

"I guess so," Harry stated, puzzled over his professor's attitude. For a brief moment Professor Snape sounded remarkably like the headmaster.

"Fine, now that that is settled, why don't you go first?"

"Oh, no sir," Harry stated, "I went first last time, you begin this time."

"Very well," Snape stated as he began to pace around the room. "What do you really want to do after graduation?"

"I don't care," Harry answered honestly. At the look of disbelief Snape sent him, Harry continued, "I really don't. I'm just hoping that there _is_ an 'after graduation' for me."

Snape stood still and stared at the boy who just uttered those words. He never thought that Harry might be thinking that he wouldn't survive till graduation.

"If by chance I do survive, though, I'm not sure I want to be an auror. After spending the last five years and probably the next two defending myself against Vol-Riddle, I imagine that it would be something I would tire of." Seeing the look on his professor's face and feeling as if a lecture was forthcoming, Harry quickly continued the game, "When did you become an animagus?"

Severus decided it was best to answer the question. There would be plenty of time later to talk with Harry about his concerns, for now, he was on borrowed time. "Not until after I agreed to spy on the Dark Lord. We decided it might be beneficial if I had some means to disguise myself and escape in case my true loyalties were ever discovered."

"Oh, that would explain why you aren't registered." Harry stated. He started to wonder if maybe he should try the transformation. Merlin knew that he often had to find ways to escape Voldemort.

"Quite." Severus smirked, before clarifying, "If the Dark Lord knew of my ability, he wouldn't hesitate to use it to his advantage. Have you or your friends broken this rule?" Severus wouldn't have been surprised if Harry and his followers had become illegal animagus. After all, Black had much influence on the boy.

"I wasn't aware that becoming an animagus was against the rules," Harry smirked. At Snape's glare, Harry continued, "Oh, all right. I cannot speak for my friends, but I'm not an animagus. I haven't even tried it. Actually, I never really thought about it. How long did it take you to become an animagus?"

"About six months," Severus replied.

"WOW!" Harry exclaimed, "It took Sirius and my da-James a few years."

"First, let me say that they were trying to learn in secret. As such, their time and resources were limited. I had the full support of the headmaster, as well as the benefit of other wizards and witches who had successfully performed the transformation, assisting me.

"Secondly, James Potter _was_ your dad. It is a dishonor to him not to refer to him as such."

Harry's gaze hit the floor as he tried to hide the tears forming in his eyes. He _knew_ Snape didn't want him as a son. Why did he let Hermione raise his hopes again?

"Mr. Potter, look at me."

When Harry shook his head, Severus advanced to Harry's side. Immediately, Harry turned around, trying to bring himself back under control. Snape reacted by turning Harry around and lifting up his chin.

"Regardless of whom your natural parents are, James and Lily Potter loved you and cared for you as if you were there own. They did as any parent would; they protected you, even though it meant their own lives. To not acknowledgment them as your parents is an insult to their memory. Do you understand?"

Harry nodded, speechless as Severus released his hold on the boy's chin.

Harry wasn't sure how to react to what his professor just said. His professor proclaimed that he _hated_ James Potter, yet he wouldn't let Harry betray the memory of the man who cared for him. Maybe there was hope for them.

Harry hoped that Snape wouldn't ask any questions about what just happened. He really needed the time to think about it. Of course, Harry smirked, _he_ wouldn't mind asking his professor a few questions about what just happened. Maybe he could find out how his professor, his father, was really feeling about everything.

* * *

Snape stared in shock as he released the boy's chin. He never knew he could be so paternal. He was almost proud of himself. 

While he didn't like James Potter, he did owe the man a debt of gratitude. Not only for saving his life when Black's joke got out of hand, but also for taking care of Harry. That was something Severus knew he could never repay, even if Potter was still alive.

Snape glanced around the room. There had to be something he could have the boy do. He did not want to open himself up to questions right now. Merlin knew what the boy would ask after that little display.

It had been a long time since Severus had opened up to someone about what he was feeling. It might be fitting that he would do so with a boy suspected to be his son, yet Snape was still uncomfortable discussing emotions, let alone admitting that he felt them. Best to change the topic and distract the boy, he thought, as his eyes fell on a list of potions Madam Pomfrey asked that he supply.

"Madam Pomfrey is running low on some potions. This might be an opportune time to brew them. Why don't you work on the top two and I'll work on the rest," Severus said as he showed the list to Harry.

The two worked quietly together, side by side as they each contemplated how this night had changed things.

* * *

"See you tomorrow, Mr. Potter," Snape said as Harry walked towards the door. 

"Yeah, tomorrow," Harry repeated sadly as he exited the potion room. Tomorrow was Halloween. The potion would be ready and he would find out the truth about his parents. The question was did he want the truth? Oh, Harry knew that he would complete the potion. He would even look at the results and keep them. What he didn't know is what he would do with them afterwards.

When he first decided to brew the potion on his own, Harry told Hermione and Ron that he wouldn't share the results with Professor Snape. Now, though, Harry's conscience was bothering him.

Harry never suspected that he would be reconsidering his idea of keeping the results from Snape. However, after his conversation with Hermione earlier in the day and the detention with Snape tonight, Harry knew it wouldn't be fair not to share them.

If the potion proved that Snape was his father, Harry thought, what right did he have to keep the information from his professor. Yet part of Harry wasn't sure if he could handle his father rejecting him once the truth was revealed.

Harry knew that if the results did not show Snape as his father, he would still have to share them with his professor. The only problem was the potion master would probably decide that this all was a joke after all and would hate Harry more than ever. Snape would probably even petition to get him expelled, Harry thought.

Either way, Harry knew he would be running a great risk of losing someone who had become so important to him.

During the last few weeks, Snape had been like Dr Jekyll & Mr. Hyde when it came to Harry. With the results disclosed, could Harry risk Snape hating him after the truth was revealed?

* * *

Snape stared at Harry as he left. Now what could possibly have happened in the last few moments to make Harry sound so sad? All he did was mention seeing Harry tomorrow. 

Tomorrow. Halloween. Anniversary of the attack on Godric's Hollow and the death of James and Lily Potter. Snape sighed. Most likely the boy was still coming to grips with the fact that James and Lily weren't his parents. He probably felt guilty that they died to protect him, when it could've been avoided if people had known about the adoption.

Well, Severus decided, his first act as a father would be to help Harry understand that none of this was his fault. He would do what he could to make sure that didn't focus on the deaths of his adoptive parents that day.

Perhaps he should move the 'detention' to tomorrow afternoon, Severus thought. He and Harry could begin work on the potion as they discuss why the boy shouldn't blame himself. Yes, he decided, that seems to be the best course of action to take.

* * *

"Mr. Potter," Snape said after cornering Harry in the Hallway. Due to tonight's activities, you will report to my office directly after your last class for detention." 

Harry stared at Snape in horror. The final ingredient of the lineage potion had to be added this afternoon. He couldn't be late and risk ruining the potion.

"Don't worry, Potter," Snape sneered, as he nodded at one of his Slytherin's walking behind Harry. "You will be able to attend tonight's feast."

"But, sir," Harry began to protest, not sure how to continue since he didn't want Snape to know about the potion.

"Potter, I think you'd better hurry along to class now. You really can't afford any more detentions," Snape said before pivoting on his heel retreating back to his dungeons.

* * *

Harry stalked to class, barely making it into his seat before the professor started class. 

After class, Harry was still fuming as he strode towards the room of requirement to check on the potion before continuing on to the great hall, scowl on his face and robes billowing behind him. Apparently he was wrong about last night's detention changing things. Snape was still the same snarky git he had always been.

It never failed, Harry thought, just when he thought things might be working out for him, something happens. Snape must have been pretending last night. Probably channeling the headmaster or something, Harry snorted, as he entered the great hall. He should've known better than to believe that Snape would act so paternal to Harry Potter.

He dropped his bookbag on the floor and slumped into his seat.

"Harry, what happened? Is the potion okay?"

"Why are you in such a bad mood?" Ron asked at the same time. "You do know that you look a lot like Snape right now, don't you?"

"Don't mention that git to me," Harry snarled.

Hermione and Ron exchanged glances before Hermione ventured forth and repeated her question, "What happened? What did he do?"

"He moved my detention to this afternoon so that I could attend the feast without having to rush."

"That doesn't sound too bad," Ron asked. "At least he didn't cancel it again."

"I think I would've preferred it if he did. I need to finish the potion this afternoon. I won't have three days of work ruined!"

"Don't worry, Harry, we'll think of something to get you out of detention with plenty of time to finish the potion," Hermione said, thinking of the possibilities.

"If I didn't know better," Harry said after acknowledging Hermione's words, "I would think that he did this on purpose so that I _couldn't_ complete the potion."

"Why do you know better?" Ron asked.

"Because _he_ doesn't know that I am trying to brew the potion on my own." Harry stated as he started to eat, not noticing the looks of horror that flashed across Ron's & Hermione's faces.

* * *

Harry's mood hadn't improved much by the time his last class ended. The only 'plan' they could come up with was for him to become sick. Unfortunately, that plan had been quickly discarded since he would then be stuck in the infirmary since Madam Pomfrey was often reluctant to dismiss a student until after they spent a few hours in the hospital ward. 

"Mr. Potter, take a seat," Snape invited as Harry entered the potion lab.

Harry was resigned as he followed his professor's directions. He hoped Hermione came up with a workable plan soon, he thought as he noticed the time. He had less than half an hour before he had to add the final ingredient to his potion.

"I decided that we can continue our game of twenty questions. I believe there are only a few more questions remaining before we reach twenty.

"In keeping with tradition, you will start."

Harry sighed, "How long do you think this will take?"

Severus stared at Harry, was his son that eager to leave?

"As long as it does, and not a minute more or less. Now, ask a question."

"That was a question!" Harry protested.

"You originally came up with this as a way to get to know one another. That question is regarding the activity and gives no insight whatsoever into my character. Now, ask a question."

"Fine," Harry said grudgingly, not really caring what he asked. "Where did you grow up?"

Severus looked at Harry in surprise. The boy hadn't asked such superficial questions since the first few rounds of the game. Severus had been positive that Harry would have asked about last night's detention or about brewing the potion. In fact, Severus had been counting on Harry asking about the potion. He had his answer all planned out, ending with the suggesting that they start on it.

Merlin, Severus thought, why couldn't the boy cooperate with him at least once?

Severus debated whether he should refuse the question, since this one didn't really help Harry to learn much about him. He decided not to push Harry too far, after all, it was the anniversary of his adopted parents' death; it was bound to cause the boy to be a bit off-kilter.

Severus quietly answered the question before asking his own, "who is someone you admire and why?"

Harry just looked down at his feet, not answering.

"Mr. Potter? Did you hear the question?"

"Yes, sir. I'm just not sure how to answer it."

"Honestly, Mr. Potter. Answer it honestly."

"Yes, sir, I know that. What I'm not sure of is who I admire, much less why. It seems like in the last year I have discovered that all my role models/idols have feet of clay."

"Come now, Mr. Potter, surely there is one person you admire? What about the headmaster, James, the wolf or the m-your godfather?"

Harry stood up and turned away from Snape. How honest should he be, he thought.

Harry paused for a moment in his deliberation. If Snape didn't want to get to know Harry then he probably wouldn't ask such personal questions. Of course, if the potion master didn't want to get to know him, he wouldn't have suggested that they resume the game either. As Harry felt a brief glimmer of hope well up inside him, he decided to be as honest as possible with his answer.

"How can I truly admire them? None of them really thought about what was best for me." After uttering those words, Harry started to pace.

"First there's Sirius. He was the first father figure I've ever known. I spent most of my fourth & fifth year afraid that he would be caught and captured by the ministry. He however, never thought about that. _He_ never thought about me, Harry. Looking back, I realize that when he looked at me, he saw James. Not Harry. He knew I was adopted, so he didn't confuse me with James as much as everyone thought, but he still was more concerned with being my friend than being the parent I needed.

"Dumbledore. I don't know what to say about him. Since my first year, I had looked up to him. He always seemed to know the answers, even if he didn't share them," Harry snickered. Last year, though, last year was different. He didn't talk to me, didn't look at me, and he didn't tell me _why_. I was so hurt when he ignored me. I mean, he was at headquarters the night before my trial, but he didn't ask to see me or talk to me, do you know how much that hurt? I was afraid of being expelled and the one person I thought I could count on had decided that I wasn't important enough to see. I thought it was something _I_ did, that I had messed up so badly, that I wasn't worthy of having him or anyone else care about me, after all, before I came to Hogwarts no one had cared.

"Remus, well, he's been great these last few months. But where was he before then? I didn't even know he existed until third year! And once Sirius escaped, I never heard from him again. If I had been so important to him, why didn't he keep in touch, even after Sirius was there? Once he had his old friend back it was as if he didn't need me any more, at least not until that friend was gone again.

"Jam-my dad, well, everyone kept telling me how great he was. I was proud when people told me I took after him. Then I saw that memory in your pensieve. I was ashamed. I couldn't believe that the 'great wizard' I heard about did that. I don't know what provoked that attack, I'm certain that you weren't 100 percent innocent, but nothing, _nothing_ warranted that.

"Wh-"

Severus stared at the boy in front of him in shock. He wasn't sure how he felt about what he was hearing. Unfortunately, Snape did not communicate what he was thinking very well and in keeping with a habit he had formed years ago, he cut the teenager off mid-word. "_You_, Mr. Potter are acting like the spoiled selfish brat that I have accused you of being for the last five years.

"I believe that what you have discovered, Mr. Potter, is that the people in your life are human. As such, they _will_ make mistakes. That, however, is no reason to-"

"SHUT UP!" Harry cried, "Just shut up!

"You asked the question! Why won't you listen to the answer? I never said that I didn't still care for them or admire them. I was just trying to explain what I was feeling. I wanted to be honest with you. I felt that I needed to explain things to you so that you would understand my final answer."

Harry let out a deep sigh as he slumped his shoulders in defeat.

"You know what? I don't care anymore. I don't care what you say, or what you do, or even what you think about me. I don't even care anymore that I might be your son!

"You don't know _anything_ about me or what I've been through! One moment you say you want to get to know me better, the next you ignore me and pretend I don't exist. You're just like everyone else.

"And I'm sick and tired of the fact that the people that should care for me don't; while the people that said that they do, just ignore me or leave me when I need them most.

"I can't handle it anymore. If you don't want to know the truth, then fine! No one's going to make you; certainly not me. You just leave me alone and I'll just leave you alone. And neither of us will mention anything about this again, regardless of _the truth_."

Snape stared at Harry as the boy turned around and ran out of the room. After gathering his senses, Snape left the room, intent on tracking Harry down to explain. After closing and locking his door, he quickly strode down the corridor.

* * *

Albus and Minerva exchanged surprised glances as the blue and pink words faded from view. 

"This is certainly a surprise," Albus stated, eyes twinkling brightly. "And a pleasant one at that. Yes, this is welcoming news. Certainly eases my fears about Harry's parents."

"Severus and Sonja Snape? Severus is married? Why didn't he tell us?" Minerva asked.

"That I do not know." Albus replied, eyes twinkling. "It certainly explains much of what has been happening around here this year. I believe it is time I have a talk with Severus. If you will excuse me?"

"Of course," Minerva replied, still in shock, calling Albus back as a thought came to her. "Albus, could that spell be wrong? I mean, Severus as a father. And to a Gryffindor, no less."

"Shocking isn't it?" Albus stated, eyes twinkling even brighter. "Perhaps this will help unite the houses, in some way."

Whistling cheerfully as he placed a lemon drop in his mouth, the headmaster headed towards the dungeon to congratulate a member of his staff on becoming a father.

* * *

"Get out of my way, you fool," Severus cried as he ran into someone blocking the corridor. 

"I do apologize, Severus. I hope I didn't cause too much damage."

"Albus," Severus said, head snapping up as he recognized the voice. "No, no damage. And I apologize. Now if you'll excuse me."

"Severus, whatever has you in such a rush? Surely you can spare a moment to talk?"

"My apologies, headmaster, but I really can't. Now if you'll excuse me, I really need to go find Har-someone."

"Very well," Albus said, eyes twinkling brightly. "However, I must insist that you join me in my office at the earliest possible moment. There is much we need to discuss."

"Of course, of course. Now I really must find my son, er, my someone."

"On your way then, however, might I suggest the Room of Requirement?"

Severus stared at Albus in shock. What does he know? "Albus-"

"Later, my boy. It will keep, now you best hurry."

Severus nodded as he tried to pick up Harry's trail. _Was_ there anything in the castle that the headmaster didn't know after all?

Shaking his head, the potion master decided to follow the older wizard's advice and headed to the Room of Requirement.

* * *

Harry ran into the Room of Requirement. He quickly measured out two drops of his blood and poured it into the cauldron, stirring counter clockwise. He knew he was cutting it close, but hopefully he made it in time. Now all he could do was wait. 

After the prescribed amount of time passed, Harry peered into the cauldron and let out a scream.

"Ruined!" Harry cried as he looked at the results of the potion. "I was too late and it's all his fault! He _had_ to go and move the 'detention' to this _afternoon_. He probably did this on purpose…just because he didn't want to know and couldn't handle the truth, he ruined it for me. I still need to know….I want to know," Harry cried out in frustration.

The more he thought about it, the angrier Harry got. He glared at spot on wall across the room, imaging that Snape was standing there. He quickly grabbed some pillows off of the chairs and started to hurl at that location, wishing it was Snape.

"You wouldn't even let me finish answering the question! I was going to say 'YOU'. I thought that you were someone worthy of my respect, and not just because you might be my father! I can see now that as usual, I was wrong."

Harry continued to rant and rave until all the pillows were flung at the wall; he then walked over to the wall and talked as if Snape was standing there.

"Just because you don't care that doesn't mean that I shouldn't. I understand that you don't like me and that it has nothing to do with James Potter. But I still needed to know the truth. I still want to know the truth! Why can't you understand that? I just wanted a family, was that so wrong?" Harry cried as he sunk to the floor and put his face in his hands, glad that he was alone in the room, and that no one would witness his breakdown. "I know that I'll never have the family that I want, and even if you don't love me and never could, I would have liked to know that I had someone in this world that I could call family."

Harry stared at the spot where he imagined his professor was and slowly banged his head against the wall. "Why don't you want me? Why don't you care?"

* * *

Snape had arrived at the doorway to the Room of Requirement just as Harry started to yell at the cauldron. In disbelief he watched as the sixteen year old threw a tantrum that would make any two year-old proud. 

The disbelief quickly turned to shame as the tantrum subsided and he heard the words the distraught boy released.

He quietly muttered the same words that the headmaster had uttered hours before and watched as blue and pink letters spelled out his and his wife's name before slowly disappearing.

He tapped his foot lightly to attract his son's attention.

Harry looked up, startled to find the potion master in the doorway.

"Mr. Potter, I am thinking that after an outburst like that, you should be banned from attending the Halloween feast. Instead you will spend the evening in the lab with me."

Snape said as he turned and started to walk out the door.

Harry didn't move as he looked at his professor. That's it? Snape followed him to the room of requirement just to give him detention and ban him from the feast? Harry groaned as he remembered some of the things he said. He wondered what his professor heard. Most likely enough to torment him for years, Harry thought.

Not hearing any sounds behind him, Severus glanced back. Upon seeing the boy-who-lived staring at him in shock, he continued, "Come, Mr. Pott- Harry, we will spend the remainder of the evening in the dungeon, I believe we have a potion to brew. It's time I told you about your mother."

THE END

* * *

END Chapter 41 the father….END fanfic 'Still Alive!' 

And so ends my first fanfic. Please let me know what you think…High points, low points, favorite parts.

Myself, I love the conversation in this chapter between Snape & Dumbledore (Snape calling Albus a fool)

Thank you to everyone who has been reading this fic. An extra special thanks for everyone added me to favorites or alert; and an extra extra special thanks to everyone who reviewed;

Once more, thank you juliedecarson for editing the last few chapters & for allowing me to 'bounce' ideas & scenarios around for discussion.

Oh yeah, once again, let me know if you would like a sequel (a few people mentioned it in previous reviews; Trinity 101 even suggested a prequel about Snape & Sonja-I hadn't thought about that)

6-6-05


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